Leigh 87 Posted April 17, 2016 Posted April 17, 2016 NMJ ....I just read your previous thread wherein you discussed a previous emotionally and physically abusive relationship with a guy who broke up with you three times, and you went back each time. After that RL ended for good, with every RL you had after that, you experienced severe temper tantrums and emotional swings. No one mentioned this in that thread, but it did not take me long to determine you were suffering from PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) due to that previous abusive relationship. Did you ever seek help for that? Because until you do, my fear for you is you will continue to attract these high drama emotionally-charged type relationships. ..and men who frankly just don't treat you very well. This is just the start with this guy. After only a month and a half, this should NOT be happening. As I said before, way too much drama. On your part too (your reaction, eg calling, hanging up, etc).). I hope you will break this cycle and walk away for good. Best of luck .... It is especially sad because this poster is actually VERY attractive and intelligent and CAN attract high quality men.... She would prob have loads of male attention and options yet she seems to only bother dating men who are not that into her. 1
katiegrl Posted April 17, 2016 Posted April 17, 2016 It is especially sad because this poster is actually VERY attractive and intelligent and CAN attract high quality men.... She would prob have loads of male attention and options yet she seems to only bother dating men who are not that into her. Sadly since we have not heard from her, my fear is that after all the drama last night, they are back together. I hope I am wrong.
Author NoMoreJerks Posted April 21, 2016 Author Posted April 21, 2016 I was busy with a new job so I couldn't come back and write. He apparently took her home (hotel) and got home at 1am. He messaged and then called me. He said he would not have left the pub knowing that I was pissed off because it was his friend's gf and he couldn't have left like that. But he apologized. I am not feeling it to be honest, though. He took me out the following day but it just was not the same.. compared to an all night thing with those women (or one woman) it was kinda lame. And he has not been on top of his game lately. Been cooking for me more and taking me out less. He does prepare nice appetizers etc but not the same level of wanting to impress me and preparing 2-3 days ahead of time. Also, I was over 2 days ago and he had his passport out on the night table next to the side of the bed where I tend to sleep. I was curious and looked through it when he was out for 10 minutes and saw a stamp of a recent land border crossing into the US on the day I got back from my travel to USA. He had said that he had taken the day off work to come pick me up. He came and picked me up by rented car that day and had flowers and a box of chocolates for my bday then took me out to dinner for my bday which was the week before (when i was in USA). He had not said anything abt going to USA. Not sure why he wouldn't mention it. I asked him when was the laet time he had gone to USA and he said it has beem a long time since he last went. So he lied. Not sure why or what he is hiding. Not sure what he went to do there and who with. And for how many days. Because the previous couple of days he sent me pics of his new office etc. Technically he may have taken the pics at an earlier date so i have no idea. I am really disappointed and confused. At times he is amazing and then there is the stuff I mentioned. He ordered a book I had written and when we got to his place it was in his mail as a parcel. I did not know what it was and he pretended to be busy getting water from the kitchen and asked if i could open the parcel. I opened it and saw it was my book. He said he wanted me to open it to surprise me. And that he wanted to read it. Today we were supposed to go out for a walk and resto. Or i wouldve cooked. But he claims his uncle passed away. So he said he didnot want to see me as he was not in a good mood. He then said he was going for a walk in the old town which is where we would have gone for a walk. I honestly wanted to make him feel better by meeting up with him but he did not want to. But someone who is ok enough to go for a walk and be around people should be ok to be in the company of his gf???? Hmm. I dont know. Gave him benefit of doubt again, telling myself that maybe he needs to clear his head. :-( but i honestly felt rejected and also that made me feel like crap bcs i feel like i am being selfish. And admittedly i also entertained possibility that he is lying abt his uncle dying ( i would have no way of checking ) . Like a lot of my students come up with my gramma died stories the day before the exam. I dont know. He would have to be a sh*tty person to say something like that and i cant see him doing it but at the same time i also didnt see him ommitting to tell me he was traveling or lying abt it when asked.... so...
