Is being honest good thing

[jamie12]

I've never did this thing, but I really liked this guy a lot. I've known him for 6 month and seen him 4 times in these half a year.

 

He doesn't live near me, so this is the reason.

 

We've seen each other last time 2 weeks ago and we are just friends who hang out and have sex. Recently he started to talk about us having some future together as friends. He wanted to move to my city. He told me he liked me too much and that he loves me last time I've seen him. I've just smiled.

 

We had plans to hang out in the next couple of days while I was there. He ended up really sick. I've told him if he doesn't wants to see me that he should just tell me and it's fine. He told me that he was really sick again and he sounded really dissapointed on the phone and sad. So I trusted him.

 

I came back and I was worried about him. Couple of days later I texted him if he was getting better and he didn't say anything.

 

Meanwhile I went on a date with some guy I've met in my town. I wasn't interested. New guy was putting moves on me and went for a hug and kiss and I said I can't and left. In my car I started to cry and texted the first guy again asking him if he is dead.

He didn't reply.

A day later I've texted him a long text.

 

I am honest person and when someone is nice to me I try to be honest.

 

Basically I've told him I liked him and that I don't want to bother him anymore. But that I am worried about him since he has some problems.

I told him about my last date and how I left that I've never felt like that for anybody in my life. That I think about him a lot lately and about my problems at my job. I also told him that I think the best way is that he doesn't come to my city and that maybe we shouldn't continue some virtual friendship over calls and texts that which could be going on for months or years, because it doesn't make any sense. And that our friendship is sensless anyway because I never stay friends with people I have had sex with like my exboyfriends. When its over its over.

I told him I am confused and that I've never felt this way.

 

Somehow my text ended up like a short novel :laugh: But I've sent it.

I don't know if its good in life to be honest with people or not like this.

 

I am always too honest, but then I am always single. I dont expect him to answer me at all.

I dont even know why i try.

He is a guy, I dont think he will be able to read this or even answer me ever again

Edited April 16, 2016 by jamie12

[Buddhist]

Honesty is a strange thing. Yes we can tell someone what we think and feel right now but what is the intention behind doing that? If your intention is some kind of response from him, then the more honest thing would have been to have spared the drama and just straight out said, I like you, I want to be in a relationship with you, tell me what you think.

 

What you did though was ramble on about a lot of drama and essentially calling it off in a defensive reaction because you feel rejected by him. That's not honesty, that's trying to get a reaction from drama.

 

So to answer your question if your version of honesty is what you did, inflict a lot of drama on someone in the hopes of getting a reaction. No you should not do that. It won't endear people to you and will give them the impression that you're impulsive, conflicted and unlikely to be a stable bet for relationship. You've already demonstrated a pre-emptive intent to break up.

 

Honesty isn't that, ever. Honesty is telling someone in a direct way that you want a relationship with them but you need their agreement on that and asking for it.

[thecrucible]

I think it's good to wear your heart on your sleeve but sometimes it's good to hold back as you can make yourself feel exposed and less is more. So bear in that mind and that might help. I know 'cause I used to send longish texts from time to time but now I wouldn't, I would test the waters first and leave anything that would become long-winded to an in-person conversation if one does occur.

[Photofinish]

When sex is involved ,it's no longer a friendship.

[jamie12]

Honesty is a strange thing. Yes we can tell someone what we think and feel right now but what is the intention behind doing that? If your intention is some kind of response from him, then the more honest thing would have been to have spared the drama and just straight out said, I like you, I want to be in a relationship with you, tell me what you think.

 

What you did though was ramble on about a lot of drama and essentially calling it off in a defensive reaction because you feel rejected by him. That's not honesty, that's trying to get a reaction from drama.

 

So to answer your question if your version of honesty is what you did, inflict a lot of drama on someone in the hopes of getting a reaction. No you should not do that. It won't endear people to you and will give them the impression that you're impulsive, conflicted and unlikely to be a stable bet for relationship. You've already demonstrated a pre-emptive intent to break up.

 

Honesty isn't that, ever. Honesty is telling someone in a direct way that you want a relationship with them but you need their agreement on that and asking for it.

 

I don't want a relationship with this guy and that is what I have had told him.

I like him, he likes me. But there is no future. I don't want to wait for someone to make up his mind to move or whatever and keeps talking things he will do and his plans where I live when basiclly it can be like that for years or never.

 

Since I have many problems lately I don't need to be hooked up on someone via telephone and loosing opotunities in my life with people living much closer or feel like a **** while dating others and texting him once in a while.

 

I don't know this guy very well and he was telling me about moving. Was the reason me or his own problems because he thinks it's better solution for him I will not know. So I've told him to truth about me and my other problems with work and a job also.

 

Maybe I've showed him break up things signs. But these are the facts.

He is not here.

I don't stay in friendship mode with people I've slept with. I don't talk to them. I never ever talked to my exes after break ups.

 

I've told him all about my problems and reasons why I don't want to keep this going over some contact once a month because I do have feelings for him which are confusing me and that I don't want to continue it.

 

I really don't expect him to answer me or call me or tell me that I am right or wrong. Or even telling me to chill that he feels the same way. Or persuading me and calling me to talk about this.

