TalesoftheWireMonkey Posted April 17, 2016 Posted April 17, 2016 Shouldn't we pin a no contact guide for those of us who are in a situation where the ex can not be avoided? Those working together, living together, those with children etc. The cool, detached, no contact and moving on with your life attitude as it's described here isn't really possible in those situations. Furthermore trying to treat someone like a piece of furniture, not making eye contact and not speaking and so on can create further resentment and turmoil.
TaraMaiden2 Posted April 17, 2016 Posted April 17, 2016 Shouldn't we pin a no contact guide for those of us who are in a situation where the ex can not be avoided? Those working together, living together, those with children etc. The cool, detached, no contact and moving on with your life attitude as it's described here isn't really possible in those situations. Furthermore trying to treat someone like a piece of furniture, not making eye contact and not speaking and so on can create further resentment and turmoil. Well, if you ask people on here what to do, they will mention something for you. It's called 'LC' - Limited Contact. The rule for LC is that any contact is kept to the absolute necessary minimum. If you need to discuss the children, or any custodial arrangements, just discuss the children and the custodial arrangements - and that's it. If you are obliged by circumstance to live together, you should treat each other like housemates, respect each other's space and treat each other with cool, reserved and detached courtesy. If contact is required, keep it business-like. Don't permit emotion to cloud your judgement or to affect your discussion. If you make decisions based on emotional rationale, any arrangement is likely to fail. Emotions are the worst things to base any decisions on. Simply because the other person is your ex, is no reason or excuse to be rude, insulting, hostile, deliberately difficult, stubborn or intransigent. You may well be emotionally hurt; of course you are. But pain is pain, business is business. If you are thrown together by circumstance, it is far better to focus on the latter, and to deal with the former, alone. I shall see if I can add something to the NC Guide....
TaraMaiden2 Posted April 17, 2016 Posted April 17, 2016 The above advice is, of course, providing there is no abuse, of any kind, or any severe issues making these kind of arrangements difficult. Should anything be an impediment to this kind of contact, then you should avail yourself of a mediator, or legal representative Ensure that all negotiations, agreements and arrangements, are arrived at logically, not emotionally. And never resort to spite, or retaliation, and if you are obliged to do something, and agree to a specific arrangement - stick to it.
Author TalesoftheWireMonkey Posted April 17, 2016 Author Posted April 17, 2016 Sorry, I think LC was just one too many abbreviations for me to keep up with.
Satu Posted April 17, 2016 Posted April 17, 2016 Shouldn't we pin a no contact guide for those of us who are in a situation where the ex can not be avoided? Those working together, living together, those with children etc. The cool, detached, no contact and moving on with your life attitude as it's described here isn't really possible in those situations. Furthermore trying to treat someone like a piece of furniture, not making eye contact and not speaking and so on can create further resentment and turmoil. I would suggest minimal civil communication limited to specific shared responsibilities. Work, children, or whatever else is the case.
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