Jc396 Posted April 19, 2016 Posted April 19, 2016 (edited) Okay so I matched with a guy on tinder last week and we hit it off pretty well. He asked for my number and he texted me once almost instantly when I gave it to him. He said I was cute but he seemed to really be attracted to my intelligence since I am an scientist. He seemed really cool with the texting and suggested that we meet up for lunch sometime which I agreed to. We texted for the remainder of the day and suggested that we FaceTime which we did, I asked him if was still interested in meeting for lunch and he said he was. Over the weekend we texted throughout the day but his responses would be spaced out but since he is a single father I understand that he is busy, we facetimed again last night and it seemed to go really well. he told me to add him on Facebook which I did that night and he accepted the request. we set up a date to meet up at a park today weather permitting so it wasn't a definite promise by him just an ill let you know if I end up going kind of thing. Well he ended up canceling kind of last minute today and apologized to me and I responded "it's okay". He hasn't responded to me since. there is a part of me that thinks it's maybe cause my Facebook is filled with unflattering photos of me at a heavier weight since I have dropped 50lbs since then but he is aware of that and those photos shouldn't matter cause we facetimed and I clearly don't look like that anymore. Should I write this off as him not being interested in me? If so then why the sudden change of heart? I'm new to dating so forgive me if I am thinking too much into it, just want to know based on others experiences. Edited April 19, 2016 by Jc396
selinaluv Posted April 19, 2016 Posted April 19, 2016 I would give him some time to respond and see if he reschedules. I also lost a great deal of "baby weight" (the baby was seven) a few years ago and kept it off. I have some photos on FB from some years back that show me at a higher weight. But any guy with any sense will realize that those are old photos and I have kept the weight off for a while. He would also notice from current photos that I am pretty active now and should not place any judgement on something posted from 2010. My point being is this guy should appreciate you for who you are now (on the outside and more importantly on the inside) and if he can't see that, then you are better off finding someone who can. If he is going to write you off because of a quick judgement, then move on and find someone else. But you don't know and will probably never know if that is the case, so try not to think of it that way. And I have guys practically proclaiming their love and texting me nonstop to suddenly disappearing. Who knows why, but I just imagine they got what I am calling the online dating ADD and got sidetracked by another woman. 1
Mjm1014 Posted April 19, 2016 Posted April 19, 2016 (edited) Two things. 1. Tinder. I've had the same problem...people showing a lot of interest then a gradual or sudden fade. I think this is due to the sheer number of people on there..someone else might have come along and you were left in the dust or they are simply talking to a lot of people. Again, I've come to realize tinder is by far the biggest waste of time so far (at least for me, due to this issue). 2. Check your Facebook. Seems like his interest dropped when you added him. Again, I've found that this happens quite a bit with me as well. Are your pictures on your tinder a good representation of who you are? Are your pictures on Facebook and tinder current? What do you post about? Again this happens to me at times and I honestly can't figure out why..maybe they saw an unattractive picture or two? I'd say if I meet someone off tinder and I add them on Facebook about 1/4 times their interest drops...again not sure why other than they saw something they didn't like. Maybe they realize I'm on the shorter side..5'7 which is unappealing to a lot of women, but oh well! Have a friend look at your Facebook and give you an opinion...not saying to change it though because you are who you are, and the right person will come along and accept you. Could really be anything, just something to think about Edited April 19, 2016 by Mjm1014
S_A Posted April 19, 2016 Posted April 19, 2016 Try Bumble. It's supposed to be better than Tinder. Guys can't message you or do anything unless you actually like them.
lilmissjava Posted April 19, 2016 Posted April 19, 2016 I wouldnt be adding anyone to Facebook unless we are actually friends or in a relationship. But that's just me. 7
mike_89 Posted April 19, 2016 Posted April 19, 2016 When guys stop showing interest it's because they lost interest (or became extremely busy, but that's on the rare side I would say). Maybe it's time to hide those older pictures of you from the general public? There are settings in FB where you can hide pictures from "friends" but not "good friends" for example. Guys really do look at FB pictures to make sure they won't waste time on a girl that weighs about as much as they do.
