Took her virginity, then she backs away!

[kMcK6y]

She seemed weirded out that I hadn't orgasmed. She also asked if I'd ever had another girl in my bed... obviously the answer was yes but I remained silent for a few seconds and she said "actually don't answer that!".

 

So it could be a mix of things...

 

I'm not trying to sound overly confident but I have been with a number of women and none have ever complained - quite the opposite. I am assured in my techniques, in terms of penetration, foreplay, and general passion and attentiveness during. I didn't approach this any differently, but it's a bit like trying to dig a hole in the ground and coming upon solid concrete... there's only so much you can do

 

Perhaps it's me. Perhaps it's both of us. I suppose there's not a lot to add.

 

Headline is - I want to try again, and I'm sure it can be better with practice. But it's hard to know whether she's gone totally off the idea.

[Jabron1]

Haha, alright, I'll go into more detail then...

 

Before we got started, she insisted that we keep the lights off.

 

When we got naked, I could feel that she had a nice body, but I couldn't see it, and like many males, I'm a very visual person who gets off on seeing a woman's face and body when in the act...

 

Additionally, for the first few minutes, it was very restrictive down there. I'd never slept with a virgin before, so I can only presume that I was gradually breaking her hymen...

 

Even after that freed up, it was extremely tight, and so I was quite restricted in terms of the speed and depth at which I could move (hence the average-below average sex score).

 

Later, she got on top, and due to the extreme tightness, after a few minutes I went soft... so there you go!

 

Starting to make sense yet?

 

Sounds like she was in control of the whole thing, and you felt restricted throughout. That's a turn off for me too.

 

You are partly responsible for that though, fella.

 

So you are thinking that it's the bad sex that made her thing twice about being exclusive with you?

[RedPurpleOrange]

You could sorta say...it wasn't like 100% losing her virginity...because you didn't seal the deal?

 

 

Don't worry, I'm not doubting your lovemaking skills, and I know that stress or awkwardness can ruin a sexy moment at times.

 

 

Strange situation. Wait a bit but don't get too hung up on her.

[sandylee1]

She might feel bad that you didn't have an O and felt it was because she didn't do it for you.

 

Why not just do regular stuff like go to the movies, bowling and plan other dates. Get to know each other a bit more. About your characters and your likes /dislikes and ambitions/long term goals.

[SoThatHappened]

Some women get wierded out when the guy doesn't climax (regardless of whether or not she climaxes). I've experienced that before. It was mainly because I was a little too tipsy to get to that point, but still able to perform.

[Buddhist]

What hurts is that I really like(d) her. I have been in quite a lot of relationships before, been on a lot of dates (I'm in my early 30's) and I can truly say that the connection between myself and this woman was the most promising I had come across - the number of things we have in common, our spark, chemistry, flow of conversation, common values. Yes 3 weeks is very early but I keep going back to what she said to me on the first date: "I don't think either of us are at the age where we can waste time on the wrong person". When that is followed up by a series of dates, and her giving up her virginity, one tends to start thinking that she sees me as being the opposite of a waste of time...

 

Welcome to the common experience of many women. It happens, you learn to get over it.

[Buddhist]

Additionally, for the first few minutes, it was very restrictive down there. I'd never slept with a virgin before, so I can only presume that I was gradually breaking her hymen...

 

Even after that freed up, it was extremely tight, and so I was quite restricted in terms of the speed and depth at which I could move (hence the average-below average sex score).

 

Later, she got on top, and due to the extreme tightness, after a few minutes I went soft... so there you go!

 

Starting to make sense yet?

 

No you weren't breaking her hymen. Most women don't even have one by the age of 12. Plain old exercise will get rid of it. It's a huge myth that one. It was tight because she's clenching and nervous. The idea that someone needs to be stretched out etc is also a huge myth. Obviously every muscle down there was being contracted which isn't a good sign on her level of comfort.

 

So now we're getting down to it. She was super nervous, you were too and both proceeded anyway and ends up.......awkward. I would not be surprised if she never comes back to you. She probably doesn't want to be reminded of her own awkwardness. Nothing against you. I've almost given up on guys after a terrible roll in the hay even more than a decade after the first time. Sometimes, if sex feels like frustration you just don't want to look that person in the eye again.

[ses]

As someone who lost her virginity in her mid-twenties (25), I can understand and empathize with the girl. I was also very religious, and honestly if I hadn't known my first partner for several years prior, I probably would've never done it. Like the girl in your situation, I wanted and pushed to have sex even though the guy was initially very resistant. I think he understood how it would affect me due to my background but I was very persistent and he eventually relented. He was also a lot older (early 30's) and had more experience. I was fortunate because he did ejaculate because I due to his overall excitement but I also did not orgasm. It improved with time but the first time was uncomfortable, awkward and painful for me. He knew what he was doing and tried to be a good lover but it definitely wasn't what I had envisioned.

 

I've been with many guys since that first experience but I do distinctly remember feeling somewhat ashamed I had premarital sex. Nothing was more disappointing to me than when he eventually broke things off because I had naively assumed due to my own lack of experience sex had meant something significant to him. I'm in a lot better place now and thoroughly enjoy sex now but I definitely would've waited longer instead of pushing him.

 

It can be a process to come to terms with the act, so I would definitely give her time and space. We were all virgins once but waiting a long time does affect your psyche and self-perception.

[LoveRefreshed]

Considering I've heard men and women, and a lot of women mind you, utter the words "took his/her virginity", stop being a bunch of over sensitive whiners. I'm sure by OP's tone, you can tell he's not an aggressive cradle robber. Congrats on taking her interest so she'd present you her virginity on a fluffy white pillow.

