hugsandkisses Posted April 17, 2016 Posted April 17, 2016 So I've been seeing a guy for almost a month now. Definitely not that long, but it's been very steady since the beginning. We would see each other twice a week, one weekday and either saturday or sunday. It's been going so well! We've been open about our feelings from the beginning and there definitely is no game playing involved. He told me about how he felt about me, and that he wasn't talking to anybody else. I told him I'm not talking/seeing anybody else. So I guess we mutually agreed not to see other people (although it was never an official conversation). He has a very strict routine where it only involves school, work and gym. First weekend he skipped gym to spend time with me and he said it was a huge deal for him to break that routine, but he was excited to spend time with me. We have been going a lot of places and taking a lot of pictures and pretty much acting like a couple just without it being official (after all it's only been a month). He even posted a pic of us on facebook. He's been so sweet, and I really have nothing to complain about, and I feel like I have nothing to worry either, except for the fact that he's still active on Bumble (where we met). Should I ask him about this? 1
Satu Posted April 17, 2016 Posted April 17, 2016 You could ask him about it, but you're not officially exclusive, so it's not something you have the right to know, at this point. Until you agree on exclusivity, he's a single man, free to see whomsoever he pleases. Having said that, if he is seriously interested in you, he won't mind you asking. 3
Author hugsandkisses Posted April 18, 2016 Author Posted April 18, 2016 I have decided not to ask him after all. I'm gonna trust my gut. It tells me I have nothing to worry about. After all, I'm going to just focus on the two of us and how happy I am when I spend time with him. 1
katiegrl Posted April 18, 2016 Posted April 18, 2016 I have decided not to ask him after all. I'm gonna trust my gut. It tells me I have nothing to worry about. After all, I'm going to just focus on the two of us and how happy I am when I spend time with him. How did you find out he is still active? Have you had sex yet? That would matter, at least to me if I were in your shoes. 1
dumbass2 Posted April 18, 2016 Posted April 18, 2016 How did you find out he is still active? Have you had sex yet? That would matter, at least to me if I were in your shoes. Good questions and I assume the OP is also still active on there? 2
SwordofFlame Posted April 18, 2016 Posted April 18, 2016 Hmm so these people that post on here wondering why their date is still active on dating apps must have to be on the app too in order to know. How do you know he isn't checking to see if your active just like what you're doing?
Author hugsandkisses Posted April 18, 2016 Author Posted April 18, 2016 How did you find out he is still active? Have you had sex yet? That would matter, at least to me if I were in your shoes. We have had sex. Also I told him that I switched the feature to bumble bff, which means I'm not on there looking for guys, but rather friends that are girl (I don't even use it). I was kind of hurt a couple days ago and switch back to regular bumble and I changed my bio and updated my pictures. Today I logged on and I saw he slightly changed his bio too. Which gets my blood boiling. Now I'm going to have to talk to him because I don't wanna keep this going if he's just looking for some fun.
PegNosePete Posted April 18, 2016 Posted April 18, 2016 switch back to regular bumble and I changed my bio and updated my pictures. Today I logged on and I saw he slightly changed his bio too. Which gets my blood boiling. It gets your blood boiling, that he has done exactly the same as what you've done? I think you need to look in a mirror before accusing him of anything. And then, if you want an exclusive relationship, you should both turn off the dating apps, and not go running back there the moment you are "kind of hurt". 4
Cherryz Posted April 18, 2016 Posted April 18, 2016 You with this guys doing many things, but you dont know where you guys at. Just ask him about it, not in a needy way but just be clear and tell him you guys been hanging around and so on and you like him blah blah, but you a bitt worry because you logged in and saw this and that. And let him explane. Maybe its better not to get to close or doing gf/bf stuff while you getting to know the person and dont know what he is yet of you. Just socialize with him and friends together to get to know him. Do friends stuff. Instead of acting like gf/bf this early.
Author hugsandkisses Posted April 18, 2016 Author Posted April 18, 2016 I thought I knew from the beginning! When he told me he's not talking/seeing other people! And that he said he would not let something great like this pass by, blah blah. He made me feel so safe! But now this. I still can't wrap my mind around this. And I have the whole day before I can talk to him, wouldn't want to bring up this conversation first thing in the morning. Ugh
PegNosePete Posted April 18, 2016 Posted April 18, 2016 When he told me he's not talking/seeing other people! And you told him the same thing. Yet you have also updated your profile and pics. What are you playing at here? It's OK for you to do it, but not for him to do it? 1
Author hugsandkisses Posted April 18, 2016 Author Posted April 18, 2016 And you told him the same thing. Yet you have also updated your profile and pics. What are you playing at here? It's OK for you to do it, but not for him to do it? But I have also told him I switched the feature to bumble bff and wasn't looking for guys.
PegNosePete Posted April 18, 2016 Posted April 18, 2016 But I have also told him I switched the feature to bumble bff and wasn't looking for guys. I was kind of hurt a couple days ago and switch back to regular bumble Sorry, I'm confused. There's 2 different stories here. Which is correct?
