***5th Date, He asked me to be his GF*** [updated]

[Cinnamonstix]

I'm feeling annoyed and a bit disconnected with my bf. I've limited the time we see each other to 2 days a week...which is fine (we were moving too fast before, spending too mch time together). But in between our dates I feel really disconnected from him sometimes because he is not a big texter at all. Sends very boring, short, disengaged texts. Its only the 3rd week we've been exculsive so this is all very new...I just feel like I need alittle more to grab on to. Part of it is that I worry hes not interested anymore, that worry has turned out to be unfounded because everytime we see each other hes very lovey dovey and affectionate, lets me know hes happy. He actually asked me if I was happy with how things are going so far. I told him I was, he said he was happy that I feel that way. Hes soooo great in person but I only see him twice a week and when I dont see him I feel soooo far away from him emtionally. I dont know if I just need to chill or spend more time with him...what do I do??? Am I stupid for feeling this way???

 

I've experienced the same thing before. It can feel weird when you're so lovey dovey together but then disconnected when apart. The contrast is such a buzz kill. Best thing you can do is just tell him in a straightforward way that you're happy with how things are going but you feel a bit disconnected when you're apart. Maybe he will even feel the same way and want to feel more connected as well. A few loving text exchanges and a quick phone call before bed can go a long way. Eventually you'll spend more time together and build more trust, so that will also lessen the disconnectedness you feel.

Edited May 2, 2016 by Cinnamonstix

[Mikau]

I can understand wanting that feeling in between dates too, and wanting that communication.

 

But it would be unfair of you to blame him for this, when you're the reason you're only seeing each other once or twice a week. If you hadn't pumped the brakes (and I can understand your reasons for doing so) you would be riding a high all week.

[Dis]

I feel you on the texting - that's a must for me. (Sometimes it's the only way I manage to talk to all my ppl daily.) I'd feel kinda emotionally voided if their was this big text chasm between us. But you can force him to become Mr. Texter.

 

Why not just spend more time together? It's early honeymoon days, that's when you should be soaking each other up, not starving yourselves.

 

I can understand wanting that feeling in between dates too, and wanting that communication.

 

But it would be unfair of you to blame him for this, when you're the reason you're only seeing each other once or twice a week. If you hadn't pumped the brakes (and I can understand your reasons for doing so) you would be riding a high all week.

 

Ahhhh s**t! I thought pumping the brakes was a good thing! Now I'm realizing it wasnt. I just got some conflicting advice on here and thought by backing off I was doing the right thing.

 

I mean I would love to spend tons of time with him....and thats what I wanted to do...thats what he wanted too but after hearing some thoughts on here about how we were spending too much time together I decided to slow things down...but now things are way too slowed down! S**t...hope I didnt screw it up.

 

I texted him tonight saying, "What do you think about me sleeping over soon?" Hes at work so he hasnt texted me back yet. I sent him that text because I really feel we need to deepen our bond and spend more time together because its like the well runs dry when we're apart so much. I think I'm ready to move things at a faster pace.

 

He has said a few times that he would love for me to sleep over (it took me a minute to realize he actually meant sleep). He has also asked me to come over after he gets off of work but I declined his offer because I wanted to take things slow. So....he wanted to take things faster and deep down I did too but I think I slowed things down too much now.

 

I hope the text I sent him can give him something to be excited about....I hope it will refresh things for him and me.

 

God I just hope I didnt pump the brakes too much because he's been texting me alittle less than usual latley. I think he really feels he needs more of me too. S**t I hope I didnt kill this.

[Hoaks]

I don't understand all these "rules". Taking things slow, putting the breaks

on.

 

I didn't read the middle part of this, just the first 2 pages and the last couple.

This guy asked you to be his gf right? That to me means stepping this up a little.

If you both feel like you want to spend more time together just do it. Do what feels right. What is wrong with seeing each other more?

 

You might be a great catch, but by the sounds of it, he is too. He asked you to sleep over, and you declined. Not because you didn't want to but because of one of these rules. It's like game playing and can seriously do a guys head in.

 

People were saying go with the flow at the start, well just do that. Personally if my gf at the time declined to sleep over or see me as much, I'd get detached pretty quickly.

 

I apologise if I have missed a lot of important details in the middle, just my opinion. Good luck with everything, you guys seem like a good match, so go with what feels natural.

