In love with a Psychopath?

[unknownmale]

When I say psychopath, I don't mean somebody who runs around in the night with a knife and hand cuffs, I mean a genuine 'psychopath', that simply doesn't feel the emotions of a normal human being (such as guilt, sympathy or empathy). These lack of emotions can seriously be damaging to a relationship if not understood.

 

Since the age of around 8, I realized that I did not feel at all as much as my friends and family around me, and at the age I am now (21) what I did once think I felt is long gone. I am a very successful individual with a great education from one of the best universities, and have been able to hold relationships with friends and loved ones easily by faking these emotions. After looking around on forums online, it seems that girls (mainly) have been really screwed up by psychopaths (and sociopaths) and I'm not here to say ''look at me'', but simply answer any questions straight forwardly and honestly. I have only opened up to a hand full of people, and those that know fully and understand me have often asked me about there girlfriend (or boyfriend) that they believe is a sociopath and want to know the truth of how they actually feel in comparison. I'm not here to hurt anyone's feelings but simply be honest and straight about how psychopaths see specific situations, and how they can do the things they do.

 

This is my first post like, ever, so I hope I've actually posted this correctly, haha.

 

- Unknown Man

[Cinnamonstix]

You're awfully helpful for a psychopath, aren't you?

[Captivating]

This is so cool that you are willing to share your own " unusual "perspective. How do your friendships/relationships work out with the "faking"? Have you been diagnosed as a psychopath or you consider yourself as a psychopath? Do you have a clear understanding between right and wrong ? Have you been in love?? Sorry for the silly questions.

Being helpful to others shows empathy !!!

I dated a guy (long time ago) who was lovebombing me, wanting to get married, have a baby ..... for about 10 months straight intensively. He was in a rush after a divorce. I wanted to give us some time to get to know each other better, since these are big decisions. He strung me along at the end of that 10 months, then started to date someone new, seemed to be in love 7 weeks later he reached out saying that he is sorry how things "turned out" and that he really hopes that we will be friends. I never heard from him since. Was he possibly a narcissist or a psychpath?

Edited April 19, 2016 by Captivating

[kendahke]

Have you been diagnosed by a professional or did you self diagnose?

[yellowhibiscus]

From what I've heard, most narcissists or "sociopaths" won't ever admit that they are one or atleast can't see that they are. You seem pretty introspective and aware. My boyfriend did the same- love bombed me, we moved in after 6 months. It was a rollercoaster ride for years and then when I finally stood up for myself and said something about his behavior he left me and found someone else within 2 weeks. I genuinely think though that he had no clue what he was doing and protecting his ego is way more important than any kind of self reflection.

[getsmartie]

I'm interested in following this thread as I dated one or four years....not until it was over did i come to realize that he hit every single bullet point of what a sociopath is.....

 

Question for you being that they are known to be liars how is it you are able to maintain long standing friendships.....eventually people see right through them.

[deep_night]

can psychopaths still be good/nice people?

i mean ok, maybe they wont feel other people's pain, but what if they help them? or at least behave respectfully?

[Cinnamonstix]

I'm interested in following this thread as I dated one or four years....not until it was over did i come to realize that he hit every single bullet point of what a sociopath is.....

 

Question for you being that they are known to be liars how is it you are able to maintain long standing friendships.....eventually people see right through them.

 

What was your experience? I'm interested.

[getsmartie]

From what I've heard, most narcissists or "sociopaths" won't ever admit that they are one or atleast can't see that they are. You seem pretty introspective and aware. My boyfriend did the same- love bombed me, we moved in after 6 months. It was a rollercoaster ride for years and then when I finally stood up for myself and said something about his behavior he left me and found someone else within 2 weeks. I genuinely think though that he had no clue what he was doing and protecting his ego is way more important than any kind of self reflection.

 

Agree. Mine did the exact same thing YH except he put himself online and found his next victim before he left.

[getsmartie]

What was your experience? I'm interested.

 

Met on eharmony in summer of 2006....totally love bombed me and my two kids. Moved in by end of year. He called my kids the kids he never had to them and my entire family. By Fall of 2009 he was lying about having PTSD. He was a special forces soldier before we met (another lie) but by golly he could tell the most detailed stories. Apparently I was his trigger for his PTSD so out he moves out. I get him $$$ therapy to work through this...he even convinced the therapist that I'm his trigger. Bottom line was I was not (another lie). I was set straight by all his lies from a real army ranger who told me every story I was told could not have happened. While he was out he puts himself back on eharmony saying how honest he was and how his dad taught him the difference between being a man and being male....ya right! He had no friends,....everyone in his life is cut off before he starts a new chapter.

