brandon26003 Posted April 14, 2016 Posted April 14, 2016 Just curious. Are women ever really too busy or is it just a nice way to say they aren't interested anymore? Long story short. Started dating this girl. We went out on 5 dates. At the end of our 5th date, we made plans for this weekend. She said she had to check her schedule, but said meeting shouldn't be a problem. Since then, I've hardly heard from her. I called...no answer. I texted her last night, asked her why I haven't heard much from her, and she said she has been really busy (she's a teacher and has a 9 year old) and that she has been overwhelmed. She's never given me any indication that she has lost interest.
No_Go Posted April 14, 2016 Posted April 14, 2016 It is just another way to say 'I'm not that into you'. Nobody is soooo busy that they can't pick up the phone for 5 minutes. Don't waste your time with this woman. Just curious. Are women ever really too busy or is it just a nice way to say they aren't interested anymore? Long story short. Started dating this girl. We went out on 5 dates. At the end of our 5th date, we made plans for this weekend. She said she had to check her schedule, but said meeting shouldn't be a problem. Since then, I've hardly heard from her. I called...no answer. I texted her last night, asked her why I haven't heard much from her, and she said she has been really busy (she's a teacher and has a 9 year old) and that she has been overwhelmed. She's never given me any indication that she has lost interest. 4
SwordofFlame Posted April 14, 2016 Posted April 14, 2016 People usually always make time for things that really matter to them. 7
road Posted April 14, 2016 Posted April 14, 2016 Time will tell soon enough if you have been dumped. Though keep this in mind many times men get shot down when just asking for the first date. At least you had 5 with her. So the way you found her you will find another.
dumbass2 Posted April 14, 2016 Posted April 14, 2016 Just curious. Are women ever really too busy or is it just a nice way to say they aren't interested anymore? Long story short. Started dating this girl. We went out on 5 dates. At the end of our 5th date, we made plans for this weekend. She said she had to check her schedule, but said meeting shouldn't be a problem. Since then, I've hardly heard from her. I called...no answer. I texted her last night, asked her why I haven't heard much from her, and she said she has been really busy (she's a teacher and has a 9 year old) and that she has been overwhelmed. She's never given me any indication that she has lost interest. Until now Just let her know that you would like to see her again and she can contact you when she's not busy and then just go about your business and make plans to do things and don't wait around for her. You are just dating, so you can make other dates if you want. If she contacts you in a week or so and wants to do something on a day you have plans, don't break those plans, but you can offer up another date if you want. Don't be too surprised if she doesn't want to see you any more.
lilmissjava Posted April 14, 2016 Posted April 14, 2016 Slow fade. Let it alone and move on. 5 dates tho? 1
truth_seeker Posted April 14, 2016 Posted April 14, 2016 What happened on the 5 dates? She could have been lonely, no options, wanted company, and either another prospect came up or she felt there was really nothing there and is in the process of fading.
Author brandon26003 Posted April 15, 2016 Author Posted April 15, 2016 Yeah. Everything seemed to be going great. Granted it was only a 3 week thing, but she even mentioned that she'd love to go to my friends wedding with me this summer. After our last date, last Sunday, she texted that she was glad that we went. Before then, she told me a few times that she was glad we met. I don't know. It's frustrating.
