Bobby2 Posted April 15, 2016 Posted April 15, 2016 (edited) I met this girl a year ago, dated her for a year and a few months now. But here's the issue, after 8 months into a relationship, she told me something I never would've imagine...she had kids (twins). She's been hiding it from me for 8 months as she's not sure if I'm the right one for her, she said she didn't want to do no mistakes no more that's why she hide it. So if I'm not the right one for her, she would just keep it the "secret" and find a reason to break off with me. Yes, she did tried to break off with me for the most stupidest reason, force herself to break off with me and I always ask her why and she has no proper reason because she's hiding the fact that she has kids. But I can see it in her eyes and the way she cry when she said that she wanted to break she actually doesn't want to, so I always ask her what's wrong and then tell her everything's gonna be alright. Until the 2nd time she wanted to break off again and I flipped and said I love you with all my heart why are you doing this and she suddenly cried so hard and finally tell me the trut, this is what she said - I wanted to silently leave all these while it's because I don't want you to love a girl like me (who has kids), who did a mistake and all...at that point of time after I heard that, it actually broke my heart and I gave it a thought, would i wanna date a girl with kids..it's a different ball game. And I think for a week or two and I told myself..she's so perfect, we have almost everything in common and I have the best time with her, she's nice, sweet and always put others ahead of her. How can I let go of a girl just because she did a mistake in the past. Now here's the issue, I always wonder why for the past year why she doesn't let me post our photos on fb and everything and why I can't meet her parents and all. But now I finally know why, because she had kids before and no one knows that she has broken up with her ex as her ex is working overseas for 2 years now (only her parents and brother knows about us now and just recently she told her ex about us), and that she is currently dating me now... The problem maybe it lies in me...I feel that it's unfair, I mean I feel like **** that after a year with her, I still can't even comment on her facebook photos where her family members are tagged in (her mom and dad doesn't use fb), she said her aunt and uncle and everyone else still doesn't know about me yet and she has a kid before with her ex so they don't know that they've broken up, for 2 years now since he left overseas. I asked her why only her dad and mom knows about this she said other family members of hers didn't talk about her ex so she will not just go up to them and said hey, I've broken up with my ex, that's her reason.... And now I'm in this situation...like a secret of hers except from her dad and mom and her brothers and I CAN't EVEN DO SIMPLE STUFF like tagging photos of us on fb, or EVEN commenting on her fb where her family members are tagged because my profile pic is a pic of me and her...I mean I feel...wtf..and I always see her posting photos of her kid and everyone knows where the kid come from and who's the kid and everything and it always remind me of her ex. Like everyone knows about her ex even though they've broken up 2 years ago (but she didn't tell anyone like I said) and I'm like a dirty secret or something...I means she has moved on in a way(I can tell she loves me so much) and everything, isn't it right to move on completely and let us be free in whatever we do...? Everyone's keep thinking they're still together and I'm non existent for a year or so now, I mean isn't that selfish that I'm right here together with her but everyone else is still talking about her ex because they think that they're still together...because she doesn't wanna break the news? If you saw her social media sites, no way you'll know that I'm in her life because of this..I feel it's selfish that I have to be a secret or some sort, i mean since the ex she had a kid with has broken of her for 3 and a half years now and I've been dating her for a little over a year, isn't it time for us to move on and be free from what we are doing..I don't know why it's so hard for her to just tell everyone about is except for her dad and mom, I mean what's wrong, it was mistake that she had a kid with someone she didn't love enough to marry (she was 18 or so, now she's 23) so it's normal to have a new guy although you have a kid, right? She's afraid people will talk bad about her like she has a new guy while her ex is working overseas working and all, but I mean, the issue arises because she has been keeping the secret of them having broke off ****ing two years ago... Am I wrong to feel this way...? Edited April 15, 2016 by Bobby2
elaine567 Posted April 15, 2016 Posted April 15, 2016 Is this a cultural thing perhaps? Or does the "ex" actually know he is an "ex".
Haydn Posted April 15, 2016 Posted April 15, 2016 How did she keep it secret for so long??? I assume you can`t be living together? What, when one of the kids got sick, did she get a call and rush off? Very confusing. Sounds that she may still be in a RS with someone else? To hide you for so long. Did she post pictures of her kids before you found out????
