Author hugsandkisses Posted April 18, 2016 Author Posted April 18, 2016 Nevermind, I read back and get it. You saw he was active, got hurt so upped the ante by updating your pics and profile. Then you saw he changed his profile to looking for fun. Got it! He didn't change his profile to "looking for fun". He said let's skip the small talk and TALK about something fun.
Phoenician Posted April 18, 2016 Posted April 18, 2016 Now I understand what happened to me in 1989 when I met that girl and broke up after a month ! she just saw me having a beer in the same restaurant we met ! she assumed that I am still seeking someone ! 2
katiegrl Posted April 18, 2016 Posted April 18, 2016 It's nothing crazy really. He changed from "if you're just hitting me up to ask how my day goes, don't bother." to "my day is going well, now we can skip that question and let's talk about something fun". He didn't update anything else(not pics either). And this happened AFTER I have changed my bio and pics on bumble. Not that this matters, but I would not have "hit him up" after reading either of those comments. He sounds like an arse, jmo. But yoy like him that's all that matters I guess.
Phoenician Posted April 18, 2016 Posted April 18, 2016 Young lady , my advise is so simple : -No woman can put a man in a jar and keep him ast this stage . you want to win , be the confident woman (not arrogant ) ; who would win his heart now and tomorrow . 2
katiegrl Posted April 18, 2016 Posted April 18, 2016 He didn't change his profile to "looking for fun". He said let's skip the small talk and TALK about something fun. So then why did you say in previous post you don't want to date him if he is only looking to have fun? I presume you feel this way after reading his updated profile? No need to answer, none if this matters now. This entire thread is just so confusing.... But again good luck hope it works out for ya! 1
Author hugsandkisses Posted April 18, 2016 Author Posted April 18, 2016 Young lady , my advise is so simple : -No woman can put a man in a jar and keep him ast this stage . you want to win , be the confident woman (not arrogant ) ; who would win his heart now and tomorrow . I understand and by no means am I trying to tie him down or ask for commitment. I would have had different expectations if he didn't tell me he wasn't interested in talking to anyone else. So it started off with me just wanted to have fun and hook up with him and I didn't expect anything, til he kept asking me out again and again and told me he wanted to get to know me better. We have been open in communications to this point. So yes I think I should be upset about th fact that he's still active. From a man's point of view, how do u think I should approach him? I don't want him to mistake that I'm trying to tie him down to a premature relationship either.
Phoenician Posted April 18, 2016 Posted April 18, 2016 Commitemnt and seeking are inversly proportional ; may be he is telling you what makes you happy ; this doesn't really make him a big liar yet . if you want to win his heart don't make an argument out of it ;especially that you are weighting things with a biased scale . don't be borderline , like you can have different rights because you are sure you won't meet somebody even if you reactivate your account ; may be he is won't date anywone even if he is active . Be confident of your relation with more bonding that takes its time , not through rules . In my early years of marriage I have never looked at another women , why ? because I agreed with my wife ? no , it was because I considered her a charming venus who won my heart . I would have flown with the wind in no time if she tries to put me in a jar by rules . Damn it , I wish she did !
Author hugsandkisses Posted April 18, 2016 Author Posted April 18, 2016 Commitemnt and seeking are inversly proportional ; may be he is telling you what makes you happy ; this doesn't really make him a big liar yet . if you want to win his heart don't make an argument out of it ;especially that you are weighting things with a biased scale . don't be borderline , like you can have different rights because you are sure you won't meet somebody even if you reactivate your account ; may be he is won't date anywone even if he is active . Be confident of your relation with more bonding that takes its time , not through rules . In my early years of marriage I have never looked at another women , why ? because I agreed with my wife ? no , it was because I considered her a charming venus who won my heart . I would have flown with the wind in no time if she tries to put me in a jar by rules . Damn it , I wish she did ! You're right. You're absolutely right! I was thinking to myself how much I enjoyed it when I didn't bother looking at the app, when I didn't bother to check up on him and focused on our relationship and getting to know each other. I felt confident and secure. I certainly don't want to change that dynamic. I deleted bumble for my own sake. So I no longer check up on him. As for the "exclusive" talk. 3 weeks is just too soon. I will let it happen naturally. He can go out and see other people, if he's meant for me, he would choose me over any other girl. If he doesn't, his lost. Because any guy would be lucky to have me.