dumbass2 Posted April 22, 2016 Posted April 22, 2016 There is just way way too much drama in this relationship. I don't see you being able to trust him. I think you will always question certain things. I think it is best for you to think about ending this pretty soon so you don't waste each others time. I wish I could see a light at the end of the tunnel here, but when the issue is trust, it is very very hard (if not impossible most times) to get that feeling back. 1
Rejected Rosebud Posted April 22, 2016 Posted April 22, 2016 Well ... I'm sorry, but after your last post, I can tell you that there is no hope. Whether he deserves it or not, you don't trust him and nothing he can do is going to be enough. All the boundaries that have been crossed at this point can never be uncrossed. Next time, please keep your communication open the whole time and don't let resentment, disappointment, anger, jealousy, etc. build up until it becomes an avalanche. No new relationship could ever withstand it. 1
Author NoMoreJerks Posted May 5, 2016 Author Posted May 5, 2016 You are right, Rejected Rosebud. It is true that the resentment can never be taken back. There was a load of drama over the past week. And then his friend came to visit from France, and we had a fight over his lack of communication (him turning his phone off for 2 days nearly). I then told him that if we don't meet to talk this morning, I would consider things over, since he wasn't putting in the effort to address my concerns. He came, we talked, cleared things over, we were getting on the right track.... and then I leave, and 20 minutes later, his visiting friend texts me from my bf's phone, saying that I have caused nothing but misfortune and heartbreak to his friend, that I should be grateful for what he's done for me, that he's stayed an extra month in my country even though his contract has expired, just to be with me, etc. (which is patently untrue since he's done it cos he was waiting on paperwork). This guy doesn't even know me, has never met me, and my bf had told me that he had not told him about any of our fights, because he didn't want his friend to judge me. He had also bashed me when I said that I had talked to my friend yesterday about him and our situation, and told me that he can no longer meet my friends. I got very offended and upset at the message, especially that I had no way of responding to the guy. I called the BF and told him I wanted him to tell the friend, in front of me (by phone), that it was none of his goddamn business what was going on between me and my bf. He refused to do it, but after I insisted, he did tell his friend that. It's like he didn't even want to give me the right of response to someone who had involved himself in our relationship. And I had told him it was a BIG NO-NO for his friends to involve themselves in our relationship because that is exactly what had led to the downfall of my previous relationship. He then wanted to go, because he was going to a restaurant. A few hours later, I was feeling upset, and missed him, and messaged him "I miss you". He went offline right away. I messaged him things like, I wanted to see him, and maybe we could go out, the three of us, somewhere. He then came back online an hour later, and I called him , asking what was up and why the hell he had gone offline as soon as I messaged him, if he was playing games. He then told me that he had had enough, that he could no longer put up with this, that his friend did not want me to go out with them, and that he didn't want to talk to me or see me. Man, I did the embarrassing thing and begged, etc. I am not proud. So it is over.... faster than the blink of an eye. I have deleted his number, the history of our messages, etc. I had to do it, otherwise I'd keep reading them over and over again, and it'd drive me crazy. He called me a few hours ago, and said he was going back home. I wasn't sure why he'd even bother telling me that. I said "OK. Have a good evening." and he said bye. He then texted me saying "I am sorry that the situation provoked such a reaction and gave rise to such emotions." I replied "thanks, that's nice of you to say." And deleted those 2 messages. I haven't blocked him, though. But I did deactivate the main app that we used to use to chat.
Author NoMoreJerks Posted May 5, 2016 Author Posted May 5, 2016 Also, the passport thing was cleared up, without me even asking. It came up in a conversation, when he said that he had gone to the border, to get a visitor visa, since his work visa had expired. I asked him when approximately he went, and he said end of March (the passport stamp was March 31). But he didn't want to say the exact date, because he wanted me to think that he had rented the car specifically to come pick me up from the bus station on my return from my trip.