hippychick3 Posted April 19, 2016 Posted April 19, 2016 Avoid adding strangers to Facebook and keep texting and conversations to a minimum until you actually meet. There should be some mystery about you before meeting. Allow the guy to plan a date with you rather than asking him if he still wants to meet you. Try and have the mindset of "of course he wants to meet me. I'm a great person."....confidence There are lots and lots of flaky guys out there. Don't allow yourself to get invested in ANY of them until you've actually gone out on several dates and they have shown consistency and trustworthiness. 2
Author Jc396 Posted April 19, 2016 Author Posted April 19, 2016 When guys stop showing interest it's because they lost interest (or became extremely busy, but that's on the rare side I would say). Maybe it's time to hide those older pictures of you from the general public? There are settings in FB where you can hide pictures from "friends" but not "good friends" for example. Guys really do look at FB pictures to make sure they won't waste time on a girl that weighs about as much as they do. But we have facetimed twice and he has seen my snapchats so we have technically seen each other already. He is aware that I am no longer that size and I warned him ahead of time that those are unflatterng photos of me. I no longer look like that but I didn't want to hide the photos because I can't hide the fact that that is what I used to look like. What I don't get is why photos of what I look like from my past would be a deal breaker if that isn't me anymore
Larryville Posted April 19, 2016 Posted April 19, 2016 Okay so I matched with a guy on tinder last week and we hit it off pretty well. Again the obligatory opening line… Why do guys show interest then stop? Because he wasn’t all that interested.. 1
truth_seeker Posted April 19, 2016 Posted April 19, 2016 Guys really do look at FB pictures to make sure they won't waste time on a girl that weighs about as much as they do. I look at FB to see if they're party girls, are friends with 500+ guys... it's amazing what you can discover on someone's FB profile. 2
Larryville Posted April 19, 2016 Posted April 19, 2016 I look at FB to see if they're party girls, are friends with 500+ guys... it's amazing what you can discover on someone's FB profile. Oh I can tell you FB has helped me discover so much about people it is amazing. Red Flags on FB: *Countless photos of themselves solo, I mean almost daily... *An abundance of either religious posts, a number of poems relating to what they are “experiencing” at that moment. *Also a bunch of what I call Stuart Smiley (Saturday Night Live Character) Daily Affirmation posts, clamoring for “likes” from friends. 2
Author Jc396 Posted April 19, 2016 Author Posted April 19, 2016 Most of photos are me tagged when I am out with a bunch of people doing stuff like zip lining, hiking etc. Thats why they can be so unflattering cause usually doing events like that I don't dress my best or really try to be beautiful for a group photo, just focused on having fun. Thats why I don't want to hide them cause they show me out having fun doing things that I love to do. Also shows that I have a life and friends. Unfortunately since I am losing weight, these photos also show me at a heavier weight. The post I share are usually motivational quotes saying stuff like "everything will be okay, one day at a time" etc or the kind of girl quotes such as " I am a girl who appreciates xyz" etc nothing too over the top or personal just stuff I agree with or find funny. Then I have some science stuff that I share. Videos are usually funny videos of dogs and cats. I also don't have a bunch of guys on my page since i only have like 300 friends
truth_seeker Posted April 19, 2016 Posted April 19, 2016 Oh I can tell you FB has helped me discover so much about people it is amazing. Red Flags on FB: *Countless photos of themselves solo, I mean almost daily... *An abundance of either religious posts, a number of poems relating to what they are “experiencing” at that moment. *Also a bunch of what I call Stuart Smiley (Saturday Night Live Character) Daily Affirmation posts, clamoring for “likes” from friends. My Red Flags: 1) Too many friends. Do you really know more than 800 people? 2) Lots of pics with random men at a night club, at a pool, a bar, getting drunk, acting childish... 3) Posting way too often, almost daily. I do agree with you that something is strange when they post too many selfies and change up their profile pic frequently.