Author Bobby2 Posted April 15, 2016 Author Posted April 15, 2016 Is this a cultural thing perhaps? Or does the "ex" actually know he is an "ex". Hmmmm, what do you mean if it's a cultural thing? She told her ex like a month ago as the ex texts her around once a week or something and according to her he'll just ask her questions like has she eaten, showered etc, and then he'll ask about his kids, but when she told him about me, according to her, he apparently just ignored what she said and continued to ask about the kids and everything until now it's like this. Is this another problem for me...or is it not?
Author Bobby2 Posted April 15, 2016 Author Posted April 15, 2016 How did she keep it secret for so long??? I assume you can`t be living together? What, when one of the kids got sick, did she get a call and rush off? Very confusing. Sounds that she may still be in a RS with someone else? To hide you for so long. Did she post pictures of her kids before you found out???? I don't live in her home as she stays away from the city, I rented a condo in the city and lived with her. I stay in singapore and she stays in thai and we always stay in the condo when I'm there. She post pictures of her kids on fb but I didn't ask much, I thought it was her nephew or something...I didn't think it will turn out to be her kid
Haydn Posted April 15, 2016 Posted April 15, 2016 `has she eaten, has she showered????` I don`t think an ex asks these questions.... They have kids so they have to stay in touch etc... But an ex he shouldn`t really be part of her life in a personal sense, just have a good arrangement for the kids.
elaine567 Posted April 15, 2016 Posted April 15, 2016 I mean is it dishonourable/shameful in her culture/religion to get a divorce, is this a secret from her wider family as it would bring shame to her immediate family.
elaine567 Posted April 15, 2016 Posted April 15, 2016 `has she eaten, has she showered????` I don`t think an ex asks these questions.... They have kids so they have to stay in touch etc... But an ex he shouldn`t really be part of her life in a personal sense, just have a good arrangement for the kids. The ex has gone abroad to work, I guess he doesn't know he is the ex. He is probably still sending money home, so she and her family do not want to mention the bf.
Author Bobby2 Posted April 15, 2016 Author Posted April 15, 2016 I mean is it dishonourable/shameful in her culture/religion to get a divorce, is this a secret from her wider family as it would bring shame to her immediate family. They weren't even married, was about to and everything gone wrong between both parents and such
Author Bobby2 Posted April 15, 2016 Author Posted April 15, 2016 `has she eaten, has she showered????` I don`t think an ex asks these questions.... They have kids so they have to stay in touch etc... But an ex he shouldn`t really be part of her life in a personal sense, just have a good arrangement for the kids. That's what I told her and she says whenever he text her have to ask about that first and then talk about the kids like how's the kid doing this month etc...I told her an ex doesn't ask personal questions like that and she said. How can I stop him..I would just answer him yes or no..
Haydn Posted April 15, 2016 Posted April 15, 2016 Hmmm, I think you should ask her for transparency about your RS. Something is very wrong here. You don`t really know where you stand.
Author Bobby2 Posted April 15, 2016 Author Posted April 15, 2016 The ex has gone abroad to work, I guess he doesn't know he is the ex. He is probably still sending money home, so she and her family do not want to mention the bf. I mean he should know that he's an ex and even if the family is scared that he isn't sending money for the kid anymore after telling him, I believe the guy still needs to send money under the law as the child is under 18 or sth...or else isn't this unfair to me? And also, she told me the ex isn't sending money back anymore as she doesn't want the ex to come back next time and try to fight for the child..
elaine567 Posted April 15, 2016 Posted April 15, 2016 They weren't even married, was about to and everything gone wrong between both parents and such Did his parents reject her or something? This secret maintained by her and her parents, indicates shame somewhere. Either they are not split, or the split is in itself is deemed shameful.
