In love with a Psychopath?

April 19, 2016

Oh, some of you are wrong that this means he's altruistic or whatever. Sociopaths and psychopaths love to talk about themselves. In fact, they're the only person they really care about and for whom they have genuine empathy.

And they're natural-born con artists who usually think they are superior because they do not have the normal constraints of ethics others do, so in some areas, like crime, they can go take what they want and still sleep at night just fine.

April 19, 2016

Oh, some of you are wrong that this means he's altruistic or whatever. Sociopaths and psychopaths love to talk about themselves. In fact, they're the only person they really care about and for whom they have genuine empathy.

And they're natural-born con artists who usually think they are superior because they do not have the normal constraints of ethics others do, so in some areas, like crime, they can go take what they want and still sleep at night just fine.

And he qualified the term "psychopath" because it's sociopaths are often psychopaths, yes, the kind that go around doing bad things, and so the terminology has been fluid for the last 10 years or so with using "psychopath" and "sociopath" interchangeably, but many reserve "psychopath" for those who have the same attributes as a sociopath but act out violently, because that is the original connotation. Psychology intermingles the two, plus uses the more benign sounding and even more confusing term "anti-social" when it means "sociopath" in some of the diagnostic manuals, when to most laypeople, "anti-social" just means someone who isn't very friendly. Wish they'd stick with the terms that make sense to people.

Edited April 19, 2016 by preraph

April 19, 2016

Oh, some of you are wrong that this means he's altruistic or whatever. Sociopaths and psychopaths love to talk about themselves. In fact, they're the only person they really care about and for whom they have genuine empathy.

And they're natural-born con artists who usually think they are superior because they do not have the normal constraints of ethics others do, so in some areas, like crime, they can go take what they want and still sleep at night just fine.

And he qualified the term "psychopath" because it's sociopaths are often psychopaths, yes, the kind that go around doing bad things, and so the terminology has been fluid for the last 10 years or so with using "psychopath" and "sociopath" interchangeably, but many reserve "psychopath" for those who have the same attributes as a sociopath but act out violently, because that is the original connotation. Psychology intermingles the two, plus uses the more benign sounding and even more confusing term "anti-social" when it means "sociopath" in some of the diagnostic manuals, when to most laypeople, "anti-social" just means someone who isn't very friendly. Wish they'd stick with the terms that make sense to people.

Ugh.

There are three 'dark triad' traits, that everybody has to a certain degree.

1. Narcissism

2. Machiavellianism

3. Psychopathy

Psychopathy is lack of empathy. It does not necessarily mean 'violent criminal'.

I really should make more of an insightful post on this, when I have the time. But, it would really rock the boat... not sure I can be bothered

I'll be back, like the Terminator

Edited April 19, 2016 by Jabron1

April 19, 2016

Ugh.

There are three 'dark triad' traits, that everybody has to a certain degree.

1. Narcissism
2. Machiavellianism
3. Psychopathy

Psychopathy is lack of empathy. It does not necessarily mean 'violent criminal'.

I really should make more of an insightful post on this, when I have the time. But, it would really rock the boat... not sure I can be bothered

I'll be back, like the Terminator

Yup, lack of empathy and lack of conscience....

They feel no remorse for how they hurt, deceive, etc.

Scary .

April 19, 2016

The difference between Psychopath and Sociopath is mostly conscience. Sociopaths have conscience but less than "normal" people, while psychopaths are said to be devoid of conscience and do not feel remorse. Sociopathy can also imply environmental etiology while psychopathy implies genetic.

Neither of the terms are currently part of the official lexicon (no one is being diagnosed w/ psychopathy). Generic use has them being nearly synonymous, but with psychopathy stronger by degree.

The terms have been used by psychologists for more than a century and are still in use, though not included in recent editions of the DSM. Neurologists are finding and studying physical differences in the brains of psychopaths (and sociopaths, I presume), which could have ethical and philosophical implications.

Antisocial Personality Disorder (APD) is the DSM diagnosis that would be given to either, but it is broader and only 1 in 5 APDs would also classify as psychopaths. There are several psychological inventories that attempt to define/characterize psychopathy. A composite of several produces a list like this...

Uncaring, shallow emotions, irresponsibility, insincere speech, overconfidence, narrow attention, selfishness, deficits of executive functions, predisposition toward violence.