[Dis]

I don't understand all these "rules". Taking things slow, putting the breaks

on.

 

I didn't read the middle part of this, just the first 2 pages and the last couple.

This guy asked you to be his gf right? That to me means stepping this up a little.

If you both feel like you want to spend more time together just do it. Do what feels right. What is wrong with seeing each other more?

 

You might be a great catch, but by the sounds of it, he is too. He asked you to sleep over, and you declined. Not because you didn't want to but because of one of these rules. It's like game playing and can seriously do a guys head in.

 

People were saying go with the flow at the start, well just do that. Personally if my gf at the time declined to sleep over or see me as much, I'd get detached pretty quickly.

 

I apologise if I have missed a lot of important details in the middle, just my opinion. Good luck with everything, you guys seem like a good match, so go with what feels natural.

 

Phew...thank you for that. I kind of felt like I was walking on a tight rope trying to play this the right way. I keep forgetting he is a good guy and as long as we do what feel right for us we'll probably be ok. We do seem like a good match. I need to stop analyzing things and just go for it which is what I'm going to do. No more pulling back...questioning everything...tip toeing. I'm going to go for it!

[Dis]

After I texted him, "How do you feel about me sleeping over soon?"

 

He texted me, "I would like that very much."

 

He's such a dry texter so that was really him jumping up and down with joy lol

[scorpiogirl]

You need to do what is right for your relationship.

And also learn from prior relationships, both the good and the bad. I don't think you need to have artificial boundaries in place. If you want to spend a lot of time together then do it. If you're naturally someone who need space, then take your space. The person that is your match will naturally fit into your way of doing things, and you'll fit into theirs.

 

If your relationship is new, there is the potential for you to burn out on spending too much time together, so you need to be aware that it could happen. And if problems pop up, you talk about them. You compromise. You speak up if something bothers you. You don't anticipate problems where there aren't any.

 

My natural instinct after this guy asked you to be in a relationship,was to tell you to NOT come here too often. You get so many opinions and that can potentially create problems where there aren't any.

 

Do what feels right but keep in mind the lessons you've learned from former relationships. I've made huuuuuge mistakes. I still do. But I get better at it every time.

[jen1447]

"I would like that very much."

 

It's good to keep your wits about you but don't follow a script. That's pretty much it right there.

[Dis]

"I would like that very much."

 

It's good to keep your wits about you but don't follow a script. That's pretty much it right there.

 

Huh? Can you clarify that alittle?

[Dis]

"I would like that very much."

 

It's good to keep your wits about you but don't follow a script. That's pretty much it right there.

 

If your meaning to say he's under enthustatic...thats just how he is over text. In person he's wonderful. He's just a horrible texter.

[jen1447]

If your meaning to say he's under enthustatic...thats just how he is over text. In person he's wonderful. He's just a horrible texter.

 

I was just sharing your humor about the comment - it was actually kinda cute and I can see someone who's not a big texter saying sth like that. (I guess it's funny bc it's unusually formal for text, where I think ppl are more used to "k thx holla.")

 

Anyway "keep your wits about you but don't follow a script" just means, as applies to your outlook overall and your decision to just go with the flow - it's best to keep your eyes open with relationships and not get totally swept off your feet (that's how major heartbreak happens, by just charging down the 'road to eternity' that actually deadends just around the corner about half the time ), but you shouldn't do that by following a program, like deliberately limiting exposure to 2 days a week or deliberately going counter to what feels appropriate just to artificially "pump the brakes" etc. If you're keeping your head on straight to begin with, you won't need any tech manual tactics to guide you. Go with your heart, but keep your heart in check.

[Dis]

I was just sharing your humor about the comment - it was actually kinda cute and I can see someone who's not a big texter saying sth like that. (I guess it's funny bc it's unusually formal for text, where I think ppl are more used to "k thx holla.")

 

Anyway "keep your wits about you but don't follow a script" just means, as applies to your outlook overall and your decision to just go with the flow - it's best to keep your eyes open with relationships and not get totally swept off your feet (that's how major heartbreak happens, by just charging down the 'road to eternity' that actually deadends just around the corner about half the time ), but you shouldn't do that by following a program, like deliberately limiting exposure to 2 days a week or deliberately going counter to what feels appropriate just to artificially "pump the brakes" etc. If you're keeping your head on straight to begin with, you won't need any tech manual tactics to guide you. Go with your heart, but keep your heart in check.

