Trout Posted May 20, 2016 Posted May 20, 2016 Ok I'll let it be. I was overthinking it in a more of a happy way than my usual neurotic way lol....lots of butterflies Youre right... I think he was content with my actions. I do have a good thing here so far! Fingers crossed! But if you love him - tell him when you see him next
jen1447 Posted May 20, 2016 Posted May 20, 2016 Ya thats actually true, better to reciprocate in some way...even if its not "I love you". Do you think I should say something about me not saying it back bcuz I dont want him to feel hurt about it...or should I just let that go and handle it better next time? At some point you just have to trust your own gut w.this stuff hon but I'd feel kinda crappy if he said ILY and I said thanks in return or sth like that. And guys can be every bit as vulnerable and emotional as women ....that's how we want them, right? Well guess what, they are, even if they're socially conditioned moreso not to show it. I wouldn't assume he's just being the manly man's man and doesn't give a damn. The first ILY is "kind of a big deal." 1
Author Dis Posted May 20, 2016 Author Posted May 20, 2016 At some point you just have to trust your own gut w.this stuff hon but I'd feel kinda crappy if he said ILY and I said thanks in return or sth like that. And guys can be every bit as vulnerable and emotional as women ....that's how we want them, right? Well guess what, they are, even if they're socially conditioned moreso not to show it. I wouldn't assume he's just being the manly man's man and doesn't give a damn. The first ILY is "kind of a big deal." I agree with you, guys are not made of steel just because theyre men. I wouldve adressed the situation when it happened but I was so shocked I wasnt even sure he had said it...it took me a second to replay it and realize what he actually said. And he didnt even mean to say it...I know he didnt. It came at the end of a sentence, "Omg your so cute, (then abruptly) I love you so much." So I think he was shocked he had said it so maybe he wasnt expecting that I'd say it back because it all happened so quickly. I'm going to let it go for now. Based on what I know about him I think it would make him feel really awkward if I mentioned it...esp if I mention it and say I dont love him yet. I think I'm showing in my actions that I'm falling for him. Like last night he got really sick, I drove to his place really late to bring him advil and a thermometer. I'm always very affectionate and sweet with him too. I know the first I love you is a big moment but the way it happened was very informal (cant explain it that well) and abrupt. Its not like he sat me down to tell me... it just happened. My last bf did the same thing, blurted out "I love you" and I didnt say it back. He ended up saying it to me in a more direct way and at that point I said it back. So I dont think this will derail anything...hopefully. And he acted 100% his normal, sweet self after that. I guess that doesnt mean he wasnt hurt though. But like you said I need to go with my gut and learn to trust myself to handle things...so unless he starts acting strange or I get a feeling that I need to say something about it...I'm going to let it go for now. 1
jen1447 Posted May 20, 2016 Posted May 20, 2016 But like you said I need to go with my gut and learn to trust myself to handle things...so unless he starts acting strange or I get a feeling that I need to say something about it...I'm going to let it go for now. Good. I guess you only need to treat it as as much of a moment as it actually was.
Author Dis Posted June 5, 2016 Author Posted June 5, 2016 Things have been going so well with me and my bf. We finally exchanged I love you's two nights ago. Things couldnt be better. Last night I felt it was the right time to tell him I have bipolar....I felt enough trust had been built I told him I have bipolar and have been symptom free for 7 years....didnt tell him much more. It was hard for me to talk about...I really didnt like feeling vunerable...I told him that. He was very receptive and understanding. He told me it wasnt a big deal like I thought it was. I told him there are many misconceptions about it and didnt want him to believe those. He told me he would be happy to do some reading about it if that would make me feel better. He could tell I felt uncomfortable revealing my diagnosis so he hugged me and kissed me, rubbed my back...he told me he would never judge me. It went as well as I couldve hoped it would. Now comes the part where I dont know if he'll take off because of it. (Thats never happened before but you never know) I made it a point to let him know I'm not longer affected by it so it wouldnt be an issue an our relationship. But all day today I've been overthinking...getting scared hes going to get scared off. I'm really twisting the reality of this...distorting it because I'm worrying so much. He has given me no reason to worry...but I cant help it...my mind is running wild 1
jen1447 Posted June 5, 2016 Posted June 5, 2016 Sometimes we have to have a little blind faith Ms. Dis. It's a sign of having the upper hand in life when you can do that even with plenty of reason not to. 2
acrosstheuniverse Posted June 5, 2016 Posted June 5, 2016 If he runs because of your diagnosis of bipolar then he's showing that he isn't right for you! That's how I view these things. I have had a rough ride in the past with depression and self harming and grief and at some point these issues always have to come out, I try take a deep breath and think here are the options: A) he doesn't run. Yay! B) he runs... He was always going to when he got to know the real me. So he's saving us both wasted time and freeing us to meet the right person. So it's a win win. I had a guy I was dating once who stopped seeing me when he found out about my issues within my family, that was fine and his prerogative and I don't think he was the right guy to be able to handle it. We're still pals. My current boyfriend, it rolled off him like water off a duck's back and seems to accept that everyone has their problems and has never ran. You just gotta meet someone who's compatible with you.
