Jweik84 Posted June 17, 2005 Posted June 17, 2005 Ok lemme refresh my story a little, since its been awhile since I've posted here. I dated this girl in my hometown for 1 year. I got her pregeant when I was 15. While she was 4 months pregeant I caught her cheating on me. It kinda messed up my trust and self esteem issues. Anyways I moved to a different city and met this girl, Elaine. At first it was THE BEST relationship I could have wanted. Then she she did some things that i disagreed with, while we were drunk. It wasnt cheating, or anything close too it. This made me not trust her at all, + the fact that I had been cheated on before. So we started doing nothing. We stayed in my room, or her room all night. This went on until the summer of her graduation, when she dumped me a day before her last day of school. Her excuse was because I didn't want too do anything. I was heartbroken, but at the same time I know i messed up. I still feel the same way for her as I did when we were dating, we dated for 2.5 years. We haven't had much contact at all in the past year. Every now and then she would call when shes drunk or something at like 12 or 1 am. I never answered it because i knew it would just hurt too talk to her. She has a new boyfriend, and has been with him for about a year. So I started feeling better, and not missing her as much. Now tuesday was my 21st birthday. I was at work ( I Still work for her uncle) and she calls too wish me a happy birthday. I had ran up to the store so I didn't get her message. She dropped in on her lunch break and wished me a happy birthday and gave me a hug. She told me I should come up to her work after I got off. I did. I Went up there and we chatted a little bit, nothing serious. As i was leaving she told me I should call her tonight so we could hang out because she didn't have anything too do. Later that night, While i was drinking (it was my 21st birthday!) I called her. She didn't answer. An hour later she called my friends cell phone and asked too talk to me. She asked where we were at so i Told her outside my house. She came over and we hung out for like 10 minutes. Then somehow we started to wrestle. After I helped her get up, she gave me a hung, then a kiss on the cheeck, then she moved too my mouth and started making out with me. After the kiss, I asked her how her and her boyfriend was doing. Somehow the subject got onto cheating, and she said she's cheated on her boyfriend with like 4 or 5 guys. She said that she had been doing drugs too. We chatted about all that and I told her shes better then that. She told me we should talk when we were sober (She was prolly just saying that because she was drunk.) then she Said she was going to leave because if she didn't, we would have sex. This devisatated me. She went downhill after we broke up, and I'd like to know why. In your opinion, why would she cheat on her boyfriend, she didn't cheat on me. She was loving with me. She didn't do drugs. Infact, I told her once when we were going out that I had a coke problem before we met. She said if I ever did that while dating her she would never talk too me again. Now I find out that shes tryed it. This isn't her. When she was with me she was a Straight A student, and wasnt slutty like that. Now she has no plans to go to college and she does stupid crap when shes under the influence. I want too help her, But I Don't know how. I would like too get back with her, but not like this. feelings aside, I just want too help her. Shes acting like a slut and I don't know how to help her. As I said, I still work for her uncle. Her uncle and myself are pretty close, and I didn't know who to go to so i went too him and told him what his niece had been doing. I asked him not too tell anyone. What can I do?
sanne Posted June 18, 2005 Posted June 18, 2005 trust me you DO NOT WANT TO HELP THIS GIRL. it will only lead to more heartache and drama for you. people like her need to heal on their own time and by themselves, they don't need handouts from anyone. please i beg you stay the hell away from her. why would you want to be involved with a girl that has cheated on her boyfriend with 4 or 5 guys, it just doesn't make sense to me.
Author Jweik84 Posted June 18, 2005 Author Posted June 18, 2005 Because I know this isn't her, and because I love/care for her. Something happened to her when we broke up, something that made her go down hill. Like I said, she went from telling me if she ever seen me do drugs that she'd be gone, to actually doing them. And from her being a straight A student, to not having plans to go to college.
