Jadedbyluv Posted April 17, 2016 Posted April 17, 2016 I am just curious how people would interpret when someone their dating asks for space. How long would you give someone space for? Does space mean your over? Does space just mean a break? Just interested in others' opinions.
Lady2163 Posted April 17, 2016 Posted April 17, 2016 I am just curious how people would interpret when someone their dating asks for space. How long would you give someone space for? Does space mean your over? Does space just mean a break? Just interested in others' opinions. So, I'm not a fan of "space" - invariably because one person wants it and another one doesn't. That means the one who doesn't is left in limbo, wondering how long this will last and what did they do and why doesn't the other person love them or want them around. I see space used by younger people so they can either do something they want to do instead or something they have to do instead. Let's say you're a huge baseball fan. The season is just getting underway, but come September your team has a real chance of making it to Series. You'd rather watch the games and your SO could care less about the games. This is three to,four hours a day several days a week. More time could be spent if you are now also following an opposing team. Assuming you don't work for the MLB, this is a want, not a need. It's pretty damn selfish. There are times work or school may be high pressure. It may be crunch time. All too often, space is a way for people to justify not making the effort to care and nurture for the other person. It is a way to remove the pressure of communicating or seeing the other person. I had a boyfriend who I saw for around sixteen months. He conveniently needed space for both Thanksgivings, Christmases, NYE and my birthdays. Actually, the first time around he needed space, the second time he picked fights. I view asking for total space with no end date as a control tactic. You don't want the other person to date, but you don't want to spend an energy on them. You know they will be stewing, fretting, miserable and possibly just sitting around waiting on you to end the whole blackout. 4
Author Jadedbyluv Posted April 17, 2016 Author Posted April 17, 2016 I asked because I was seeing someone on and off for about a year. We were on again and things were going seemingly well. He was even contemplating going on a work trip with me. Later that day after talking about it, he said he needed space. It was out of the blue. He didn't want to have a discussion about. It was all very vague and sudden. I gave him his space. But like you said, it left me in a limbo. So many unanswered questions especially how long did he want space for. I was too afraid to ask in fear of breaking his need for space. It caused so much anxiety trying to figure it out. I assumed the worst and thought he may have met someone. But honestly, I felt like him saying he needed space was him saying I just want time to do my own thing because I know you'll still be there if and when I come back. He couldn't be upfront and just finally cut things off because I was his fallback. I told him that space to me finally meant that we were off for good. This isn't some young guy either. He's a grown man. He has told me so many times that he is basically broken from his last real relationship. If he is having such issues after years, he needs to work on that before trying to date. I can't wait around forever while he's trying to still work through those issues. I will give him all the space he needs.
Lady2163 Posted April 17, 2016 Posted April 17, 2016 I'm not sure how old you are, but I wouldn't let a man tell me he needed space and essentially no contact for an undetermined amount of time. Some things I might say (depends on the nature of the relationship): It sounds like you are uncertain about us and our compatibility as a couple. Or You're the man I love and want to spend the rest of my life with. But I won't be able to do that if you need space when your life or our lives get tough. I won't be able to trust you will be there for me. Or I feel like you're trying to keep me in orbit, but this puts me in limbo. I had a former friend who was flirting with a man I was extremely fond off (he was my rebound after my divorce). He knew how I felt about him, so started playing us against each other. He wouldn't answer my calls or call me back, but ne was avaible to her all the time. I saw him first, I had the history, my friend knew how I felt. Eventually she told me, "he likes me better than he likes you. You need to get over it." I told her if she didn't stop talking to him and undermining the situation I wouldn't be able to be around her. She chose him. He quit talking to her the moment he knew the friendship was damaged beyond repair. I quit talking to both of them, I took some time and space. 20 years later, the female friend floats in and out of my life. I just don't trust her around any men I date. She was married and hounding me to double date with my boyfriend and her husband. I wouldn't do it. Oh - rebound is one of my nearest and dearest friends. Great friend, lousy romantic partner. I told that example because there are times when someone goofs and you need time to process how to proceed and cycle through the emotions. It took me 50 years, but for the most part, I can process through damn near any crisis in 24 hours. That means I get over being extremely sad or mad, make my decision as to,the future and find a calm voice.