Mikau Posted April 18, 2016 Posted April 18, 2016 But I have also told him I switched the feature to bumble bff and wasn't looking for guys. And yet you just admitted to switching back to regular, updating your profile bio and pictures. You can't have your cake and eat it too. Either it's ok for both of you or neither of you. You can't scold him for doing what you're doing yourself. Why don't you have an actual grown up conversation wth him about what you want rather than this childish game playing? 3
Author hugsandkisses Posted April 18, 2016 Author Posted April 18, 2016 Sorry, I'm confused. There's 2 different stories here. Which is correct? So I have remained on bumble bff. However, last week I checked the active user and his name was top of the list meaning that he was recently active. I got all upset and updated my pics and bio and switched back to regular bumble. Then this morning I checked and saw he changed the last sentence on his bio.
Author hugsandkisses Posted April 18, 2016 Author Posted April 18, 2016 And yet you just admitted to switching back to regular, updating your profile bio and pictures. You can't have your cake and eat it too. Either it's ok for both of you or neither of you. You can't scold him for doing what you're doing yourself. Why don't you have an actual grown up conversation wth him about what you want rather than this childish game playing? I plan on it once I get out of work today. I will talk to him.
PegNosePete Posted April 18, 2016 Posted April 18, 2016 I got all upset and updated my pics and bio and switched back to regular bumble. Right. That is what is meant by "the pot calling the kettle black". You have done exactly the same thing that he has done. So before you get all angry at him, look in the mirror. Then have an adult, grown up conversation about it.
elaine567 Posted April 18, 2016 Posted April 18, 2016 Maybe he got all upset and changed his profile and pics when he realised you were still on Bumble... smh 1
Author hugsandkisses Posted April 18, 2016 Author Posted April 18, 2016 You all are very right. I'm gonna have this conversation with him and I could either win or lose him all. But so be it, if he really likes me he wouldn't freak out about this talk. I will keep you posted.
katiegrl Posted April 18, 2016 Posted April 18, 2016 (edited) So I have remained on bumble bff. However, last week I checked the active user and his name was top of the list meaning that he was recently active. I got all upset and updated my pics and bio and switched back to regular bumble. Then this morning I checked and saw he changed the last sentence on his bio. What did he change the last sentence of his bio to? I am really curious about this, it matters. So if I have this right, you changed to Bumble BFF looking for friends only, but then you saw he was active, changed his pics and updated profile on regular Bumble, you were hurt so changed back from BFF to regular? Changed your pics and updated your profile too? Like a tit for tat sort of thing? Yes, do talk to him. Don't accuse just open a dialogue and discuss. For the record, I would be hurt too, but would not have done the tit for tat thing in response though. Knowing me, and not suggesting this is right, I would have chosen to walk away or pull back. I think remaining active searching for others, updating profile etc indicates he is still keeping options open despite everything he is saying to you. A man's *actions* speak everything to me... and his actions here speak volumes IMO. You on the other hand were just doing tit for tat, which is not right either, but perhaps understandable , sort of. Talk to him. Edited April 18, 2016 by katiegrl 1
Author hugsandkisses Posted April 18, 2016 Author Posted April 18, 2016 What did he change the last sentence of his bio to? I am really curious about this, it matters. So if I have this right, you changed to Bumble BFF looking for friends only, but then you saw he was active, changed his pics and updated profile on regular Bumble, you were hurt so changed back from BFF to regular? Changed your pics and updated your profile too? Like a tit for tat sort of thing? Yes, do talk to him. Don't accuse just open a dialogue and discuss. For the record, I would be hurt too, but would not have done the tit for tat thing in response though. Knowing me, and not suggesting this is right, I would have chosen to walk away or pull back. I think remaining active searching for others, updating profile etc indicates he is still keeping options open despite everything he is saying to you. A man's *actions* speak everything to me... and his actions here speak volumes IMO. You on the other hand were just doing tit for tat, which is not right either, but perhaps understandable , sort of. Talk to him. It's nothing crazy really. He changed from "if you're just hitting me up to ask how my day goes, don't bother." to "my day is going well, now we can skip that question and let's talk about something fun". He didn't update anything else(not pics either). And this happened AFTER I have changed my bio and pics on bumble.
Mikau Posted April 18, 2016 Posted April 18, 2016 That very much reads like him going "notice me". It looks like you're both playing games here. 1
katiegrl Posted April 18, 2016 Posted April 18, 2016 It's nothing crazy really. He changed from "if you're just hitting me up to ask how my day goes, don't bother." to "my day is going well, now we can skip that question and let's talk about something fun". He didn't update anything else(not pics either). And this happened AFTER I have changed my bio and pics on bumble. Oh man I am so confused now. Why did you change your bio and pics, and what were you so hurt about if you changed yours first?
katiegrl Posted April 18, 2016 Posted April 18, 2016 Oh man I am so confused now. Why did you change your bio and pics, and what were you so hurt about if you changed yours first? Nevermind, I read back and get it. You saw he was active, got hurt so upped the ante by updating your pics and profile. Then you saw he changed his profile to looking for fun. Got it!
Author hugsandkisses Posted April 18, 2016 Author Posted April 18, 2016 Oh man I am so confused now. Why did you change your bio and pics, and what were you so hurt about if you changed yours first? The fact that he still remains active on bumble! This gives me Deja vu all over again. My ex did the same thing when first started dating and I had to bring it up and when I did he said he was just bored, but he had no intention of seeking anybody else. Regardless I'm gonna talk to him otherwise it'd just be on my mind. And plus from the beginning we have established that we weren't gonna play any mind games, so it's only fair that I do bring this up.
Recommended Posts