Are women REALLY ever too busy?

[Ami1uwant]

I think if one is busy from the get go ...that's one thing.

 

But when one is not busy and then suddenly becomes "too busy" ... THAT is a red flag and may indicate they may be fading or otherwise just losing interest.

 

Could that be...sure...where the too busy becomes a blow off.

 

The key is how much communication there is and if you really listened. Someone could be at a flow part of their job cycle but it picks up with travel always at the end of the month. The key here is they know this is going to come up snd they likely will say " hey, next week I'm going to be really busy over about 10 days because of a project at work"

 

The same with a teacher. Depending on where you live, some schools end in early may so this time can be a really busy time. At other times of the year teachers may be overly busy because for about 2 weeks they have to do evening teacher/parent meetings.

 

Have a child complicates this. So eti me saying I've been busy means I font want yo bore you with the details of how their child was sick or because he is playing baseball or soccer and had evening practices every day do she has to go drop him snd get him. They so do could be responsible for their elderly parent so this past week they need to go more often to their place to check on them.

 

For a single parent early in a relationship...children are the first priority, job us the second priority, then who you date is down on the list.

[Zippy2000]

I ve noticed a lot of women I ve dated who didnt know how to get out or didnt want the relationship to go any further. They didnt know how to "reject" you.

 

So what do they do?

 

They fade.

 

Ok, I ve read on this thread that some people can be too busy. If thats they case then dont date and dont waste anyone elses time.

 

If theyre that busy then let them make a counter offer. I ve dated girls in the past who have been busy but any free day that came up they would telll me.

 

People who dont want to pursue a relationship with you will NOT let it progress by being NOT available. Think abiut that for a sec.

 

Interested people act interested.

[Eternal Sunshine]

I don't believe you are.

 

People do what they passionately want to do.

 

It's one thing when few randoms that seem like good prospects contact you online and you just have too much going on. It's another when you have been on 5 dates with someone and there is real attraction and chemistry. In the second case, I think that "busy" means lukewarm interest (at best).

 

I have dated heaps of guys with whom I had a pleasant time with, dates were good but ultimately I lacked that instinctive yearning to be around them again. They were good on paper but when it came right down to it, I would rather have drinks with co-workers than see them again. I kept in fading contact because I pushed myself to give things a go even when I wasn't feeling it. Never works.

[truth_seeker]

I hear ya, and I would never behave as she is, however in reading this board apparently fading has become the norm.

 

Not sure why, perhaps she wants to leave the door open in case she changes her mind and becomes interested again.

 

Maybe she met another guy and doesn't want to formally end it till she finds out what happens with him.

 

 

1) Fading is the easiest way out of a dating situation.

 

2) This is a norm with dating. Keeping your options open.

 

3) This is another big norm with dating. I think more women are prone to do this than men. Hold onto the guy until they're 100% positively sure the other guy is a lock.

[kendahke]

Is her job a demanding job? Does her son have developmental issues, such as Autism or something else and she has to see about him getting his treatments and therapies?

 

I disagree with a lot of people here. Yes, there is such a thing as being really busy and not having the time to devote to the rigors of a relationship. That doesn't mean she wouldn't mind company from time to time, but a full on "you put me first in your life" kind of focus? With a 9 yr old son--healthy or not--that is who is her main focus, not a guy she's only known for 3 weeks, yes, she most likely is busy with him and rearing him to be as whole a human being as she can.

 

With being a teacher, my dad was a teacher in the beginning of his career and he spent A LOT of time after work until late at night with grading homework, developing lesson plans and materials, having to conference with parents on their children, etc. It would be different if this woman worked as a waitress at Applebee's and when her shift was done, she didn't bring home the receipts and balance their books.

 

I think that you need to decide if her lifestyle is compatible with your lifestyle and if you can work with someone with pre-existing demands on their time.

[BlueIris]

Just curious. Are women ever really too busy or is it just a nice way to say they aren't interested anymore?

 

Long story short. Started dating this girl. We went out on 5 dates. At the end of our 5th date, we made plans for this weekend. She said she had to check her schedule, but said meeting shouldn't be a problem. Since then, I've hardly heard from her. I called...no answer. I texted her last night, asked her why I haven't heard much from her, and she said she has been really busy (she's a teacher and has a 9 year old) and that she has been overwhelmed. She's never given me any indication that she has lost interest.