[jamie12]

I think it's good to wear your heart on your sleeve but sometimes it's good to hold back as you can make yourself feel exposed and less is more. So bear in that mind and that might help. I know 'cause I used to send longish texts from time to time but now I wouldn't, I would test the waters first and leave anything that would become long-winded to an in-person conversation if one does occur.

 

I wanted to tell him into face to face but I didn't get a chance. He got sick. I can't see him now for a couple of months. I think its better to forget someone and move on then wait for someone when situations that happen recently point to contrary.

 

When sex is involved ,it's no longer a friendship.

 

No it's not friendship and that is what I've realised so I ended it and told him that I am confused about this whole situation.

[jamie12]

ANYWAY! :lmao:

 

I don't know, basically I've told him "I like you a lot to the point I can't date other people, but that the situation for me is not good recently and that I need to focus on my own things in life, so that I don't think about this situation neither to focus, that I can't continue having some friendship with somebody living far away over the phone for months, pretending he is like a friend. And that we are after all not friends, because I am not friends with people I have sex with. I said I am confused. This is the line I told him and why.

 

My question was is it good to tell people in life about your feelings and problems when situation is like this? I've never did it but some how I've felt I need to be honest with this guy because he is good to me and treats me really well. Otherwise if I didn't text him this long long text, I think I would let it go and just ignore him next time he contacts me.

[elaine567]

How sick is he, is it like I've got a cold - sick, or I am in the hospital fighting for my life - sick?

[jamie12]

How sick is he, is it like I've got a cold - sick, or I am in the hospital fighting for my life - sick?

 

It's the nerves, but not in his head. He couldn't like move or walk for a couple of days, then it passes by. Actually I don't know if he is well since he didn't answer to my text when I asked him couple of days ago.

[smudge21]

Everyone can give you their opinions, but only you can know what is right for you. If sending this text was what you thought was right for you, at that exact moment, then stick with it. You were being honest to yourself. It's what you wanted to do. Now the outcome may not be what you want it to be, but you still did what you thought was right, so don't beat yourself up about it. Sometimes we say what we feel, other times we bottle things up; sometimes relationships end because people say too little, and sometimes because they say too much. If this "relationship" of yours has ended, then just remember that there are two people involved here and you never had full control over everything. You could've done anything, but it still wouldn't have changed his actions. He decided not to contact you - that decision was out of your control and done long before you sent that text.

[elaine567]

It's the nerves, but not in his head. He couldn't like move or walk for a couple of days, then it passes by. Actually I don't know if he is well since he didn't answer to my text when I asked him couple of days ago.

What is his diagnosis? Sounds pretty serious.

[jamie12]

What is his diagnosis? Sounds pretty serious.

 

I don't know. I wanted to help this guy out somehow, but it doesnt make sense since he was not opening and seeing my texts untill today. I can't force someone either.

 

I have trust issues too. I didn't know if he was ignoring me while I was there too because he got turned off. But then again he did call me and told me he was not feeling good, that we can take a drink the next day because he likes me a lot. That didn't happen, he didn't even reply to my text when I've told him I am free around 3 pm that day. Next day he told me he was sick again and told me what is going on. So I've trusted him.

 

The day I was leaving I asked him if he is ok and getting better. He said no.

 

I came back and texted him couple of days later is he ok or not? He didn't even open my text from couple of days ago untill today.

 

Now I can see he did open my novel since is seen. I seriously don't expect anything from him or a reply because it takes a really good effort to read it all and understand it

 

I dont know if he is really sick and having a bad times and really likes me as he claims I don't want to make some extra drama, but I still had to do it for myself because I am selfish too.

 

The truth is that I was beeing needy because I was worried about him and he didn't even want to answer or open my texts. So I went to told him that he doesn't needs to answer my text, but that I am worried about him. I've started to write when I finished it was a novel and I was like f..it I am sending it.

Edited April 17, 2016 by jamie12

[jamie12]

Everyone can give you their opinions, but only you can know what is right for you. If sending this text was what you thought was right for you, at that exact moment, then stick with it. You were being honest to yourself. It's what you wanted to do. Now the outcome may not be what you want it to be, but you still did what you thought was right, so don't beat yourself up about it. Sometimes we say what we feel, other times we bottle things up; sometimes relationships end because people say too little, and sometimes because they say too much. If this "relationship" of yours has ended, then just remember that there are two people involved here and you never had full control over everything. You could've done anything, but it still wouldn't have changed his actions. He decided not to contact you - that decision was out of your control and done long before you sent that text.

 

You are right about this. I didn't see this post

 

Maybe I gave him a lot of informations about me and my job situation that I am going throught nowdays. But he wanted to move here (at least he said so), so I wanted to be honest.

 

Yesterday I've texted him some short message, which I shouldn't, but I've felt bad about sending first one. So I've told if he ever needs something that I will be his friend and help him out or comes to my town, but now that I can't. Maybe in 2 weeks, 6 months or a year.

 

I don't know why I did this also again, I feel like some drama queen, but I was trying to be honest.

 

Well it doesn't matter anymore. I did how I've felt and thats me. I deleted his number. I don't think he will contact me ever again because he is probably freaked out and doesn't get anything. But then again if someone can't at least understand or try to understand and get it over some things, then I guess he is not my friend or whatever he claims to be.

 

But I don't think even if he tries to be in touch eventually or something that I will reply.

Edited April 20, 2016 by jamie12