anonymousbear00101100 Posted April 18, 2016 Posted April 18, 2016 First off I will say wow it's been a few since I've been here. Thank you to everyone who helped me get through my gut wrenching breakup. Never thought I'd be happy again but turns out everyone was right and life did go on. I'll try to be concise, but a little background info could be useful. About a month ago this girl came up to me at a party and asked to dance. We made out a lot and eventually hooked up. We both, admittedly, were drunk. I didn't think much of it, just a casual hookup as is custom with the college scene (which I'm new to but figuring out). I didn't see her for a couple of weeks but eventually we found each other again at another party. Again, we drank, danced, made out, and spent a great deal of time cuddling on the couch. As the night began it's end, I asked her if she wanted to come back to my place, but she said she was on her period. I said it's fine, we can just cuddle if you'd like, or I can just walk you home. She agreed to come over. The next day there was another party and we met up, and again same thing happened. This time I walked her home, we exchanged numbers, and she immediately texted me when I left. We've been talking all day, every day since. Two or three times a week she spends the night (I can't go there since she lives in her sorority), and we've had (sober) sex a few more times as well. I was originally fine with our slow moving, non-titled relationship, being that I was just getting over a long one that ended poorly, though this last week I've started to really like this girl. I'm pretty sure she likes me as well, as Saturday night, after a night of drinking, she told me she loved me (obviously her being drunk I take it with a grain of salt). So that's where we stand currently. Here's the main issue I face: Neither of us have yet to start the cliche "What are we talk?" and neither of us have told each other that we want something more, but both have said it implicitly. So we're in some what of murky waters and a move needs to be made. However, this week (as of last night at 5PM) is my fraternities initiation week. So through Saturday, I am supposed to take a vow of implied silence. Meaning no talking in regards to issues that are not school or fraternity related, no social media, and no texting. Hell, this website is probably technically against the rules. This is an honor based system, meaning nobody is going to check and make sure I'm being honest, but out of respect for my fraternity and my chapter, I would very much like to abide by the rules as much as I can. However, I am afraid that a week of not talking to her will drive us apart at a critical time in our "relationship", making me feel pressure to reach out. On the other hand, she does know about this "vow of silence," so breaking it could also make me come across as desperate. So I heed your advice. Should I continue basically being NC with her until Saturday, or do I reach out and try to remain in contact during this week?
GorillaTheater Posted April 18, 2016 Posted April 18, 2016 Dump the frat and talk to the girl. Priorities, man. 2
Author anonymousbear00101100 Posted April 18, 2016 Author Posted April 18, 2016 Dump the frat and talk to the girl. Priorities, man. I'm assume you say this in jest, but the frat is technically the reason I ever met her
GorillaTheater Posted April 18, 2016 Posted April 18, 2016 I'm assume you say this in jest, but the frat is technically the reason I ever met her Oh, not particularly in jest. If you're interested in her, I see can't see an artificial barrier like the one imposed by this frat standing in the way. Of course, if she's only interested in frat guys, you'll be screwed. 1
LostOnes05 Posted April 18, 2016 Posted April 18, 2016 Dude, im in a frat but they aren't gonna check. Text the girl and just be easy. It's not a big deal. Always a way around things. Save her number as lil bro or something if you're afraid.
mellywell Posted April 18, 2016 Posted April 18, 2016 Is sign language against the rules? I am sort of being funny, but if she knows about the vow of silence, could you just drop by her place, give her a flower or two, smile, and zip your lip and wink? That would get the point across without breaking the rule 1
d0nnivain Posted April 18, 2016 Posted April 18, 2016 Tell her it's hell week & you are on a vow of silence. Promise to call her when it's up. Somebody somewhere will be able to verify for her the truth of what you are saying. Worse case scenario get your big brother to talk to her. 2
Author anonymousbear00101100 Posted April 18, 2016 Author Posted April 18, 2016 Dude, im in a frat but they aren't gonna check. Text the girl and just be easy. It's not a big deal. Always a way around things. Save her number as lil bro or something if you're afraid. Oh I for sure could talk to her. It's more a question of if doing so comes across as desperate or does not doing so make her forget me.
Versacehottie Posted April 18, 2016 Posted April 18, 2016 Tell her it's hell week & you are on a vow of silence. Promise to call her when it's up. Somebody somewhere will be able to verify for her the truth of what you are saying. Worse case scenario get your big brother to talk to her. I agree with this but I think the OP said it already started. I actually think it's better if you stick to your vow if she knows about it. Mainly because someone that sticks to something he is into and dedicated to is attractive. Not someone that is a pushover or hung up so that he breaks this vow. I know it's kinda a thing that is done seriously but not seriously. But I think it's best so that you don't look like you are overly smitten or willing to put stuff you care about to the side for a girl. That said, a confident, cool but within the rules gesture without talking like dropping off a little something without talking but facial expressions or just the gift itself would be cool. That lets her know you can handle both priorities and want to. Good luck 2
hasaquestion Posted April 18, 2016 Posted April 18, 2016 If she knows about rush then what are you worried about? She'll be there in a week still. She isn't going to spontaneously explode or something. Do you see her at all and just can't talk or do you not see her anywhere?
