Buzzkillington Posted April 18, 2016 Posted April 18, 2016 Hi guys, i'm looking for some advice regarding a huge fail on my part the other day. While in a shoe shop last Friday I got talking to a girl working there, we got on well and there was no one else in the shop so we chatted for about 20 mins. Anyway, in my infinite wisdom I decided to give this girl my number (written down and didn't get hers!) and said we should meet up for a drink and see a movie. She agreed and said she'd call me. It's been 3 days and so very unlikely to happen. I'm hoping to look at all the things I did wrong so I can learn some lessons for the future. Does this kind of thing just not really work? I'll take on board all comments, thanks.
GorillaTheater Posted April 18, 2016 Posted April 18, 2016 Get her number the next time. She may say "no", or remember that she has a "boyfriend", or maybe she gave you a fake number anyways, but at least you're not left hanging. But I'm pretty Old School about these things. 3
Erik30 Posted April 18, 2016 Posted April 18, 2016 The only thing you did "wrong" was you should've asked for her number. Seems old fashioned, but you should be the one calling to set up a date. Your way might also work, but probably only if the girl has a very high interest. Just a 20 minute conversation might not be enough for that. Because now she might be overthinking everything, even if she does want to call.
Author Buzzkillington Posted April 19, 2016 Author Posted April 19, 2016 Thanks for the replies guys! Yep I definitely should have asked her for her number - I think I got kind of got lost in the moment and forgot the basics! Haha yes I did buy shoes from her, although before talking, but I did. I guess there's a pretty good chance she was just bored. Thankfully it was a shoe shop as therefore no awkwardness in a shop one goes into regularly. I definitely need to get better at this 'dating' thing... am going to use this forum more. Thanks again.
Zapbasket Posted April 19, 2016 Posted April 19, 2016 Sometimes when you chat someone up while they're at work, they're chatting back because part of their job is to be friendly to customers and coworkers. At my work, I chat with a lot of people throughout the day, and in the moment I'm genuinely engaged, but at the end of the day, it was just a chat, just part of my work day, and I feel no need to exchange numbers and get together outside of work. Sometimes guys have taken my friendliness as a possible sign of interest, and it's always a bit awkward to have them give me their number or suggest we get together socially. They feel a connection because I'm naturally open, friendly, and enjoy banter. But it's only coming from a part of me; it doesn't necessarily mean that I'm interested in anything more than what it was in that moment--an interaction in an office, cushioned by a bit of friendly banter. Very likely the situation is the same with the woman you met. I have taken numbers from guys just to be gracious, and not have had any intention of ever calling them. Worse, I have actually given my number when asked, again, just to be gracious even though I'm a bit thrown off guard; after all, I'm at work! Just being friendly. I think it's rare that when you talk with someone while they're at their job, especially if their job involves customer service, that they're actually really interested in anything more. It's...just another day at the office.
jen1447 Posted April 19, 2016 Posted April 19, 2016 ^ What GC said. Plus if you bought shoes, that means she's got a stake in being nice to you. It doesn't mean she was a phony or exploiting you, just that she's unlikely (between the shoes and the professional environment) to shut you down like you were an unwanted guy at the bar or sth. It's good to be bold in general but sometimes a chat with a woman can be just a chat and she'll think more highly of you if you don't go for the 'more' thing.
Author Buzzkillington Posted April 19, 2016 Author Posted April 19, 2016 Thanks for the replies, and yes I think you guys are clearly correct on the just doing her job thing. I feel bad actually for it now as I wouldn't want someone trying to set up a date while I was at work, so not sure what I was thinking really. Time to go back to the old online dating, which I still find totally bizarre after a couple of years!
