carole.123 Posted April 15, 2016 Posted April 15, 2016 Neighbor I met on holiday said he wanted to get together/hook up on 3 weekdays. Asked him to help me move a plant, thanked him & he kissed me on cheek. I thought this was very forward of him but I did find him attractive. The next day he saw me outside & I invited him in for a drink & he kissed me on lips and said he felt very vulnerable but I said I didn't want to get involved as I was going home to France soon. He made loads of sexual innuendos and told me he was from Texas. I assumed he was single & he never asked me about my life; it was all about him. I wasn't going to sleep with him as I hardly knew him. But he knew I would be back in 3 months time & gave me his phone number. I called him after I got home & he sounded pleased to hear from me & said we could get to know each other over the phone & he wanted serious relationship. He started to have phone sex & I changed subject & he got annoyed and ended conversation. Tried calling him 3 times & he ignored all my calls so I gave him space. When I arrived back in the USA he had left his apartment. Tracked him down on social media & found out that he has been in LDR with someone from his home state of Ohio for several months (he lied about his home state too) and that while I was with him in USA he was making arrangements to visit her in January and got engaged 7 days later & married at end of March 2016. He was on his phone a lot at night but said it was work-related. So why give me his phone number? Why try and cheat? Does not sound like he truly loves the woman? Thoughts? Was I back up plan? Why punish me?
Satu Posted April 15, 2016 Posted April 15, 2016 He thought that you were weak and stupid enough to let him use you as an occasional source of amusement. Block him on everything. 1
Author carole.123 Posted April 15, 2016 Author Posted April 15, 2016 Thanks for that. I was left wondering if I had continued phone sex to the end he might have called back. Did he think I wasn't into him because I stopped the phone sex? But then I realized that if someone wants a real relationship they don't blow you off because of that; they will talk things through. He asked if the reason I wasn't married was because some guy had done a number on me? Red flags should have been flying then as I thought he was insensitive. I still don't think his actions towards me bode well for his marriage. 1
smackie9 Posted April 15, 2016 Posted April 15, 2016 Always follow your gut....if it doesn't feel right, it's not. A guy looking for phone sex without even establishing a relationship is only looking out for his own needs. 1
preraph Posted April 15, 2016 Posted April 15, 2016 You can't take that guy seriously. He told you up front he wanted to hook up and he's hooking up with anybody and everybody he can and if he feels he needs to tell him he cares to meet his goal, then he will do that too. He told you up front though.
Author carole.123 Posted April 16, 2016 Author Posted April 16, 2016 Sorry are you saying that it is OK if a guy tells you he wants a serious relationship to get his goals met e.g. phone sex. First he said he wanted hook up but I wasn't buying that. Then he changed his tactics, even said he might come to visit me in France so that is OK then? What about his girlfriend? Can he really be into her?
katiegrl Posted April 16, 2016 Posted April 16, 2016 (edited) Sorry are you saying that it is OK if a guy tells you he wants a serious relationship to get his goals met e.g. phone sex. First he said he wanted hook up but I wasn't buying that. Then he changed his tactics, even said he might come to visit me in France so that is OK then? What about his girlfriend? Can he really be into her? Since he married her, I would venture to guess that yes he is into her. That said, the guy wanted sex and lots of it apparently (before tying the knot), probably not just with you, and like many guys, will say anything, whether true or not, to get it. Perhaps he and his gf/fiance/now wife had an open relationship since they were long distance? Who knows. He told you up front he wanted to *hook up* (sex). He initiated phone sex and hung up when you wouldn't. What does this tell you? Nevermind whether or not he is into his wife. His relationship with her is not your concern. Focus on you... and what you want and need. This guy was nothing, a blip. Who wanted sex. And who is now married to someone else. The end. Edited April 16, 2016 by katiegrl
Author carole.123 Posted April 16, 2016 Author Posted April 16, 2016 Thanks for your comments. I just need someone to bang me on the head about him. I know that I would feel a lot worse if I had slept with him. When I changed the subject with him on the phone I told him about an ex from years ago who had tried to get me into bed by saying he was single but I caught him out on his lie. Looking back I can see how this guy might have been worried that I was onto him but at that time I never knew there was someone else! When putting down the phone he said "Look honey for what it's worth I'm either in or out". I thought I had upset him by referring to an ex but I can see that he just wanted phone sex. I stupidly thought/hoped he might be for real when he gave me him number. 1
Timshel Posted April 16, 2016 Posted April 16, 2016 Why in the world would you chase after a guy you really don't know who also has a gf or wife? Anyway, he has made his choice and is ignoring you. Let it go.
katiegrl Posted April 16, 2016 Posted April 16, 2016 Thanks for your comments. I just need someone to bang me on the head about him. I know that I would feel a lot worse if I had slept with him. When I changed the subject with him on the phone I told him about an ex from years ago who had tried to get me into bed by saying he was single but I caught him out on his lie. Looking back I can see how this guy might have been worried that I was onto him but at that time I never knew there was someone else! When putting down the phone he said "Look honey for what it's worth I'm either in or out". I thought I had upset him by referring to an ex but I can see that he just wanted phone sex. I stupidly thought/hoped he might be for real when he gave me him number. If he was so *in* .... why did he never ask you out on an actual DATE? That's what guys do when they're *in* ... they ask us out. Spend time with us, sex comes later. This guy wanted to *hook up* ...he told you that up front. Initiated phone sex and hung up when you changed the subject. He never even asked you out! Come on now girl, why are you obsessing about this? He's married! Not sure what you're thinking. What am I missing?
Author carole.123 Posted April 16, 2016 Author Posted April 16, 2016 I guess I thought he might change from wanting a hook up to something real. If he had met me a bit earlier he might have chosen me even though I am LDR. Why say he was either IN or Out and that we could talk on phone to get to know each other? Was I a back-up plan in case it didn't work out with his girl friend OR was it just meaningless words again rather than banging phone down without any comment. I know he is married now but just trying to makes sense of what might have been. Maybe I should have slept with him to make a real connection. He certainly looked annoyed when I told him I wanted to be friends. I wanted to be asked out properly. I'll never know.
katiegrl Posted April 16, 2016 Posted April 16, 2016 I guess I thought he might change from wanting a hook up to something real. If he had met me a bit earlier he might have chosen me even though I am LDR. Why say he was either IN or Out and that we could talk on phone to get to know each other? Was I a back-up plan in case it didn't work out with his girl friend OR was it just meaningless words again rather than banging phone down without any comment. I know he is married now but just trying to makes sense of what might have been. Maybe I should have slept with him to make a real connection. He certainly looked annoyed when I told him I wanted to be friends. I wanted to be asked out properly. I'll never know. sweetie, I say this with kindness and respect, but please stop. There are no "what ifs" .... only what IS. You sound very inexperienced. He wanted sex! Period, end of story. There was no "changing his mind" had you had sex with him...that thinking is very faulty and frankly nuts. You cannot "make" a man like you, respect you or want a RL with you. So please stop thinking if only you did this or that, he would have chosen you. He had a whole n'other relationship that you knew nothing about. The guy was a scammer. Please stop obsessing and move on. Not to sound harsh, but I doubt he is even giving you a second thought. He is in love with someone else, to whom he is now married. I'm sorry. 1
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