alwayshopeful1 Posted April 14, 2016 Share Posted April 14, 2016 (edited) I have found myself in a LDR—we are a few hours away from each other. Some background information. I am newly divorced. I get a facebook message that had been sitting in the “other” inbox since October of last year from a blast from the past. Someone who I knew in my late teens. Someone two years younger than me. This kid was a romantic however considering he was younger than me I felt in my gut that he wasn’t into serious relationships so I didn’t really give him the time of day. We were friends, we did become intimate however since we were both young that’s really all it was. Eventually I grow up, get married, move to a different city, have children and go on with my life. Completely forgetting about this kid. After 12 years my marriage ends, I initate divorce and find myself alone for the first time in a long time. One night while I was on facebook I decided to send a family member a message, venture over to the “other” inbox facebook has and find a message from someone I vaguely remember. My first instinct was to ignore the message. Which I did. For a few hours. Then I started to ponder, started to explore his facebook and vaguely remember who this person is. I felt compelled to respond back to the message and let the person know that their message didn’t make it to the person they had intended on sending it to considering I didn't really remember who this person was (he's a man now and looks completely different). I click send. Within a SECOND I get a response asking “did you work with so and so?” and I immediately knew who was writing to me. THE KID. Except he was all grown up, divorced and with a child. We chat back and forth that entire night. Exchange numbers and continue the conversations via texting. Memories flood back, good times are brought up again, catching up begins. This happened on a Monday. By the following Friday we had made plans for him to drive down and see me, which he did. It was instant attraction. Instant connection, instant chemistry. It seemed too good to be true (I think now looking back it was). Flowers and chocolates delivered to my place of work on a weekly basis. We continue to to chat everyday. His texts are heartfelt, checks in daily, phone calls. We see each other for a few weeks straight after the first visit. This all began in January of this year. We discuss each others likes and dislikes. Basically get to know each other all over again considering so many years have passed. February is wonderful. By March the texts were dwindling. Which was fine with me. I’m not clingy and can give and also need space. The texts remain heartfelt, he continues to tell me that he misses me, can’t wait to see me. Last time I saw him was early March however we continue to communicate, less than before but still communicating nonetheless. We make plans last week for him to come visit Monday of this week (I don’t visit as I have two small children. All of which we have discussed and all of which he’s understanding about as he also has a child). The plans of this visit were initiated by him. It was more of like “By the way, I’m seeing you Monday” (he told me this on a Tuesday). We went back and forth on Wednesday on how excited we were to see each other. I didn’t hear from him anymore. Saturday rolled around and I reached out to him. We had a very brief conversation and again I didn’t hear from him anymore. I took the day off on Monday to spend it with him. Unlike the times prior, this visit was not confirmed by either of us. My gut was telling me something was wrong. Monday rolls around… no visit, no call, no text. Here we are Thursday. Still haven’t heard from him. I sent him a long winded message this morning to perhaps help with my closure. I feel like a fool. If he has someone else, returned with an ex, is having second thoughts or has lost interest- the least he could do is tell me. He stood me up. It’s so unlike him. I took a day off from work which I could have used to spend with my children waiting around for him to come. Anyone been on either end of this situation and has words of wisdom to offer? I feel cheated and disappointed . I can handle rejection if he was just man enough to tell me. His actions don’t coincide with everything he’s been telling me so the messages are mixed although maybe they're clear and I need to read in between the lines. Edited April 14, 2016 by alwayshopeful1 Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted April 14, 2016 Share Posted April 14, 2016 It sucks when the shine wears off and we see ppl for who they are. Like it or not this is who he is - ppl don't just start behaving a certain way by accident or at random. My guess is he just lost interest or got distracted, and I think you're right that you have to read between the lines. Sorry it happened but it is what it is, and you're a big girl - been there done that - so you'll be better off getting with the reality than wondering about what-ifs. There's always another one to take their place. ((hugs)) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author alwayshopeful1 Posted April 14, 2016 Author Share Posted April 14, 2016 Jen1447, Thank you for responding. I suppose you're right. There is definitely something behind the Houdini act and I guess I'll never know. I'm starting to even worry if something happened to him. To go from one extreme to the other in a matter of days is pretty crazy. In any event I guess I'll have to move on and let go. Thank you for your hugs 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TMichaels Posted April 14, 2016 Share Posted April 14, 2016 If his disappearing act seems out of character, have you considered something may have happened to him? Do you know anyone he knows whom you could ask if they have heard from or seen him lately? Has he made any posts on his Facebook page or other social media since the end of last week? Best, TMichaels 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author alwayshopeful1 Posted April 15, 2016 Author Share Posted April 15, 2016 I thought the same. No posts on the three main social networks we follow each other on. Unfortunately I don't have anyone I could reach out to so I'm left wondering Link to post Share on other sites
Fruitee Posted April 15, 2016 Share Posted April 15, 2016 ^ Ask of of his fb friends? Has he read your messages or been online? E.g. in fb messenger you can see if person has been online. Link to post Share on other sites
