Jo-Anne Posted April 17, 2016 Posted April 17, 2016 My boyfriend broke up with me 4 months ago after a 4 year relationship. We're both senior citizens and I'm 13 years older than him, but look younger than my age. He said the sparks and excitement diminished after 3 years and I could feel his love fading. I should have asked about it, but I didn't. Instead I started acting cold and sometimes rude. After the break up, we communicated a few times by email and discussed all our thoughts about it and I apologized for my bad behavior. He said he wants to feel the passion of new love again and can't get it into his head about the concept of mature love being different from the excitement as in the beginning of a relationship. We've come to a better understanding of each other, but he wants to be just friends. I'm heart broken and don't know if I should just give up:( Thank you
TaraMaiden2 Posted April 17, 2016 Posted April 17, 2016 Regardless of how old you are, it's impossible to remain friends after a break-up. Please read the NC Guide in my signature. it sounds as if you were prepared to settle into the comfortable state of companionship, but he still has pepper in his pot.... I think you may find he will be seeking a younger companion, too... Your communication skills lacked finesse, and I think you chose to hide your head in the sand, rather than face the issue head on, by talking to him about it. I'm sorry, but I think you've blown your chances here, and he's seen the perfect get-out. May I ask how old you both are? 1
d0nnivain Posted April 17, 2016 Posted April 17, 2016 Sadly you should just give up. Trying to friends when you clearly want something more is selling yourself short. Don't settle for less. Since you can't have what you want you need to simply distance yourself. 1
len51 Posted April 17, 2016 Posted April 17, 2016 I am a senior citizen who lives among 100,000+ seniors. The women out number the guys 6 to 1. Most guys do not want a long term relationship. The widowed women complain about that all the time. The men are in such demand that the men can have sex twice a day with two different girls. I have seen a woman take a guy to her car, come back later and then take another. The women who are willing to just have sex are the ones that are desired by many. We have women having sex in public places with guys they just met and it really is a meat market for the single people. There is hope though. One of my friends met a nice widow and they have been dating for 3 years now. One of my neighbors met a guy and move in with him but she did not sell her home. Smart gal. I will say that I too miss sex like it used to be. If my wife died, I would not want a long term relationship. I would want a woman who wanted to do all the sexual things her ex husband did not like to do. Many of the woman drink a lot since death is not far away, and they are alone. They go wild and our community is know worldwide as DisneyWorld for adults and for having a higher than average rate of STDs. We even have our own swingers club. I do feel sorry for the women who are on the conservative side. There are many like that here. Religious and were good girls until the guy put a ring on it. The guys are not going to do that. With the readily available supply of women desperate for attention or wanting to go out in a bang, these type those looking for a relationship like they had it in the past usually end up alone. The woman 3 houses down from us committed suicide when her boyfriend left her. Many women either die or move away shortly after their husbands die because they know that it is a meat market here for singles. Take heart. As I said I personally know of a few love stories but you need to be with a man whose morals and sexual desires, are like yours. Remember that after being married for 40-55 years, men enjoy the freedom they have when they are single again. They do not want to be tied down and will bail if it looks like the woman wants more than they do. Good luck.
preraph Posted April 17, 2016 Posted April 17, 2016 He just never has wanted the settled down contented life and the responsibilities that come with it. He wants the carefree thrill of a new sexual relationship. I have news for him: It's going to become impossible to achieve that for him pretty soon if it's not already. I understand it to some degree because I'm 63 and never much wanted the domestic side of a relationship. You should just let him go. Things went sour, and it wasn't a bad run, four years. I'm sure it was fun in the beginning. Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. 1
BlueIris Posted April 17, 2016 Posted April 17, 2016 Yeah, I think you should give up. I’m also AARP-qualified and I’d say that LOTS of people in the older set feel the same way he does, both men and women. It's the #1 thing that my girlfriends and I talk about when we talk about men and relationships, what we want, the balance to strike. It isn't necessarily about age since probably most people of all ages don’t want a primary relationship unless there’s passion and some level of that initial excitement. It’s just that the level or amount people want or expect that varies. From what I've seen, len51's right about a lot of the older men, though there are some with traditional thinking or who are family oriented, and of course some with financial and/or health problems who are in nurse/purse thinking.
Author Jo-Anne Posted April 17, 2016 Author Posted April 17, 2016 Thank you all for your responses. And TaraMaiden2, you're right about my lack of good communication skills with him. He was always so sweet and kind. He didn't like discussing negative stuff and I didn't want to rock the boat. He is 57 and I'm 71. We both look about 60, lol. We are independent and both have our own places. Neither of us has health issues and we enjoyed sex very much! He sends me friendly emails from time to time or answers mine. He called and said he wants to see me again sometime, but the opinions here are that it's not a good idea and that I should move on. I'm afraid it will be very difficult at my age to find anyone.. I miss his cute ways, his laugh, thoughtfulness, doing fun things together, and the amazing sex. I miss everything about him!
Satu Posted April 17, 2016 Posted April 17, 2016 Cold and rude is a highly effective relationship poison. I would delete that from my behavioural repertoire, if I were you.
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