 

Learned so much from that *******. I'm sure he would never admit he is a psychopath so Im curious why OP is even posting this about himself.

[getsmartie]

Oh one more thing how did I know he put himself back on that site? I finally woke up and started investigating that liar. Knew a few of his passwords and plugged it into eharmony and bingo he was there and since I was in his actual profile I could see all his corespondence.....so many lies ugh!

[Cinnamonstix]

Met on eharmony in summer of 2006....totally love bombed me and my two kids. Moved in by end of year. He called my kids the kids he never had to them and my entire family. By Fall of 2009 he was lying about having PTSD. He was a special forces soldier before we met (another lie) but by golly he could tell the most detailed stories. Apparently I was his trigger for his PTSD so out he moves out. I get him $$$ therapy to work through this...he even convinced the therapist that I'm his trigger. Bottom line was I was not (another lie). I was set straight by all his lies from a real army ranger who told me every story I was told could not have happened. While he was out he puts himself back on eharmony saying how honest he was and how his dad taught him the difference between being a man and being male....ya right! He had no friends,....everyone in his life is cut off before he starts a new chapter.

 

Learned so much from that *******. I'm sure he would never admit he is a psychopath so Im curious why OP is even posting this about himself.

 

Thanks for sharing. He sounds like a pathological liar. What else was psychopathic about him besides the lying?

 

I am skeptical about OP being a psychopath because I can't see a psychopath trying to help others.

[SammySammy]

The altruistic psychopath.

[getsmartie]

Thanks for sharing. He sounds like a pathological liar. What else was psychopathic about him besides the lying?

 

I am skeptical about OP being a psychopath because I can't see a psychopath trying to help others.

 

 

The most charming man you'd ever meet....could sell ice to the Eskimos as the saying goes. Very manipulative and so incredibly intelligent that it was hard to spot his manipulations.

 

He had zero lack of remorse and looking back I can now see he copied people's emotions. He was extremely irresponsible.....I can go on and on. Like I said every trait he had!

[The_Dork_Lard]

When I say psychopath, I don't mean somebody who runs around in the night with a knife and hand cuffs, I mean a genuine 'psychopath', that simply doesn't feel the emotions of a normal human being (such as guilt, sympathy or empathy). These lack of emotions can seriously be damaging to a relationship if not understood.

 

Since the age of around 8, I realized that I did not feel at all as much as my friends and family around me, and at the age I am now (21) what I did once think I felt is long gone. I am a very successful individual with a great education from one of the best universities, and have been able to hold relationships with friends and loved ones easily by faking these emotions. After looking around on forums online, it seems that girls (mainly) have been really screwed up by psychopaths (and sociopaths) and I'm not here to say ''look at me'', but simply answer any questions straight forwardly and honestly. I have only opened up to a hand full of people, and those that know fully and understand me have often asked me about there girlfriend (or boyfriend) that they believe is a sociopath and want to know the truth of how they actually feel in comparison. I'm not here to hurt anyone's feelings but simply be honest and straight about how psychopaths see specific situations, and how they can do the things they do.

 

This is my first post like, ever, so I hope I've actually posted this correctly, haha.

 

- Unknown Man

 

Awww, you sound like a big softie!

 

I look at you how a seal looks at a conscientious clubber!

[smackie9]

What you have described sounds like Alexithymia....

[bluefeather]

When I say psychopath, I don't mean somebody who runs around in the night with a knife and hand cuffs

 

Then don't say psychopath.

[unknownmale]

I'm going to answer the last bit first; He doesn't sound like a psychopath or narcissist no. Depending on how old you are then possibly, if the guy was older then around 28 then maybe he realized ''****, I need to get married now'' and in panic mode realized you were the best girl for him. But no, just from that paragraph that you wrote to me he doesn't sound like a psychopath. Now to answer your first 1847359 questions, haha

 

I do like people, like, if I'm hanging out with a friend that is funny then I enjoy there company. I have always been good at being loved so if I realise that I haven't put in any time with a certain friend for around a month then I call them up and turn the charm on to make them excited to see me again. I have been in (what I would call) love, but from the way that everyone describes that then no. Its the same as loving a car, or a new video game for me I suppose. I'm sorry if that is a horrible realization or anything, if you've ever loved a psychopath, but I did say from the start that I was going to be completely honest to people to help them understand psychopaths so I have to be truthful

