***5th Date, He asked me to be his GF*** [updated]

[Dis]

I am confused too!

 

You have a date to see each other tomorrow night, was he suggesting a late night (midnight?) booty call tonight? Knowing you have a big exam tomorrow?

 

Is this out of character for him?

 

I don't know what to make it either, but I do think the text *was* meant for you if that is any consolation.

 

I could be wrong but that is my take.

 

Now try and calm down, deep breaths!

 

Tell him no but you will see him tomorrow ....... and then talk with him about it then.

 

Could he have been drunk?

 

It is out of character because we always made plans in advance...however..... I think after we had sex we both felt closer to each other, we kind of got to another level bonding wise.

 

I also told him if he felt lie he needs to spend more time with me to let me know.

 

And yes he may be buzzed

[katiegrl]

^^This sounds right.

 

Dis, you guys must have had some pretty hot sex, he is missing you and wants more!!

 

Sorry I meant what AMJ wrote sounds right!

 

Hell, apparently I am losing it too!

[Dis]

Sorry I meant what AMJ wrote sounds right!

 

Hell, apparently I am losing it too!

 

Haha Ya I think the sex got him hooked. I was ontop 2 out of the three times and for some reason he loveddd that. Ya he's been drinking and he's horny and wants more. Hopefuly that closes the case

[katiegrl]

Haha Ya I think the sex got him hooked. I was ontop 2 out of the three times and for some reason he loveddd that. Ya he's been drinking and he's horny and wants more. Hopefuly that closes the case

 

Good I am glad we settled that!

 

Good luck with your exam tomorrow!

[Dis]

Good I am glad we settled that!

 

Good luck with your exam tomorrow!

 

Phew!!! Thanks girl!

[Wave Rider]

I haven't read the entire thread, but most of my relationships have started by about date 5. We'd have our DTR (Define the Relationship) by then, or perhaps by date 8 at the latest. Of course, 6 of my 7 girlfriends have been Mormon, because I used to be a devout Mormon, and commitment usually happens pretty fast in Mormon relationships.

[Dis]

Ok so I talked to my bf today and got some clarity. He was reallyyyy drunk last night which explains why he was acting out of character. He never really gets drunk. I'm seeing him tonight after he takes a nap, he has a hangover. He texted me before my exam, "Good luck today babe, you're going to do great!" I called him after the exam and he was really happy for me.

 

Andddd I got a 92% on the entrance exam for the nursing program today! This along with other factors means I'm a shoe in for the nursing program!!!

 

Life is good!!!

[SammySammy]

Good for you! I'm glad things are working out for you. You seem to be such a good person with a kind and gentle heart.

[Dis]

Good for you! I'm glad things are working out for you. You seem to be such a good person with a kind and gentle heart.

 

Awww thanks MidKnightDreams! So sweet!

[Dis]

Hi everyone!

 

Things are going sooo well with my bf. Things couldnt be better. But now comes the part in my relationships where I have to open up about something very difficult.

 

I was diagnosed with bipolar when I was 14. I was very sick for about 10 years. During that time I used to cut myself. I did some serious damage to my arm and my leg. Not little paper cuts...they're bad scars. I'm on low doses of medication and have been symptom free for 7 years. My illness has no impact on myself or my life anymore.

 

I thought maybe he had seen my arm so I asked him, "Have you noticed anything on my arm?"

He said, "No. Why?"

I said, "Its just something thats hard to talk about, it happened 10 plus years ago. I want you to make your judgement of me based on who I am now, not who I was when I was a teenager."

He said, "I would never judge you."

 

Then I changed the subject. Probably didnt handle that well. I have some trust issues seeing as the last guy dropped me in a heart beat after I had opened up to him about everything.

 

I dont know how to tell him about the bipolar or the cutting. I'm also tired of hiding my arm...wearing long sleeves. Seeing as both of these things no longer affect me maybe I shouldnt be so scared...I dont know.

 

How do I deal with this???

[katiegrl]

Hey Dis.... not sure if you knew this, but I was diagnosed with Bipolar also.

 

Bipolar II which isn't as severe as Bipolar I, but I still suffer the severe mood swings and bouts of depression from time to time.

 

I used to be on meds, but didn't like the way they made me feel (like a zombie with no emotion) so I stopped.

 

Now I manage by avoiding stressful situations, negative people, lots of exercise (running, yoga) and eating healthy.

