SThawk Posted April 15, 2016 Posted April 15, 2016 So, Over a year and a half now me and my ex broke up. We broke up because she felt I was being controlling because I wanted her to get help with her substance abuse problems. Even though she told me she loved me and i was amazing she didn't think she had a problem. We only fought when it came to the drugs and alcohol or when she was using. I was never mean to her after the breakup but she turned pretty ugly afterwards. Started drinking more and partying. Still living at home started dating a junkie, then somebody else that i guess wasn't that good of a guy. After our breakup we never had a real good talk about anything. I was upset and hurt for a good 8 months, but still thought about her every day. I finally stopped being so emotional about the breakup and realized it was best not to be in that relationship. So about 6 months ago I ran into her and she couldn't look at me or talk to me civially. (Mind you I really didn't do anything to warrant the reaction.) Im a pretty balanced person I don't over react and I believe I'm very honest and kind. Anyway. I really just kinda wanna talk to her. I do miss her as a person and I feel like we didn't really leave off on a good foot and I guess I'd like to remedy that. So anyway I sent her a text a few days ago with a quick little joke and hello, but no response. I just don't get why I would be ignored.
d0nnivain Posted April 15, 2016 Posted April 15, 2016 You were ignored because you are an EX. You may have been blocked. She may have also been drunk or high & unable to text. Either way her lack of response is her her response: leave her alone. 2
PegNosePete Posted April 15, 2016 Posted April 15, 2016 I really just kinda wanna talk to her Well, she kinda doesn't wanna talk to you. You can't force someone to talk if they don't want to. Just forget her and move on... 1
NopeNah Posted April 15, 2016 Posted April 15, 2016 I'd probably stake out her house or place of work to show her how non-controlling I am..you know,true love,yadda,yadda...Seriously...leave her alone. She wants nothing to do with you. If she's drugging/drinking that's her problem,no longer yours.
Author SThawk Posted April 15, 2016 Author Posted April 15, 2016 Well it's funny because every couple weeks she stalks my FB. So I was just going to be the one to break the ice and say hello. But awesome advice from all of you lol.
PegNosePete Posted April 15, 2016 Posted April 15, 2016 Well it's funny because every couple weeks she stalks my FB. Block her. Problem solved. 2
CarrieT Posted April 15, 2016 Posted April 15, 2016 Well it's funny because every couple weeks she stalks my FB. If you block her entirely, you won't know she is stalking you. The sooner you remove triggers of her from your life, the easier it will be for you to move on. 2
keiji Posted April 15, 2016 Posted April 15, 2016 Well it's funny because every couple weeks she stalks my FB. How do you know? 2
BC1980 Posted April 15, 2016 Posted April 15, 2016 She's not obligated to talk to you or be friends with you. I know that you feel differently, but she apparently doesn't want to keep in contact. You should respect her wishes. It's probably awkward for her to see you or talk to you. I know that it was awkward the first few times I ran into my ex at work. I didn't speak to him because I just don't want to go back to that place or be reminded of him. You mentioned that you didn't do anything so bad that was worth her ignoring you. She may not feel you did anything awful, but that doesn't mean she wants to talk to you or be friends with you. She probably just wants to move on and actually didn't consider you at all in her decision. It's not a judgement on your character if an ex does not want to be friends with you. Also, how do you know she stalks your FB?
Author SThawk Posted April 15, 2016 Author Posted April 15, 2016 Also, how do you know she stalks your FB? She never had a FB account while we dated. About 2 months we split she popped up on my people you may know list. She has 0 friends which also means we have 0 mutual friends. I have an email address that nobody knows on my FB account and my phone number or contact list is not attached. I never looked at her profile. It will disappear and reappear every couple weeks and sometimes multiple times a week. I was curious on how the search and people you may know worked so I started doing some extensive testing and it comes down to somebody viewing your profile for it to pop up. yes other factors do play a part, but luckily she had none of those are factors. ie friends, phone number, email to relate to my account. I don't post anything public and rarely ever post I mostly read news feeds. Long story short I'm 99% sure it's her looking. Sure curiosity on her part, but like I said I sent a friendly hello and just got nothing back. Not devastated just confused. I was only asking more on anyone elses experience on a why somebody would ignore. I've talked to all my ex's in some shape or form over the years even if it was just a simple hello hows it going chit chat. Mostly they've reached out to me. Then again we weren't as serious as this particular woman. It's not like this was just some girl fyi. We lived together, going to get married together for over 6 years. She broke my heart and she knows it, but I'm past that.
