trueblue27 Posted April 17, 2016 Posted April 17, 2016 how do i go on...how do i get through this intense pain that im feeling..how do i stop crying, come to terms and accept the fact that he has left me after 11 years. I adored this guy, loved him beyond reason...and for what...for him to take my dreams and crush them..11 years living together and in the blink of an eye he walks out the door and my heart is breaking knowing i will never be with him again...i sound so full of self pity at the moment, but i truly have never felt this much despair...im a 45 year old woman for crying out loud...i should be able to do this but i cant...i have no one to talk to..no one to help ease the pain i am going through
sorano Posted April 17, 2016 Posted April 17, 2016 I am so sorry this has happened to you. Most of us on here are going through the same thing. we are here to listen. I know the pain is crazy and there are so many unanswered questions. 1
AT15 Posted April 17, 2016 Posted April 17, 2016 The only way through it is through it and it's huuuuuuuuurts so much. But, eventually you will get through it. It sucks tho.
drewbee30 Posted April 17, 2016 Posted April 17, 2016 (edited) Hang in there, feel it all! Don't mask it. The more you feel, the quicker you'll heal. Unfortunately there is no quick fix to this. Reading a lot of the posts on here and chatting has helped me out the past 11 weeks. Journal your thoughts if have no-one to talk to. You may be I n your darkest hour, but each day from here on out will bring you closer to peace and happiness! Edited April 17, 2016 by drewbee30
mightycpa Posted April 18, 2016 Posted April 18, 2016 That means you were 34 when you got together. You don't believe in marriage, or were you fooling yourself for the past 7 or 8 years? Not that marriage would have prevented him from leaving, but it is a test of how much devotion exists. Anyway, don't stop crying. Cry until no tears are left to cry. That might take a pretty long time, but it's the only way to heal.
Deirdra Posted April 18, 2016 Posted April 18, 2016 You get through the intense pain you're feeling by feeling the intense pain you're in. And I mean really feeling it. Not hiding from it. Or medicating it. Or telling yourself stories like you won't survive it. I mean just really feeling your pain so that you discover it won't kill you. And that it ebbs. And there isn't total destruction underneath. And then you do it again. And keep doing it. And post here and help others and bawl your eyes out and you'll hurt...until it's less and less. And you'll heal.
privategal Posted April 18, 2016 Posted April 18, 2016 Seek a therapist if you need to so you can talk it out. Please do not attempt to contact him nor accept breadcrumbs like "are you ok" no! That prolongs healing. Since you seem to have no support network it makes me think you have made this guy the center of your universe and therefore had no life of your own, no hobbies, making effort to cultivate new relationships, be independent etc. If you allow it, this could be a new exciting start. Maybe you could rearrange your living space, join a womans club or volunteer, re-energize in your career, plan a trip! I saw a story of a girl jilted on her wedding day..left at the altar. She quit her job, sold her home and belingings and traveled the world and pursued all her dreams that she never did while tied up in a relationship. You likely forgot who you even are JUST YOU. Its gonna hurt...but your gonna find YOU. You will have many lonely days, grieving and healing... But...45 is YOUNG!! You got this! Go to the lake, beach, and write, look at the sun, the water, deep breaths, why hold on? Take his decision in stride, it HURTS but accept it. In time, you will be ok again, pain is temporary. When you greive HARD it means you are facing it and healing. Learn to be happy alone! Rooting for you!! Hugs!
ashley1992 Posted April 18, 2016 Posted April 18, 2016 im sorry ur going through this.. some things cannot be answered.. u may think u cannot heal at the moment and its still fresh.. time will heal.. u stil have ur whole life ahead.. it just doesnt stop becuase of a man? people find love at all ages and walks of life.. and some sadly, break up after 10 20 or even 30 years of marriage. i know a family couple married for 35 years with grown up children and all.. they want a divorce now! i guess it happens.. stay strong and be kind to urself x
sunshine2 Posted April 18, 2016 Posted April 18, 2016 I am so sorry you are going through this It is the worst pain in the world and there is nothing that will help it stop hurting except time and NC. Like others have said feel the pain, do not surpress it. Hit pillows, scream, cry whatever helps to get it out. Exercise helps too. For some reason I don't think about my X when I exercise, not sure why, but that helped me and it makes you feel good too. It sucks it really does. And if he has been your whole world for the last 11 years, then you will need to think about starting to make friends at some point so you have other people to connect with. Go to therapy if you need someone to talk to now that always helps. Just know you will get through this. It takes time, but you will eventually get to a feeling of indifference about your X and that is the sweet spot. Post here and vent. We are here for you. Take care.
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