 

What did she say when you asked her about doing something this weekend, firming up your tentative plans?

[kztar]

Just curious. Are women ever really too busy or is it just a nice way to say they aren't interested anymore?

 

Long story short. Started dating this girl. We went out on 5 dates. At the end of our 5th date, we made plans for this weekend. She said she had to check her schedule, but said meeting shouldn't be a problem. Since then, I've hardly heard from her. I called...no answer. I texted her last night, asked her why I haven't heard much from her, and she said she has been really busy (she's a teacher and has a 9 year old) and that she has been overwhelmed. She's never given me any indication that she has lost interest.

 

As busy as she is, she should have time to atleast text. Im ALWAYS super busy with work and everything else, but If im interested in someone i'll atleast show interest by replying their texts and calling here and there.

 

This might just be an excuse. She sounds to me like she's lacking interest.

 

I mean I don't have children so I don't know but this is what it sounds like to me.

[Michelle ma Belle]

I have a super busy schedule, work, commute, other commitments....

 

I might be too busy to see someone, even if I REALLY wanted to.

 

I am NEVER too busy to respond to a text in a timely manner, and to pull out my schedule and attempt to make plans.

 

Where there is a will, there is a way

 

Yep. I have to echo this. I have a very demanding career and there are periods where I am overwhelmed with work and stress gets the better of me where I need to focus in order to get through the weeds.

 

BUT...

 

I will ALWAYS let the guy I'm interest know in advance of my crazy schedule and WHY I may be a little less engaged than usual. Having said that, that would never prevent me from responding in a timely manner even if it's just to check in or let him know he's on my mind etc. AND I would be sure to set up a date after all the chaos has subsided.

 

Again, if I'm interested, I wouldn't let him go without a fight no matter how busy I was.

[stillafool]

Just curious. Are women ever really too busy or is it just a nice way to say they aren't interested anymore?

 

.

 

Women are extremely busy especially if they have kids. I imagine being a teacher she has lots of homework also. Yes we are some busy bees.

[truth_seeker]

I still say there is no such thing. Yes, you are busy, but you can take less than 30 seconds to text the person: "Hey, thinking of you."

 

What I'm not used is the circling around. Woman fades only to come back. Anyone else find that insulting? For me it comes off like, I dropped you to see someone else, but it didn't work it... so... want to hang out Saturday night?

 

I think people who fade only to come back will eventually fade on you again.

[preraph]

Of course, women can be too busy! Aren't you sometimes overwhelmed with work or taxes or housecleaning? This woman has a kid. A kid is a 24/7 very busy job. I'm single and no kids and I would consider myself too busy for a steady boyfriend relationship unless it was so serious I could work less and rely on him to share expenses, home repair, housework, etc. I work a lot and when I'm done, which is like 9 at night, then all I want to do is watch tv for 2 hours and snuggle with my dogs until I fall asleep. I certainly wouldn't have the energy to get up and go out then and don't have the money to just take off if I want to pay my mortgage.

 

If you want someone with more time, don't date someone with kids, that's for sure. She's on her kid's schedule. But even normal working people don't always have the energy to go out or they need to go to the grocery store instead or cook instead so they have something to eat for the week or they need to see the dentist or shop for work clothes in their spare time. Really, most people who work are very busy and tired.

[DreamP]

Of course, women can be too busy! Aren't you sometimes overwhelmed with work or taxes or housecleaning? This woman has a kid. A kid is a 24/7 very busy job. I'm single and no kids and I would consider myself too busy for a steady boyfriend relationship unless it was so serious I could work less and rely on him to share expenses, home repair, housework, etc. I work a lot and when I'm done, which is like 9 at night, then all I want to do is watch tv for 2 hours and snuggle with my dogs until I fall asleep. I certainly wouldn't have the energy to get up and go out then and don't have the money to just take off if I want to pay my mortgage.

 

If you want someone with more time, don't date someone with kids, that's for sure. She's on her kid's schedule. But even normal working people don't always have the energy to go out or they need to go to the grocery store instead or cook instead so they have something to eat for the week or they need to see the dentist or shop for work clothes in their spare time. Really, most people who work are very busy and tired.

