being nice is always the wrong move for a guy

[ft yacht]

if a guy is genuinely nice

 

the girl might assume that he's just putting on a show. she breaks up. he loses out.

 

or the girl might believe that he is genuinely nice. it'll be great for awhile. but her expectations of him will go up and up. then he has a bad day where he isn't as nice. he will seem extremely mean in comparison. she breaks up. he loses out again.

 

 

don't be nice

[d0nnivain]

Not true.

 

 

Most so called nice guys are not purely nice guys. They are doormats. Do not be a doormat. However, always be nice meaning polite, respectful and sensitive to the other person's feelings.

[ft yacht]

Not true.

 

 

Most so called nice guys are not purely nice guys. They are doormats. Do not be a doormat. However, always be nice meaning polite, respectful and sensitive to the other person's feelings.

 

few nice guys are doormats. but the perception is there. ive never known a guy who goes on dates and announces hes a nice guy. the perception is nice guys are doormats, which is another reason to not be the nice guy. just don't do it.

[d0nnivain]

Then can you please be more specific. What "nice guy" behaviors are you doing that is causing you to feel rejected by all women?

[Buddhist]

I came across a book recently (authored by a man incidentally) that said, nice people are arseholes. They are arseholes because they say 'yes' when they mean 'no' and 'no' when they mean 'yes'. They also carry around a lot of pent up resentment as a result of their conflicted state and tend to project that onto people and situations.

 

I like his take on it because actually this is exactly what we see in a lot of the 'nice guy' threads. Conflicted individuals harbouring a lot of resentment and giving out mixed signals all at the same time. I'm eminently glad that I came across this guy's thoughts on the matter.

 

With this theory in mind I agree. Don't be a nice guy. Be a genuine guy.

[ft yacht]

Then can you please be more specific. What "nice guy" behaviors are you doing that is causing you to feel rejected by all women?

 

holding the door for her, complimenting her more than once in a blue moon, taking her out to a nice place, going where she wants, to name a few. a guy might get away with a very small amount.

[ft yacht]

being a genuine guy can be confused with being a nice guy.

 

 

being somewhat cocky and not very nice and being an alpha leader has impressed a lot of girls

[Shanex]

Being genuine and telling what you want from the woman is already a good start. It's about honesty I think.

 

Being too nice... I'm sort of a 'nice guy' but I don't want either to be the white Knight or that other word 'simp' who dotes over his woman excessively. These tend to be clingy and in the long run end up annoying the woman. I've been here and dumped, eh.

 

Being nice, friendly, courteous... nothing wrong with that. People build bitterness aging too.

 

Still better than a douche, it's about balancing your attitude.

[SherryEast]

Well perhaps when 'nice' isn't coming from the heart and isn't sincere is when it fails with a woman, or a man. I think that women look for nice but also sincere caring. A man who truly cares for a woman and makes her feel loved and protected is rare. It seems like nowadays, a lot of men aren't capable of caring for themselves and are mainly selfish first. This is where trouble comes in, if any person (man or woman) doesn't care to meet the other person's needs, how can the relationship work? If you being 'nice' means making an effort and it feels like work, then you really aren't nice. You're pretending to be nice but then you're resenting it.

 

I get that it's give and take and you're reacting to someone's treatment of you - I can't know the specifics but I can only go based on what you posted here.

[ft yacht]

but there's an issue. being genuine is often mistaken for nice, which isn't very good. you're assumed to be a white knight and her attraction goes away completely. being nice is sometimes interpreted as being clingy. the downsides to being nice are overwhelming.

[ft yacht]

Well perhaps when 'nice' isn't coming from the heart and isn't sincere is when it fails with a woman, or a man. I think that women look for nice but also sincere caring. A man who truly cares for a woman and makes her feel loved and protected is rare. It seems like nowadays, a lot of men aren't capable of caring for themselves and are mainly selfish first. This is where trouble comes in, if any person (man or woman) doesn't care to meet the other person's needs, how can the relationship work? If you being 'nice' means making an effort and it feels like work, then you really aren't nice. You're pretending to be nice but then you're resenting it.

 

I get that it's give and take and you're reacting to someone's treatment of you - I can't know the specifics but I can only go based on what you posted here.

 

a guy can be genuinely nice from the heart, but if she doesn't perceive it that way which is very often, then it fails. nice is often perceived as weak which means she doesn't think she's being protected.

 

 

plus tough and mean guys get ahead. look at the presidential campaign. look at the leaders in business. look at the guys who have no trouble pulling in girls. none are nice. all are tough.