 

Anyway, I was diagnosed while dating my ex (the one I ended it with back in Dec after six years).

 

Of course he witnessed all my mood swings so he wasn't surprised.

 

I had been dating him a long time though, years when we found out.

 

He NEVER judged me at all. He supported me emotionally, he was my rock.

 

Stabilized me in many ways, which is ironic since he had his own emotional issues and turned to hard drugs to soothe.

 

Anyway, you haven't been dating your bf very long. What, a couple of months?

 

I think you should definitely tell him, but maybe wait until FULL trust between you has been established.

 

The fact you tried to tell him but then retracted means you were not ready to tell him just yet. Listen to those feelings.

 

You will know when the time is right. Unless your bipolar is directly affecting your RL with him in a negative way, there is no rush to tell him IMO.

 

Full disclosure about your past, (the cutting, etc.) usually develops gradually, in stages, as you learn more about each other, and TRUST each other.

 

Others may see it differently and believe this is so important you should tell him now.... which is fine, but is not what I would do.

 

FWIW, what you have shared with us about him tells me he would be 100% supportive of this though. Whenever you choose to share this with him.

 

Sounds like he cares about you A LOT so if you want to tell him now, I support your decision.

 

Whenever you feel comfortable.

 

It is certainly not something you should feel ashamed of though.... please don't ever think that.

 

You had issues and handled them the only way you knew how BACK THEN.

 

You sought help and stopped and have become stronger for doing so.

 

You should feel PROUD of that, and so will he!

 

If he doesn't (which I HIGHLY doubt will happen) then he isn't the right man for you.

 

Good luck sweetie, keep me posted!

Edited May 17, 2016 by katiegrl

[Dis]

Hey Dis.... not sure if you knew this, but I was diagnosed with Bipolar also.

 

Bipolar II which isn't as severe as Bipolar I, but I still suffer the severe mood swings and bouts of depression from time to time.

 

I used to be on meds, but didn't like the way they made me feel (like a zombie with no emotion) so I stopped.

 

Now I manage by avoiding stressful situations, negative people, lots of exercise (running, yoga) and eating healthy.

 

Anyway, I was diagnosed while dating my ex (the one I ended it with back in Dec after six years).

 

Of course he witnessed all my mood swings so he wasn't surprised.

 

I had been dating him a long time though, years when we found out.

 

He NEVER judged me at all. He supported me emotionally, he was my rock.

 

Stabilized me in many ways, which is ironic since he had his own emotional issues and turned to hard drugs to soothe.

 

Anyway, you haven't been dating your bf very long. What, a couple of months?

 

I think you should definitely tell him, but maybe wait until FULL trust between you has been established.

 

The fact you tried to tell him but then retracted means you were not ready to tell him just yet. Listen to those feelings.

 

You will know when the time is right. Unless your bipolar is directly affecting your RL with him in a negative way, there is no rush to tell him IMO.

 

Full disclosure about your past, etc. usually develops gradually, in stages, as you learn more about each other, and TRUST each other.

 

Others may see it differently and believe this is so important you should tell him now.... which is fine, but is not what I would do.

 

FWIW, what you have shared with us about him tells me he would be 100% supportive of this though. Whenever you choose to share this with him.

 

Sounds like he cares about you A LOT so if you want to tell him now, I support your decision.

 

Whenever you feel comfortable.

 

It is certainly not something you should feel ashamed of though.... please don't ever think that.

 

You had issues and handled them the only way you knew how BACK THEN.

 

You sought help and stopped and have become stronger for doing so.

 

You should feel PROUD of that, and so will he!

 

If he doesn't (which I HIGHLY doubt will happen) then he isn't the right man for you.

 

Good luck sweetie, keep me posted!

 

Hi katiegrl! Thanks for opening up to me. I have bipolar II as well. Its interesting to see another perspective on treatment as medication was the only way to go for me. Sounds like your ex was very supportive, I know you must miss him alot. I hope you take your own advice and are kind to yourself because your so wise, everything you post makes so much sense.

 

I think your right...I'm not ready to tell him yet. But I'm tired of wearing long sleeves alllll the time and I dont know how to explain if he sees the scars without going into the whole thing. Maybe I'd just say, "I'll talk to you about that when I feel ready. Its something that happened 10 years ago and doesnt affect me now" I think he'd be really receptive of that. I just dont want the scars to scare him off. I dont think they would but you never know.

