So many mixed emotions? Ex hates me now even though he left me?

[lennon23]

After reading LS for a few weeks now I finally decided to make an account and receive some advice from you guys.

 

My ex and I broke up a little over three weeks ago. We were really good friends before that. He broke up with me saying he needed to focus on himself (he had a lot on his plate like going back to school, family problems, etc.). He told me he still loved me and he will come back, whatever that means. For about two weeks, we kept in contact. It doesn't help that we also work together. I did the whole begging and trying to work things out with him. Then he told me to move on because we are at different points in our lives. After he said that I finally decided to go complete NC. I also told him that I cannot be friends with him anymore and to no longer speak or interact with me so that I can heal and move on. He said that annoyed him, but I told him that it was the right thing to do for me. He stopped responding after I said that. This was through text message.

 

We didn't talk for about 4 days then I had to see him at work yesterday. This entire time I knew I had to do limited contact. When I saw him, I didn't look at him, didn't speak to him, and didn't even acknowledge his presence. I went about my day talking to my other co-workers and seeming unfazed by it all. Then we were given a task to work on together. This entire time we were together I still didn't say a word to him. Then he started talking to me about his life. He was telling me about how he finally registered for school, how he's gonna pick up a second job, and current gossip at work. I responded with one word answers because I wanted to seem uninterested. When we finished our task, I continued avoiding him for the rest of the day. However, he would keep coming by me to say random stuff about a co-worker or just small-talk. He even complimented me saying he thought my hair was pretty (*eye roll*). I still didn't engage with him and didn't continue the conversation. Often times, I'd walk or look away to find something else to do.

 

Later that night at around 1 am, he texted me saying "I hope I didn't make you upset today." I didn't respond because it was late and I was tired. I also didn't know what to say to that. I figured if I were to respond I'd do it the following day when I have a clear head. I texted him back today saying "Why would I be upset?" and he said, "Because I spoke to you, I don't know haha." And I responded by saying "Oh ok." I thought that was it until he sent me another text about him being at work. I responded with "cool." He didn't answer after that.

 

I know this probably means nothing at all. But after telling him not to speak to me anymore, I don't know why he still does. Btw, I also explicitly told him not to talk to me unless it was to reconcile. I know he's not trying to reconcile and there really wasn't a need to ask if I was mad or whatever, like what is it to him or me? I got rid of him in my social media but I can't block him on my phone, simply because we do work together and contact regarding work may be needed.

 

I feel like this is more of a rant than anything haha. I am slightly annoyed and also confused. Any thoughts or advice would be great!

[d0nnivain]

You are broken up but you are still obligated to be civil at work. Avoidance is your best bet. Otherwise start looking for a new job

[Simon Phoenix]

Just because you told him not to speak to you doesn't mean that he's going to honor your request. If you truly mean it, then you need to stop responding. When you respond, he thinks it's cool to talk. Unless you're talking about work, don't enable it.

 

And yes, I agree with Donnivain in that it's time to start circulating the old resume.

[Satu]

You are obliged to communicate with him in a civil manner about anything directly relevant to your jobs, but anything beyond that is optional.

 

Block all private avenues of communication if you don't want to receive anything from him.

[lennon23]

So I made a thread a few weeks ago about what I was going through with my ex. I tried NC but we work together. Also told him to not speak or interact with me anymore unless it is work related. He has not respected this. This annoyed me slightly so when I saw him recently at a get together with mutual friends, I set him aside to tell him that he truly needs to respect my decision and keep his distance. This annoyed him and he got really angry with me. I questioned why this annoyed him. I told him that I am doing this for myself because I am hurting. Maybe we can be friends in the future but as of right now I need him to give me space. He walked away from me as I was talking. I let my emotions get to me since the way he was acting really pissed me off (I know it's stupid of me). I tried talking to him again later on to clear things up and to also not end on a bad note (I personally hate when things are unresolved or being in bad terms with people). Suddenly he snapped at me in front of everyone. Saying I pissed him off and to never speak to him ever again. I also yelled back at him because at this point, I was humiliated. I tried to talk to him in a cordial manner and he attacked me. He called me childish and that he's never dealt with someone like me before. That if I didn't wanna talk then I should just not talk to him. This is so stupid because it's what I've been doing, avoiding him. But he keeps popping in and out of my life even when I ignore him. I know I am also at fault because I could have deleted him off my social media and everything, but I didn't because I thought I could ignore it instead. After a while though, it did get to me which is why I asked him for distance in person this time.

 

After he yelled at me in front of everyone, idk why, but I apologized for the hostility. I don't even know why I did that and I feel stupid. He continued to get mad at me and told me to walk away from him and that if I didn't wanna get hurt I wouldn't speak to him anymore. So I left.

 

I went home that night and finally deleted him off of everything. All forms of social media. I had already deleted his number prior to that. I even finally quit my job (I was on my way to getting interviewed for a new one anyway and this job was only temporary). Deleting him off everything made him more mad and he tweeted awful things about me.

 

I just don't understand why the hell he is acting this way. HE left ME. He wanted to be friends and I kindly told him that I cannot be his friend right now. All I asked was for space and he turned it around as if I am the bad guy in all this because I wanted him out of my life. Then he says I am being petty for cutting him off and deleting him off of everything. Says it's immature of me.

