Rupp Posted April 18, 2016 Posted April 18, 2016 I recently broke up with my long term girlfriend about a month ago. I fell out of love with her and did not feel anything for her anymore. There's another girl who I have had a crush on since probably the fall, and since my breakup things have been progressing. We are both in our mid-20s. We have gone on two official dates and have gone out drinking with mutual friends a couple times as well. We are always physically affectionate with each other...kissing, holding hands, hands on each other's legs, etc. We have stayed together overnight twice, which led to sexual activity (pretty much everything but sex). My thing is...before all this happened, she told me she wanted to take this really slow. Which, as you may understand, has me a bit confused based on recent events. We act like we're dating (for the most part), but we have not discussed exclusivity or anything else like that. Should I ask her what the deal is? I want to be exclusive with her and I want to make her my girlfriend...and she acts like she wants the same, but she said she wanted to take this slow just a couple of weeks ago. We've only been on a couple of dates...so it might be a little soon. I just don't want to come on too strong and scare her off. Maybe she just meant that she wants the mental/emotional part to go slow?
smackie9 Posted April 18, 2016 Posted April 18, 2016 She doesn't want this to be just about sex that is all. Now if you don't want blue balls, stop being like a couple of teenagers heavy petting, dry humping or whatever you two are doing. You want to keep the focus on getting to know each other, so that means staying out of the bedroom/off the couch and go out doing fun things that doesn't involve alcohol.
Versacehottie Posted April 18, 2016 Posted April 18, 2016 She doesn't want this to be just about sex that is all. I agree with smackie on this part. I'd guess that's a line she says to coax more reassurance out of you on the "relationship" part of the deal since all the other circumstances are that you are behaving like a couple. I also think that a girl who is confident in herself and knows she has a lot to offer will throw that out at the beginning to put you on notice to bring your best. Sometimes they just do that just because of how they see themselves and sometimes because they are cautious about you and want to make sure you are trustworthy. Keep proving it to her (and vice versa) and I see no problem asking and that you will most likely get a 'yes'. Which btw, you pretty much have in your actions together. good luck
Author Rupp Posted April 19, 2016 Author Posted April 19, 2016 So what you all are saying is that she is just saying that as a disclaimer? Am I to believe what she says or what she does?
smackie9 Posted April 19, 2016 Posted April 19, 2016 Just get to know her more and nature will take it's course. 1
Versacehottie Posted April 19, 2016 Posted April 19, 2016 well it could be. the real test is if you move up the pace and if she allows it. Effectively, didn't you say you are already pretty much acting like bf/gf without the title? So in her case it may have been a disclaimer. you will get the answer you care about if you ask her to be your gf.
mortensorchid Posted April 19, 2016 Posted April 19, 2016 She wants to get to know you rather than dive in head first.
Author Rupp Posted April 20, 2016 Author Posted April 20, 2016 I feel like I should clarify...we don't really talk like we're exclusive. There's no pet names, nothing like that. We text or snapchat pretty much every day, but nothing lovey dovey. We don't talk that way when we're together, either. The only thing that appears as if we're together is physical. We're touchy feely, cuddly, we kiss a lot, etc. It's really confusing me.
Damaged217 Posted April 23, 2016 Posted April 23, 2016 Just enjoy your time together. Go with the flow and see what happens. She is clearly very into you. I said the same thing to the guy I am seeing now. I just broke up with my ex 2 months ago after he cheated on me and I was not looking for anything serious AT ALL. But then this wonderful, amazing guy comes into my life and I wasn't going to pass him up. We have only been on 3 dates (4th tonight) and we are very affectionate and have spoken every day since I started talking to him. I didn't think I was ready for anything serious, but this guy is so amazing that I feel ready for this. This girl maybe has been hurt before and told you she wants to take things slow so she can feel you out first. Does she know you recently broke up with your ex? Because that could also be the reason for saying what she did. She might be scared that she is just a rebound to you. I wouldn't ask her about exclusivity yet. If she said she wanted to take things slow, you shouldn't pressure her. Don't be so quick to try and put a label on what you have.
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