Larryville Posted April 19, 2016 Posted April 19, 2016 1) Too many friends. Do you really know more than 800 people? 2) Lots of pics with random men at a night club, at a pool, a bar, getting drunk, acting childish... 3) Posting way too often, almost daily. I agree, the only people who are my “friends” are either family members, or true friends and I mean people that if something serious happened to me, I pretty much could call on them for assistance. That is the thing about the word “friends” just like “love” the words have gotten to watered down and for the most part the terms are meaningless. People get on here and talk about “loving” their significant other after dating for a minute. This article and many others like it, provide the obvious clues too. The thing is TS I’m seeing your red flags from women my age (50 plus) and older. That’s not cool. 7 Ways Facebook Is Bad for Your Mental Health https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/sex-murder-and-the-meaning-life/201404/7-ways-facebook-is-bad-your-mental-health Yes the pictures posed, how those people change over time but the indicator of "current" mental health is valuable and you can see definite patterns on the lifestyle of a person thru the timeline as well. People apparently can't help but to share stuff they have absolutely no business sharing... to many of their friends who are indeed strangers.
mortensorchid Posted April 19, 2016 Posted April 19, 2016 That's been my Tinder experience. People just appear then disappear. I met one the other week, he walked away from me and didn't shake hands, hug or anything when we said good-bye. I took that to mean "I'm not interested" and have not heard from him since, it's no great loss. SO no, this guy you speak of is not interested. Move on.
fitnessfan365 Posted April 19, 2016 Posted April 19, 2016 (edited) My point being is this guy should appreciate you for who you are now (on the outside and more importantly on the inside) and if he can't see that, then you are better off finding someone who can.. How can you appreciate someone for what they have on the inside, when you've never spent anytime with them? As she says, this was going to be a first date right? With OLD, all you have to go on for the most part is physical attraction until you get to spend some real time with someone and get to know them. If someone is looking for romance, it makes sense that they'll want to invest time in getting to know someone that they're physically attracted to. After all, when it comes to dating/romance, it's not based on making friends. You want someone you can have both a physical and emotional connection with. That's been my Tinder experience. People just appear then disappear. I met one the other week, he walked away from me and didn't shake hands, hug or anything when we said good-bye. I took that to mean "I'm not interested" and have not heard from him since, it's no great loss. SO no, this guy you speak of is not interested. Move on. Based on what you posted about the guy, he's not someone you ever wanted to see again anyways right? So why does it matter if he hugged you or shook your hand? I mean I could see being bothered by lack of physical contact if you actually liked the guy at the end of the date. But you knew halfway through the date, you'd never want to see him again because he was clearly out for sex. Since you were that turned off by the guy, isn't it better that he didn't try to touch you? Edited April 19, 2016 by fitnessfan365
truth_seeker Posted April 19, 2016 Posted April 19, 2016 Based on what you posted about the guy, he's not someone you ever wanted to see again anyways right? So why does it matter if he hugged you or shook your hand? I mean I could see being bothered by lack of physical contact if you actually liked the guy at the end of the date. But you knew halfway through the date, you'd never want to see him again because he was clearly out for sex. Since you were that turned off by the guy, isn't it better that he didn't try to touch you? She felt rejected. That's why it bothered her.