 

I am so hurt by all the words he said. It is humiliating and also quite degrading. I have never seen him act like this before and it is pretty shocking. I cried for a bit afterwards but now I can't cry at all. I don't feel a sharp pain in my chest like I usually do. I feel dull and numb more than anything. I am also pretty angry and a bit relieved (mostly cuz I quit my job and really won't have to see him regularly anymore). I am full of mixed emotions and I am scared that down the line this will all hit me and I will be a mess. We broke up a month ago and I was a mess the entire time, especially since he kept speaking to me. I don't want to go back to that ever again. I am actually scared that I will. I also hate looking like I'm the bad guy. He can't see what he's doing to me at all. He's so quick to point fingers without looking at himself first. It's hard for me to go on especially with him thinking I'm the ******* in all of this, is it normal to feel this way?

 

Go easy on me guys, I've had a rough week :/ words of comfort and support would be nice. I am just so distraught at everything that's happened. I feel okay but I'm not actually sure if I am okay.

 

End rant.

[TaraMaiden2]

Can you take a holiday? When you go for an interview, they ususally ask you if you have any holiday booked in advance. Tell them yes, you have a long weekend booked off in <insert time/date here> and explain it's really unbreakable....

Most companies will be very accommodating...

 

You need to get away and out of your head-space for a short while.

I'm glad you have moved away physically from him.

 

He's a lot of hot air.

Nasty, spiteful, self-righteous, indignant vindictive hot air, sure.

But in time, given no feedback or attention from you, he will blow himself out and exhaust the possibilities of inflicting pain.

 

A mosquito bite just keeps itching if you keep scratching it.

 

Don't scratch. In time, it will change, decrease and then disappear altogether.

 

Never, ever be his friend.

it's not going to happen.

HE has seen to that.

[PegNosePete]

I just don't understand why the hell he is acting this way.

Because he is a nasty and vindictive person.

 

I'm sorry but you won't get a better answer than that. He is making it hard for you because he WANTS to.

 

he says I am being petty for cutting him off and deleting him off of everything. Says it's immature of me.

How do you know what he says? You deleted him right, so why are you still reading his stuff? You may also need to BLOCK him on everything.

 

He can't see what he's doing to me at all.

He can see, but he doesn't care. or enjoys it.

 

him thinking I'm the ******* in all of this, is it normal to feel this way?

It is fairly normal for both parties to blame the other, yes. That's why there is the phrase, "there's 2 sides to every story".

 

Go easy on me guys, I've had a rough week :/

You'll be OK. You just need to get this guy out of your life. Properly.

[elaine567]

He broke up with you but he thought you would stick around in his life as his friend.

He would have the benefit of NOT having a gf, but he would not feel lonely or upset or miss you, as you would still be there.

 

BUT as the dumpee, you cannot possibly be his friend as you have feelings for him and so seeing him hurts you.

 

Finding you do NOT want to stick around as a friend, has upset him and with that fear of loss, comes anger.

[keiji]

I just don't understand why the hell he is acting this way. HE left ME. He wanted to be friends and I kindly told him that I cannot be his friend right now. All I asked was for space and he turned it around as if I am the bad guy in all this because I wanted him out of my life. Then he says I am being petty for cutting him off and deleting him off of everything. Says it's immature of me.

 

When my ex-wife left me for someone else and a week later started treating me like garbage after 9 years of relationship she decided to put an end to, I felt exactly like you. I couldn't for the life of me understand how someone who had decided to live her life without me could despise me in such a way. No mercy at all? She had her new love, her independence, her new home...

 

When I started therapy, after a few sessions I asked the guy: "Why does she treat me like this? It's almost like she hates me deeply". His response: "Not almost. She does hate you deeply. You didn't beg. You accepted her decision and apparently dealt with it rationally. Her ego can't stand it. She expected you to show up with a bouquet, get down on your knees and say 'please' so she could retort: 'I'm sorry, but this is over'" one last time. Turns out, she still hates me to this day.

 

Don't discard the possibility that his new life is not as exciting and happy as he expected. Maybe he needs to have a reassuring foot in his former life and you're not accepting to be strung along until he has his needs met. He left and you're letting him take responsibility for his decision. You're doing the right thing, if you ask me.

[LD1990]

So I made a thread a few weeks ago about what I was going through with my ex. I tried NC but we work together. Also told him to not speak or interact with me anymore unless it is work related. He has not respected this. This annoyed me slightly so when I saw him recently at a get together with mutual friends, I set him aside to tell him that he truly needs to respect my decision and keep his distance. This annoyed him and he got really angry with me. I questioned why this annoyed him. I told him that I am doing this for myself because I am hurting. Maybe we can be friends in the future but as of right now I need him to give me space. He walked away from me as I was talking. I let my emotions get to me since the way he was acting really pissed me off (I know it's stupid of me).

 

What exactly did he do that annoyed you at this get together? Simply being there? Because you say these are mutual friends, so he has every right to be there too. Now, if he was trying to talk to you all night, I'd get being annoyed. But if he was doing his own thing and you pulled him aside just because he was in the same place as you...well, I'd be upset if an ex did that to me.

 

EDIT: Never mind, I misread things a bit, thought you were getting annoyed that he was at this gathering, now I realize that was simply where you chose to talk to him about it. Yeah, sounds like he is just being selfish.

Edited April 18, 2016 by LD1990