 

As far as 'faking' emotion goes I have found it a lot easier the older I get and the more experienced I get with it. For me, I understand that everyone likes to be liked. So whenever I see someone I'm always putting on a smile when I see them so they feel that I am happy to see them, and consistently reading there body language in the corner of my eye when I talk to them so that I can see if they are comfortable around me yet. I do know what right and wrong is, like how I know the color blue is blue. The word and the visual match. Like how hurting someone for no reason is wrong. But to be honest I don't feel any emotion towards if someone is hurting though around me.

 

I hope this answers your questions, message back if you have anymore !

[unknownmale]

Have you been diagnosed by a professional or did you self diagnose?

Diagnosed. I hate people that self diagnose them selves with stuff they probably doing even have, haha.

[unknownmale]

From what I've heard, most narcissists or "sociopaths" won't ever admit that they are one or atleast can't see that they are. You seem pretty introspective and aware. My boyfriend did the same- love bombed me, we moved in after 6 months. It was a rollercoaster ride for years and then when I finally stood up for myself and said something about his behavior he left me and found someone else within 2 weeks. I genuinely think though that he had no clue what he was doing and protecting his ego is way more important than any kind of self reflection.

From what I've heard, most narcissists or "sociopaths" won't ever admit that they are one or atleast can't see that they are. You seem pretty introspective and aware. My boyfriend did the same- love bombed me, we moved in after 6 months. It was a rollercoaster ride for years and then when I finally stood up for myself and said something about his behavior he left me and found someone else within 2 weeks. I genuinely think though that he had no clue what he was doing and protecting his ego is way more important than any kind of self reflection.

 

Yeah 100%. I will never admit to any one that I am a psychopath, because that is like social suicide, haha. If people knew I was a psychopath then I would be avoided, not trusted and not liked. After being told I was a psychopath I read up on them tones to be sure, and literally every word matched me.

 

About your boyfriend though, to a psychopath, image is the only thing that matters. If he feels that you are going to damage his ego or embarrassed him in some way (talking to too many guys on nights out, saying hes too loving, insulting his image in any way or just simply not giving him enough attention in front of his friends etc) then he will break up with you and find someone that can match those needs. Obviously I want to be say its wrong, but I'm one so I can completely understand him. The way we see it is quite selfish I must admit :/ There are around 4 billion females in the world. Since we can't emotionally connect, we just look for the girl that can do the most for us that annoy us the least. Keep away from psychopaths! They are not 'the one', no matter how perfect they seem at the start haha

[unknownmale]

I'm interested in following this thread as I dated one or four years....not until it was over did i come to realize that he hit every single bullet point of what a sociopath is.....

 

Question for you being that they are known to be liars how is it you are able to maintain long standing friendships.....eventually people see right through them.

Question for you being that they are known to be liars how is it you are able to maintain long standing friendships.....eventually people see right through them.

 

This is EXACTLY why I came on this forum. To set peoples views straight. I spent a lot of my upbringing kicked out of my family house, so I had to hold strong relationships with my friends else I wouldn't have places to stay. I have friends that have literally put food on my plate when my own family didn't. Because of this, weather I feel guilt or not I will always be there repayment and treat them with respect and love. As long as a close friend never tries to hurt me or attempts to get with my ex girl friends then I will never go as far as saying a bad word to them or there families. I need them, and they need me. I can't speak for all psychopaths, but thats just me. In addition, if anyone insults any of my friends I see the guy bullying my friend as a penitential 'victim' that I can then torment and help my friend out. It pays off to have a psychopath as a friend, just know that if you and a psychopath are 'mates' and not actually super super close, then he/she won't actually care for your well being and will use you.

[unknownmale]

can psychopaths still be good/nice people?

i mean ok, maybe they wont feel other people's pain, but what if they help them? or at least behave respectfully?

Good question man. Its so hard to answer this. Yes and No. Psychopaths can make amazing best friends. I always know what to say, how to make my friends laugh and how to make them feel better. In addition, if my friend was getting bullied then I would do everything to ruin the guys life that is bullying my friend. So thats the yes part.