Author Bobby2 Posted April 15, 2016 Author Posted April 15, 2016 Hmmm, I think you should ask her for transparency about your RS. Something is very wrong here. You don`t really know where you stand. I told her that an ex shouldn't ask personal questions, but she said everytime he text and ask about the kid, he ask about her too, and I told her, her ex shouldn't do that, he's not respecting me and she said how can I stop him from saying that, just let him say it and I always just answer him yes or no...I mean what can I tell her how can I explain to her it's not respecting me
elaine567 Posted April 15, 2016 Posted April 15, 2016 I mean he should know that he's an ex and even if the family is scared that he isn't sending money for the kid anymore after telling him, I believe the guy still needs to send money under the law as the child is under 18 or sth...or else isn't this unfair to me? And also, she told me the ex isn't sending money back anymore as she doesn't want the ex to come back next time and try to fight for the child.. Are there not two children? Twins?
Author Bobby2 Posted April 15, 2016 Author Posted April 15, 2016 Did his parents reject her or something? This secret maintained by her and her parents, indicates shame somewhere. Either they are not split, or the split is in itself is deemed shameful. According to her, the split is somewhat deemed shameful, but I told her its the past, how do we move on completely if we're stuck in the past..
Author Bobby2 Posted April 15, 2016 Author Posted April 15, 2016 Are there not two children? Twins? Yup two, twins.
elaine567 Posted April 15, 2016 Posted April 15, 2016 According to her, the split is somewhat deemed shameful, but I told her its the past, how do we move on completely if we're stuck in the past.. You can't. She has either got to proclaim to the world that you are her bf, or you need to walk. YOU cannot spend your life hidden in the shadows. 1
Author Bobby2 Posted April 15, 2016 Author Posted April 15, 2016 You can't. She has either got to proclaim to the world that you are her bf, or you need to walk. YOU cannot spend your life hidden in the shadows. Yup, I told her about it and she say's to give her time and she's slowly telling (now only her dad, mom and brother knows about it) but I still can't comment on her facebook photos with her aunt and uncles etc, on it...man.. But her ex is an issue, when me and her were already together, her ex uploaded a cover photo of her photo and I told her about it and she said he told him not to do that again and yes, he didn't and changed the cover photo, but the photo of her is still on his cover page (2nd photo instead of his main cover photo now) but I mean...he has to respect me, right? I'm with her now, how can he still has her photo up and all, I know he has a kid with her but...am i wrong to feel this way? He has a kid with her doesn't mean he can do that, I'm okay with him talking about his kids and everything, but not acting like she's still in his life. I told my gf about this and she said she already told him but he's ignoring the whole situation or maybe he's just in denial and she said she can't do anything about it already as she already told him but he just the cover photo and not putting the photo down..she ask me to just ignore him but how do I ignore if he's still asking has she eaten, photos and everything, I mean it's not his problem anymore, should i even confront him or something
elaine567 Posted April 15, 2016 Posted April 15, 2016 With all this "secrecy", you have to wonder if what she is saying to you she is telling him, is what she is actually telling him.
Author Bobby2 Posted April 15, 2016 Author Posted April 15, 2016 (edited) With all this "secrecy", you have to wonder if what she is saying to you she is telling him, is what she is actually telling him. If she's telling the truth, and the ex is in denial like what I've said, what should I do? Any advices anyone..I mean he doesn't say I love you and all that anymore but he's still asking her have she eaten and such...is that even right? Edited April 15, 2016 by Bobby2
elaine567 Posted April 15, 2016 Posted April 15, 2016 If she's telling the truth, and the ex is in denial like what I've said, what should I do? Any advices anyone..I mean he doesn't say I love you and all that anymore but he's still asking her have she eaten and such...is that even right? IF the ex is in denial there is not a lot you can do about it. Your issue is with your/his gf. If she is denying you exist everywhere apart from her immediate family circle, then SHE is your problem.
anika99 Posted April 15, 2016 Posted April 15, 2016 She hid her children from you for almost a year. She hides you from people. She is very deceitful and I wouldn't believe anything she says. 1
preraph Posted April 15, 2016 Posted April 15, 2016 I don't know what she's up to, but I think she may be hoping he ex returns. And if he's still asking her if she's okay, he probably knows she was destroyed when he left and is checking on her. So they're still involved some way. Bottom line, she is trying to sneak around some way and not being good to you about it. She sounds pretty messed up to me. Who hides kids?????????
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