You can find plenty of conflicting information in various sources, but this is a general idea based on a composite.

April 19, 2016

Though not specific to psychopathy, one of the best books I have read on Sociopathy is "The Sociopath Next Door." If someone wants to gain a more objective and less Hollywood-induced understanding, I recommend reading it.

And an earlier poster is correct. 99% of the people we would like to label or diagnose because of a bad breakup or divorce or whatever have NO disorder at all. They just treated us badly. The end.

I would like to ask the original poster, at what point did it become clear to you not only that something was different, but that you would need to "learn" to be like other people, and how did you go about learning?

April 19, 2016

Diagnosed. I hate people that self diagnose them selves with stuff they probably doing even have, haha.

How long ago did the diagnosis take place?

April 19, 2016

Diagnosed. I hate people that self diagnose them selves with stuff they probably doing even have, haha.

So you went to get interviewed or tested and someone told you, "I believe that you are a psychopath." ?? Are you typing this from a mental facility?

You don't understand what a psychopath is, and need to cut down on the horror movies.

If this is true, I would appreciate being enlightened, because I have never heard of anyone being diagnosed as a psychopath. That always seemed like a vague term often associated with mentally disturbed individuals who have committed heinous crimes.

Sociopathy is a precise term, as is Borderline, as is Bipolar, etc., but when someone comes around saying "Hi, I'm a psychopath," that just sounds vague to me. That is, to me, like saying, "Hi, I have a serious mental disorder - ask me anything!" Well, which one do you have?

So if psychopathy is an actual diagnosis, unknownmale/Jabron1, let me know so that I can understand.

April 19, 2016

There is a difference between being a psychopath \ sociopath and just being a good old fashioned A-hole. I see so many people post about how their ex has either narcissistic personality disorder or is a sociopath. Honestly if this was true it seems like about 50% of the planet would have these disorders.

Just because he uses people or ends a relationship badly does not mean he is not capable of feeling empathy or normal human emotions. Often people will just repress these feelings and they come back on them later or they are very skilled at developing their own narrative to justify their actions and frame a situation in such a way it allows them to pass blame and try and skirt most of the guilt. We all produce the story we prefer.

My ex wife was absolutely horrible in my last break up. Did horrible things as cold as ice. A year or so later she was deeply depressed and contacting me saying she wanted to kill herself. Maybe you don't get to see the negative emotions he feels but that doesn't mean they are not there. They may look cold on the outside via their actions but from what I've seen most people no matter how much of an ******* they are really do have to deal with the emotional baggage eventually ..... real psychopaths simply don't and that is very rare.

Yeah get what you are saying but I spent a whole year in therapy after him and little by little did I come to realize he was indeed a real sociopath. He was the following...

*charming, charismatic, irresponsible, manipulative, all knowing, reckless, Lived on the edge of life...couldn't care less if he died....would say dying is a win win . You finally see what's on the other side or you just sleep forever.

Lacked any life plans, couldn't hold long term jobs,

There were a few times where I remember people were looking at him as if they had figured him out and then he would become quiet instead of constantly feeding his own ego.

April 19, 2016

This to me says you are really not a psychopath. I think your self diagnosis is quite off - at least what modern psychology would consider to be normal psychopathic behavior. The fact you understand friendship \ closeness in human relationships and come to their aid basically indicates you don't fit the mold in the traditional sense and would be at the lower end of the spectrum.

Traditionally the disorder comes under the much broader bracket of Anti social personality disorder - "Psychopath" is a term that is reserved exclusively for those who fall at the very extreme of this spectrum and come with many other attributes then just lack of normal human emotion such as pathological narcissism.

Its hard to explain and give explain examples because most of them go waaay too far. I 've always wondered if me protecting my friends is just a reason to hurt someone and not socially show the mask. If I'm making someones live literally horrendous, its socially acceptable and rewarded if I'm 'defending a friend'. Although, last year one of my close friends died and I didn't feel anything. I was pissed actualy because he had my jeans and I knew that the social dynamics would not allow me to go round and get them without having to fake sympath to his greving mother.

April 19, 2016

Can your girlfriends tell that something is off? Do you ever cry?

April 19, 2016

So you went to get interviewed or tested and someone told you, "I believe that you are a psychopath." ?? Are you typing this from a mental facility?