 

Great points there. I didnt realize I was operating in such a calculating way, not in a bad way...I was just measuring every move I took. Your right, I just need to go with the flow. It will be hard to flow with things yet keep my head attached. I feel like I'm either black or white in relationships...its hard to keep a balance. I guess I was so afriad things were going to get messed up I ended up trying to control things too much, like you said. I think I'm forgetting that we seem well suited for each other and I havent seen any red flags from him so I need to let go of the reins alittle. It will be interesting to see how well I do keeping my eyes open while letting things naturally progress. I'm alittle traumatized from my past bfs...I'm having a hard time trusting and letting go.

 

And I know his text was so funny! Your right...it was so formal lol. I got a kick out of it too. I cant imagine what sexting would be like with him haha...that def wouldnt work. Good thing I'm not into that

[Versacehottie]

Great points there. I didnt realize I was operating in such a calculating way, not in a bad way...I was just measuring every move I took. Your right, I just need to go with the flow. It will be hard to flow with things yet keep my head attached. I feel like I'm either black or white in relationships...its hard to keep a balance. I guess I was so afriad things were going to get messed up I ended up trying to control things too much, like you said. I think I'm forgetting that we seem well suited for each other and I havent seen any red flags from him so I need to let go of the reins alittle. It will be interesting to see how well I do keeping my eyes open while letting things naturally progress. I'm alittle traumatized from my past bfs...I'm having a hard time trusting and letting go.

 

And I know his text was so funny! Your right...it was so formal lol. I got a kick out of it too. I cant imagine what sexting would be like with him haha...that def wouldnt work. Good thing I'm not into that

 

Jen is right about going with the flow and her other great comments. You need to take that solid advice and balance it with your own tendency to do anxious dating/overthinking. I think that's why you find solace it rules or taking a false step back because you have trouble relying on your own instincts. If your own instincts are in confusion or swing wildly from one end to the other because you are unsure or operating from insecurity or needing a tremendous amount of reassurance, you will mess things up because what is going on in your mind is unreasonable and not based on facts or seeing things from your partners point of view. So going with the flow isn't permission to just follow every thought in your head (not saying you would/are), but to feel more sure about reasonable thoughts, dismiss unreasonable ones or communicate without fear to get the answers from your guy. Everything in balance and taking care that your own emotions don't overwhelm or negatively influence the situation (when they are unreasonable). Does that make sense?

 

I think it's great advice, AND it probably needs a bit of an instruction manual if someone has a tendency to get anxious (which is by no means unusual, especially at the beginning). Keep it all in perspective AND go with the flow.

[Dis]

Jen is right about going with the flow and her other great comments. You need to take that solid advice and balance it with your own tendency to do anxious dating/overthinking. I think that's why you find solace it rules or taking a false step back because you have trouble relying on your own instincts. If your own instincts are in confusion or swing wildly from one end to the other because you are unsure or operating from insecurity or needing a tremendous amount of reassurance, you will mess things up because what is going on in your mind is unreasonable and not based on facts or seeing things from your partners point of view. So going with the flow isn't permission to just follow every thought in your head (not saying you would/are), but to feel more sure about reasonable thoughts, dismiss unreasonable ones or communicate without fear to get the answers from your guy. Everything in balance and taking care that your own emotions don't overwhelm or negatively influence the situation (when they are unreasonable). Does that make sense?

 

I think it's great advice, AND it probably needs a bit of an instruction manual if someone has a tendency to get anxious (which is by no means unusual, especially at the beginning). Keep it all in perspective AND go with the flow.

 

Wow great insight there. Oh god, the bold print is very true. You hit the nail on the head. The italics are something I will refer back to many times. I think the only reason why I'm so wary and sometimes insecure is because of my past relationships. I'm having a really hard time believing he isnt going to lie or jump ship. Dont get me wrong I'd be ok if that happened, I've always been ok on my own...its just tough in the beginning like you said....opening myself up to someone, taking that risk (I've never felt like that before, the last guy did me in) And yes...I really need to rein in my irrational thoughts, I get carried away with those. I'm such an overthinker and to tell you the truth I dont think he thinks alot at all, meaning he is very much what he appears to be. That honesty is going to take some getting used to.

