sagamore Posted April 15, 2016 Posted April 15, 2016 Question: Friend and her boyfriend have been dating a little while, like 4-6 months or so. Both cerebral people and love to debate politics/give each other ideas for work. My friend is a logical, straight-forward thinking type; her bf is too, but he's also pretty blunt and not a natural complimenter. So they go out one night and talk about their jobs and he pokes a little bit of fun at hers (their jobs, while both amazing, are very different). She asks him if he truly respects her intellect and her work, and he says, "of course - I think you're very smart and one of the more accomplished people I know." Would you be reassured by this? She isn't sure - but she admits to being an over-analyzer. Thank you!
d0nnivain Posted April 15, 2016 Posted April 15, 2016 Yes, I would be reassured by that. A cerebral BF who says such a thing after having it pointed out that his teasing hurt someone's feelings is to be believed as long as he doesn't continue to demean her job. 2
PegNosePete Posted April 15, 2016 Posted April 15, 2016 I would not need such reassurances in the first place. 3
LoveRefreshed Posted April 15, 2016 Posted April 15, 2016 I see two people with overly large egos most likely. Anyone who things their field is more important than Chemistr... I mean more important than others have egos. I doubt he would be dating her seriously if he didn't respect her intellect. 1
Author sagamore Posted April 15, 2016 Author Posted April 15, 2016 I would not need such reassurances in the first place. Congratulations. May I ask why? Based upon who you are, or other information contained in the prompt?
PegNosePete Posted April 15, 2016 Posted April 15, 2016 Congratulations. May I ask why? Based upon who you are, or other information contained in the prompt? The original post states that he was poking fun therefore I assume that she knew he was poking fun at the time rather than realized it in retrospect. As LR says above, I doubt he would be dating her for 4-6 months if he didn't respect her intellect. Her response asking if he truly respects her is needy and insecure. But he handled it with grace.
d0nnivain Posted April 15, 2016 Posted April 15, 2016 Sagamore -- I don't know PegNosePete from a hole in the wall other than as a fellow poster on LS. I do not purport to speak for him. That said he's a confident GUY. Read his other posts. Men communicate with each other via teasing. They call each other names & have relationships based on one-upsmanship and competition. That is not how women communicate. Thus your friend took umbrage at her BF's comment & wondered if he thought she was dumb or inferior. Most men would have let the comment roll off their backs because it was simple banter. The disconnect came from communications styles which was incorrectly translated by your friend due to the filter of her own insecurities. I get where she's coming from & have done the same thing. That doesn't mean her BF thinks she is inferior. 2
Author sagamore Posted April 15, 2016 Author Posted April 15, 2016 Sagamore -- I don't know PegNosePete from a hole in the wall other than as a fellow poster on LS. I do not purport to speak for him. That said he's a confident GUY. Read his other posts. Men communicate with each other via teasing. They call each other names & have relationships based on one-upsmanship and competition. That is not how women communicate. Thus your friend took umbrage at her BF's comment & wondered if he thought she was dumb or inferior. Most men would have let the comment roll off their backs because it was simple banter. The disconnect came from communications styles which was incorrectly translated by your friend due to the filter of her own insecurities. I get where she's coming from & have done the same thing. That doesn't mean her BF thinks she is inferior. Thanks a lot. This all makes sense. (PegNosePete: I admit to some incredulity that one question on the part of a woman in a relationship, following a lot of ribbing/iron-sharpening-iron type of stuff, automatically makes HER needy and insecure rather than making HIM just a tad oblivious. But I appreciate the perspective.)
PegNosePete Posted April 15, 2016 Posted April 15, 2016 (PegNosePete: I admit to some incredulity that one question on the part of a woman in a relationship, following a lot of ribbing/iron-sharpening-iron type of stuff, automatically makes HER needy and insecure rather than making HIM just a tad oblivious. But I appreciate the perspective.) Woah, hold on there We've escalated from "poking a little fun" to "a lot of ribbing/iron-sharpening-iron type of stuff" very quickly. Also people aren't so black and white. Just because she says one insecure question, does not make her an insecure person. I like to think I'm a confident guy but I do insecure things on occasion too. Everyone does. From this one snippet I can't tell whether she's insecure, all I can say is that in my opinion that one comment was insecure based on "poking a little fun". If it was actually "a lot of ribbing/iron-sharpening" then it changes matters entirely. 2
Mrin Posted April 15, 2016 Posted April 15, 2016 (edited) Sagamore -- I don't know PegNosePete from a hole in the wall other than as a fellow poster on LS. I do not purport to speak for him. That said he's a confident GUY. Read his other posts. Men communicate with each other via teasing. They call each other names & have relationships based on one-upsmanship and competition. That is not how women communicate. Thus your friend took umbrage at her BF's comment & wondered if he thought she was dumb or inferior. Most men would have let the comment roll off their backs because it was simple banter. The disconnect came from communications styles which was incorrectly translated by your friend due to the filter of her own insecurities. I get where she's coming from & have done the same thing. That doesn't mean her BF thinks she is inferior. LOL. So much truth to this. We men show affection for each other through ridicule and physical assault. Seriously, just watch us around each other some time. I consider myself to be an evolved male but the other day I was waiting with my GF's two pre-teen sons for their mom to show up. I really love those boys and we were having fun. So I expressed my affection by putting one of them in a headlock and giving him a nuggie while the other one jumped on my back and tried to choke me. It just dawned on me that this was the dude equivalent of a hug. Back ON TOPIC: OP, ya, I would be reassured by this. He wouldn't have said it if he didn't believe it. Edited April 15, 2016 by Mrin 1
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