smile95 Posted June 17, 2005 Posted June 17, 2005 I need advice...most of you know my story. BF for 3 yrs-he was not very attentive or appreciative but I loved him and he loved me. Planned a future. Small snag...he is going thru a div and a stressful job and child involved in the div. He takes these"breaks" where he will go a month w/out talking to me when something happens and he needs space due to all that is happ in his life. I alwasys take him back. 5 times actaully. It has almost been a month since he has called and I miss him and love him and he never ended it, just stopped talking to me. I have a feeling he will call ONE day, but if you were going thru what he is, how would you feel if you got a card from me saying I hope you are ok and I love you and I miss you and I am sorry if you are stressed right now. Or would it be better if i sent a card saying that we should go our sep ways and since you will not say it, i will and tell him that I am sorry we could not make this work. Which would give me closre. Me ending it. What would he do? nothing? anything?
WhoSaidThat Posted June 17, 2005 Posted June 17, 2005 How do you know this pattern of his is ever going to end? I think you need to sit down and talk to him and tell him your feelings and have him tell you his, and then you can decide what to do. When one person strings along another person it never ends happily, IMHO.
Author smile95 Posted June 17, 2005 Author Posted June 17, 2005 I would loooove to talk to him, but that is why I stopped. He ignored all efforts that I made to talk and tried to get answers and I finally felt so hurt, I stoipped trying and it has almost been a month of me not calling. If he does call, wanting me back, I guess Ican tell him then that things need to change and he cannot shut me out, but I really crave him right now. But, I am afraid that a card will just make him think that he still has me and he can continue to ignore me. Do guys usually stick to what they do in the past until the other person leaves them? Isn't the past a good predictor of the future behavior(Dr. Phil says so anyway)
WhoSaidThat Posted June 18, 2005 Posted June 18, 2005 I think it is time for you to give your heart time to heal. It's like the old saying "If you love them let them go, if they love you they will come back". You need to think about yourself and your feelings. Do you really want to play the yo-yo game forever? Let him figure out what he wants while you figure out exactly what you want. Don't give in to selfish or depressed feelings that make you think the easy way out is the best way. Sometimes the hardest roads are the most prosperous. If you let yourself settle for someone that doesn't even know if they want you then you have compromised the promise you should have made to yourself a long time ago, I must come first.
Jadey Posted June 18, 2005 Posted June 18, 2005 Man you NEED to stop bothering with this guy! I mean 5 times? Come on. He cant keep dropping you when things go bad then taking you back with a snap of the fingers when he feels alright again. Youre not a toy, he is playing you for a toy! This pattern will not stop untill YOU stop it by ignoring him. Do NC. Do not send him anything! You are showing him you have ver little self worth and guys dont like that. A divorce is no excuse to just stop talkig to you. I mean wow atleast end it! Sorry if im sounding harsh but erm, its needed..
Author smile95 Posted June 18, 2005 Author Posted June 18, 2005 thanks everyone. Reading all of this snaps me back to reality. I get panicky and have irratioanl thoughts some days and it is nice to be able to come here and prevent myself from going in the wrong direction! Sometimes(all of the time) I cannot see things in my pwn situation and I need to!
SoleMate Posted June 18, 2005 Posted June 18, 2005 How about if you send a nice Hallmark card with some flowers and hearts and junk on the front, and inside you write, "Up yours for treating me as a plaything to be used for your convenience. Watch your back because you have NO idea when I'm going to be letting your W know what you've been doing and saying." You can get even better closure by seriously vandalizing his car while it is parked in his marital driveway, because then I can pretty well assure you that your thing with him will be over and you will not have to worry about him calling you, ever again. If that's not "CLOSURE", then I don't know what is. C'mon ladies! The MM treats you like a used Kleenex - except when he needs to blow his nose, then he treats you like the freshest, most beautiful, most desirable Kleenex he has ever seen. I understand love and pain, but why don't YOU understand GETTING PISSED OFF AND NOT TAKING IT ANYMORE!!!!?????
Author smile95 Posted June 18, 2005 Author Posted June 18, 2005 interesting, but he is sep, almost divorced....has not lived at home for 3 yrs and the soon to be ex wife has a bf and they agreed it was ok to date others....but good idea!
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