 

I'm sleeping over his house tomorrow night. Before anyone jumps on that I'd like to say....I really did alot of thinking about that and I think its time we take that step. We need to get closer, I think he's been feeling like he needs more time from me and I feel the same. I'm really looking forward to taking this step, after careful consideration, I feel its the right move. I think its going to deepen our bond. It feels like theres been a space between us (which I accidentaly created, wrong move there) and this will alievate that alittle. I feel like its a pivital move in a great direction. I'm excited!

[Dis]

The sleep over went great...we ended up having sex...3 times. I thought about what some of you said, how waiting until I'm in a exclusive relationship for one month before sex, might be more like game playing and might not a be a healthy thing....and it just felt right, so it I went for it. I let go alittle and let it happen, now I'm overthinking a bit. My last bf had sex with me (I stuck to my one month rule) and one week later he dropped me...so now I'm worried thats going to happen again. He hasnt given me a reason to believe this would happen...but I've been fooled before. What if he just wanted sex? Uhhh...overthinking. My gut tells me I can trust him, that he has good intentions and is a steady guy (not flighty) but the ghosts of my past have my mind racing. I really hope I did the right thing.

 

He was really sweet last night and today, he cuddled with me after, made me breakfast. Lots of affection...it was really nice.

 

I also think I'm making progress with how I react to things (particulary with the stupid things guys say). I'm a very picky eater and in the morning he convinced me to eat an orange. We joke about my eating habits. Although I dont eat healthy I'm not overweight, I'm in good shape, I work out. I have a nice figure, big boobs and nice butt, small waist. After I ate the orange we were laughing about it and he said, "By the time I'm done with you your going to be a super model" In my head I went...uhhh did he just call me fat??? But I realized it was one of those slips of the mouth that guys make so I totally let it role off my back. He tells me I'm beautiful and always comments on how gorgeous I look and I know he likes my body. Hes not the type of guy thats going to exclaim how nice my ass is and all that, hes more reserved and old fashioned that way. He came really quick all three times so... I guess actions speak louder than words He's not male super model either....hes more on the skinny side, maybe alittle weight to lose in his stomache but I think hes sexy...he started going to the gym again because he said he wants to spoil me with a really nice body...so its not like hes male model status and I'm fat. I was proud of myself for not overthinking and overreacting to that.

 

I also talked to him about how I felt a distance between us when we dont see each other. I handled that talk so well, and he reception of what I was saying was wonderful. He said he would text me more and give me a call at night. I told him I didnt want to change anything about him, he said its not about changing himself, its about taking my feelings into consideration and making me happy. He said he appreciates that I dont need constant communication, that I understand he's busy with work. He hinted other girls have gotten pissed about that in the past. I'm happy he appreciates the effort I've made adjusting to his texting habits. We agreed that we dont need constant contact, just alittle more effort needs to be made on his part. It was really easy talking to him about that issue, I was surprised at how well it went.

 

All is good...I'm just overthinking alittle. Hope the fact we had sex doesnt change things in a bad way....hope he doesnt drop me now, like the last guy. I'm getting carried away with my thoughts alittle.

 

Uhhh...I need to trust...I need to trust.

[Cinnamonstix]

Everything sounds really good over there. I'm glad he is being receptive to your calm communication of your needs. That's how it should be! How long have you been dating now?

 

Btw, as to how much you two see each other, I know I was the first to point out that you two seemed to see each other every day. I don't think there is anything wrong with that in and of itself, its just that you mentioned he seemed to be annoyed, and I thought it's pretty early on to be acting that way. That would make me want to step back and have time to miss each other. I don't think that putting an artificial limitation like seeing each other twice a week was the answer, so I'm glad you're going a bit more with how you're feeling.

[jen1447]

The sleep over went great...we ended up having sex...3 times.

 

That's what I'm talkin about.

[Versacehottie]

 

I also talked to him about how I felt a distance between us when we dont see each other. I handled that talk so well, and he reception of what I was saying was wonderful. He said he would text me more and give me a call at night. I told him I didnt want to change anything about him, he said its not about changing himself, its about taking my feelings into consideration and making me happy. He said he appreciates that I dont need constant communication, that I understand he's busy with work. He hinted other girls have gotten pissed about that in the past. I'm happy he appreciates the effort I've made adjusting to his texting habits. We agreed that we dont need constant contact, just alittle more effort needs to be made on his part. It was really easy talking to him about that issue, I was surprised at how well it went.

