Overly emotional boyfriend

[sempietok]

Hello everyone,

 

I would like to have some advice.

 

I've been 6 months in a relationship with a guy 21 years of age, I am 23 years of age.

 

From these 6 months, 4 are nothing but trouble. I love him a lot, he is kind, intelligent, artistic and stuff but he is also overly emotional. He cries about 5 times a week, most of the times without proper reason. I asked him if he is depressed and he responded that he is not. He told me he is just like this. The problem is that I am the ground he is standing on, so if I am not doing well just for a short time he falls with me.

 

On top of this he has very controlling parents that get constantly angry for nothing. They don't want him to have a serious relationship and he has no freedom to do nearly anything. They insulted me without reasons a couple of times and blamed me for things I didn't even do. Things like that I keep him from studying while he studies much more because of me. I am also not welcome and because of this I sometimes have to miss important things in our life that mean a lot to me, for example watching him at his first concert next week. His mother also shares annoying posts about relationships on facebook pointed to us. They piss me off.

 

On top of this we had a big fight last week. We were supposed to have a romantic weekend together because my housemates were away. It would have been the second time in 6 months that we had the apartment together. But on saturday he went to visit his mother that came to this town for 5 hours. After all these things, plus that week I heard his father got angry because I want him to visit my family with me this summer in spain and the Netherlands, one week each. (as i live in italy but im Dutch and see them 2 or 3 times a year). So I got angry, told him I was disappointed that he went away and that the weekend was ruined for me. We both ended up in a fight, him telling me that its not a big deal that he went away, me that I looked forward for this alone weekend with him for the entire week. Then he called me crazy like my mother. That hurt me a lot cause she has borderline. Even though he regrets it immensely I just feel like this relationship is overwhelming.

 

On top of this all, whenever we have a fight he wants to break up, one day he says he loves me a lot the other day he suddenly is not sure.

 

This stuff all together is making me crazy. Mainly his emotional heaviness and his family interference.

 

I love him but I do not know how to deal with this anymore, yet I do not want to leave him already.

 

Maybe any advice?

Edited April 17, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Language~T

[Gloria25]

IMO, you don't owe a thing to someone who won't take care of themselves.

 

IMO, when we date, we have a responsibility to bring our best "selves" to the relationship. That means my debts, baggage, emotional/psychological issues, etc. are not mine to burden to person I'm dating. That's why priests, counselors, doctors, etc. exist. The priests, counselors, etc not only are the appropriate venue to get support for your issues, but they have the knowledge/training/experience to help you to get to a better place - not someone you're dating/married to.

[preraph]

Sounds to me like he's switching his dependence on his parents or mother over to you. The fact he made that statement, well, he sees something in you that was familiar to him, and that something is his mother. I can't see this being a healthy relationship since he doesn't have a good relationship with them and whatever he learned, he learned from them, and now you are starting to see that. I think there's too much going on with him emotionally.

[bathtub-row]

He's a drama king and a child. I have no idea why you're still with this guy. I would've ditched him a long time ago. You need a man who's your equal, not some crybaby momma's boy.

[Methodical]

I'm not a person who has issues with a man showing emotions, but crying 5 out of 7 days for seemingly no reason other than that's how he is wired would be off-putting to me. And his co-dependency would drive me bonkers.

[acrosstheuniverse]

Hello everyone,

 

I would like to have some advice.

 

I've been 6 months in a relationship with a guy 21 years of age, I am 23 years of age.

 

From these 6 months, 4 are nothing but trouble.

 

 

Honestly, stopped reading after this. If two whole thirds of your short R have been 'nothing but trouble' you need to end it. The first few months are supposed to be sunshine and rainbows, some people have the occasional problem but not 'nothing but trouble'. If you can't even be happy and compatible when you're both infatuated and on your best behaviour, what hope do you have when life kicks in and things get rough down the line?

 

You're wasting your time.

[ft yacht]

I'm not a person who has issues with a man showing emotions, but crying 5 out of 7 days for seemingly no reason other than that's how he is wired would be off-putting to me. And his co-dependency would drive me bonkers.

 

ive never known a girl who would put up with that. many girls will lose their attraction if a guy cries even once a month. a guy needs to be tough if he's going to attract girls

[Methodical]

Personally, anyone who cries on a regular basis for no good reason would be off-putting, imo...male or female.

[Buddhist]

I love him a lot, he is kind, intelligent, artistic and stuff but he is also overly emotional. He cries about 5 times a week, most of the times without proper reason.

 

I'm sorry but this just sounds overly judgemental of you. Who are you to decide if he has a 'proper reason' to cry? It's this kind of judgement which makes people unhealthily suppress their emotions and end up with severe mental issues down the line. You do realise that crying is a natural mechanism of the human body to release stress don't you? It's not for you to decide if he's sufficiently stressed enough to release it. :roll eyes: Everyone is different, everyone has different thresholds and you're threshold and triggers are not his. Give the guy a break.