Author anonymousbear00101100 Posted April 18, 2016 Author Posted April 18, 2016 Do you see her at all and just can't talk or do you not see her anywhere? We're totally different majors so we have no classes together. The campus is also 30K strong, so unlikely to see her just walking around.
Satu Posted April 18, 2016 Posted April 18, 2016 An adult human being should be free to choose when they do and do not communicate. It's a fundamental human right which should not be compromised. 1
Author anonymousbear00101100 Posted April 18, 2016 Author Posted April 18, 2016 I agree with this but I think the OP said it already started. I actually think it's better if you stick to your vow if she knows about it. Mainly because someone that sticks to something he is into and dedicated to is attractive. Not someone that is a pushover or hung up so that he breaks this vow. I know it's kinda a thing that is done seriously but not seriously. But I think it's best so that you don't look like you are overly smitten or willing to put stuff you care about to the side for a girl. That said, a confident, cool but within the rules gesture without talking like dropping off a little something without talking but facial expressions or just the gift itself would be cool. That lets her know you can handle both priorities and want to. Good luck Thank you. And yes she does know about it. A gift would be nearly impossible since she lives in a sorority and I've only been inside when she's snuck me in (which she could've gotten in serious trouble for). If I see her I'd certainly smile at her, but that's about the best I could hope for.
hasaquestion Posted April 18, 2016 Posted April 18, 2016 We're totally different majors so we have no classes together. The campus is also 30K strong, so unlikely to see her just walking around. OK. You'll be fine. You haven't hooked up a few times by accident, she likes you and she knows you can't talk to people. Don't ditch rush, it would be stupid and rash imo. You'll always be friends with the guys you spend college with there. 1
d0nnivain Posted April 18, 2016 Posted April 18, 2016 We're totally different majors so we have no classes together. The campus is also 30K strong, so unlikely to see her just walking around. You never know. I went to a school bigger than yours. Everybody know when hell week was & what was expected of pledges. If you met her at one of your house's parties, she probably knows a brother so can find out about you & that you can't talk. Plus, it always seemed to me, when I liked a guy, even if I had never seen him on campus before, once he caught my attention he'd seem to pop up after that. It was probably that he was always there but I hadn't noticed before. It's a week. Relax. You're fledgling relationship will survive especially if you invite her to your spring formal, when you can talk again. if she's Greek, she gets it. No worries. Do not break your vow. She may even tell the brothers if you do. 2
Author anonymousbear00101100 Posted April 18, 2016 Author Posted April 18, 2016 An adult human being should be free to choose when they do and do not communicate. It's a fundamental human right which should not be compromised. It's as a week of introspection and studying the meaning of our fraternity. We are definitely not being forced to do so, as we could always just cheat or drop the frat. But we are encouraged to do so. 1
Author anonymousbear00101100 Posted April 18, 2016 Author Posted April 18, 2016 You never know. I went to a school bigger than yours. Everybody know when hell week was & what was expected of pledges. If you met her at one of your house's parties, she probably knows a brother so can find out about you & that you can't talk. Plus, it always seemed to me, when I liked a guy, even if I had never seen him on campus before, once he caught my attention he'd seem to pop up after that. It was probably that he was always there but I hadn't noticed before. It's a week. Relax. You're fledgling relationship will survive especially if you invite her to your spring formal, when you can talk again. if she's Greek, she gets it. No worries. Do not break your vow. She may even tell the brothers if you do. Thank you, this put my mind at ease. And that last part is very true. She is great friends with many of the members and they often tell me she talks about me, so it's certainly a possibility she'd accidentally rat me out. Hadn't even thought about that. 1
Versacehottie Posted April 18, 2016 Posted April 18, 2016 yeah i think you should keep your vow because it's important to you (regardless of what others who do not understand or think of the greek system). I wouldn't be that worried about her telling your fraternity bros if you broke silence but if she did it in fun and games which could happen, that would suck (not for consequences with the fraternity) but how would that make you feel about yourself and about her? Thus, a week of not talking when she specifically knows what is going on is not that big a deal. I'm sure your relationship if it is going anywhere (which it does sound promising!) will not suffer and actually may benefit. About the gift, not a big deal either but would be a sweet gesture, and you can definitely drop off at the door or with one of her sisters easily. you could do it in late at night and it will be on doorstep when someone comes out in the am. It doesn't have to be expensive or precious at all. If she has a car, you can leave it on the car. Same with a bike, etc. Another thing you can do is hit her up right after it's over--because she will probably be hoping you will, i would. And ask to see her that same night or next day. That will be a shift from primarily hooking up at parties. I think sometimes when a guy and girl are separated via whatever circumstances and have time to reflect and come back with something that shows that the other person was greatly missed and that a new level has been reached it's a great thing. It's another form of momentum. Not everything is linear. Good luck 1
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