katiegrl Posted April 15, 2016 Posted April 15, 2016 There is no such thing as too busy when you're interested. 5
No_Go Posted April 15, 2016 Posted April 15, 2016 It sucks. I had a guy like this - 2 dates but each was 8 hours (8 unforgettable hours... he was a master of flirting:))! And every day pages of e-mails... And I believed him that he's too busy and cancelled on me our third date... Yeah. Everything seemed to be going great. Granted it was only a 3 week thing, but she even mentioned that she'd love to go to my friends wedding with me this summer. After our last date, last Sunday, she texted that she was glad that we went. Before then, she told me a few times that she was glad we met. I don't know. It's frustrating. 1
KatZee Posted April 15, 2016 Posted April 15, 2016 I used to think it was an excuse. That if you really wanted to be with someone, you'd make it happen. That changed when I started a new schedule in my life. About a month ago I was accepted into a volunteer program. Every week I'm at class for hours to learn. When I'm not doing that I'm at work from 9-5pm. This volunteer program requires I be in peak physical condition. So the nights I'm not in class, I'm at the gym weight training. I'm also weight training and endurance training for a few obstacle races I have coming up. When I'm not doing any of THAT I pick up extra freelance work at my job to help pay my rent and bills. So on nights where I'm not in class, not at the gym, I'm doing more work at home that's deadline sensitive. When I'm not at class, not at work, not at the gym, or not doing freelance jobs, you'll find me spending some time with my family. When I'm not at class, work, the gym, doing freelance, or with my family, you'll find me spending some time with my friends, and running general errands to keep my life in order. My life was NEVER as structured as it is now due to some changes that have come about in my life. I've bailed out on about 3 new dates because I just can't do it. If I do anything else I'm going to verge on burnout. I literally have NO TIME to date. I told each of these guys that I did not have the time. Every single one of them took it personally and came back with a snark response of, "Oh I can take a hint." Nothing about me saying that was personal, AT ALL. I just don't have the energy, mentally, or emotionally, to add dating into my mix at the moment. So YES, this can be a very real thing and doesn't automatically mean she just hates you. 5
Lady2163 Posted April 15, 2016 Posted April 15, 2016 So, I'm old. I was in the military and due to injury, I spent 27 weeks in a boot camp environment. We were awake for at least 18 hours every day, except Sunday which was only a 16 hour day. Literally during that time, I had one hour a day to shower, write and read letters. That was it. During this time, I had a friend attending college. She spent less than 3 hours every day on class and had a part time job. She used to write me and start all her letters with, "Sorry I haven't written, but I have been SO busy...." Later she joined a different branch of the military. I wrote her every other day, sent comics, funny stories, etc. At one point when we reconnected, I mentioned to her, "You remember when I was in basic and you wee taking XYZ class?" She did. "You remember how you used to write me how busy you were?" She did. "Do you know how badly I wanted to kick your a$$?" She did. Now, I told you all that because unless you are in the military or a single parent with triplet newborns, you probably aren't too busy. There are exceptions. Anybody at any adult age who gets at least six hours of uninterrupted sleep has time. Anyone who is able to eat a meal in privacy or go to the bathroom alone has time to text and/or call. I ease people male and female outmofm my life when they are "too busy" on a regular basis. It's a bit of a pet peeve of mine. 1
RecentChange Posted April 15, 2016 Posted April 15, 2016 I have a super busy schedule, work, commute, other commitments.... I might be too busy to see someone, even if I REALLY wanted to. I am NEVER too busy to respond to a text in a timely manner, and to pull out my schedule and attempt to make plans. Where there is a will, there is a way 4
lino Posted April 15, 2016 Posted April 15, 2016 All people can have periods where they're too busy for sure but given what you've written about your situation, she's definitely moved on to another bloke(s). What happened on the 5 dates? She could have been lonely, no options, wanted company, and either another prospect came up or she felt there was really nothing there and is in the process of fading. Definitely is one of these.
Ami1uwant Posted April 15, 2016 Posted April 15, 2016 I disagree with many others on here. There are times when you can be too busy to date. The problem usually happens early in the dating process because something comes up that is complicated, but it's yo soon to bring a relationship into it. This can be complicated even further if the person is a single parent. If they done have support, they can date because they can't find a sitter. With a teachers job there can be extremely busy work times where they need to put in 12 or more hour work days. This is no different than someone needing to do a 2 werk work travel trip. 2
basil67 Posted April 15, 2016 Posted April 15, 2016 Let's assume for a moment that she IS too busy. Would you be satisfied in a relationship where the other person is too busy to see you? 1
mortensorchid Posted April 15, 2016 Posted April 15, 2016 It's complicated. I for one have a very busy life, but if someone wants to make some time for me, I make time for them. I would tell them I am busy on (day) but is (day) good for you? This woman, however, doesn't sound like she is that interested, she is probably ghosting on you. True, she has a busy work schedule and has a young child, but anyone would try to make time for you if they wanted to see you.
