redbaron007 Posted April 16, 2016 Posted April 16, 2016 If she is interested, she will re-establish contact and make time for you. I had a similar situation this week where the woman I went out with just a couple of times, a music student, responded to my text (inquiring about hanging out) by saying she is busy the whole of Saturday, then texted me an invitation to a concert next weekend where her professor was leading the orchestra, BUT she would be selling CDs outside AND was not free to meet me after the concert. I naturally assumed she is not romantically interested and took it in stride, even cheekily asking her to pick a concert where I could sit next to her and hangout later. I was surprised to get a text back from her a day later with three dates where I could come watch her perform, and confirming she would meet me after, and that ice-cream sounded fun. So sometimes the woman could be busy, but if she is interested, she will definitely get back to you. If she doesn't, good riddance, you can do better than date someone who flakes! 1
GemmaUK Posted April 16, 2016 Posted April 16, 2016 Well I am a woman, I had something landed on me yesterday morning at work which led to spending 6 hours working on it at the office yesterday, 4 hours when I got home and so far today another 6 hours so far and I have probably about another 6 hours to do tis afternoon. If I were dating then last night and today would have had to be cancellations. OP, you say you want to see her several times a week - but she has a son. Perhaps she is just busy. It's easy to fall into giving more time than is actually practical when you meet someone new. Unless a person sets boundaries on time right off the bat then it can appear to be a cool down to the other person when in fact they are just trying to: A. Catch up with all the daily things they haven't done whilst texting/calling/dating you and B. get back into a routine. Another thought.. Maybe she does really like you but is saying she is busy because the cost of sitters and her phone bill is just getting too much. If it were me and someone new I would much rather say I am busy than say 'I can't afford the costs of this'. 1
Author brandon26003 Posted April 16, 2016 Author Posted April 16, 2016 She is a special education teacher and her son has tourettes. It doesn't affect his life that bad from what she said. I was asking to see her several times a week. I'm completely fine with meeting for a quick lunch or a several hour date. Her not communicating with me is what is bothering me. It has me wondering if I did anything wrong...what could I have done differently...did I say anything on our last date that she didn't like...etc. I'm sorry. Typo. I WASN'T asking to see her several times a week.
MissBee Posted April 16, 2016 Posted April 16, 2016 Just curious. Are women ever really too busy or is it just a nice way to say they aren't interested anymore? Long story short. Started dating this girl. We went out on 5 dates. At the end of our 5th date, we made plans for this weekend. She said she had to check her schedule, but said meeting shouldn't be a problem. Since then, I've hardly heard from her. I called...no answer. I texted her last night, asked her why I haven't heard much from her, and she said she has been really busy (she's a teacher and has a 9 year old) and that she has been overwhelmed. She's never given me any indication that she has lost interest. People can get busy but when they're really interested they find ways to fit you in or at the minimum communicate that and make sure you understand it's not you, it's their schedule. I am very busy, sometimes I look at my calendar and feel overwhelmed. But, it doesn't stop me from making time for a SO/guy I'm really into. However, I've definitely used the "I'm busy line" numerous times when I wasn't that interested. Sometimes I'm not that busy and use it , most times it's not a lie, it just means "I'm busy AND I'm also not that into you so will not prioritize you over my other obligations." When I really like a guy, I make time for him because amidst all my activities seeing him is usually a highlight of a crazy week. If we have tentative plans over the weekend I look forward to them and am happy to take a break to spend time with him. If for whatever reason I can no longer hang out, I will call or text and let him know and immediately try to work something else out. I will not simply not answer his calls, texts, or anything and then finally when he grabs a hold of me I just say "Sorry was busy...." No way. People only do this when they aren't that into you. At the end of the day though, it's not about being busy, it's about manners and interest level. I have a life and only date guys who have lives and tend to be busy too, but in my experience from dishing it out and receiving it, people make time for you when they are excited and invested in you and they aren't so busy that you simply hear NOTHING from them....they will have time to send you a 3 second text or have a 5 minute phone call in between whatever it is they are doing to let you know what's up, because they care and also don't want you to think they've lost interest. If they aren't that invested and/or have poor manners, they won't and is that something you really want? Someone who when life gets busy they just fall off the grid completely?
Author brandon26003 Posted May 9, 2016 Author Posted May 9, 2016 So. I have had a few weeks to think about this situation. I've thought it over dozens of times. I decided that I was going to wait to see if she would say anything about our date plans that we made for the following weekend after our last date. The day came and nothing. She didn't cancel or say anything like I expected would happen. I sent her the following text the day after we were supposed to have the date: "Looks like you have lost interest. If you have, you could've just told me. If you're dating someone else, you could've just told me. Whatever the reason is, you could've just told me. Fading away and ghosting is just wrong. I thought we were better than that." It didn't get a response. I wasn't expecting to get one. Most would say that I shouldn't have even said this, but at the time I felt that I needed to tell her how messed up I thought it was. I'm sure she knew it was and didn't need me to tell her. During our last date, we were talking about dating in general. She told me that her brother is dating multiple women, and said that it's ok to date multiple people in the beginning. Since we had been on 5 dates already, I let her know that she was the only person I was dating because I thought that it was going to turn into something. In the month that we dated, she went on a 2 hour trip with me to go to a friend's birthday party. When she did this, I assumed she felt the same way. I guess I was wrong. I think that she is just afraid of commitment. She's likely afraid of getting hurt again. It's best that it happened now instead of months down the road. If that happened, it would've hurt a lot more.
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