WhoSaidThat Posted June 18, 2005 Posted June 18, 2005 My belief is, once a cheater always a cheater. You need to seperate yourself from this girl as far as possible. She is only bad for herself, no one should be subjected to what she is spreading. You need to think about yourself in these situations, how would you feel if you were her new boyfriend and she was making out with her ex? Move on and take care of yourself first.
ConfusedInOC Posted June 18, 2005 Posted June 18, 2005 Don't rescue her. Once you do, and all the rescuing is done, she won't have a need for you anymore. She has problems that only she can fix. If you get involved, from what you say here, you'll only get hurt. And do you want her? She's been galavanting around with many men since you. What communicable diseases might she have now? Be careful with her. She's damaged goods.
Author Jweik84 Posted June 18, 2005 Author Posted June 18, 2005 How do I or you know that she is not damaged from ME treating her like ****? I can honestly say, I'm not like that anymore. Yes I would let by gone be by gone and take her back, as long as she didn't cheat on me. This isn't her and to not help or try to help seems not right. If you loved someone, and she had problems, you would try to help her, yes? Please remeber, I said feelings Asaid. Yes i WANT to get back with her, but I want to help her before anything. As a friend.
miss-gonewest Posted June 18, 2005 Posted June 18, 2005 She sounds like she's pretty confused at the moment and until she wants to help herself, I don't think she's going to be too open to you helping her out. You're only 21 - she is obviously 'growing up' but not in the right way. If she thinks getting drunk, doing drugs and sleeping around is what grown ups do, then you have to let her get it out of her system... and that could take a while. Until she sees that what she is doing is wrong, I can't see that she will want to take criticism from you on her lifestyle choices. If you must help her, you have to get to a point when you can both sit down somewhere quiet, when she is sober and clean and talk to her. And it would probably help if her boyfriend wasn't there either. Perhaps his lifestyle is influencing her - only you know what type of people she is hanging out with. And remember, its probably not her that's acting like a slut - its the booze and drugs that are making her behave the way she is.... when you're smashed, its pretty hard to control your behavior. So until she wants to dry out, she will continue to be used and to use other people. I don't much like your chances, but I admire the fact that you want to help her. You may want to have a chat to her current bf and see what his take on it is... or not... I don't know, it seems to be a pretty nasty situation. Good luck.
Author Jweik84 Posted June 18, 2005 Author Posted June 18, 2005 I agree with you that shes confused. I want to say I didn't have anything to do with it, but I can't. She might be having a problem with trust issues now, thinking that anyboyfriends she has will just turn out like I did when i was stupid.
ConfusedInOC Posted June 18, 2005 Posted June 18, 2005 Originally posted by Jweik84 How do I or you know that she is not damaged from ME treating her like ****? I can honestly say, I'm not like that anymore. Yes I would let by gone be by gone and take her back, as long as she didn't cheat on me. This isn't her and to not help or try to help seems not right. If you loved someone, and she had problems, you would try to help her, yes? Please remeber, I said feelings Asaid. Yes i WANT to get back with her, but I want to help her before anything. As a friend. If you want to help her, do it. But don't get into a relationship with her in the process other than being her friend. That's my advice.
Author Jweik84 Posted June 18, 2005 Author Posted June 18, 2005 Yes I said feelings aside. Who knows, maybe if she does get help something will happen between us, I'm not expecting it though.
ConfusedInOC Posted June 18, 2005 Posted June 18, 2005 Originally posted by Jweik84 Yes I said feelings aside. Who knows, maybe if she does get help something will happen between us, This statement contradicts... I'm not expecting it though. ...this statement. IMHO, you seem intent on fixing her problems so you two can get back together. A relationship based on "rescuing" someone or being a "caretaker" is not only unhealthy, it will not last. I don't know that you can "fix" her. It seems to be her problems are better addressed with professional help. Not that I don't think you can't help her in some way, but her behavior indicates deeply rooted personal issues.
Author Jweik84 Posted June 18, 2005 Author Posted June 18, 2005 I'm not expecting it, meaning I'm not expecting us to get back together.
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