Author Buzzkillington Posted April 22, 2016 Author Posted April 22, 2016 I'm aware this post is a dew days dead but thought it was worth saying that this girl actually got in contact with me last night and we are meeting up for coffee on Saturday afternoon! Six days seems a hell of a gap but I suppose everyone has their own stuff going on. 4
Dis Posted April 22, 2016 Posted April 22, 2016 I'm aware this post is a dew days dead but thought it was worth saying that this girl actually got in contact with me last night and we are meeting up for coffee on Saturday afternoon! Six days seems a hell of a gap but I suppose everyone has their own stuff going on. I was actually just going to post...give it time! lol. I had a feeling she was going to call you, it had only been 3 days. I honestly like a guy that can make a move on the spot like that. Its a very masculine, proactive thing to do. Next time though, as others have said, get her number, dont give her yours, that way you can set up a date. I'd say your off to a good start! You made a bold move giving her your number (alot of guys dont make those moves anymore) so she's probably feeling that. Just be yourself! Go into the date believing that you are awesome (awesome attracts awesome), having 0 expectations and just have fun! Good luck!
mortensorchid Posted April 22, 2016 Posted April 22, 2016 If I were that woman and a man gave me his number but did not ask for mine, I would consider that he wanted me to chase him and not call him. And if you don't mind my asking, did you write it down on a piece of paper or did you add each other into each other's phones with first and last names? I would quite honestly want that. If not, I would think something is odd or that the man wanted me to chase him.
Author Buzzkillington Posted April 22, 2016 Author Posted April 22, 2016 I was actually just going to post...give it time! lol. I had a feeling she was going to call you, it had only been 3 days. I honestly like a guy that can make a move on the spot like that. Its a very masculine, proactive thing to do. Next time though, as others have said, get her number, dont give her yours, that way you can set up a date. I'd say your off to a good start! You made a bold move giving her your number (alot of guys dont make those moves anymore) so she's probably feeling that. Just be yourself! Go into the date believing that you are awesome (awesome attracts awesome), having 0 expectations and just have fun! Good luck! Haha thanks for the mini pep talk, i'm definitely stopping myself from overthinking it. I live in a rural area and so do lots of internet dating and had forgotten what it's like to have an encounter in real life before online contact... I must say it's oddly refreshing! Thanks again.
Author Buzzkillington Posted April 22, 2016 Author Posted April 22, 2016 If I were that woman and a man gave me his number but did not ask for mine, I would consider that he wanted me to chase him and not call him. And if you don't mind my asking, did you write it down on a piece of paper or did you add each other into each other's phones with first and last names? I would quite honestly want that. If not, I would think something is odd or that the man wanted me to chase him. Sorry for the double post, I missed one, yes I must have gone temporarily crazy as I wrote it down on paper! Isn't it interesting to have such different views on this - clearly the general consensus is that getting the person's number, if done respectfully bearing in mind they are at work, is the 'proper' way of doing things but clearly it can still work the other way... albeit this could have been a freak result.
Zippy2000 Posted April 22, 2016 Posted April 22, 2016 I ve done both! Ive given my number out to a girl and anotehr time I asked a girl for her number.I ll give you the outcomes on both.The girl I managed to get her number. I text her a day after and I didnt hear a word from her again. I met her for a brieft 15 minute conversation and asked her for her number.The other girl was at work and i didnt really speak toher. I gave her a commpliment and gave her my number. She text me the very next day and even though we didnt go any further romantically. She is now a close friend of min after 2 years.There is no guarantee even if you get a girls number she is interested in you. I learned the girl I got her number fromw as being polite and could reject me but then chose to not reply to me.I think sometimes its better to give your number out as its less pressure and if she is interested enough. She will contact you.
Toodaloo Posted April 22, 2016 Posted April 22, 2016 You did everything right. There is no "wrong" in what you did at all. So she hasn't called. C'est la vie. Life goes on. You have a nice chat with someone you fancy. Nothing bad or wrong in that at all. But I agree. Next time try to get her number and give them yours so they know who it is calling... Sometimes you win, sometimes you loose. Either way is fine as ling as the encounter was a positive one. Well done you! People like you restore my faith in mankind!
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