Author Dis Posted June 6, 2016 Author Posted June 6, 2016 (edited) Sometimes we have to have a little blind faith Ms. Dis. It's a sign of having the upper hand in life when you can do that even with plenty of reason not to. If he runs because of your diagnosis of bipolar then he's showing that he isn't right for you! That's how I view these things. I have had a rough ride in the past with depression and self harming and grief and at some point these issues always have to come out, I try take a deep breath and think here are the options: A) he doesn't run. Yay! B) he runs... He was always going to when he got to know the real me. So he's saving us both wasted time and freeing us to meet the right person. So it's a win win. I had a guy I was dating once who stopped seeing me when he found out about my issues within my family, that was fine and his prerogative and I don't think he was the right guy to be able to handle it. We're still pals. My current boyfriend, it rolled off him like water off a duck's back and seems to accept that everyone has their problems and has never ran. You just gotta meet someone who's compatible with you. This is very true acrosstheuniverse. The right guy will understand and accept me...so far he's doing that. If he didnt, we wouldnt be compatible anyway. He made plans with me last night to take me out tomorrow night. It seems nothing has changed...I'm relieved so far. We also exchanged I love you's three nights ago...it was so sweet the way it came about. He was looking at me and I said, I know what you're thinking and what that look is...then he said I love you...I said it back. I was glad I waited to say it because I meant it. And yes...blind faith....its scary to go out on a limb but I wont get anywhere with him if I dont trust alittle. I feel like I want to control things...I have some trepidation about things because of my past history with dating..afraid guys are going to take off or turn out to be liars...I will say before I told him about the bipolar things I was doing a great job not second guessing things and worrying. I need to start that back up again Its like my mind loses sight of everything that is good....which is 99% of things with him. He has shown me I can trust him....need to remember that and enjoy him and the relationship...sometimes I feel like I miss out on that because of all the worrying I do....worrying that arises for no reason. He's never even shown a red flag...or a yellow one....hes amazing....maybe I'm just not used to that Edited June 6, 2016 by Disillusionment373 1
jen1447 Posted June 6, 2016 Posted June 6, 2016 Eh, there's always some reason to worry, but the question is are you gonna let the worry control you. Guess what - things might not work out. But then again maybe they will. You can't get an ironclad guarantee, but do you want to find out one way or the other or just watch other ppl do it from the sidelines? That's life. Live it sister. 1
Author Dis Posted June 7, 2016 Author Posted June 7, 2016 Eh, there's always some reason to worry, but the question is are you gonna let the worry control you. Guess what - things might not work out. But then again maybe they will. You can't get an ironclad guarantee, but do you want to find out one way or the other or just watch other ppl do it from the sidelines? That's life. Live it sister. You're right. I'm going for it...what will be will be. He's taking me on a trip to the beach this weekend. He booked a hotel. We're both really excited. I'm starting to let go again and have fun. My mind has calmed down alittle 2
katiegrl Posted June 7, 2016 Posted June 7, 2016 (edited) You're right. I'm going for it...what will be will be. He's taking me on a trip to the beach this weekend. He booked a hotel. We're both really excited. I'm starting to let go again and have fun. My mind has calmed down alittle Hey Dis.... allow me to share something with you. I have Bipolar II as well and I DO still suffer from it on occasion in various ways (see my thread in "Self-Improvement and Well Being" section). However, I have NEVER met a man who rejected me because of this. Never. It's me, a part of who I am. I know you have some negative experiences with men because of it, but frankly those men were arses. Forget about them! You have a great guy NOW who loves you, and you said you don't even suffer symptoms anymore. It was in the PAST.... let it remain that way. He loves you and accepts you for who you are NOW.... and I am convinced that even IF you experience a symptom or two from time to time, some highs and lows, inability to sleep and racing thoughts (like me), extreme anxiety (which you actually DO suffer from still) he will still love and accept you. Because that is what love is.... acceptance of who our partner is, and loving them nevertheless. Among other things. Okie doke? Deep breaths, go for a run whenever these troubling thoughts start to enter your mind. Given the loving and caring nature of your BF, IMO they're just not rational thoughts. They're coming from some deep dark place within YOU that was part of your PAST. Luv ya girl, hang in there, you're doing great! Edited June 8, 2016 by katiegrl 1
Author Dis Posted June 8, 2016 Author Posted June 8, 2016 Hey Dis.... allow me to share something with you. I have Bipolar II as well and I DO still suffer from it on occasion in various ways (see my thread in "Self-Improvement and Well Being" section). However, I have NEVER met a man who rejected me because of this. Never. It's me, a part of who I am. I know you have some negative experiences with men because of it, but frankly those men were arses. Forget about them! You have a great guy NOW who loves you, and you said you don't even suffer symptoms anymore. It was in the PAST.... let it remain that way. He loves you and accepts you for who you are NOW.... and I am convinced that even IF you experience a symptom or two from time to time, some highs and lows, inability to sleep and racing thoughts (like me), extreme anxiety (which you actually DO suffer from still) he will still love and accept you. Because that is what love is.... acceptance of who our partner is, and loving them nevertheless. Among other things. Okie doke? Deep breaths, go for a run whenever these troubling thoughts start to enter your mind. Given the loving and caring nature of your BF, IMO they're just not rational thoughts. They're coming from some deep dark place within YOU that was part of your PAST. Luv ya girl, hang in there, you're doing great! Thanks so much for the encouraging words girly! These worries do come from within me...and yup they're pretty irrational. Ever since I told him about it nothing has changed...things have actually gotten even better and we've grown much closer. I think more than anything I'm projecting the negative experiences I've had with men in the past onto him. Which is sad because he's very different than them. If anything I should feel much more safe with him and loved by him than any man I've ever been with. I know I still experience anxiety...but its not the type I experienced when I was untreated...its more of my anxious personality than anything. I've learned to differentiate the symptoms of bipolar from my natural personality... took years to do. I think I'm just high strung by nature. I just want him to be the right one...I'm done with the up in the air relationships...I want to settle down. So far it seems like things are going in that direction with him. I'm very lucky I'll check out your thread...I'm sure I can relate to it. Love ya girly!
Recommended Posts