If this is true, I would appreciate being enlightened, because I have never heard of anyone being diagnosed as a psychopath. That always seemed like a vague term often associated with mentally disturbed individuals who have committed heinous crimes.

Sociopathy is a precise term, as is Borderline, as is Bipolar, etc., but when someone comes around saying "Hi, I'm a psychopath," that just sounds vague to me. That is, to me, like saying, "Hi, I have a serious mental disorder - ask me anything!" Well, which one do you have?

So if psychopathy is an actual diagnosis, unknownmale/Jabron1, let me know so that I can understand.

I don't actually know who I'm replying as this is my first time using this site. But someone asked how do I know if I'm a psychopath or something?

The truth is that I haven't been brain scanned so maybe I'm not. I'm usually dating a different girl every 3 weeks and I've gone out with a few girls now that say I'm a psychopath. I personally feel that I am the luckiest man on the planet to have this disorder, as I am training to be a stock broker soon and am gifted with the talent of charm and confidence, without ever actually caring about my client. I don't want to be hated, so I don't explain times that I have never felt guilt, but trust me dude, I don't feel guilt haha. I am almost always calm (unless I have a break down, which.. just get away from me) and am able to charm any one, any girl or guy to be my friend. I'm one of the intelligent few that understand how important it is for me to be liked, as I would have no power over anyone if I wasn't liked. You can't control or manipulate people if your hated. In my head there is no possible way that I can fail anything that I try, because I never have. The reason I am so open on here, that I am a psychopath, is because in the real world I would never admit this man. You must understand, I understand that humans hate psychopaths. I don't really know why though, because to be honest with you I hate most human beings, but I will never openly show that. I didn't come on this forum to talk about how I know I'm a psychopath, because that is not the right content for a dating forum with mothers, teenagers and friends. I am here literally to say, if you have ever been in any relationship with a psychopath, and desire to know the honest truth about how one sees you, or the relationship, or if we was cheating, or if he ever loved you, how he feels etc, then I'm your man. If not do not comment on my wall. Thank you for your question though. X

April 19, 2016

You can't really answer on behalf of all psychopaths. Besides, most women who suspect their bf is, or ex was, a psychopath, often use that label to make themselves feel better. So why don't you just share your experience in relationships?

April 19, 2016

Can your girlfriends tell that something is off? Do you ever cry?

I psychically can't cry, which is annoying, because that is the one time that I would say that I have to show 'whats behind my mask'. My grand father passed away not long ago and my family were in tears and I just felt nothing man. I was making sure that they were all okay though and wasn't a dick about it just cause I didn't feel anything, but sometimes I do wonder what I'm actually missing. Like, they say its a 'disorder' but in my opinion its not. I don't get attached to anyone, I am obsessed with power and money and that is it. Most people have to worry about one day losing there loved ones, but I don't. Of course I'd rather they didn't pass away, cause they are my support, but I can deal with it. My girlfriends have almost always been able to tell something is different about me. Its usually around 4 - 6 months into the relationship that they think I am controlling. The trust though, is that I don't feel trust for anyone. So its like having a toy. You don't want it to end up in someone elses hands, cause its your toy. Thats how I see girls that I am with. Which is why I'm usually single, so that no one clicks on, and I continue and suspicious free life! haha

April 19, 2016

You can't really answer on behalf of all psychopaths. Besides, most women who suspect their bf is, or ex was, a psychopath, often use that label to make themselves feel better. So why don't you just share your experience in relationships?

Finally a question that doesn't make me want to kill myself and end this blog. THIS IS WHAT IT IS LIKE FOR ME IN RELATIONSHIPS:

Before I have even managed to get the girl, I become obsessed with her. My every movement is to get her. I am extremely good at picking up women on nights out or even just getting with friends, but thats because of how obsessed I get with the idea of the girl. I am non stop thinking about what to say, how to say it, how to front, until I see her and usually say the perfect thing. Because I am very fun and charming most girls enjoy that and feel that they are having fun around me.

(1 month into the relation): I've done what I have to now to get them, and every thing is perfect. I have made her gain very strong feelings for me and I believe she won't cheat. Of course, I don't actually trust her, nor have I ever trusted any girl, but I know that when I get her to love me there is less chance of her cheating. Cheating will seriously damage my image and I'd rather die then go through that.