Phoenician Posted April 18, 2016 Posted April 18, 2016 Glad that you are getting things in a mature way ... Be charming , be confident and assertive , and at the same time be the lovely venus and shine 2
katiegrl Posted April 18, 2016 Posted April 18, 2016 (edited) You're right. You're absolutely right! I was thinking to myself how much I enjoyed it when I didn't bother looking at the app, when I didn't bother to check up on him and focused on our relationship and getting to know each other. I felt confident and secure. I certainly don't want to change that dynamic. I deleted bumble for my own sake. So I no longer check up on him. As for the "exclusive" talk. 3 weeks is just too soon. I will let it happen naturally. ------ ***He can go out and see other people, if he's meant for me, he would choose me over any other girl. If he doesn't, his lost. Because any guy would be lucky to have me. Fair enough. Since you are having sex with him though, be sure to use protection (I am sure you are).. Enjoy! Edited April 18, 2016 by katiegrl
Author hugsandkisses Posted April 19, 2016 Author Posted April 19, 2016 I know! I'm back on here again asking for advice, and I have been going back and forth about whether or not to talk to him. Eventually at the end of the day, I cannot move forward when there is clearly this huge elephant in the room. I have got to talk to him once and for all, as it's been affecting me and it's occupying my mind. Whatever the outcome might be, I just need to get this off my chest. And I feel like at this point in the relationship, I deserve to know. We are sleeping together, we at least 2 days of the weekend together and one day out of the week seeing each other, I should be able to bring this up to him. So here's the thing. I haven't really talked to him at all today (usually he would text me in the morning or I would, then we carry on the conversation through out the day til we go to bed). Today is different. I got upset about him changing up his bio online, and I didn't text him at all. He tagged me on something funny on fb, I liked it, but no further contact til about 5pm. He texted and asked me how my day went. I was busy at work so I didn't reply til 6pm. I sent yet another text at 8pm asking if I could call him later on tonight. I went out with a friend, came back at 9:35pm and called him. No answer. It's now 10:30, still no answer. I know I'm being crazy here but I can't help but overthinking that maybe he's going on a date with someone. And I also know that since we're not official he's still single and he can do whatever he wants, but it still hurts knowing this might be a possibility. I guess I just needed to vent and let out my feelings and so i resort to going on here and let it all out.
Dis Posted April 19, 2016 Posted April 19, 2016 Ok so you're playing games. Thats obvious and has been said. And yes you should have an adult convo. Try to see if you guys are on the same page, it doesnt seem like you are. It seems like you want commitment from him and he hasnt offered it yet, hes actually doing the opposite of commiting. But what other people have not mentioned, that came to my mind....you guys have been dating for a month, spending lots of time together and he's still active on OLD? I dont know, that doesnt sound good to me. Maybe hes not that into you. Maybe he just wants a FWB. Or maybe he just uses OLD as a form of entertainment (its usually a s*** show so maybe he uses is when hes bored) Have you missed any red flags so far? Dont pretend your happy with where you guys are at and avoid having a convo to address what is bothering you. Be open and honest. If he gives you an answer you dont like then you'll know he's not the right one...you can move onto the next. The fact that you updated your pics and your bio over something like this isnt a good sign of where your head it at. Wouldnt you rather have a talk with him instead of playing games? Are you comfortable taking to him about it? 2
Author hugsandkisses Posted April 19, 2016 Author Posted April 19, 2016 Ok so you're playing games. Thats obvious and has been said. And yes you should have an adult convo. Try to see if you guys are on the same page, it doesnt seem like you are. It seems like you want commitment from him and he hasnt offered it yet, hes actually doing the opposite of commiting. But what other people have not mentioned, that came to my mind....you guys have been dating for a month, spending lots of time together and he's still active on OLD? I dont know, that doesnt sound good to me. Maybe hes not that into you. Maybe he just wants a FWB. Or maybe he just uses OLD as a form of entertainment (its usually a s*** show so maybe he uses is when hes bored) Have you missed any red flags so far? Dont pretend your happy with where you guys are at and avoid having a convo to address what is bothering you. Be open and honest. If he gives you an answer you dont like then you'll know he's not the right one...you can move onto the next. The fact that you updated your pics and your bio over something like this isnt a good sign of where your head it at. Wouldnt you rather have a talk with him instead of playing games? Are you comfortable taking to him about it? I honestly haven't seen any red flags. I mean, he could lie about wanting to see only me, ok, he could be a player. But why did he post our selfie on fb? When he doesn't have to? And I notice that he is a pretty private person, except for one gf that seemed like things were very serious between them, he barely uploaded any pics of himself or with others. Most of his pics are pics that he was tagged in. Am i reading too much into this? I feel comfortable talking to him about pretty much everything from the beginning. Even now I'm confident in this decision of bringing it up to him. What drives me nuts is the fact that he hasn't responded to my text and call since 8pm. I can only hope that he will respond tomorrow with an explanation.
