oasisfancortes Posted April 14, 2016 Posted April 14, 2016 Just want a 2nd opinion. My gf and I, of 10 months (I am 23, she is 21) have been having problems the last 2 or 3 weeks. We've argued about stuff we both had concerns about, mostly regarding jealousy, insecurity, and some slight trust issues. Recently, I her text messages during an argument we were having (Yes, I looked, because I heated during an argument we were having. But i did b/c she looked through mine in a previous argument we had. So in my mind at the time, I thought it would be "Fair"... Anyway). I saw in one of her messages she wrote to a friend that she was stressed out from me and our relationship, and that to take off the stress she was thinking about another guy she was "Crushing" on at school, although she said she felt guilty. When I confronted her about it, she said she didn't have feelings for him and still loves me. And that she was mad when she said it because she wasn't happy with me at the time and that I wasn't the bf she wanted me to be. And that yes, she did think about whether she'd be better off with someone else but ultimately believes (She says) that I make her the happiest. And since then, she's been trying hard to make things better (it's been a week or so). Now, I've asked for space and time away from her, which she calls a break. I'm iffy about the whole thing. But I'm in a position to reflect on what would be my next move. Personally, I believe she truly does still love me, but I also think that some of her defense is BS, and that she does in fact like this guy, or is "crushing" on him, or whatever she calls it. I've even told her on two occasions following this incident, that I wanted her honesty. I basically said that if she does like someone else, then to just be honest and I'll accept it without argument and we'll call it quits. (I've been in a similar spot before, so I want to handle it better than the other time.) She's usually been better at reconciling first, and she shows me a lot of affection. She makes me really happy, and I know that sometimes I'm not a great bf to her. We talk about having a family one day and moving in together and the whole shebang. She's been a sweetheart to me. Although on occasion, I feel like she over-reacts. So, I don't want to say this interest in someone else is part of an over-reaction she's had while reflecting on our relationship. What is your impression of her explanation? Note: I know i shouldn't have read through personal messages. it won't get my anywhere besides having trust issues. But, i know that a little too late. And now, I know something else that I'm unsure how to think of.
kendahke Posted April 14, 2016 Posted April 14, 2016 I think that once you have concrete proof that someone is crushing on someone else, it's rather hard to see them in the same light as before finding the proof.. I mean, she could have been crushing and never put that down in writing to be discovered---would that still do the same amount of damage to the relationship if you never knew? When it's all said and done, do her positive qualities eclipse this aspect of her and can you let this go? That's what's going to have to happen for you to move forward with her. But if you're more inclined to latch onto this proof and use it to manipulate the relationship when she doesn't do/want/say/act like you want her to, then you might as well cut your losses now and go find someone else. That's a decision you're going to have to make.
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