 

Thank you for saying I shouldnt be ashamed of it (needed that reminder) I'm not ashamed....just afraid of being judged. I'm well educated on mental illness and I believe they should be viewed the same as physical illnesses...they are not weaknesses of character, they are very real and sometimes cost people their lives...like my grandfather. I'm really proud of how far I've come. Things were so bad, I'm actually surprised I made it through never mind the fact I'm doing so well.

 

My diagnosis doesnt affect me in anyway now so theres no reason why I'd need to tell him now.

 

I think your right...I'm not ready. I think I need to build more trust with him before I would feel comfortable telling him. And your also right about how learning about each other is something that happens over time, gradually. I just want him to see how I'm just like anyone else, not limited, not sick so that when I do tell him he wont be hesitant to stay with me.

 

Every time I see him I am reminded how kind he is, hes very gentle and sweet. I really dont think he'd have a problem with it when I do tell him. His ex had an eating disorder and did not get better so it cost them their relationship. So he does have some experience with mental illness...so I'm hoping he'd be open minded.

 

But yes...I'm not ready to tell him. I just dont know how to whenever I do feel ready.

 

And yes we've been bf and gf for about a month

Edited May 17, 2016 by Disillusionment373

[jen1447]

I take it you had secret hatch clothing sex.

 

I'd take it head-on DIS. Don't look at it as "How do I manage/manipulate this situation so it doesn't bother him?" but rather just finding out what you have to find out anyway and what you'll find out eventually one way or the other whether you want to or not. If he's the sort who'd run away bc of your history (and I kinda doubt he is), better to know that sooner rather than later.

[Dis]

I take it you had secret hatch clothing sex.

 

I'd take it head-on DIS. Don't look at it as "How do I manage/manipulate this situation so it doesn't bother him?" but rather just finding out what you have to find out anyway and what you'll find out eventually one way or the other whether you want to or not. If he's the sort who'd run away bc of your history (and I kinda doubt he is), better to know that sooner rather than later.

 

Haha No actually we have sex in his bedroom which is dark so all the clothes come off. When we're not in the bedroom though, I do have long sleeves on.

 

I wouldnt manipulate the situation by deciding when to tell him/how, I'm going to tell him the truth point blank. I just want to hold off for now because I'm not comfortable talking about it yet...I feel like more trust needs to be built before I get to that place. And seeing as my diagnosis no longer affects me, theres no reason why I need to tell him now. I mean, if we were having issues because of it, then ya I would need to tell him.

 

I just dont think its time yet...and I dont think he's the type of guy who would run...at least I hope not. He'd be stupid if he did because I dont even have any symptoms anymore and havent for 7 years.

[jen1447]

That's cool if you don't feel comfy telling yet but there is an issue - you having to wear long sleeves bc of it. Not trying to be snarky lol, just gently pushing you toward resolution.

[Dis]

That's cool if you don't feel comfy telling yet but there is an issue - you having to wear long sleeves bc of it. Not trying to be snarky lol, just gently pushing you toward resolution.

 

That is a good point and I'm concered about that. If I decide to wear short sleeves and he sees them I'll just say I'm not ready to talk about it yet and that its a part of my past and it has nothing to do with who I am now.

 

He's very laid back and understanding so hopefully he'll understand and wont judge me once he sees the scars.

 

Thats the only way I can think of to handle it for now until I feel ready to tell him

[Dis]

So we've been bf and gf for a month (he actually pointed that out last night, I didnt even know it was a month as of yesterday... I thought that was so sweet) We've been dating since April 5th.

 

We were watching a tv show last night. It was the office, it was the episode where Jim professes his love to Pam and he starts to cry.

 

I said, "Ohhh he's crying!"

 

And then he said, "Omg you are so cute, I love you so much."

 

It flew out of his mouth, I really dont think he meant to say it out loud. I was so shocked I didnt say anything back. But I was so touched by that, it made me sooo happy, I started hugging and kissing him, then we had sex.

 

But I didnt say it back. I dont think I'm at that point yet. I'm def falling for him but I dont think I'm in love with him quite just yet.

 

I can imagine he must feel bad that I didnt say it back and I dont want him to think I'm not falling for him because I am...I never told him that though. Based on what I know about him, I know if I brought it up he'd feel awkward but I dont want to leave him hanging either.

 

I'm not quite sure how to handle this. Any thoughts?

[preraph]

If you're unsure, which you should be, and you also don't know if he can be trusted, then do not enter into any exclusive agreement with him. Date others as well.