truth_seeker Posted April 19, 2016 Posted April 19, 2016 I agree, the only people who are my “friends” are either family members, or true friends and I mean people that if something serious happened to me, I pretty much could call on them for assistance. That is the thing about the word “friends” just like “love” the words have gotten to watered down and for the most part the terms are meaningless. People get on here and talk about “loving” their significant other after dating for a minute. This article and many others like it, provide the obvious clues too. The thing is TS I’m seeing your red flags from women my age (50 plus) and older. That’s not cool. 7 Ways Facebook Is Bad for Your Mental Health https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/sex-murder-and-the-meaning-life/201404/7-ways-facebook-is-bad-your-mental-health Yes the pictures posed, how those people change over time but the indicator of "current" mental health is valuable and you can see definite patterns on the lifestyle of a person thru the timeline as well. People apparently can't help but to share stuff they have absolutely no business sharing... to many of their friends who are indeed strangers. I use FB to store videos of fun times, like going to events: sporting, concerts. Post pics of family and places I've traveled to... other than that, I get a kick out of posting stupid things like checking into a restaurant or a hotel as I know it bugs some people who stalk my page
truth_seeker Posted April 19, 2016 Posted April 19, 2016 The thing is TS I’m seeing your red flags from women my age (50 plus) and older. That’s not cool. I have some lady friends on FB who are 35 and over and they are always out partying. They put it out there that they're crazy so more power to them.
fitnessfan365 Posted April 19, 2016 Posted April 19, 2016 She felt rejected. That's why it bothered her. How do you feel rejected by someone you have no interest in seeing again? As I said, I'd understand it IF it was a guy she liked. But in her other thread she said that since he was clearly out for sex, she didn't want a second date. So shouldn't she feel relief that it was reciprocated?
truth_seeker Posted April 19, 2016 Posted April 19, 2016 How do you feel rejected by someone you have no interest in seeing again? As I said, I'd understand it IF it was a guy she liked. But in her other thread she said that since he was clearly out for sex, she didn't want a second date. So shouldn't she feel relief that it was reciprocated? It's a psychological thing...
katiegrl Posted April 19, 2016 Posted April 19, 2016 With OLD, all you have to go on for the most part is physical attraction until you get to spend some real time with someone and get to know them. If someone is looking for romance, it makes sense that they'll want to invest time in getting to know someone that they're physically attracted to. After all, when it comes to dating/romance, it's not based on making friends. You want someone you can have both a physical and emotional connection with. I agree with this. OP, I would suggest you remove the unflattering photos of you on FB. Showing you overweight, etc. Although they are old, he (and all men you meet via Tinder or any other site) is trying to form a perception of you and all they have to go by are your photos. Why would you have old unflattering photos of yourself on there anyway? Take them down and replace with new flattering photos of yourself as your are now, slim and beautiful. Again, it's all these guys have to go on UNTIL they meet you in person. Unless you want to engage in an endless text exchange until you meet, but I wouldn't recommend that. 1
fitnessfan365 Posted April 19, 2016 Posted April 19, 2016 (edited) It's a psychological thing... It's just plain weird IMO. If you have no interest in seeing the person again, then shouldn't it be a good thing when they feel the same way? I mean being upset because you aren't the only one who gets to reject in that scenario is a bit ego-centric. A mutual rejection makes things easier. Edited April 19, 2016 by fitnessfan365
fitnessfan365 Posted April 19, 2016 Posted April 19, 2016 Why would you have old unflattering photos of yourself on there anyway?. Exactly. Now this is strictly a Devils Advocate mindset. However, what if he was worried that you might get back to being heavy again OP? There are women who battle weight problems their whole life and yo-yo from slim to heavy. I can personally attest to this. My GF has battled weight problems her whole life. She spends half the time looking fit and the other half looking obese. When I met her nearly a year ago she was 60lbs lighter. So I had a very raw sexual/physical attraction to what she used to look like. Don't get me wrong. I am very deeply in love with her emotionally. But I miss the combination of raw desire and emotional connection. To be honest, if my GF had weighed as much as she does now when I first met her, I wouldn't have been attracted to her back then physically. So the illusion of weight instability/problems can also play a factor in turning a guy off even if you're currently in shape. Let me tell you, it sucks when you see someone that you were once very physically attracted to turning into someone you lose physical attraction for. But all I can do is continue to be supportive and try to be as helpful as I can when she asks for it.
Recommended Posts