Author NoMoreJerks Posted May 5, 2016 Author Posted May 5, 2016 (edited) Part of the initial fight a few days ago had to do with him telling me that his friend, his friend's gf, and that third woman (gf's friend -- the one that my ex had gone out with), were going on a road trip to another city and staying there for a few days. He said that we wouldn't go, because that woman was on her own, and it'd be weird and uncomfortable for her. That got me upset, because, why the hell is he even considering the feelings of a woman he supposedly doesn't even know or care about? He then denied that he had said that, and said that he felt it would be weird for US. I said I didn't understand. At any rate, not that I'd have wanted to go, with people I barely even knew, but that wasn't the issue -- it was the idea behind it, the reason for which he said he didn't want to go. He could've said, don't you think it's better to go on our own, or not to go because you haven't even met them? It just felt like he 1) again did not want me to meet these 2 women; 2) was shielding that woman's emotions and not considering mine. He then said he wanted us to go to that same place together, it'd be more romantic, etc., and that this is the reason why he had said that. I honestly felt like he was hiding me from that other woman, maybe because he was interested in her and wanted to keep his options open. It didn't help my insecurity, and I accused him several times of caring more about that woman than about me. I feel really upset , though, because I had helped him get something photoshopped , for his friend, the same friend who insulted me via message. How shocking and disrespectful. Edited May 5, 2016 by NoMoreJerks
Author NoMoreJerks Posted May 5, 2016 Author Posted May 5, 2016 Also, another thing that got me upset, was the fact that he was supposed to come stay at my place, since his friend was staying in his room. And he said that after all, he prefers not to come, since if he did, he'd be treating me like a motel / or like a prostitute. I said OK, but I was clearly upset, because I had been shopping for food for us to eat when he came over, etc., he hadn't told me until very late in the day, and had given me the impression that he would come, when we had talked earlier. He then said, it'd be different if I asked him to come anyway. I said I didn't appreciate being put in a situation where I was damned if I did, and damned if I didn't. Because, if I did invite him, I'd be basically saying that he was right, that I was like a prostitute. And if I said I didn't want him to come, I'd be offending him/rejecting him. Also, he had previously told me that little things I do have "reduced" the "magic" and "mystery", and so, I didn't feel that being the one to tell him to please stay over, would help in that regard. Maybe I am completely bonkers and he was a great guy who was respectful, etc. But these are the things that got my alarm bells ringing. Would appreciate if people would let me know if I was overreacting in many of these situations.
Leigh 87 Posted May 7, 2016 Posted May 7, 2016 So you have written a book. And you're very attractive ( I've seen your old avater). And... you're settling for this? And why on earth did his friend insult you? Generally, your relationship is doomed once his friends insult you. It signals that the bf himself is of a questionable nature. Always been the case for me at least..... 1
Zahara Posted May 7, 2016 Posted May 7, 2016 So many red flags and drama in such a short relationship. You made the right decision. Reasons all being noted in your thread, it's time to move on.
Lois_Griffin Posted May 7, 2016 Posted May 7, 2016 So it is over.... faster than the blink of an eye. I have deleted his number, the history of our messages, etc. I had to do it, otherwise I'd keep reading them over and over again, and it'd drive me crazy. Good. You saved me the trouble of having to type out what a complete LOSER this guy is and point out all the red flags flying ALL OVER THE PLACE. Jesus, there were so many red flags flapping that it looked like the starting line of the Indy 500. You're WELL rid. 1
Leigh 87 Posted May 9, 2016 Posted May 9, 2016 OP, Please take what I am about to say into consideration.. You are very successful and have even written a book - AND you're hot.... Again - WHY are you even settling for these losers, when frankly, a woman of your calibre can hold out for a decent, quality man? There is something wrong here, that you are settling for so low and avoiding clear red flags that other people can see and you cannot ( well I personally believe you KNOW something is off and choose to ignore it....) I would focus on remaining single and trying to explore why you allow SO MANY JERKS into your life! ( ironic isn't it, with your user name and all!) Please aim higher and do not brush those little things under the rug.. His friends insulted you? Or even just ONE friend is bad enough - I WOULD NOT even stay with a guy if even one of his mates so much as degraded me a tinyyyyyy bit...... Just aim higher please and try and figure out why this always happens to you.
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