[Dis]

If you're unsure, which you should be, and you also don't know if he can be trusted, then do not enter into any exclusive agreement with him. Date others as well.

 

Huh? Not sure if you read my thread correctly preraph :/

[jen1447]

I'm not quite sure how to handle this. Any thoughts?

 

Say "I dig you." Like playfully. Srsly it's the safe way to say I love you w/out saying it before you're ready to say it, and it's just a temp thing - you can say the real thing later when the time's right.

[Dis]

Say "I dig you." Like playfully. Srsly it's the safe way to say I love you w/out saying it before you're ready to say it, and it's just a temp thing - you can say the real thing later when the time's right.

 

Haha you're too funny jen! I dig you...I feel like thats worse than not saying anything at all lol. Maybe I'll just jump ontop of him and rip off his clothes next time...he's a guy so I think that would suffice until I'm ready to say it

[jen1447]

Why would it be worse? You'd at least be telling him something rather than letting his ILY hang out there in the wind, and it's light and breezy and non-committal but still meaningful. It's pretty much the ILY for ppl who aren't ready to say ILY.

[Dis]

Why would it be worse? You'd at least be telling him something rather than letting his ILY hang out there in the wind, and it's light and breezy and non-committal but still meaningful. It's pretty much the ILY for ppl who aren't ready to say ILY.

 

Ya thats actually true, better to reciprocate in some way...even if its not "I love you". Do you think I should say something about me not saying it back bcuz I dont want him to feel hurt about it...or should I just let that go and handle it better next time?

[katiegrl]

 

And then he said, "Omg you are so cute, I love you so much."

 

It flew out of his mouth, I really dont think he meant to say it out loud. I was so shocked I didnt say anything back. But I was so touched by that, it made me sooo happy, I started hugging and kissing him, then we had sex.

 

 

Ya thats actually true, better to reciprocate in some way...even if its not "I love you". Do you think I should say something about me not saying it back bcuz I dont want him to feel hurt about it...or should I just let that go and handle it better next time?

 

Dis you know what? I think you're fine, no need to say anything back hun.

 

The time to have said someething was right then and there, but you didn't, you showed him how you felt (feel) by hugging/kissing him and having great sex!

 

If he's like most men, I am sure he LOVED that...and was more than happy with that!

 

I highly doubt he's sitting there thinking "gee she didn't say it back, does that mean she doesn't love me?" "What does it mean, are we not on the same page, should I pull back, should I break up with her.... blah blah blah"?

 

Men don't think like that, at least not most emotionally healthy men.

 

He blurted it out spontaneously, then he got great sex! What more could a man ask for!

 

So seriously hun, I think you are FINE.

 

Please stop over-thinking this, you will drive yourself crazy.

 

You gotta a good thing going.... enjoy it!

 

When you're ready to tell him about your past (the cutting), you will.

 

When you're read to say the words "I love you," you will.

 

There is NO RUSH.

 

He KNOWS how you feel about him just by your actions. And the SEX!

 

Okie doke!

 

Deep breath, you're doing good!

 

Hugs

Edited May 20, 2016 by katiegrl

[Dis]

Dis you know what? I think you're fine, no need to say anything back hun.

 

The time to have said someething was right then and there, but you didn't, you showed him how you felt (feel) by hugging/kissing him and having great sex!

 

If he's like most men, I am sure he LOVED that...and was more than happy with that!

 

I highly doubt he's sitting there thinking "gee she didn't say it back, does that mean she doesn't love me?" "What does it mean, are we not on the same page, should I pull back, should I break up with her.... blah blah blah"?

 

Men don't think like that, at least not most emotionally healthy men.

 

He blurted it out spontaneously, then he got great sex! What more could a man ask for!

 

So seriously hun, I think you are FINE.

 

Please stop over-thinking this, you will drive yourself crazy.

 

You gotta a good thing going.... enjoy it!

 

When you're ready to tell him about your past (the cutting), you will.

 

When you're read to say the words "I love you," you will.

 

There is NO RUSH.

 

He KNOWS how you feel about him just by your actions. And the SEX!

 

Okie doke!

 

Deep breath, you're doing good!

 

Hugs

 

Ok I'll let it be. I was overthinking it in a more of a happy way than my usual neurotic way lol....lots of butterflies

 

Youre right... I think he was content with my actions. I do have a good thing here so far! Fingers crossed!