Popsicle Posted April 15, 2016 Posted April 15, 2016 Yes, some women (and men) REALLY are busy. In fact, some people are actually too busy to date or to have a relationship, even though they want to. 1
truth_seeker Posted April 15, 2016 Posted April 15, 2016 I guess it's possible some people can be very busy... but I got to tell you, when you're into someone you make them a priority. You get off your a-- and you make it happen.
katiegrl Posted April 15, 2016 Posted April 15, 2016 I think if one is busy from the get go ...that's one thing. But when one is not busy and then suddenly becomes "too busy" ... THAT is a red flag and may indicate they may be fading or otherwise just losing interest. 4
Author brandon26003 Posted April 15, 2016 Author Posted April 15, 2016 I'm not sure what it is. If it's her ghosting me, it sucks. If it's her way of letting me down easy, it sucks. All she would have to do is to tell me that she is not interested, and we could go our separate ways. It would hurt, but I wouldn't be wondering what went wrong like I am now and seeking advice on a relationship thread. When it comes to dating for me, I am truthful. After our second date, I felt that it could turn into something, so I told two other women that I was "dating" that I met someone and that I thought it was going to turn into something. I live by the Golden Rule. 1
katiegrl Posted April 15, 2016 Posted April 15, 2016 I'm not sure what it is. If it's her ghosting me, it sucks. If it's her way of letting me down easy, it sucks. All she would have to do is to tell me that she is not interested, and we could go our separate ways. It would hurt, but I wouldn't be wondering what went wrong like I am now and seeking advice on a relationship thread. When it comes to dating for me, I am truthful. After our second date, I felt that it could turn into something, so I told two other women that I was "dating" that I met someone and that I thought it was going to turn into something. I live by the Golden Rule. I hear ya, and I would never behave as she is, however in reading this board apparently fading has become the norm. Not sure why, perhaps she wants to leave the door open in case she changes her mind and becomes interested again. Maybe she is stressed, needs a break and will be back. Maybe she met another guy and doesn't want to formally end it till she finds out what happens with him. It could be anything. But the bottom line is since she appears to be pulling back, so should you. Sorry...
Dis Posted April 15, 2016 Posted April 15, 2016 I hear ya, and I would never behave as she is, however in reading this board apparently fading has become the norm. Not sure why, perhaps she wants to leave the door open in case she changes her mind and becomes interested again. Maybe she is stressed, needs a break and will be back. Maybe she met another guy and doesn't want to formally end it till she finds out what happens with him. It could be anything. But the bottom line is since she appears to be pulling back, so should you. Sorry... I agree with katiegrl, if she suddenly becomes so busy that she can barely contact you, never mind arrange a date...she's not feeling you. Also, lets say she is just really busy....wouldnt she still take 1 minute to send you a thoughtful text letting you know that, and how she's sorry for disapearing and that she is looking forward to seeing you when she can? Thats what I would do if I was into a guy but was too busy to see him. I'm sorry hun but I would move on 100%. It sucks when this happens but theres plenty of other fish in the sea. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and move on
Jabron1 Posted April 15, 2016 Posted April 15, 2016 No. It's a question of priorities. And that goes for men and women. When it comes to dating for me, I am truthful. After our second date, I felt that it could turn into something, so I told two other women that I was "dating" that I met someone and that I thought it was going to turn into something. I live by the Golden Rule. I don't know why you would dump all the girls you're seeing for someone you've only just met, and hasn't even asked you to be exclusive. I get when it happens naturally. You just end up spending a lot of time with one particular person, and it becomes more serious. But it sounds like you were trying to force things here.
strawberryshortstack Posted April 15, 2016 Posted April 15, 2016 I think if one is busy from the get go ...that's one thing. But when one is not busy and then suddenly becomes "too busy" ... THAT is a red flag and may indicate they may be fading or otherwise just losing interest. I actually think the opposite. If someone is always, always, always busy, I think they're using it as an excuse. Because no one schedules their lives so far in advance that they can't make time for a date. But I have been known to have brief periods of extreme busyness in my life. It rarely lasts longer than a week or two, and then things go back to normal.
Recommended Posts