 

I agree. As a full time working parent, nobody who isn't in your shoes understands how hectic life can get. True, you make time for what is important, but the reality is, you are probably way low on her priority list right now.

 

As somebody else said, tell her you would like to see her when see isn't so busy and leave it at that. See other people. Don't consider her exclusive.

[Art.at.Heart]

As someone who was recently in her position, I'd say that at the very least she's interested but not overly so. I was making a job transition to 2 different jobs and at the same time of finals coming up for grad school. I wasn't able to see the woman I'm dating for a couple of weeks but I stayed in touch daily. We're now going out twice this weekend to make up for it. As someone else said, you're probably just not that high up on her priority list. I mean, 5 dates? Unless she was using you for free meals, she had to have had some interest.

[truth_seeker]

5 dates? Unless she was using you for free meals, she had to have had some interest.

 

Keyword: using. It's done a lot more than you think!

 

She could have been using him for...

- free drinks

- free meals

- emotional friend

- companionship

- intimacy

[smackie9]

She had time to go on 5 dates....I'm not buying the "Too busy" excuse.

[dumbass2]

Yeah. Everything seemed to be going great. Granted it was only a 3 week thing, but she even mentioned that she'd love to go to my friends wedding with me this summer. After our last date, last Sunday, she texted that she was glad that we went. Before then, she told me a few times that she was glad we met. I don't know. It's frustrating.

 

Yes it is. That is the way it is for a lot of people when it comes to dating. People say a lot of great things in the beginning, but feelings can change pretty fast. Try not to invest too much too soon. Dating should just start off casual, but after 5 dates, I would think that someone is either going to be all in and see where it can go or has figured out that the other person is just not long term dating material for them. Some people have a hard time coming out and telling the other person. They just do the fade away. I usually will leave it (as I suggested earlier) with letting them know that I would like to see them again, but put it on them to make the next contact. I do not try to contact them again after that. They know where I stand, but I'm not going to beg and plead for them to go out again.

[Mjm1014]

I think the whole "I'm too busy" excuse is garbage.

 

I'm not trying to toot my own horn, but my career is demanding-I'm only HOME 2, possibly 3 nights out of the 7 day week because I work for the airlines and am always traveling. When I am home, I'm doing utility things like cutting the grass, running errands, spending time with family, and working out after eating horrible all week on the run. Having said that, I always make time for the people I care about or am interested in, even if that means having to -God forbid, stay up an extra few hours to fit that person in.

 

I think people that say that can't either manage their time, or waiting for better plans to come up before they commit, or aren't interested. Maybe some people are just too selfish and don't want to sacrifice their time for someone else if it is true. Trust me, I feel like a stranger in my own home because I'm never around, but I still make time.

 

Going through the same thing-I'm deleting people like this out of my life

[preraph]

^ Yes, but lots of people have to work even two job (I do) and some also go to school or have other responsibilities. Some jobs turn into a life and not just a job. When I had my preferred career, I stopped even trying to do anything outside of those functions after work. I only saw people who worked in the same industry that I'd see out at the stuff we had to attend outside of the normal working hours.

 

I would say if a full-time working person has a lot of time, it's because they aren't getting everything done by themselves, like grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, and everything else. They have some help or they have an incredible amount of energy and no physical ailments or impairments.

[Shanex]

You're never that busy to never ever respond a text or a quick 5 minutes phone call.

 

I gotcha, people work 9-5, go to the gym or for a walk, got home make dinner, then watch telly and browse the smartphone yet too busy for either call or a few texts?

 

Not interested. Pretending to be 'Busy' is a pretext, she's maybe dealing with other stuffs in her life. Maybe another man. I suspect this will be over soon. Good luck

[brandon26003]

I used to think it was an excuse. That if you really wanted to be with someone, you'd make it happen.

 

That changed when I started a new schedule in my life. About a month ago I was accepted into a volunteer program.

 

Every week I'm at class for hours to learn. When I'm not doing that I'm at work from 9-5pm. This volunteer program requires I be in peak physical condition. So the nights I'm not in class, I'm at the gym weight training. I'm also weight training and endurance training for a few obstacle races I have coming up.