Dis Posted April 19, 2016 Posted April 19, 2016 I honestly haven't seen any red flags. I mean, he could lie about wanting to see only me, ok, he could be a player. But why did he post our selfie on fb? When he doesn't have to? And I notice that he is a pretty private person, except for one gf that seemed like things were very serious between them, he barely uploaded any pics of himself or with others. Most of his pics are pics that he was tagged in. Am i reading too much into this? I feel comfortable talking to him about pretty much everything from the beginning. Even now I'm confident in this decision of bringing it up to him. What drives me nuts is the fact that he hasn't responded to my text and call since 8pm. I can only hope that he will respond tomorrow with an explanation. Ok so this is a big lesson I've learned...***If a guy doesnt text you back immediatly or call you right back....CHILL! In most cases its because hes busy, in other cases its because he lost intrest...either way it doesnt matter. Hes either the right one, or he's not. So stop obessing about him not responding. It wont matter in the long run. It took me a long time to learn that...waiting by the phone, freaking out. Once you believe you are worthy of a great guy who wants you, you wont worry about the texting/calling back thing. You cant really analyze much from him posting on fb. It could be a number of reasons. I think your main problem here is that you need to develop more confidence. Youre doubting his motives so much! Wondering if another girl is going to steal your spot...wondering if hes going to reply to you.... Stop doing that. I dont know, if I was you I wouldnt want to be with a guy that was still active on OLD after one month of dating and hasnt at least brought it up. It seems secretive. I would think...I deserve to be with a guy that wants to lock me down, a guy that would be happy to get off OLD to be with me. I wouldnt be feeling what hes doing at all. I might stop talking to him because I would feel like I was being played. Think of yourself as AWESOME and you will attract AWESOME! 3
Author hugsandkisses Posted April 19, 2016 Author Posted April 19, 2016 I feel like the whole thing could be a misunderstanding. We have talked about not seeing other people from the very beginning. Since then things were perfect until recently, it all started with my updating my damn pictures and him updating his bio. Could he have thought that we both have agreed on not seeing other people and got upset when seeing me updating my pics? Maybe. I feel like I'm giving him the benefits of the doubt here. Let's see if he respond to me tomorrow at all.
katiegrl Posted April 19, 2016 Posted April 19, 2016 (edited) I feel like the whole thing could be a misunderstanding. We have talked about not seeing other people from the very beginning. Since then things were perfect until recently, it all started with my updating my damn pictures and him updating his bio. Could he have thought that we both have agreed on not seeing other people and got upset when seeing me updating my pics? Maybe. I feel like I'm giving him the benefits of the doubt here. Let's see if he respond to me tomorrow at all. I think you're minimizing. You were the one who first saw he was still active. He is the one who is not responding to you tonight. He's a man for heaven's sake, men don't whine and pout and get all butt hurt or upset if they see a woman he is dating and into update pics on a site that HE is still active on himself. They discuss exclusivity and want to lock you down! That other poster (male) gave you some really bad advice IMO. Go with the flow, be the lovely Venus and shine.... please. Meanwhile he is having sex with you, you are emotionally bonding, and he is free to date and have sex with others, and probably IS, while you wait for him to make up his mind and hope he *chooses you.* Sweetie, it has been a month, you are sexually intimate, if he were truly into you and wanted a RL with you, he would have *already* chosen you! I dunno, I could be wrong .... talk to him. Ask the hard questions. This is your heart and life we are talking about here... take care of it, take care of YOU! Edited April 19, 2016 by katiegrl 1
Author hugsandkisses Posted April 19, 2016 Author Posted April 19, 2016 I think you're minimizing. You were the one who first saw he was still active. He is the one who is not responding to you tonight. He's a man for heaven's sake, men don't whine and pout and get all butt hurt or upset if they see a woman he is dating and into update pics on a site that HE is still active on himself. They discuss exclusivity and want to lock you down! That other poster (male) gave you some really bad advice IMO. Go with the flow, be the lovely Venus and shine.... please. Meanwhile he is having sex with you, you are emotionally bonding, and he is free to date and have sex with others, and probably IS, while you wait for him to make up his mind and hope he *chooses you.* Sweetie, it has been a month, you are sexually intimate, if he were truly into you and wanted a RL with you, he would have *already* chosen you! I dunno, I could be wrong .... talk to him. Ask the hard questions. This is your heart and life we are talking about here... take care of it, take care of YOU! Thank you katie. You are very wise. I woke up this morning to a text from him at 2:30 saying he was feeling allergenic after gym and took Benadryl and passed out. He apologized for missing my call and said he'd talk to me in the morning. What should I text back? I wanted to give him a heads up that I want to talk about us, so something along the line of "it's ok I figured you were either busy or passed out. I do however want to talk about something that bothers me a bit though. So please call me when you get a chance tonight."