 

She'd most likely had post orgasm regret. She waited so long for something that is now over without some grand finale and fireworks. I'm sure the whole experience was a bit anti-climatic (even if she did climax it wasn't the same event she had masturbated to for 13 years)

 

I wouldn't put your heart out there much more. In fact, I think you need to be real with what you want. I read a lot of she she says she wants (90% sure she wants a relationship, etc) but what do you want? I didn't read that, except that you "didn't want to get your heart broken again". You are being passive and maybe not even sending a clear message to this woman that you indeed WANT IT.

 

If I were you, I would tell her what you want the next time she contacts you. "She wants to hang out? Great, I want to hang out with a girlfriend"

[elaine567]

I think, losing her virginity to someone she didn't really know that well was a mistake, as had you been very comfortable with each other, you could have laughed at the awkward bits and lost the "nervousness".

I guess the going soft as it was just so tight, was a source of total embarrassment for her.

She was supposed to be this sexy siren that gets you rock hard with desire, but you going soft, may have showed her she wasn't that desirable to you after all...

[MoreAmore]

Some women get wierded out when the guy doesn't climax (regardless of whether or not she climaxes). I've experienced that before. It was mainly because I was a little too tipsy to get to that point, but still able to perform.

 

This could play in for sure.

 

My boyfriend is taking a medicine that makes it very difficult for him to orgasm (noted common side effect) on top of the fact that it was never easy for him, in his whole life, even masturbating. Sometimes he doesn't. It still bothers me every time... AND I know what's going on, and have enough past experience to know that no other guy has ever had this problem and to be confident in my abilities.

 

For a virgin, with nothing but the messages that it's so easy for guys unless they aren't attracted to the girl or the sex isn't good... it could cause serious self doubt... which lowers enjoyment of sex of a huge amount, regardless of the actual sex...

And with you both nervous (there is no hymen so that's why it was so restricted) it wsn't awesome anyways. That adds up.

[No_Go]

We were all virgins once but waiting a long time does affect your psyche and self-perception. - I'm curious, do you really think it is the longer wait, or it is more your religious-based constraints?

I was older than you (27.5) and don't remember having any special feelings after loosing my virginity, it just happened because I finally had more free time (I was sort of obsessed with school before then and ad stagnant social life). Also there was no pain etc because I knew what to do I guess the experience for let say 17 year old would be 100x more awkward. All said I'm a firm supporter of waiting long, not for specific moral reasons but because I think the experience will make more sense for someone who knows their body functions A to Z. Risks as well.

Up to date I have no idea how people connect sex with attachment. For me is just as natural as a bowel movement or drinking water.

 

As someone who lost her virginity in her mid-twenties (25), I can understand and empathize with the girl. I was also very religious, and honestly if I hadn't known my first partner for several years prior, I probably would've never done it. Like the girl in your situation, I wanted and pushed to have sex even though the guy was initially very resistant. I think he understood how it would affect me due to my background but I was very persistent and he eventually relented. He was also a lot older (early 30's) and had more experience. I was fortunate because he did ejaculate because I due to his overall excitement but I also did not orgasm. It improved with time but the first time was uncomfortable, awkward and painful for me. He knew what he was doing and tried to be a good lover but it definitely wasn't what I had envisioned.

 

I've been with many guys since that first experience but I do distinctly remember feeling somewhat ashamed I had premarital sex. Nothing was more disappointing to me than when he eventually broke things off because I had naively assumed due to my own lack of experience sex had meant something significant to him. I'm in a lot better place now and thoroughly enjoy sex now but I definitely would've waited longer instead of pushing him.

 

It can be a process to come to terms with the act, so I would definitely give her time and space. We were all virgins once but waiting a long time does affect your psyche and self-perception.

[losangelena]

I suppose what has just shocked me is the speed at which things have changed. Prior to this, the flow was excellent - regular dates and playful banter by text in between. Since the night it happened, that has pretty much ceased! She mentioned about meeting up again this coming week, but it hasn't come up again.

 

I can't help but think she was disappointed by the physical experience. I've tried to be as understanding of her needs as possible. I haven't pushed anything with her (hence posting on here), offered her to stay, cuddled and hugged her afterwards, reassured her in person and by text... so while I'm sure I haven't been perfect in the situation, I have tried to be as good as possible, anticipating that it was a big deal for her.

 

What hurts is that I really like(d) her. I have been in quite a lot of relationships before, been on a lot of dates (I'm in my early 30's) and I can truly say that the connection between myself and this woman was the most promising I had come across - the number of things we have in common, our spark, chemistry, flow of conversation, common values.

 

Sorry to say it this way, but you sound like a woman!

 

Seriously though, this is exactly the thought process that so many women go through in the early stages of dating. They go on dates, they have a great time, there's lots of connection and chemistry. Then they have sex, and all of a sudden, the man is different. He's cold, distant, not as communicative. Why? That's when the self-doubt starts, and the wondering of "what did I do wrong?"

 

Well, I personally don't think you did anything wrong.

 

I really, really don't think it was the quality of the sex that did it. Or at least it SHOULDN'T be. It's stupid for anyone to judge a first-time out sexual experience, virgin or not. You're probably nervous, you still don't know each other that well. Sex gets better with time.

 

Just because this woman waited so long to have sex doesn't mean she has unrealistic expectations of what will happen. I didn't expect some screaming orgasm the first time I had sex, and I certainly wasn't going to judge the guy for not being able to get me off.

 

If that is the reason why she got all weird, then good riddance to her.