d0nnivain Posted April 18, 2016 Posted April 18, 2016 ktragers How many more reasons does this man have to give you before you acknowledge that you two are incompatible? Please spare yourself the heartache of sicking around thinking you will change his mind about kids. Not gonna happen. 2
hasaquestion Posted April 18, 2016 Posted April 18, 2016 It's cheap. Because when you get the cone or paper cups at the ice cream shop, you're paying for more than just the ice cream. It's an experience - you get to walk down the street eating ice cream and chatting with your date. It's sweet, romantic, and just plain fun. Having to continually exchange the pint in order to share it is annoying, takes the fun out of it, and then what do you do with the ice cream that you can't finish? (A pint is a lot of ice cream for two people to eat, and it's wasteful to have to toss it since there is no freezer nearby.) Huh. I guess I'd think of it the other way around. You can be like all the unimaginative people in the world, or you can make a little adventure out of it, get a pint of better quality ice cream from the whole foods that's on the same street, spend less money, maybe even grab our own toppings, grab a spoon at the door to share it while walking and laughing about it. Maybe I'm the strange one.
preraph Posted April 18, 2016 Posted April 18, 2016 Yeah, this isn't going to work. He doesn't want kids, and if he IS cheap or just broke and doesn't see it getting better in the future, part of it could be because kids cost a gazillion dollars to raise, and they do. A LOT of people can't afford to have them and personally I'd rather not be the one to chip in. But I think the money issue and the kid issue, well, besides sex, that's about the two biggest reasons people break up. And I guess this is just me, but honestly, if marrying a person doesn't make your life easier some way, I just don't see the point. It's not like marriage is easy. It can be a burden even in the best of circumstances. Marry someone who together, you are both benefitting each other.
strawberryshortstack Posted April 18, 2016 Posted April 18, 2016 Huh. I guess I'd think of it the other way around. You can be like all the unimaginative people in the world, or you can make a little adventure out of it, get a pint of better quality ice cream from the whole foods that's on the same street, spend less money, maybe even grab our own toppings, grab a spoon at the door to share it while walking and laughing about it. Maybe I'm the strange one. Also, what if she's dying for mint chip, and you want pistachio? Hard to make a compromise sometimes, especially early on. 1
d0nnivain Posted April 18, 2016 Posted April 18, 2016 Also, what if she's dying for mint chip, and you want pistachio? Hard to make a compromise sometimes, especially early on. Around here on sale you can get two 1/2 gallons for $5.00. Cones at the ice cream parlor will probably run you $3.50 each so the OPs BF will point out how much more ice cream you get for less money
Shining One Posted April 18, 2016 Posted April 18, 2016 OP, how did the splitting of the costs start? Did you offer to split and he accepted, or did he just start asking you? You were dating someone back in October and you started splitting costs after you offered to split. If you prefer to alternate paying for dates, you have to start that trend. With that being said, you have many incompatibilities, so you should stop seeing this guy and move on to the next one. 1
smackie9 Posted April 18, 2016 Posted April 18, 2016 I agree, I have no idea why you would ever want to waste your time on someone that is so against your grain.
strawberryshortstack Posted April 18, 2016 Posted April 18, 2016 Around here on sale you can get two 1/2 gallons for $5.00. Cones at the ice cream parlor will probably run you $3.50 each so the OPs BF will point out how much more ice cream you get for less money Which, unless you're taking it straight home, most of which will go to waste. Yes, two cones will end up costing more, but again, you're paying for the experience. If I'm suggesting ice cream on a date, I'm looking for a way to extend the date, not bring it home. 2
katiegrl Posted April 18, 2016 Posted April 18, 2016 Huh. I guess I'd think of it the other way around. You can be like all the unimaginative people in the world, or you can make a little adventure out of it, get a pint of better quality ice cream from the whole foods that's on the same street, spend less money, maybe even grab our own toppings, grab a spoon at the door to share it while walking and laughing about it. Maybe I'm the strange one. lol.... like everyone has a Whole Foods in their neigborhood they can stroll to. I live in a relatively large city and the closest Whole Foods is around four miles away. There's a Ralph's though! And Albertson's! And the lines in both those places are excruciatingly long. But wait, Right Aid (Thrifty brand) actually has some pretty good ice cream!