 

He told me he is just like this. The problem is that I am the ground he is standing on, so if I am not doing well just for a short time he falls with me.

 

He's a sensitive artist, his emotional thresholds are different to yours. You need to accept this. You are not the ground he is standing on and neither should you ever be. Remove yourself from this self-appointed position and feel the relief in doing so. He lived his life before you came along and he'll continue to do so well after you're gone.

 

On top of this he has very controlling parents that get constantly angry for nothing.

 

So I think we can see his 'proper reason' for crying five times a week. It's pretty obvious you are a pretty controlling girlfriend as well getting angry at him for nothing.

 

They don't want him to have a serious relationship and he has no freedom to do nearly anything..... They piss me off.

 

So now we are getting to bottom of your anger. It actually has nothing to do with him. You are pissed off with his parents.

 

On top of this we had a big fight last week. ...But on saturday he went to visit his mother that came to this town for 5 hours. ....I heard his father got angry because I want him to visit my family with me this summer in spain and the Netherlands, one week each. (as i live in italy but im Dutch and see them 2 or 3 times a year). So I got angry.....I just feel like this relationship is overwhelming.

 

Thats because you've engaged in a power struggle with his parents.

 

On top of this all, whenever we have a fight he wants to break up, one day he says he loves me a lot the other day he suddenly is not sure.

 

Probably because you are acting very similarly to his own parents. It's confusing, it's a dynamic he's familiar with hence the I love you's. He's been taught that power struggle = love and on the other hand they are his family and you are just a girlfriend. I can see the conflict here, why can't you?

 

This stuff all together is making me crazy. Mainly his emotional heaviness and his family interference.

 

I am pretty sure your power struggle with his parents and anger towards him are probably making him crazy too. It's not a problem with his emotional heaviness but with your anger.

 

I love him but I do not know how to deal with this anymore, yet I do not want to leave him already.

 

I'm not sure how to break this to you but you will not win. He will side with his family, they are family. You are a girlfriend and there is nothing in your relationship to persuade him that being with you is big enough to leave his parents in the dust. End it now before you waste further time and put both of you under further pressure.

[ft yacht]

Personally, anyone who cries on a regular basis for no good reason would be off-putting, imo...male or female.

 

but it's different among the genders. some girls cry every day, but have boyfriends and husbands. a guy crying more than once a month doesn't do well in dating and relationships and even more damming is he's regularly mocked by other guys.

[Buddhist]

but it's different among the genders. some girls cry every day, but have boyfriends and husbands. a guy crying more than once a month doesn't do well in dating and relationships and even more damming is he's regularly mocked by other guys.

 

This is because we live in a society that thinks censoring human emotion is a healthy thing to do. We've come to see emotional suppression as the indicator of maturity. It's not. Experiencing emotion and dealing with it appropriately is.

 

The OMG you cry too much on this thread quite frankly is alarming. As if we are all put on this earth for the express purpose of performing for others. Bottom line, if the OP doesn't want to witness her BF crying she shouldn't be dating him, much less projecting her anger about it onto him, his parents and every other condition of the relationship she see's as wrong. She should realise he isn't the one for her and move on if what she wants is a guy who does not cry. It's the same as a man dating a fat woman and trying to make her thin. It's an unfair thing to do. You either accept people as they are or you have a responsibility to put your focus elsewhere.

[Methodical]

I'm not a person who has issues with a man showing emotions, but crying 5 out of 7 days for seemingly no reason other than that's how he is wired would be off-putting to me. And his co-dependency would drive me bonkers.

 

but it's different among the genders. some girls cry every day, but have boyfriends and husbands. a guy crying more than once a month doesn't do well in dating and relationships and even more damming is he's regularly mocked by other guys.

 

FT,

 

How does a girl with a bf or husband, yet cries everyday, come into play even after I stated that a male or female crying 5 out of 7 days "w/o proper reason" (which is a quote from the OP's original post so as to stay on topic) would be off-putting to me? "To me" was placed in bold font bc I'm well aware that not everyone holds the same opinion as we clearly see from others' post, so there's no need to quote and debate MY opinion or preference.

Edited April 17, 2016 by Methodical

[bathtub-row]

but it's different among the genders. some girls cry every day, but have boyfriends and husbands. a guy crying more than once a month doesn't do well in dating and relationships and even more damming is he's regularly mocked by other guys.

 

Male or female - anyone crying every day is just completely ridiculous!

[Methodical]

I don't know anyone who cries everyday (infants excluded) unless there are underlying issues that need to be properly addressed by a medical professional.