Girlfriend left me AGAIN after 2 year relationship, what do I do?

[Pumpingiron]

I created an account on here as I've pretty much exhausted the few friends I do have with this situation I'm in and any words of wisdom will help me a lot. I was with this girl for 2 years, I'm a pretty quiet, shy and introverted guy and when she met me it was her who was interested in me and she was the first girl to actually approach me. When we first started dating, I thought she was nice but I took her for granted, even after 2 years I only met her parents once or twice and that was because of low confidence on my part and not feeling like I was good enough for her. Our sex life went down hill after the first year or so and I didn't really know why and eventually she ended it and I don't blame her. I went NC for a month and never expected her to come back but she did, the problem is now she had ALL the power, I forgot to mention after a few months of being with her I had now gone from thinking she was "nice" to falling deeply in love with her because she was an amazing girl who treated me very well. She came back and I promised I'd change and at the time I did mean it, but I changed in the wrong way and became needy, dependent, insecure etc. Our sex life did improve quite a lot and I wanted to meet her family although I had chances and didn't take them. I feared losing her as I now knew what that felt like and saw her value to me and I think she noticed this as I was allowing her to walk all over me. This behaviour of course made her feel like she couldn't be free and she left me again 2 months ago, I begged and pleaded for the first day of the break up and then went NC again. The problem is now I'm expecting her to come back as she did last time but I feel I've totally screwed it now. I texted her a month into NC just asking a question to see if I could find out if there was any interest left and she was civil but I feel like she pitied me and had no interest so I ended the conversation quickly. I feel like the whole relationship ended simply because of my problems with being insecure and needy, so in my mind I feel I could make her happy if she'd give me another chance. When she left me she said some hurtful things such as "I've been in a better relationship than this" and went on to tell me how her ex was better than me even though she told me he treated her like rubbish but apparently it was because he was secure with himself and had his friends that he was better than me (I didn't see any friends while I was with her as I wanted to spend all my free time with her). She said we're not compatible even though we did have a great bond in my eyes and we spent 2 years together. I think she detached herself before ending it with me which is why it seemed so easy for her. My question is, do I just let this go? I'm not planning on contacting her again as I need to have some self respect but I still love her 2 months after the break up. I'm slowly working on myself, I started eating healthier, reading and getting back into the gym and applying for jobs (trying to sort my career out) but it feels like I'm doing all this just in hopes to get her back rather than for myself. Any advice would be appreciated, thanks.

Edited April 18, 2016 by Pumpingiron

[d0nnivain]

60 days after your 2nd break up is not all that much time. You are simply grieving the loss of the relationship. That is no reason to get back together. It didn't work twice now, let it be.

[Pumpingiron]

I suppose you're right. I should of changed the first time we broke up but I didn't, she deserved me at my best and I've not been at my best for a long time. I've never been in a relationship where I genuinely feel like it was 95% my fault for it ending so it's extremely hard to deal with especially when that was the last thing I wanted. I've not even been doing NC for myself, I've been doing it for her to show I respect her wishes and will allow her to move on because she deserved better from me. This will probably just be one of those very harsh lessons I have in life but I don't think that "what if" question will ever leave my mind when it comes to this relationship.

[bluefeather]

Continue to work on yourself and to figure yourself out. You need healing that can only come from you, not this other person. Even if she came back around right now, you would most likely not be ready and would fall back to your old habits and attitudes. You will become better because of this experience, IF you can learn from it. You do not need to punish yourself for your actions. Accept that they happened, forgive yourself and build from it. Continue with your journey of life.

[sandylee1]

I tried to read this... but with no spacing or paragraphs it's hard on the eyes and is difficult to read a solid wall of text.

[Pumpingiron]

I apologise, it is my first post after all. Also to bluefeather, thanks for the advice and I will most definitely learn from this and become a better person because of it.

[shap]

Let this be a lesson to you, young man. I feel your pain (was there myself when I was young....am 47 now). It's tough enough meeting a good women, let alone keeping one you like. Here's one piece of advise I give you....never let them dictate your life, emotionally or otherwise, and never take **** That doesn't mean you don't compromise, but it's gotta be equal. If she flakes, you walk. You do those two things, the rest will solve itself.

[len51]

Rule of thumb is that once someone tells you that they do not love you, it is over. Love cannot be thought into existence. It is a genetic chemical reaction in our brains. It is either there or not. If it is not there the first time, chances are that it will never be there. Love once lost is gone. Do not become her safety net. I see that all the time. Guys and girls take back their ex partners every time it does not work out for them. Carry on with your live and chalk it up to experience. I kissed a lot of frogs before I met my wife. Every breakup I had led to me meeting my wife so I am very grateful that they all broke up with me.

 

The two girlfriends who cheated on me contacted me a few years ago. One by phone and the other by email. The first one has all sorts of mental problems, changed her name because an angel appeared before her in Central Park and told her to. She is bipolar, started a business telling fortunes over the phone because her angels help her tell the future. She was married for 20 years and left her husband after he paid for her son's college education. She was cheating on him with a woman to whom she is now married to.

 

The other one got hooked on crack and became a prostitute to pay for her drugs. She kicked the habit, became a stripper and married a customer 22 years older than her for his money. Her daughter is now hooked on crack.

 

I mention these two breakups because at the time I was devastated. Now I am so happy that I never married these women. They do no deserve me or the lifestyle I am now giving to my wife.

[Pumpingiron]

Thank you for all the replies, I appreciate it a lot. Even though I love her to bits I knew deep down that something wasn't right with us and maybe that's why I never put my best foot forward. She was a great girlfriend and she helped me grow up a hell of a lot and I miss her every day and still dream of her after 3 months but she left me so the ball is in her court now and all I can do is move on and improve my life. I wasn't a great boyfriend to her but I also wasn't the worst, I took her for granted for the first half of the relationship and then let her walk all over me for the second part as I wanted her to feel special like she should of done from the start, I just went about it the wrong way. I know I'm not a bad guy now I was just clueless. Thank you all for making me realise this.

[bluefeather]

You seem like you got a lot of insight from this situation and I think that is very good, because so many people out there can go through something like this, myself included, and learn nothing from it. All they will take from the situation is resentment. Whatever emotions you go through, I would advise you to try to take these ones to heart. The place you seem to stand in right now sounds like wisdom. Try to hold onto that because it's easy to loose. I went through good days and bad days, and still do from time to time, regarding my own broken relationship with another. But the better I am at being grateful for the experience as well as the knowledge gained from it, the easier life becomes. In dealing with romantic partners, I see us all like people who lost their contacts. Everyone is crawling on the ground saying "I can't see anything right now; please be careful where you step..."

 

Everyone is a little bit lost, and it's OK. It really is, friend

[Pumpingiron]

I agree. I'll make sure I never lose this knowledge I have gained because I cannot go through this again. It felt more like a death to me than a break up because I made her the Center of my life and nothing else mattered but her. I'm going to write down my whole relationship with her, good and bad. Then when I'm next about to get into a relationship I will read through it all every now and then and make sure I don't make any of the same mistakes. I have a lot of regrets for how I treated her but I am grateful I had the experience because it has made me wiser for the future. Even though she hasn't contacted me at all which makes me feel like I didn't mean much to her, I still wish her all the happiness in the world that I couldn't offer her because I was too blind and clueless at the time. Thanks for the help.