(3 Months in): At this point we say we love each other. But I'm so unbelievably bored man. Love is so **** and boring to be honest. Shes stopped shaving and started getting comfortable not showering as regular. I have to tell her straight that I think shes getting ugly. This is for two reasons. Number one, she is getting less attractive and this needs to change. What if someone sees me with her when she doesn't look great? That will kill me inside. Number 2: I can't let her think that shes amazing looking, else it increases the chances of her cheating on me and not seeing me as her only form of connection. Of course, I will have to do this whole thing about two times, and then hug and kiss her, fake sympathy and explain how much of a dick I've been because I'm stressed. She'll then find forgiveness and we'll be strong again.

(5 Months in): By this point I want to die. I am so bored of consistantly having to play games to make sure that I am the dominant one still. I put off sex on purpous so that she gets self consious and goes ''Maybe if I worked out more he'll love me again''. This is a tactic that I know a lot of psychopath have used. This therefore makes the woman consistantly subconsciously impress the male, and keeps the male holding the power of sex. I am really, really good at sex though, so I guess that helps.

CHEATING: Cheating is pretty must inevitable. It is honestly nothing to do with the female. You and your lovely psychopath may be the best you've ever been, but he still might cheat. Its not you, its honestly him. The way I personally describe it to friends is imagen that you can just keep eating cake, and never get fat? Now picture eating cake as cheating, and getting laid ALL THE TIME. and getting fat (the punishment) with guilt. I don't get guilt. So I'm just gonna keep eating the cake, cause I'll never get fat.

If anyone wants to know anymore then please message me or this page. Preferably something specific like this awesome forum user did! And btw, don't look down on me. I don't date girls anymore, just one nights stands. So I'm not this guy anymore ^^^^ I can't afford girls finding out I'm a psychopath and dating is such an easy way to get found out.

ADDITIONALLY:

Not all psychopaths cheat. Just know that. Yeah, they can be dick heads sometimes, but I actually know guys that are 184398y59387% psychopathic that arn't me, that havn't cheated on there girlfriends. I ask them why and they don't actually know why, but I guess maybe if it got back to there parents or something they would get a bolloking, haha.

Much love guys xx

April 19, 2016

So you went to get interviewed or tested and someone told you, "I believe that you are a psychopath." ?? Are you typing this from a mental facility?

If this is true, I would appreciate being enlightened, because I have never heard of anyone being diagnosed as a psychopath. That always seemed like a vague term often associated with mentally disturbed individuals who have committed heinous crimes.

Sociopathy is a precise term, as is Borderline, as is Bipolar, etc., but when someone comes around saying "Hi, I'm a psychopath," that just sounds vague to me. That is, to me, like saying, "Hi, I have a serious mental disorder - ask me anything!" Well, which one do you have?

So if psychopathy is an actual diagnosis, unknownmale/Jabron1, let me know so that I can understand.

The truth is that I haven't been brain scanned so maybe I'm not. I'm usually dating a different girl every 3 weeks and I've gone out with a few girls now that say I'm a psychopath. I personally feel that I am the luckiest man on the planet to have this disorder, as I am training to be a stock broker soon and am gifted with the talent of charm and confidence, without ever actually caring about my client. I don't want to be hated, so I don't explain times that I have never felt guilt, but trust me dude, I don't feel guilt haha. I am almost always calm (unless I have a break down, which.. just get away from me) and am able to charm any one, any girl or guy to be my friend. I'm one of the intelligent few that understand how important it is for me to be liked, as I would have no power over anyone if I wasn't liked. You can't control or manipulate people if your hated. In my head there is no possible way that I can fail anything that I try, because I never have. The reason I am so open on here, that I am a psychopath, is because in the real world I would never admit this man. You must understand, I understand that humans hate psychopaths. I don't really know why though, because to be honest with you I hate most human beings, but I will never openly show that. I didn't come on this forum to talk about how I know I'm a psychopath, because that is not the right content for a dating forum with mothers, teenagers and friends. I am here literally to say, if you have ever been in any relationship with a psychopath, and desire to know the honest truth about how one sees you, or the relationship, or if we was cheating, or if he ever loved you, how he feels etc, then I'm your man. If not do not comment on my wall. Thank you for your question though. X

April 19, 2016

Yep my boyfriend told me after I had mentioned to him that I couldn't bear the thought of one day losing my mother that he wouldn't care if his mother passed away. He said that's life and why should he get upset. That was when I kind of figured something was wrong.