losangelena Posted April 18, 2016 Posted April 18, 2016 Interesting perspectives. This reminds me of something else that came up in our conversation that's a huge red flag: He said he may not want to have kids in the future that he sees children as a burden and he wants to have fun with his wife without the unnecessary "distractions" in his 30s and 40s. However, I do want to settle down and have a family at some point down the road, when I'm ready. If he totally writes this off then it would be a huge issue. Maybe he enjoys being a "baby" so much.... Again, I ask, do YOU like HIM any more than "moderately?" If not, then I'd say it's time to say goodbye.
losangelena Posted April 18, 2016 Posted April 18, 2016 But wait, Right Aid (Thrifty brand) actually has some pretty good ice cream! Thrifty's is DELICIOUS.
hasaquestion Posted April 18, 2016 Posted April 18, 2016 lol.... like everyone has a Whole Foods in their neigborhood they can stroll to. I live in a relatively large city and the closest Whole Foods is around four miles away. There's a Ralph's though! And Albertson's! And the lines in both those places are excruciatingly long. But wait, Right Aid (Thrifty brand) actually has some pretty good ice cream! I just live one block away from WF so I used it as an example. It's interesting how regional supermarkets are. I've never heard of Ralph's or Albertson's. We have Stop & Shop, Shaws, and Star Market.
strawberryshortstack Posted April 18, 2016 Posted April 18, 2016 Thrifty's is DELICIOUS. Do they still do cones? I remember the coconut pineapple and chocolate peanut butter flavors being to die for (but that was back in the late 80s/early 90s when I was in high school - seems like a lifetime ago)
BlueIris Posted April 18, 2016 Posted April 18, 2016 I just live one block away from WF so I used it as an example. It's interesting how regional supermarkets are. I've never heard of Ralph's or Albertson's. We have Stop & Shop, Shaws, and Star Market. Got a bit excited about your mentioning Star Market. I used to live in Providence. It was pronounced Stah Mahket. Good times. 1
katiegrl Posted April 18, 2016 Posted April 18, 2016 Thrifty's is DELICIOUS. Award winning actually (no joke!). I love their chocolate with little bits of rice chips .... (like Nestle's Crunch!) So yummy!
katiegrl Posted April 18, 2016 Posted April 18, 2016 Do they still do cones? I remember the coconut pineapple and chocolate peanut butter flavors being to die for (but that was back in the late 80s/early 90s when I was in high school - seems like a lifetime ago) Yes! .....................
strawberryshortstack Posted April 18, 2016 Posted April 18, 2016 Yes! ..................... Well, I guess I need to hunt down a Rite Aid then.
Author ktragers Posted April 19, 2016 Author Posted April 19, 2016 ktragers How many more reasons does this man have to give you before you acknowledge that you two are incompatible? Please spare yourself the heartache of sicking around thinking you will change his mind about kids. Not gonna happen. Haha well, it's not like I've had this knowledge of him not wanting kids for a long time and been putting up with it all this time. This just came up this past weekend and honestly I was caught off guard by it. We've only been seeing each other for about two months and it's never occurred to me to think about kids with this guy. But we were at brunch and it was crowded at the restaurant with a lot of families. I guess all the noisy kids reminded him of the topic so he brought it up and also asked me if I wanted kids. I thought it was a deal breaker when he said that he doesn't want kids and possibly will consider adopting in his 40s or 50s or something. But the day just started and we had a whole day of plans ahead, so I thought it'd be too weird to call everything off right on the spot and decided to wait until later to bring it up. So now I have yet to have the conversation with him.