 

No: As (in my opinion) if someone was about to kill themselves in front of me, I would try and convince them not to do it (unless I didn't like the person) but if this random theoretical person that I didn't know, then got offensive at me and spat and swore I would then think ''**** you man kill yourself''. It would take a lot of self control not to get angry at this guy after that. In addition, people make super mistakes. I've had someone stupidly go around telling other friends of mine that I caught an STI. At the age of 19 and being a guy its not really that big a deal, but I felt that all that trust that I put into my mind of the friend had all been damaged and I ended up getting the friend to leave the house that me and some friends all lived at. So the answer is probably no. Unless the whole world was educated in psychopaths and understanding there ticks (which would be hugely unfair to the world to have to learn to serve 4% in this way) then probably not. Just be nice to everyone and don't ignore anyone and you well be fine around psychopaths.

[unknownmale]

Met on eharmony in summer of 2006....totally love bombed me and my two kids. Moved in by end of year. He called my kids the kids he never had to them and my entire family. By Fall of 2009 he was lying about having PTSD. He was a special forces soldier before we met (another lie) but by golly he could tell the most detailed stories. Apparently I was his trigger for his PTSD so out he moves out. I get him $$$ therapy to work through this...he even convinced the therapist that I'm his trigger. Bottom line was I was not (another lie). I was set straight by all his lies from a real army ranger who told me every story I was told could not have happened. While he was out he puts himself back on eharmony saying how honest he was and how his dad taught him the difference between being a man and being male....ya right! He had no friends,....everyone in his life is cut off before he starts a new chapter.

 

Learned so much from that *******. I'm sure he would never admit he is a psychopath so Im curious why OP is even posting this about himself.

I have seen on so many forums and blogs people complaining about psychopaths and wanting to know the truth about how they actually feel towards them. A lot of what people write about psychopaths isn't completely correct as well, as they don't understand how they feel. I guess its like a therapy for me. I will never admit any of this truth in real life as I never want anyone to know I'm a psychopath so I can get it out here. I've only told 1 person out of all my friends what I am. Him and his girlfriend broke up. She cheated on him with one of his friends and he was gutted but kept getting back with her. She ticks every box of a psychopath so I was able to guild him through the ways of getting rid of a psychopath for good, as I myself am one. He suggested that I talk to people online in the same boat as him and it helped him so much. Thats why I'm admitting this.

[Justanaverageguy]

Learned so much from that *******. I'm sure he would never admit he is a psychopath so Im curious why OP is even posting this about himself.

 

There is a difference between being a psychopath \ sociopath and just being a good old fashioned A-hole. I see so many people post about how their ex has either narcissistic personality disorder or is a sociopath. Honestly if this was true it seems like about 50% of the planet would have these disorders.

 

Just because he uses people or ends a relationship badly does not mean he is not capable of feeling empathy or normal human emotions. Often people will just repress these feelings and they come back on them later or they are very skilled at developing their own narrative to justify their actions and frame a situation in such a way it allows them to pass blame and try and skirt most of the guilt. We all produce the story we prefer.

 

My ex wife was absolutely horrible in my last break up. Did horrible things as cold as ice. A year or so later she was deeply depressed and contacting me saying she wanted to kill herself. Maybe you don't get to see the negative emotions he feels but that doesn't mean they are not there. They may look cold on the outside via their actions but from what I've seen most people no matter how much of an ******* they are really do have to deal with the emotional baggage eventually ..... real psychopaths simply don't and that is very rare.

Edited April 19, 2016 by Justanaverageguy

[Justanaverageguy]

I can't speak for all psychopaths, but thats just me. In addition, if anyone insults any of my friends I see the guy bullying my friend as a penitential 'victim' that I can then torment and help my friend out. It pays off to have a psychopath as a friend, just know that if you and a psychopath are 'mates' and not actually super super close, then he/she won't actually care for your well being and will use you.

 

This to me says you are really not a psychopath. I think your self diagnosis is quite off - at least what modern psychology would consider to be normal psychopathic behavior. The fact you understand friendship \ closeness in human relationships and come to their aid basically indicates you don't fit the mold in the traditional sense and would be at the lower end of the spectrum.

 

Traditionally the disorder comes under the much broader bracket of Anti social personality disorder - "Psychopath" is a term that is reserved exclusively for those who fall at the very extreme of this spectrum and come with many other attributes then just lack of normal human emotion such as pathological narcissism.

Edited April 19, 2016 by Justanaverageguy