 

Wow, excellent!! He sure sounds like a nice guy with his responses to that.

 

Ok about sleeping with him. That's why rules about that are b.s. anyway. Because you just need to do that when it feels right to you (from the various angles, emotional, etc), in spite of what the aftermath would be. At a certain point, like the rest of it, you just need to take a leap of faith---for YOU and no one else. Like trust yourself, that you did what you wanted in the context it was the right time for YOU and you are fine to deal with whatever consequences come out of it. For example, if he dropped you because of that now, would you really WANT to be in a relationship with a guy like that? That's why the decision is all yours. If you are comfortable with it, you can deal with the consequences. Something an arbitrary rule (like after one month) won't give you that assurance. As in your example, when the guy dumped you 1 week after you had sex at one month, you probably went back and forth in your head thinking "but I waited one month, what did I do wrong??"--you didn't trust your gut and make the decision for what was right for you, that's what. Anyway, glad it all went well. Happy for you

[Dis]

OH GOD SOMEONE PLEASE HELP!

 

I left my bf's house today after I had slept over. We agreed to see each other friday. Everything was fine.

 

He texted me around 7 tonight asking me how the studying was going. I told him about my day and he told me about his and how was currently out with friends.

 

Then a half an hour later I get a text from him that said,

 

"You coming to see me tonight?"

 

I found that to be really wierd because we agreed to see each other on friday, he knows I have an exam in the afternoon tomorrow and I had just seen him earlier today.....

 

My mind automatically thought....He meant to text that to another girl

 

So I said,"Why tonight"

 

He said, "Why not"

 

I said, "What time"

 

He said, "Not sure yet"

 

I said, "I'm confused"

 

He said, "I wont be home until midnight" (We are both night owls so thats not abnormal)

 

Ok....Did he mean to text that to another girl?????

 

Oh god, someone please help..I'm taking a huge nursing exam tomorrow. I'm so stressed. Someone please help.

[Dis]

Ok....now that I typed that out, I think I might be being overly suspicious and crazy.....but maybe not.

 

Anyway please help!

[AMJ]

I think he meant to write that to you. You guys finally had sex, he's been thinking about it all day, and he wants more right now. So of course he's inviting you over again.

But I think you need to stop stressing about this and study for your test, and see him tomorrow when you're finished to celebrate.

[Dis]

I think he meant to write that to you. You guys finally had sex, he's been thinking about it all day, and he wants more right now. So of course he's inviting you over again.

But I think you need to stop stressing about this and study for your test, and see him tomorrow when you're finished to celebrate.

 

Oh god thank you for that. After I typed that out I could see how irrational I was being. My mind is a whirlwind, as a previous poster has noticed.

 

I'm taking an entrance exam for the nursing program tomorrow. I'm honestly losing it.

 

Really though, thanks because I knew in the back of my head that he meant to send that to me...my mind just got carried away.

[katiegrl]

Ok....now that I typed that out, I think I might be being overly suspicious and crazy.....but maybe not.

 

Anyway please help!

 

I am confused too!

 

You have a date to see each other tomorrow night, was he suggesting a late night (midnight?) booty call tonight? Knowing you have a big exam tomorrow?

 

Is this out of character for him?

 

I don't know what to make it either, but I do think the text *was* meant for you if that is any consolation.

 

I could be wrong but that is my take.

 

Now try and calm down, deep breaths!

 

Tell him no but you will see him tomorrow ....... and then talk with him about it then.

 

Could he have been drunk?

[Dis]

Oh god thank you for that. After I typed that out I could see how irrational I was being. My mind is a whirlwind, as a previous poster has noticed.

 

I'm taking an entrance exam for the nursing program tomorrow. I'm honestly losing it.

 

Really though, thanks because I knew in the back of my head that he meant to send that to me...my mind just got carried away.

 

And yes, I'm in for the night. I need to relax

[katiegrl]

Oh god thank you for that. After I typed that out I could see how irrational I was being. My mind is a whirlwind, as a previous poster has noticed.

 

I'm taking an entrance exam for the nursing program tomorrow. I'm honestly losing it.

 

Really though, thanks because I knew in the back of my head that he meant to send that to me...my mind just got carried away.

 

^^This sounds right.

 

Dis, you guys must have had some pretty hot sex, he is missing you and wants more!!