elaine567 Posted April 15, 2016 Posted April 15, 2016 She broke up with you because she thought you were "controlling", I guess she simply doesn't want to revisit that part of her life. Many people do not want to be friends with their ex, for lots of different reasons. I think you should leave her alone, both for your sake as well as hers. 1
BC1980 Posted April 15, 2016 Posted April 15, 2016 I was only asking more on anyone elses experience on a why somebody would ignore. I've talked to all my ex's in some shape or form over the years even if it was just a simple hello hows it going chit chat. Mostly they've reached out to me. Then again we weren't as serious as this particular woman. It's not like this was just some girl fyi. We lived together, going to get married together for over 6 years. She broke my heart and she knows it, but I'm past that. I can give you several different reasons why someone would ignore an ex. I can give you reasons I have done so with my recent ex. Mostly with him, I just don't think I could move on if I maintained any connection to him. I think it's probably that simple in most cases. I just think it's healthier for me to stay away completely and for good. He does feel differently and would like some type of connection to me. I can tell you that's it's very disrespectful that he continues to attempt to befriend me. It just kind of reiterates why I want nothing to do with him because he is prioritizing his needs over what I have clearly communicated to be my wishes. Most likely she just wants to move on. I think the bigger question is: why does it bother you so much that she does not want to be in contact with you. It seems like you take her decision very personally and judging your character. Also, I don't think you are past her if you are so concerned with her dummy FB account and are this affected by her refusal to answer a text. When you have moved past her, you won't care about this kind of stuff.
Author SThawk Posted April 15, 2016 Author Posted April 15, 2016 I have clearly communicated to be my wishes. There is the difference.
LD1990 Posted April 15, 2016 Posted April 15, 2016 There is the difference. Her ignoring your attempt at contact pretty clearly communicates her wishes not to be in contact with you.
Author SThawk Posted April 15, 2016 Author Posted April 15, 2016 Her ignoring your attempt at contact pretty clearly communicates her wishes not to be in contact with you. Then to check my social media. Yup makes sense.
Zahara Posted April 15, 2016 Posted April 15, 2016 Then to check my social media. Yup makes sense. She could just be curious as to what's going on in your life but that doesn't mean she has any interest is having communication. 4
BC1980 Posted April 15, 2016 Posted April 15, 2016 Then to check my social media. Yup makes sense. Your interpretation of her looking at your social media is the problem. It doesn't mean she wants any contact. It means she is curious. 2
ExpatInItaly Posted April 15, 2016 Posted April 15, 2016 You need to consider that talking to her at this point, so long after the breakup, isn't likely to serve you in a positive way. What good do you hope will come of it? 1
LD1990 Posted April 15, 2016 Posted April 15, 2016 I've checked social media of people I have no intention of communicating with. Many people I know have done the same. It's not uncommon to check out of pure curiosity without any intention of reconnecting. You or others could come up with countless theories as to why she is ignoring you, but it's a pointless exercise because only she knows the real reason. She ignored you so she clearly doesn't want to be in contact. Why does that bother you so much? Were you holding out hope for a reconciliation? 1
Simon Phoenix Posted April 15, 2016 Posted April 15, 2016 Then to check my social media. Yup makes sense. So what? Curiousity doesn't mean that she wants to have a conversation with you. I've looked up people on Facebook randomly with no desire to ever talk to them. You took a shot at the text, she decided not to respond, game over. And the game will continue to be over unless she decides to make a direct move at contact. That means texting, calling, or saying hi if you were to see her in-person randomly. Looking at someone's profile on social media does not mean you want to talk to that person. Also, if you and her have mutual friends, or are linked due to being friends with friends, she would show up on "People You May Know" without her looking at your profile. Either way, you are trying to move the goalposts to pitch a storyline that isn't there. If she wanted to talk to you, she'd talk to you. You've made it known that you want to talk, so there's no "fear of rejection" on her part. 2
Emilia Posted April 15, 2016 Posted April 15, 2016 An ex of mine stalks me on LinkedIn but won't talk to me. I don't try to talk to him either, I send him the occasional information I know might help him at his work, he keeps an eye on how I am doing. That's the extent of our communication and to be honest, I don't know what I'd say to him outside that because reconciliation is out of the question.
kendahke Posted April 15, 2016 Posted April 15, 2016 I"m curious--how do you know when someone is checking your FB page? I've never figured out how to check for that.
BC1980 Posted April 15, 2016 Posted April 15, 2016 I"m curious--how do you know when someone is checking your FB page? I've never figured out how to check for that. As far as I know, there is no way to know that. OP said he knows because she showed up on his "Friends You May Know," but I have tons of people that show up on that, and I have never looked at their FB page. I have no clue who they are. OP, my recent ex has asked mutual friends how I am doing and what I am up to, but that only means he is curious. It means nothing more. I have looked up exes or other people on FB out of sheer curiosity. People do it all the time. Social media allows you to be anonymous like that. 2
ChickiePops Posted April 16, 2016 Posted April 16, 2016 Your ex broke up with you because she said you were controlling. The posters here aren't telling you what you want to hear and you can't control the opinions you're getting so you're lashing out. Is that the same thing you did to her when she didn't fall in line? Perhaps there is a lesson to be learned here.
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