phineas Posted April 17, 2016 Posted April 17, 2016 "space" means i'm now single & can now go explore sex with new women! seriously though, I do'nt do breaks or space or whatever. A woman who is into me doesn't need time away from me unless she is one of those emotionally unavailable damaged women. 7
Buddhist Posted April 17, 2016 Posted April 17, 2016 I am just curious how people would interpret when someone their dating asks for space. How long would you give someone space for? Does space mean your over? Does space just mean a break? Just interested in others' opinions. Space is code for I no longer want to date you but am too gutless to say so right now so I'm going to wean you off me until you eventually get bored and move on. In the meantime I will be using my 'space' to date other people. Well....you asked. 6
dumbass2 Posted April 17, 2016 Posted April 17, 2016 "I asked because I was seeing someone on and off for about a year." It seems that "space" was already needed a few times in this relationship. I'd say it's time to give him all the space he needs while you move forward with your life. 2
basil67 Posted April 17, 2016 Posted April 17, 2016 In this case, his request for space means that you're entering another 'off' period. Is this the type of relationship you're happy with? 1
Ami1uwant Posted April 17, 2016 Posted April 17, 2016 This is hard because I'm unsure what cause the "space" comment to come out as you talked about traveling together.
hippychick3 Posted April 17, 2016 Posted April 17, 2016 To me, space (for more than a day) means "I want to break up with you but don't have the courage to go through with it yet, so I'm going to buy time." 1
Author Jadedbyluv Posted April 17, 2016 Author Posted April 17, 2016 (edited) In this case, his request for space means that you're entering another 'off' period. Is this the type of relationship you're happy with? It wasn't. When I tried to get clarification on space, he was indignant like how dare I ask. I knew what space really meant and knew this time it was off for good. I just wanted him to be upfront and say what space really meant instead of using the word space as a way to keep things open. He wanted me as his fallback in case "space" didn't work out in his favor. When he said he needed space, he also mentioned he didn't want to lose me out of his life and just needed some time. Basically wait for me while I do whatever I want. Edited April 17, 2016 by Jadedbyluv 1
katiegrl Posted April 17, 2016 Posted April 17, 2016 It wasn't. When I tried to get clarification on space, he was indignant like how dare I ask. I knew what space really meant and knew this time it was off for good. I just wanted him to be upfront and say what space really meant instead of using the word space as a way to keep things open. He wanted me as his fallback in case "space" didn't work out in his favor. When he said he needed space, he also mentioned he didn't want to lose me out of his life and just needed some time. Basically wait for me while I do whatever I want. Yup, smart girl!
preraph Posted April 17, 2016 Posted April 17, 2016 (edited) To me, when a guy with whom you have no commitment or haven't agreed on exclusivity says they need space, it can be for many reasons, such as work stress, or it can mean you are smothering him. But if there is no commitment and it's just a person you're dating, to me, that means one thing: Start dating other people and give him all the space he wants. And no checking in with him late at night or allowing him to do that either because your nights are no longer his. And definitely no casual sex until he starts feeling like engaging again and makes it clear he's over needing space and is definitely still dating you, not just sleeping with you. Edited April 17, 2016 by preraph 1
kendahke Posted April 17, 2016 Posted April 17, 2016 I am just curious how people would interpret when someone their dating asks for space. How long would you give someone space for? Does space mean your over? Does space just mean a break? Just interested in others' opinions. To me, that means giving them as much time as it takes to get to the Oort Cloud.
Satu Posted April 17, 2016 Posted April 17, 2016 It means: "Go away. I'd rather not see you, than see you." Anything other than that is just the small print.
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