Long term high school relationships transitioning to college

[McCallJohnson]

Hi! I am so very lost right now in terms of my relationship do I decided I would like to ask the opinions of the internet community. My boyfriend and I of almost 3 years are both 18 in our senior year of high school. We will be going to college in a short 3-4 months. Luckily we will only be a 30-45 minute drive away from each other so long distance won't be a huge issue for us. However, recently my boyfriend told me that he is very lost and doesn't know what he wants. He says he doesn't want to regret missing out on his younger years and he isn't sure if he wants to stay with me but he also doesn't want to regret losing me. He wants to be independent and he has used the phrase "right person, wrong time" to describe his feelings towards our relationship. He won't even say he loves me anymore because he says he doesn't even know if he knows what that means. So basically he doesn't know anything about what he wants or what he is feeling. We have had a very good relationship and have made each other happy for a long time so neither of us have bitter feelings towards each other. Now as for how I feel, I want to be with him. We have worked very hard to make our relationship work through our busy lives and I am still very in love with him. So I guess what my question is; Is there a way I can make this work between us? Can i convince him that he can be independent and also be with me (I think thats possible, he doesn't, he thinks he has to choose). Should I let it go and move on even thought that isn't what I want? I am very torn and also extremely hurt that he is questioning his love for me. UGHHH what do I do? help

[d0nnivain]

; Is there a way I can make this work between us? Can i convince him that he can be independent and also be with me (I think thats possible, he doesn't, he thinks he has to choose). Should I let it go and move on even thought that isn't what I want? I am very torn and also extremely hurt that he is questioning his love for me. UGHHH what do I do? help

 

Unfortunately yours is but one of thousands of high school romances that will not survive the transition.

 

Your BF's timing kind of sucks. He could have held on through prom & graduation before dropping this bomb on you.

 

That said he's been honest & up front. He wants to explore. He's interested in meeting new people & seeing what life hold beyond high school. Even if you tried to make it work, you would be broke up by the end of September. Better to go to orientation & your 1st days single.

 

Enjoy the rest of high school. Cherish the memories of your 1st love but be prepared to spread your own wings.

[strawberryshortstack]

Unfortunately yours is but one of thousands of high school romances that will not survive the transition.

 

Your BF's timing kind of sucks. He could have held on through prom & graduation before dropping this bomb on you.

 

That said he's been honest & up front. He wants to explore. He's interested in meeting new people & seeing what life hold beyond high school. Even if you tried to make it work, you would be broke up by the end of September. Better to go to orientation & your 1st days single.

 

Enjoy the rest of high school. Cherish the memories of your 1st love but be prepared to spread your own wings.

 

Actually, I think his timing couldn't be better. She can move on now, and start her college career as a single, free woman. She can focus on her studies, and have fun without the obligations of a relationship.

 

I wish my high school boyfriend had broken things off with me before we went to college (though we actually went to the same college) instead of a month into the first semester. With him being my first relationship, I was devastated, and my grades suffered. Had he done it before we went off to college, I'd have had the rest of the school year and the entire summer to get him out of my head and been able to focus on my schoolwork.

[d0nnivain]

Actually, I think his timing couldn't be better. She can move on now, and start her college career as a single, free woman. She can focus on her studies, and have fun without the obligations of a relationship. Had he done it before we went off to college, I'd have had

the rest of the school year and the entire summer to get him out of my head and been able to focus on my schoolwork.

 

I simply would have preferred he not ruin prom for her. All the rest I agree with.

[RecentChange]

I hate to be a Debbie Downer – but honestly (despite the timing), I think your BF is doing a smart thing.

 

The person you are at 15 is rarely the person you are at 25….

 

College is a time for exploration, for growth, for CHANGE, for finding out who you will be, and what you want in life – and what you don’t!

 

There are a few “high school sweet hearts” who make it in the long haul – and there are many more that do not.

 

One of my very good friends stuck with her high school BF through college – we jokingly would call them “the old married couple”, as they were “playing house” while the rest of us were out partying and having fun. Later, after they broke up, she was very bitter about all of the experiences she missed, being “settled down” through her college years.

 

My advice? I think going off to college and not worrying about a BF is a good idea – keep your weekends free for studying, making new friends, gaining new experiences - not trying to figure out how to spend time with your out of town BF….

[basil67]

If you're successful in convincing him to stay, it means that he will be with you not because he wants to but because he's feeling the pressured to stay. If a person isn't 100% in, let them go.

[SJS]

I'm going to be honest with you...my husband and I started dating at 15, and he just turned 39 last week. I made decisions just out of high school based on him and his choices, not what I really wanted. I don't regret my life, so please don't interpret it as that. I just would have made different decisions if I had been on my own. Who knows, I might have ended up exactly where I am now anyway But anyway, my point is that this is the perfect time in your life to discover who you really are, where you want to go in life. Get some girlfriends and have fun.

 

That being said, my husband went through a very similar thought process as your boyfriend when we were 19. We broke up for several months even. That's when he figured out what he really wanted and we got back together. You can't make him decide to pick you because that will push him farther away. But, you shouldn't be with someone who isn't sure either. So again, perfect time to rediscover you and whatever happens with him, well, it is what it is.

[blackcat777]

Definitely on board with if you love him, let him go.

 

In the meantime, do you. Indulge in hobbies big time, spend time with friends, just do your best to live it up (I know it hurts, but this is the best thing for you... and how you'll get in touch with your true inner strength. )

 

When my boyfriend moved away to college, he POOF disappeared. Aaand four months later he had enough of parties and came running back. The breakup was seriously the best thing for us, in hindsight, because his doubts would have plagued our relationship otherwise. (though I was crying in bed facedown, devastated at the time.)

 

It's extremely common for people under 25 to bail on a great relationship for no reason... other than some itch to explore an unknown that they can't put a finger on.

 

Don't hold out waiting for him. Seriously, go live your life, love yourself, be happy. As long as you do this, what is best for you will come your way.

 

By the time my boyfriend came back, he was shocked to see the things I did for myself... I went to school, started dance classes, kept up with my hobbies... I grew as a person and had so much more to offer. Doing you is a win-win.

 

(You might even eventually attract a new guy who blows this one out of the water... )

[acrosstheuniverse]

I simply would have preferred he not ruin prom for her. All the rest I agree with.

 

I dunno, I think memories of prom would have been equally ruined to realise afterwards that the great evening spent with her boyfriend was spent with him secretly planning to leave her... kinda like when someone dumps you after xmas or your birthday to be kind, you'd rather they just did it as soon as they felt it.

 

OP, it's over. It's very common, as others have said. I do think that no matter what happens from now on, his heart just isn't in it any longer. I'm sorry. It will hurt like crazy, your first real break up, it's a serious learning curve. But I'm glad it's happening now and not later on, where it'd overshadow your first semester at college.