April 19, 2016

Though not specific to psychopathy, one of the best books I have read on Sociopathy is "The Sociopath Next Door." If someone wants to gain a more objective and less Hollywood-induced understanding, I recommend reading it.

And an earlier poster is correct. 99% of the people we would like to label or diagnose because of a bad breakup or divorce or whatever have NO disorder at all. They just treated us badly. The end.

I would like to ask the original poster, at what point did it become clear to you not only that something was different, but that you would need to "learn" to be like other people, and how did you go about learning?

Thank you for your comment. This is actually the last message I will write back before sleeping so I'll make it good for you haha.

I literally always said the wrong thing in school. If a girl was crying I would laugh and say ''Yeah I remember when my parents broke up'' as a joke. I soon clicked on that literally no one wanted to talk to me cause I was seriously dark man, haha. The older I got (15 - 17) I realised that I wanted to always be better then everyone. I wanted the highest grades, date the most girls, be the coolest in school etc and realised that I literally sucked at understanding people. I started to read people and watch what people laughed at, and changed myself to adapt in my surroundings. I started to fit in more by saying similar jokes to people that were 'cooler' then me, and all the sudden it made sense to me that if someone didn't want me in the new 'cool' group that I could just hurt them. That was the first time it actually sunk in that 'guilt' was a complete lie and did not exist. I remember abusing that fact so much in school, but the older I get the more I understand that people are gonna look at me and be like ''holy **** dude chill out man, your a bully'' So I make sure not to hurt anyones feelings and only say nice things to people. I learnt that if you are nice then people (unlike me) actually DO feel guilty for being a dick to me?! haha, I was like WHAT THE **** MAN, when I understood this. So I'm literally always to every one I know. And.. if there is someone in my group that I don't like, I can get rid out my group very quickly, because I'm that 'nice guy' that 'everyone loves and respects'. The complete. 100% truth is that I am still learning. I understand the importance of being nice to people to get want I want, and that manners are vital around older people (35+). I am 21, but I can now fit in with almost any social situation, and be the main one talking in it and making people laugh. I have learnt very very fast and am happy about this. I still don't understand most peoples feelings but w/e, im bright enough to understand WHY I don't understand this and not be a dick and lose friends by going ''wtf man your a pussy for taking this to heart''. Thank you for your question, I enjoyed answering it !

Much love

xx

April 19, 2016

Ugh.

There are three 'dark triad' traits, that everybody has to a certain degree.

1. Narcissism
2. Machiavellianism
3. Psychopathy

Psychopathy is lack of empathy. It does not necessarily mean 'violent criminal'.

I really should make more of an insightful post on this, when I have the time. But, it would really rock the boat... not sure I can be bothered

I'll be back, like the Terminator

Like I said in my post, the terms have been used fluidly for the last decade or more, meaning some people say one thing, some say another, and by "people," I mean mental health professionals and law enforcement specialists. So depends what book you read, what manual you go by, what application it's for.

April 19, 2016

You actually sound like someone I once dated very briefly. Something was off so I ended it pretty quick. He is very successful, but he feels dead inside. To deal with his boredom, he focuses on accumulating more wealth and power, and obsessing over beautiful women whether he is in a relationship or not. When he is in a relationship, it is usually to have someone take care of him. This leads me to....

What sorts of women are you attracted to? Do you ever aim lower than you want to for fear of rejection making you "look bad"? Or maybe you like a challenge, as you are prone to boredom. So the longer the chase, the longer the obsession can go on (if you like that feeling).

Btw, I know all of the above because I still talked to him occasionally after. Strangely, I am the only person he dated that he doesn't hate. His strange behaviour always fascinated me but was repulsive in a relationship.

Edited April 19, 2016 by Cinnamonstix

April 20, 2016

Yes my ex also made a strange comment about when his parents pass away it won't bother him.

But I want to ask the OP if he's ever fallen in love with any of his gf's?

April 20, 2016

Have you been diagnosed by a professional or did you self diagnose?

Diagnosed. I hate people that self diagnose them selves with stuff they probably doing even have, haha.