Cinnamonstix Posted April 19, 2016 Posted April 19, 2016 I thought it'd be too weird to call everything off right on the spot and decided to wait until later to bring it up. So now I have yet to have the conversation with him. What's there to talk about? He doesn't want kids, you do. Deal-breaker. Goodbye lukewarm cheapo-pants! 1
joseb Posted April 19, 2016 Posted April 19, 2016 OP, you are making a great case for splitting up. I'm not really seeing one to stay. Am I missing something? Just for future reference, have you offered to pay for any of the dates? A couple of people have asked. Just curious. And seems answer worthy, considering the thread title. In context, the "moderate like" isn't anything. However, the excessive mothering and cheapness (sounds like he is cheap rather than frugal) is. And the incompatibilities on kids clinches the case.
katiegrl Posted April 19, 2016 Posted April 19, 2016 Well, I guess I need to hunt down a Rite Aid then. I ended up going tonight and picking up a pint of chocolate malted crunch! Eating it now.... so good!
Jabron1 Posted April 19, 2016 Posted April 19, 2016 (edited) I want to believe you are kidding about the definition of ambiance. I was. The link was to stand-up comedy... If I got the sense that a guy I was dating considered me a "posh bird", but was going to take me "down the pub" to teach me a lesson (which is what I inferred from your post) You inferred wrong. It's about having fun, not 'teaching lessons'. I invite women out to join me. And I pay. So, I do things that I enjoy. Restaurants make for boring first dates IMO. When a woman approaches me, gets my number, initiates texting, invites me out to a fancy restaurant for a first date, and picks up the tab, I'll consider it. In the OP's shoes I would be off put by the date's behavior because I see it as withholding. I need a man who is generous of spirit, which doesn't always translate to generous of money. I agree. No one likes a tight-arse. Hell, If you're not willing to put your hand in your pocket and get a round, you're practically considered a leper where I'm from. Edited April 19, 2016 by Jabron1 2
Author ktragers Posted April 19, 2016 Author Posted April 19, 2016 OP, you are making a great case for splitting up. I'm not really seeing one to stay. Am I missing something? Just for future reference, have you offered to pay for any of the dates? A couple of people have asked. Just curious. And seems answer worthy, considering the thread title. In context, the "moderate like" isn't anything. However, the excessive mothering and cheapness (sounds like he is cheap rather than frugal) is. And the incompatibilities on kids clinches the case. Our first two or three dates took place at bars so he bought me a drink each time and I think he was trying to keep the first few meetings light and cheap, which is fine. He paid for our movie tickets at another date, and made home cooked meals a couple of times for me. Then I paid for a wine tasting event for us since he drove us that time. So up until that point we'd never really eaten out yet. So since then we'd started doing more whole-day activities or mini road trips, and the eating out part began. Every time he'd kind of reach out to the check and take out his wallet, and me being a people pleaser would always reach for my wallet too and basically offer to split. He's never said no and seems to have gotten used to it.
introverted1 Posted April 19, 2016 Posted April 19, 2016 Our first two or three dates took place at bars so he bought me a drink each time and I think he was trying to keep the first few meetings light and cheap, which is fine. He paid for our movie tickets at another date, and made home cooked meals a couple of times for me. Then I paid for a wine tasting event for us since he drove us that time. So up until that point we'd never really eaten out yet. So since then we'd started doing more whole-day activities or mini road trips, and the eating out part began. Every time he'd kind of reach out to the check and take out his wallet, and me being a people pleaser would always reach for my wallet too and basically offer to split. He's never said no and seems to have gotten used to it. This sounds somehow different from your OP, where it seemed that the guy is stingy. What you describe above is fine. If you want, next time you are out, say, "I've got this one - you get it next time" and that should pave the way to the alternating you prefer over splitting. 2
Cinnamonstix Posted April 19, 2016 Posted April 19, 2016 This sounds somehow different from your OP, where it seemed that the guy is stingy. What you describe above is fine. If you want, next time you are out, say, "I've got this one - you get it next time" and that should pave the way to the alternating you prefer over splitting. I don't think the payment thing is really a big issue anymore. I think you should be thinking about the fact that he probably doesn't want kids and you do.
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