PegNosePete Posted April 19, 2016 Posted April 19, 2016 He apologized for missing my call and said he'd talk to me in the morning. What should I text back? I would not text anything back. He said he'd talk to you in the morning. Just wait and see if he is a man of his word, or not. 2
Phoenician Posted April 19, 2016 Posted April 19, 2016 I wish the game is now that easy ... nowadays , at my age , in this part of the world things are so dull .... no exitment , no passion . just moving robots around you !
katiegrl Posted April 19, 2016 Posted April 19, 2016 (edited) I would not text anything back. He said he'd talk to you in the morning. Just wait and see if he is a man of his word, or not. Agree with this .... but if you do want to reply back, I wouldn't say anything about you figured he was busy or fell asleep or anything else.. Or that something is bothering you; you need to talk. If it were me, I would simply say "I see.... hope you're feeling better" and then wait for him to contact you. Truth is while you think you may know him, the reality is you have only been dating a month .... you really don't know him at all. Most people are on their best behavior for at least the first few weeks (and sometimes months) and often times say things and act in ways that are not representative of who they truly are. As much as I hate to think this, it is quite possible he was out on another date last night and got home at 2:30. Not saying he was, only that it's possible. He is still active on the site after all. You just don't know him well enough to fully trust him yet .... as much as you want to. It takes a long time to develop full trust in someone. For men too! Wait till he contacts you, suggest you meet, and *then* talk. No attacks (not that you would), no accusations, just tell him how you feel, what you want, and gauge he reaction and how he responds. Good luck hun, keep us posted. Edited April 19, 2016 by katiegrl
kendahke Posted April 19, 2016 Posted April 19, 2016 So I've been seeing a guy for almost a month now. Definitely not that long, but it's been very steady since the beginning. We would see each other twice a week, one weekday and either saturday or sunday. It's been going so well! We've been open about our feelings from the beginning and there definitely is no game playing involved. He told me about how he felt about me, and that he wasn't talking to anybody else. I told him I'm not talking/seeing anybody else. So I guess we mutually agreed not to see other people (although it was never an official conversation). Then no you didn't mutually agree to anything. You're assuming, not agreeing. If you haven't had a conversation, have it instead of speculating. He has a very strict routine where it only involves school, work and gym. First weekend he skipped gym to spend time with me and he said it was a huge deal for him to break that routine, but he was excited to spend time with me. We have been going a lot of places and taking a lot of pictures and pretty much acting like a couple just without it being official (after all it's only been a month). He even posted a pic of us on facebook. He's been so sweet, and I really have nothing to complain about, and I feel like I have nothing to worry either, except for the fact that he's still active on Bumble (where we met). Should I ask him about this? Not until you've had that conversation for real.
Author hugsandkisses Posted April 20, 2016 Author Posted April 20, 2016 just spoke with him on the phone. He said he felt like an ass for updating his bio, and he actually deleted it earlier today. He said he has no intention of seeking out anybody else, he likes how things are going, and although it is still very soon to put a title on anything, he wants to keep getting to know each other better. He said he was glad I talked to him and that he was pretty impressed because I could communicate like an adult and that makes things so much easier for the both of us. He also told me that he wanted me to have a peace of mind that he's not looking for other options. 2
Author hugsandkisses Posted April 20, 2016 Author Posted April 20, 2016 Not until you've had that conversation for real. Thank God i did NOT listen to your advice and went with my gut.
katiegrl Posted April 20, 2016 Posted April 20, 2016 Thank God i did NOT listen to your advice and went with my gut. First off I am glad y'all talked and that you guys worked it out! But I fail to see how kendhake's advice was bad. She advised that you talk to him, have a conversation, right? Which is precisely what you did ... so isn't it a good thing that you listened and took her advice? What am I missing? 1
Author hugsandkisses Posted April 20, 2016 Author Posted April 20, 2016 First off I am glad y'all talked and that you guys worked it out! But I fail to see how kendhake's advice was bad. She advised that you talk to him, have a conversation, right? Which is precisely what you did ... so isn't it a good thing that you listened and took her advice? What am I missing? She told me to NOT ask him about why he's still active. Unless I misunderstood her.
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