 

When I'm not doing any of THAT I pick up extra freelance work at my job to help pay my rent and bills. So on nights where I'm not in class, not at the gym, I'm doing more work at home that's deadline sensitive.

 

When I'm not at class, not at work, not at the gym, or not doing freelance jobs, you'll find me spending some time with my family.

 

When I'm not at class, work, the gym, doing freelance, or with my family, you'll find me spending some time with my friends, and running general errands to keep my life in order.

 

My life was NEVER as structured as it is now due to some changes that have come about in my life.

 

I've bailed out on about 3 new dates because I just can't do it. If I do anything else I'm going to verge on burnout. I literally have NO TIME to date. I told each of these guys that I did not have the time. Every single one of them took it personally and came back with a snark response of, "Oh I can take a hint."

 

Nothing about me saying that was personal, AT ALL. I just don't have the energy, mentally, or emotionally, to add dating into my mix at the moment.

 

So YES, this can be a very real thing and doesn't automatically mean she just hates you.

 

I don't think she hates me, but I am of the firm belief that nobody is ever too busy to send a quick text or a 30 minute phone call. I'm a busy person myself. I work full time, am a full time graduate student, help take care of my niece and nephew, and care for my sick mother. I understand that we can get busy and may not be able to meet up, but to me, nobody is too busy that they can't send a 10 second text.

 

With your situation with dating? Why did you accept 3 dates with men and then cancel? You didn't know after the first or second one that you wouldn't have time?

[brandon26003]

I actually think the opposite. If someone is always, always, always busy, I think they're using it as an excuse. Because no one schedules their lives so far in advance that they can't make time for a date.

 

But I have been known to have brief periods of extreme busyness in my life. It rarely lasts longer than a week or two, and then things go back to normal.

 

This is the first time that she ever said she was too busy. She always set up a babysitter to watch her son or we met up when her son's father had him.

[brandon26003]

Is her job a demanding job? Does her son have developmental issues, such as Autism or something else and she has to see about him getting his treatments and therapies?

 

I disagree with a lot of people here. Yes, there is such a thing as being really busy and not having the time to devote to the rigors of a relationship. That doesn't mean she wouldn't mind company from time to time, but a full on "you put me first in your life" kind of focus? With a 9 yr old son--healthy or not--that is who is her main focus, not a guy she's only known for 3 weeks, yes, she most likely is busy with him and rearing him to be as whole a human being as she can.

 

With being a teacher, my dad was a teacher in the beginning of his career and he spent A LOT of time after work until late at night with grading homework, developing lesson plans and materials, having to conference with parents on their children, etc. It would be different if this woman worked as a waitress at Applebee's and when her shift was done, she didn't bring home the receipts and balance their books.

 

I think that you need to decide if her lifestyle is compatible with your lifestyle and if you can work with someone with pre-existing demands on their time.

 

She is a special education teacher and her son has tourettes. It doesn't affect his life that bad from what she said.

 

I was asking to see her several times a week. I'm completely fine with meeting for a quick lunch or a several hour date. Her not communicating with me is what is bothering me. It has me wondering if I did anything wrong...what could I have done differently...did I say anything on our last date that she didn't like...etc.

[brandon26003]

What did she say when you asked her about doing something this weekend, firming up your tentative plans?

 

She gave me a kiss, told me she had to check her schedule, but assured me she shouldn't have a problem meeting up.

[brandon26003]

I agree. As a full time working parent, nobody who isn't in your shoes understands how hectic life can get. True, you make time for what is important, but the reality is, you are probably way low on her priority list right now.

 

As somebody else said, tell her you would like to see her when see isn't so busy and leave it at that. See other people. Don't consider her exclusive.

 

I met some of her friends and she met some of mine. She even told my friend's wife that she considered me her boyfriend. That's why I let the other 2 women go because I thought it would turn into something.

[Daisy-oliviaWentcher]

Men and Woman do this to one another. It is just an excuse I think. I think at the end of the day she could have let you know via text just how busy she was, not waited for you text to her to send her a subtle WTF text. I would move on and say you're going to find someone to date that has more time to give you. Best of luck.