The truth is that I haven't been brain scanned so maybe I'm not.

You are contradicting yourself, and still could not explain your clinical diagnosis of psychopathy.

Edited April 20, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

April 20, 2016

Yes my ex also made a strange comment about when his parents pass away it won't bother him.

But I want to ask the OP if he's ever fallen in love with any of his gf's?

Yes and no. For me love is a need for someone. My most recent girlfriend was in a very rich family and strong connections. I loved that about her because it made me happy how easy it was to get her to buy me anything.

Its the exact same feeling as when you buy a car for the first time. You get all excited because you know how many doors have now been unlocked. You can drive all around the world now. It is the exact same feeling when I date a new girl. I now get so many doors unlocked. I can become friends with her friends (and maybe even date them after her). Shes a chase again, and I love the chase. The objective is to find a girl that does as much for you as the previous girlfriend and more. << Thats how my mind works, and I know its selfish but its true. What I call love is completely different to what you call love.

April 20, 2016

You actually sound like someone I once dated very briefly. Something was off so I ended it pretty quick. He is very successful, but he feels dead inside. To deal with his boredom, he focuses on accumulating more wealth and power, and obsessing over beautiful women whether he is in a relationship or not. When he is in a relationship, it is usually to have someone take care of him. This leads me to....

What sorts of women are you attracted to? Do you ever aim lower than you want to for fear of rejection making you "look bad"? Or maybe you like a challenge, as you are prone to boredom. So the longer the chase, the longer the obsession can go on (if you like that feeling).

Btw, I know all of the above because I still talked to him occasionally after. Strangely, I am the only person he dated that he doesn't hate. His strange behaviour always fascinated me but was repulsive in a relationship.

You actually sound like someone I once dated very briefly. Something was off so I ended it pretty quick. He is very successful, but he feels dead inside. To deal with his boredom, he focuses on accumulating more wealth and power, and obsessing over beautiful women whether he is in a relationship or not. When he is in a relationship, it is usually to have someone take care of him. This leads me to....

What sorts of women are you attracted to? Do you ever aim lower than you want to for fear of rejection making you "look bad"? Or maybe you like a challenge, as you are prone to boredom. So the longer the chase, the longer the obsession can go on (if you like that feeling).

Btw, I know all of the above because I still talked to him occasionally after. Strangely, I am the only person he dated that he doesn't hate. His strange behaviour always fascinated me but was repulsive in a relationship

Thats a really good question! I do get bored soooo fast so I play a lot of poker, talk to girls a lot and do often use the occasional bit of recreational use... Plus I drink quite a lot when I do drink. I find it so hard not give into cravings or anykind.

Come to think about it like, I do actually go for less attractive girls (then I believe I can get). Unless its a girlfriend. I've never gone out with a girl thats less then 7 - 8/ 10 for looks. You see, most guys go for girls that are beautiful etc. I do, in a way. But thats just one of many things that I find attractive. I'm very dominant in relationships and like to make most of the decisions. It just puts my mind at ease because I HATE change and unpredictability. It means that my read was wrong and I hate that. But back to the question, the quicker answer would be yes, when I'm drunk, and no when I'm sober. When I'm sober I want to have sex with every girl, so I talk to every girl I know. When I'm drunk I guess I just take the easy route and go for the easiest girl I can find haha.

Much love

xx

April 20, 2016

I found your comment that love means needing people interesting. It makes sense; in the most basic way, if we need someone we are relating to them based on what they can do for us. Do you find it important to conduct the relationship in such a way that they grow to need YOU? I would think that would make it easier to remain dominant.

I have a theory that social mores and environment train many of us to become selective sociopaths in that we all choose who and what we empathize with on a daily basis. For example, many child molesters were horrible abused and molested themselves, but few have any empathy for them. (For the record, I find child abuse reprehensible). When a guy going too fast cuts us off in traffic, and we respond with a curse, a honk, and a middle finger, we are choosing not to empathize with the fact that he might be rushing to the hospital after news of an injured loved one. And in relationships, we will empathize with a betrayed spouse and completely ignore any years of pain a wayward spouse may have suffered due to neglect, belittling, sexual starvation, lying, etc. We all choose our empathy, which some could argue is worse than the affliction of possessing none.

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