HansonGirl Posted April 17, 2016 Share Posted April 17, 2016 (edited) This probably shouldn't make me feel lousy but it does, but i just want to share this and get some input so i am currently trying to do some networking and look into jobs. There is this one place i want to work and i happen to know a guy who i went to grad school with who works there. He's a nice guy who came to see me when i visited town and we hung out the last time i was in town. I know he's not a bad person. But sometimes the way he acts makes me feel down. so i contacted him asking if he can give some insight on his position, his experience at the place, and any tips for interviewing. i called him this evening (when he told me to call) and he said he'd call me back because he couldn't talk at that moment. i said sure. he called about 2 hours after the time he said he'd call. so he calls back and i felt like he just couldn't want to get off the phone. He didn't ask me ANY questions, it wasn't friendly at all. I mean he did give me some good tips and suggestions. But I spoke to an experienced executive who I never even met in real life who was way more interested in me as a person and asked me questions and just was more FRIENDLY. Yet, this person i actually KNOW and have known for a few years made me feel like i was so unimportant like he couldn't even spare 5 minutes to talk to me. I tried to be friendly and ask him questions about how he liked living in that city. he gave one word answers. It just wasn't a give and take conversation. I tried to relate some stuff back to me, and he just like didn't seem too interested. I haven't spoke to him in about 4 months, or seen him in over a year - i just thought maybe he'd be at least a LITTLE bit interested in what i was up to. I know i was asking him for a favor . anyways, i know this is silly but I guess i get depressed when i am trying to be friendly, and the person is like, acting like they cannot wait to hang up the phone, as if I was bothering him. I talked to another guy who was MUCH more friendly, much more interested in talking to me. Now that I think about it - i recall this "friend" being a one-upper, and he always had to be in on everything and act like he was in the know on everything. I found that annoying, but i also think that he was maybe picked on or rejected growing up - based upon certain things about him...- so it was just an insecurity. I know I should not take it personally - perhaps he was preoccupied - but I just wanted to share that, i think it helps me to type it out and get over it. Maybe I am unrealistic for hoping to have a nice, friendly, relaxed conversation. I wonder if i was the one who made it awkward? but anyways, i guess when you think you are accepted by someone and they basically don't show it, it makes me feel sad. i guess i should text him and say thanks but what i really want to do is say what i REALLY am thinking :-/ I guess the MORAL of this story is that it sucks when someone treats you like you are utterly unimportant. It makes me want to make sure i NEVER make someone feel like that. EDIT... it's also possible i am way too sensitive (don't be afraid to say so....) Edited April 17, 2016 by HansonGirl Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 17, 2016 Share Posted April 17, 2016 Maybe he was trying to keep a woman from knowing he was on the phone with another woman. Maybe he was just watching sports and wanting off the phone to relax. Whatever it is, now you know he's not really interested in you as a person or otherwise. It's even possible he thinks you're flaky and doesn't want to work with you or something like that. It's clear he does not really want to nurture a friendship or relationship with you. So he is at this point barely an acquaintance since he's not really being friendly. I get you feel weird you bothered him, but I also think you were hoping for more here than just work advice or you wouldn't give two cents if he was friendly or just matter of fact. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HansonGirl Posted April 17, 2016 Author Share Posted April 17, 2016 (edited) Maybe he was trying to keep a woman from knowing he was on the phone with another woman. Maybe he was just watching sports and wanting off the phone to relax. Whatever it is, now you know he's not really interested in you as a person or otherwise. It's even possible he thinks you're flaky and doesn't want to work with you or something like that. It's clear he does not really want to nurture a friendship or relationship with you. So he is at this point barely an acquaintance since he's not really being friendly. I get you feel weird you bothered him, but I also think you were hoping for more here than just work advice or you wouldn't give two cents if he was friendly or just matter of fact. I should add that this guy is gay.... And in asking the question i was really just looking for someone to lift my spirits, rather than like, repeat the exact same thing I said- I SAID i felt like he couldn't care less about me, I mean clearly i KNOW that. I was trying to explain that when i spoke to other people, they were all very friendly to me, and didn't act like I was a nuisance. Even if the bank teller at the bank did that, most people would not like it. I think they're actually trained to be friendly. I just wanted to see if i was being overly sensitive, not giving the benefit of the doubt....or just generally to not feel bummed out. This guy is free now post-conversation to not want to be my friend and i'll never bother him again - that's fine - we don't have to be friends, but one doesn't have to be friends to not be a jerk on the phone. I guess i just find it funny how i could go from having a pretty good day to feeling like crap from one person treating me like i'm unimportant. ....or maybe some to just say "GET OVER IT!" to smack me back into reality! Edited April 17, 2016 by HansonGirl Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 17, 2016 Share Posted April 17, 2016 Gay or not, maybe he has a very jealous partner or lover and was tense about the whole thing. I mean, the alternative is worse, which is he's like, Why is she calling me? Some people really shut a lot of people out and don't want to get anything started (like more phone calls or whatever). It is rude, but that's their boundary and I guess they have a right to it. While I understand you'd feel put out about it, I would hope you would forget about it pretty soon and not make it a signpost of some bigger issue. You can't take the blame for something some random person does, you know. Maybe he was in the middle of cooking dinner. Maybe he had been in a big argument with a loved one. Maybe his dog just died. Maybe he hates to talk about work on his off hours. Who knows. Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted April 17, 2016 Share Posted April 17, 2016 Or maybe he's just an a-hole. It happens. It's hard not to take it personally, but I doubt you did anything. Try not to dwell on it, and be thankful you don't have to deal with that guy every day. Shake it off and find some more supportive people to talk to. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HansonGirl Posted April 17, 2016 Author Share Posted April 17, 2016 Thanks guys. You made me feel better already. thanks again! (PS i mentioned the gay thing just to make it clear i wasn't looking for anything romantic with him, lol) Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted April 17, 2016 Share Posted April 17, 2016 Oh jeez needy much? Sounds like he was really busy but made the effort to give you time and you kept him on the phone! The skill is to close the conversation when it's clear that the other person has said everything that needs to be said. He could have had a really crappy day for all you know and still tried to help you. Planet Earth doesn't revolve around you, you know. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Offspring Posted May 9, 2016 Share Posted May 9, 2016 Don't take it the wrong way, but it sounds like you needed something from him, and not the other way round? If somebody wanted job info from me, i'd probably give them a few minutes of my time, but no more, as most people want to walk all over each other in the workplace, and i guess he had nothing to gain by giving you a heads-up. He did call you back, and two hours later might have been because he was busy doing other things. Having said that though, there is no excuse to make people feel invisible, or under-valued. It is also a good idea to stay in good with everyone in your field, as you may need something from one and other some day. Write it off as a bad experience and don't be so ready to be an audience for him if you feel he has dissed you. Good luck on your job hunt, and remember, do your own research.. It is more empowering that way! Link to post Share on other sites
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