[GR4]

When people talk about 'nice guys' in dating they mean guys that are doormats. The sort of guy who will agree just to please, text endlessly, do anything to please. No girl wants to date that.

 

I consider myself a nice guy in the sense that I treat people with respect, I don't cheat and I'm pretty caring. I'm argumentative though and very opinionated. I stick to my beliefs and I have a filthy sense of humour and a even filthier vocabulary.

 

In a sense I'm genuine. That's what girls want to date.

[SherryEast]

a guy can be genuinely nice from the heart, but if she doesn't perceive it that way which is very often, then it fails. nice is often perceived as weak which means she doesn't think she's being protected.

 

 

plus tough and mean guys get ahead. look at the presidential campaign. look at the leaders in business. look at the guys who have no trouble pulling in girls. none are nice. all are tough.

 

I agree, it's the guys who are more mean attracting more girls but tough in business is one thing, I don't think to attract women it has to spill over into treating HER badly or regarding her with some mean attitude. If a man is mean to me, or treating me as roughly as he would people in business, obviously that's not going to last either. I would rather be loved than bullied.

 

But I think it's a fine line. YES, women are more attracted to men who are successful in business, but that doesn't mean he can withhold love and kindness from us. You can be kind and loving without being weak. I know a man who came off as weak because he was! He was at a friend's house and someone was coming in from some entrance he didn't know existed and he went on and on about scared he was. That's not very manly, tough, or masculine.

[thecrucible]

I don't know. I think you're reading too much into it. I am attracted to genuinely nice guys with an edge but not a big one, I just want to know that I can't manipulate them and they are sure of themselves, forthright, not leaving all decisions to me, have some kind of innate confidence but not cockiness. No I don't like cocky jerks - you an tell the difference between a confident good guy and a jerk.

[ft yacht]

I agree, it's the guys who are more mean attracting more girls but tough in business is one thing, I don't think to attract women it has to spill over into treating HER badly or regarding her with some mean attitude. If a man is mean to me, or treating me as roughly as he would people in business, obviously that's not going to last either. I would rather be loved than bullied.

 

But I think it's a fine line. YES, women are more attracted to men who are successful in business, but that doesn't mean he can withhold love and kindness from us. You can be kind and loving without being weak. I know a man who came off as weak because he was! He was at a friend's house and someone was coming in from some entrance he didn't know existed and he went on and on about scared he was. That's not very manly, tough, or masculine.

it's a fine line isnt it? a guy shouldn't be nice and should be just a little bit away from being mean. he should be strong. a guy can't go too far with the rough stuff, but he better be tough.

 

 

your example of the scared guy is dramatic and would turn off any woman. but even if he mentioned it in passing he could be perceived as weak and turn her off. manly, tough, and limited emotion. crying has to be very rare for example. genuine nuce often gets perceived as soft and perception is everything early on

[ft yacht]

I don't know. I think you're reading too much into it. I am attracted to genuinely nice guys with an edge but not a big one, I just want to know that I can't manipulate them and they are sure of themselves, forthright, not leaving all decisions to me, have some kind of innate confidence but not cockiness. No I don't like cocky jerks - you an tell the difference between a confident good guy and a jerk.

 

the way i see it, the edge has to be significant. it should totally overwhelm the nice, while not going too far. too much cockiness can hurt but a guy can have a good amount of cockiness and do very well. it's a fine line

[bathtub-row]

The only kind of guy that I would even bother to date is a nice guy. This doesn't mean that he never gets in a bad mood. It just means that, overall, his behavior of choice is to be nice.

 

Just because you've gotten stomped on by stupid women who can't appreciate niceness doesn't mean you need to draw such a ridiculous conclusion as saying that you shouldn't be nice. Try being yourself. That usually works best. And try to pick better women.

[ft yacht]

The only kind of guy that I would even bother to date is a nice guy. This doesn't mean that he never gets in a bad mood. It just means that, overall, his behavior of choice is to be nice.

 

Just because you've gotten stomped on by stupid women who can't appreciate niceness doesn't mean you need to draw such a ridiculous conclusion as saying that you shouldn't be nice. Try being yourself. That usually works best. And try to pick better women.

 

being yourself sure looks nice on paper but it's not that simple. being perceived as too nice means she's lost all interest in you. if a guy is going to be nice there's so little room for error. by being somewhat mean and close to being a jerk there's more room for error. im not saying to yell at her, but a guy shouldn't make his world revolve around her.