TMichaels Posted April 15, 2016 Share Posted April 15, 2016 Do you know where he works? If so, make up a pseudonym, and on Monday call his office. When the receptionist answers the phone, say that you have been trying to get a hold of him all week, and ask how is the best way to reach him. If the receptionist asks what your call is about, tell/her/him that he contacted you and you're trying to return his call. If he/she says he's been out of the office then I would feign surprise and say something like "Oh, I hope he's not ill... But, odd he would have left a message for me to contact him if he was going on holiday/vacation..." And see what sort of response you get. If the receptionist transfers you through to his line, if he answers I'd apologize for contacting him at work but tell him you were concerned when he was AWOL on Monday and again see what is the response. If you just get his VM, I'd still leave a message saying the same thing PLUS say something along the lines of you were disappointed he didn't show last Monday as you were expecting him and took a day off work, but no other explanation or further contact is necessary other than you would like him to extend you the courtesy of sending a text or email to let you know he's not seriously ill or injured, and I'd leave it at that. HTH, TMichaels Link to post Share on other sites
kidm Posted April 15, 2016 Share Posted April 15, 2016 Do you have his email address? There is a service you can subscribe to that lets you know when someone has read your message. I think you can send the first couple free as a new subscriber but not positive. Check it out: The Best Email Tracking Software Sends You Email Message Read Receipts Link to post Share on other sites
Author alwayshopeful1 Posted April 15, 2016 Author Share Posted April 15, 2016 Thank you everyone for your suggestions. I was going to attempt a few of the ideas this morning until I checked one social media site and saw activity as recent as yesterday (early afternoon) Looks like I've been ghosted... so I have to accept it and move on. It stings quite a bit however his actions prove that he isn't the person he portrayed himself to be and I'm much better off being hurt now than if I were to have invested more time into someone who can't even let someone know he can't keep his word. Again, I thank you all for taking the time to read. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted April 15, 2016 Share Posted April 15, 2016 Thank you everyone for your suggestions. I was going to attempt a few of the ideas this morning until I checked one social media site and saw activity as recent as yesterday (early afternoon) Looks like I've been ghosted... so I have to accept it and move on. It stings quite a bit however his actions prove that he isn't the person he portrayed himself to be and I'm much better off being hurt now than if I were to have invested more time into someone who can't even let someone know he can't keep his word. Again, I thank you all for taking the time to read. One thing you can take some satisfaction in is that there's a decent chance he'll come sniffing around again at some point. If/when he does, guess whose turn it is to get ghosted? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
kidm Posted April 15, 2016 Share Posted April 15, 2016 Yes, more often than not, men (or people generally) who disappear tend to reappear and want to pick up right where they left off if you let them. My sister once had a guy reappear after 1.5 years!!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author alwayshopeful1 Posted April 15, 2016 Author Share Posted April 15, 2016 Jen, Your comment made me crack a big ol smile:D I'm such a strong believer in the "gut feeling" and my gut told me something was going on with him (lately). I believe you're on to something. He seems pretty predictable. He's a brilliant stalker (that's how he found me after 12+ years) so he'll be back somehow. He'll get bored of whatever he has going on. Pretty pathetic. I won't be falling for that trick again. Thank you for making me smile 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author alwayshopeful1 Posted April 15, 2016 Author Share Posted April 15, 2016 (edited) Yes, more often than not, men (or people generally) who disappear tend to reappear and want to pick up right where they left off if you let them. My sister once had a guy reappear after 1.5 years!!! That's incredible! I believe it. This guy showed up after over a decade professing how he could never forget about my "big brown eyes", etc... I remember just staring at him like "are you serious?" (but of course completely enamored)... what a bunch of crap. Shame on me. I hope he does return so that I can be a bit more harsh than the "nice" long winded message I sent him yesterday. Grr. Edited April 15, 2016 by alwayshopeful1 Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted April 15, 2016 Share Posted April 15, 2016 I'd take the opportunity to stand him up on a date. Be better than him tho - do him the courtesy of texting him that you went on a diff date instead about 20 minutes after you're supposed to meet. Link to post Share on other sites
Author alwayshopeful1 Posted April 15, 2016 Author Share Posted April 15, 2016 I'd take the opportunity to stand him up on a date. Be better than him tho - do him the courtesy of texting him that you went on a diff date instead about 20 minutes after you're supposed to meet. that would be the cherry on top. If only! Link to post Share on other sites
Author alwayshopeful1 Posted May 11, 2016 Author Share Posted May 11, 2016 Hello all! I wanted to come back and let you know that Houdini reappeared after 3 weeks of falling off of the face of the planet. Apologetic. Some excuse about moving and having a hectic couple of months. He's also messaged me every day since reappearing last Monday. I've kept my contact very short with him. Something tells me (mainly my gut) that he's not a very honest person. Just wanted to update as the lost somehow find a way to reappear 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted May 11, 2016 Share Posted May 11, 2016 Just remember to keep him in the turd file. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author alwayshopeful1 Posted May 11, 2016 Author Share Posted May 11, 2016 Just remember to keep him in the turd file. That's where he will remain! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts