Why do guys cheat instead of breaking up?

[qq2016]

Why he said something like" I swear to god I didn't cheat" while he had cheated?

[kendahke]

But I don't believe him!!![/QuOTE]

 

If you don't believe him and you think he's cheating, then why are you wasting your time and youth on him? What can you possibly gain by throwing in with someone you think is a liar? Do you not think you can do better than this or that you deserve better?

[kendahke]

Can it be saved? Because I still have strong feelings for him and I wanted everything to go back to the way they were.

 

Translation: I don't believe I'm worth the heavy lifting I must do to get to a place where I don't attract and stay with men who manipulate and gaslight me.

 

Things are never going to go back to anything because they were false from the jump. That's the way it is with liars.

[kendahke]

But why is he denying cheating? He could have all the freedom he wants from breaking up with me. I said I want to give him his freedom back and I know he is seeing someone. But he kept denying and says he wants me! He promised me he would delete his profile. He promised me he would update his description saying he is looking for friends. He never did! I know I have to break it off with him for real this time. I have been in denial

I was so much happier off without him

 

He denies it because that's who he is. He's a bald-faced liar. Also, if he ends it, then coming back to you must be totally on your terms. If you do it, that means he doesn't have to change his terms--you'll know exactly what you're throwing in with if you break up and take him back. He never has to change. That's why he'll deny until times get better. He likes how he is just as he is. It works for him--if it didn't, he would do something else.

 

Yeah, you might want to stop undermining yourself, your intelligence and your own self esteem by trying to keep someone whose behavior is telling you very loudly and clearly that he doesn't care how you feel about what he does.

 

A lie is as good as the truth if it will get him what he's after.

[kendahke]

Should I send this to him tomorrow?

"Can I have a little chat with you?

I just want to say I know where I stand in this relationship and what you want. I feel that you no longer want this and don't want to put any more effort in this. Is this true?

I know you're extremely busy and I know now is the bad time to discuss this. I don't even care if you don't reply for months. But what is getting to me is the fact that the profile is destroying our relationship, but you aren't doing anything you have promised to make me trust you and feel secure. If you really love me, you should have at least done it to save us. Actions speak louder than words. Ever since you've grown distant after that 5 day mission, it feels like everything is an effort. I've done everything I can to save this.

 

No. It's a waste of time and is really beneath your dignity.

 

Just vaporize. Trust me, that will mess with him far more than this Hollywood BS script here. This isn't a movie. This scene isn't going to be screened by test audiences in Chatsworth to see if it plays well.

 

Block him, block his number, block him on social media. Go deep ghost on him and be done with this insidious and unnecessary drama.

[KatZee]

Should I send this to him tomorrow?

"Can I have a little chat with you?

I just want to say I know where I stand in this relationship and what you want. I feel that you no longer want this and don't want to put any more effort in this. Is this true?

I know you're extremely busy and I know now is the bad time to discuss this. I don't even care if you don't reply for months. But what is getting to me is the fact that the profile is destroying our relationship, but you aren't doing anything you have promised to make me trust you and feel secure. If you really love me, you should have at least done it to save us. Actions speak louder than words. Ever since you've grown distant after that 5 day mission, it feels like everything is an effort. I've done everything I can to save this.

 

No, this is honestly dumb and not even worth the time it would take for you to type it out.

 

I read the past exchange between you guys and it was so awkward and painful to read. You come off SO weak. So extremely weak, and he knows this. He knows you're going to believe whatever BS that dribbles out of his mouth.

 

You go from, "I think we should end it" to "I promise I'll trust you forever and ever and I'll love you forever and ever, and never question you ever again, and we'll never fight again if you just remove the profile!"

 

I know this is crap. You know this is crap. Him deleting a profile isn't going to automatically make your relationship with him good, and you're fooling yourself if you think you won't have other fights or trust issues down the line. Trust doesn't magically come back. And if he deleted THAT profile, who's to say he just wouldn't make a new one on another site, or on the same site that you have no idea about?

 

The maturity level he seems to be on is so ridiculously low as well. You're trying to have a conversation and he's going, "wha... whaaaaatt?" "bu..buuttttt..." oh please.

 

Pull yourself up and demand more for yourself. This guy isn't giving you what you deserve. Move on. You're not even in his proximity, you might as well just be single.

[Larryville]

No, this is honestly dumb and not even worth the time it would take for you to type it out.

I read the past exchange between you guys and it was so awkward and painful to read. You come off SO weak. So extremely weak, and he knows this. He knows you're going to believe whatever BS that dribbles out of his mouth.

You go from, "I think we should end it" to "I promise I'll trust you forever and ever and I'll love you forever and ever, and never question you ever again, and we'll never fight again if you just remove the profile!"

I know this is crap. You know this is crap. Him deleting a profile isn't going to automatically make your relationship with him good, and you're fooling yourself if you think you won't have other fights or trust issues down the line. Trust doesn't magically come back.

 

You can automatically tell that the thread will quickly degrade as soon as the OP posts the following line:

 

We've met on a dating site. We hit it off really well

 

So predictable it is not even funny and so many wonder why they continue to be plagued by the same ole problems.

 

No matter how much tough love is dished out here, clearly some of the OP don’t really want to solve anything just want to wallow in misery.

 

This site has a library of what not to do but folks keep repeating, but hey some of it is fun to read.

[Versacehottie]

Am I having deja vu? I feel like I've seen this exact situation posted on here within the last couple of weeks. OP, if so, you know the answer but maybe keep posting in hopes that the responses will give you some shred of hope or reason to hang on.

 

I couldn't be bothered to read the whole thread a second time through. But his excuse to stay in touch with his gay friends, is clear as day. I think if you believe it that you are the one in the dark.

[Larryville]

Am I having deja vu? I feel like I've seen this exact situation posted on here within the last couple of weeks. OP, if so, you know the answer but maybe keep posting in hopes that the responses will give you some shred of hope or reason to hang on.

 

I read the past exchange between you guys and it was so awkward and painful to read.

 

I don’t know about anyone else but I wish there was a way to tag these threads so they can be tracked in some way to keep the same people from posting the same basic issues over and over hoping for different results or different responses to justify their misery.

[TaraMaiden2]

Click on their name, look at their profile, click on statistics, and previous threads/posts.

 

Easy.

[Larryville]

Yes TM2 - I know how to do that, but the thing is I am seeing it much more recently. Will everybody have to get in the habit of doing that and combing thru old threads before commenting on every single thread.

I do that with some OP’s who I see have been on the site for a considerable time, but if you don’t do that then people are commenting on stuff not knowing that the same issue with that person has been going on and on for some time. I sometimes don’t know if the OP is serious about getting insight on an issue or just clamoring for attention.

[TheBathWater]

I'm in a LDR with my boyfriend in the army. We've met on a dating site. We hit it off really well, and he started becoming inactive on that site. We used to communicate every day. Recently, he has gotten cold and distant. I realized something was wrong and checked his dating profile to find that he is still paying and active! I confronted him so many times and he kept denying, denying, denying! I even said I would forgive him and not ditch him if he was telling the truth. I even lied about cheating (when I didn't) to get him to confess. He kept denying! He is Catholic and he said he swears to God and Jesus that he isn't cheating on me. He said the reason why he had it up was because he doesn't really use FB and he has gay friends on there because he went through a crisis after his last break up! He promised me he would delete his profile. He never did. He promised me he would change the description saying he is in a relationship and looking for friends. He didn't! What should I do? I am so sick and tired of this. Clearly this dating profile is destroying our relationship and he doesn't give a ****. I even said he could leave now and find someone else. He begged me not to and he is not cheating! He said he can't even work, constantly gets yelled at by his commanding officer and things got stolen because of this. But I don't believe him!!!

 

Yikes! This doesn't sound like it's going to end well.

 

Never go by what someone says; always look at their overall behavior. His behavior doesn't suggest he is being honest, loyal or considerate to you. Your behavior doesn't suggest you are feeling trusting, safe, and confident in him. This combined with it being a long-distance relationship, you might want to consider how much longer this is worth it. You could pose an ultimatum ("take the profile down today or we're done") and stick to it, but you've already given him ultimatums and he's shown you what he's about. Even if he does take it down, do you really think you'll trust him going forward when you 'suspect' little lies he's telling? Some things for you to think about. In any case, sorry to hear you are going through this. Sounds awful.

[joseb]

Howmuch time have you two spent together? I mean for real, not texting

[Blanco]

You can automatically tell that the thread will quickly degrade as soon as the OP posts the following line:

 

We've met on a dating site. We hit it off really well

 

So predictable it is not even funny and so many wonder why they continue to be plagued by the same ole problems.

 

No matter how much tough love is dished out here, clearly some of the OP don’t really want to solve anything just want to wallow in misery.

 

This site has a library of what not to do but folks keep repeating, but hey some of it is fun to read.

 

What it breaks down to is that a good amount of people are either naive or totally clueless about what a health romantic relationship should look like. This is accelerated by those who, for whatever reason, have limited experience with dating/relationships, so they're even more prone to have blinders on when it comes to toxic relationships.

[Versacehottie]

I don’t know about anyone else but I wish there was a way to tag these threads so they can be tracked in some way to keep the same people from posting the same basic issues over and over hoping for different results or different responses to justify their misery.

 

I think you can tag them in the alert us button. It seems a little extreme to do that but not to call someone out who is seemingly posting somewhat obsessively looking for a reply that fits his/her desired reply. I think it speaks to the OP being pretty obsessive and desperate on the issue as well as at the same time sticking her head in the sand when most of the pertinent facts are right there in front of her. If I was to guess, I'd say that more than likely some more of the stuff she knows and suspects has been left out of her telling of this story to us.

 

I guess she is hurting and this is one of her ways of dealing with it. I think it's almost a unified front (which is somewhat rare around here) as to what path she should take. Not my style in a situation like this, but I'm sure someone will spell it out as to what is going on with this "bf". I suspect she suspects it too but is perhaps super torn between being duped and not wanting to believe she was duped. I don't think the details or specifics matter too much. It's my personal opinion, that ANY more effort put into this guy is a waste of time. OP, you will not be able to change what he prefers.