the uncertainty is killing me

[Misa9]

My ex broke up with me about 3 months ago and we were together for almost 3 years. At first, I tried to make it work, I asked him if he's sure about this and I asked for another chance. However, he said he doesn't want a relationship with me right now but wants to be friends. I told him I couldn't be friends with him it's all or nothing. So I didn't contact him for a while but later on I did again cause I can't let go of our relationship. I told him I'm okay with being friends but he has to make sure that we'll only be friends and not more than that. His response was "I guess." This is all so hard for me cause I really can't deal with the breakup it's out of the blue and I was so happy but apparently he didn't feel the same. He also tells me he doesn't know what he wants I the future and he doesn't know if he's going to come back to me. I told him it's really hard to move on cause I know there is still s possibility but he's telling me to ignore it and think that there's no more hope. It's really confusing cause I still have all these feelings for him. He's saying that he isn't looking for any relationship nor he is flirting with anyone cause he wants to be alone but I know he's been on tinder and seeing girls. Why would he hide this fact if he wants to me to get over him. I'm over analyzing everything cause it's really hard for me. I'm afraid it isn't normal anymore. I know that he still has feelings for me so it's really hard for me to pretend there isn't and get over it. He's my first relationship. I broke my one month NC to tell him I knew about tinder and he was cold in his replies and kind of annoyed. But I apologized for assuming things and he's there again with his push pull messages, asking about me. But conversation ended and I have no intention of talking to him again first cause I already seen desperate enough.

I really need advice. Thanks.

[keiji]

Well, I don't want to sound hurtful or too categorical, but I think he's moved on and you should start working hard on moving on too. He's made it clear that he doesn't want to be with you. On the other hand, he's assured you he doesn't want to be with anyone but he's on Tinder? I think he's tried to soften the blow. My advice is that you completely cut contact with him and begin your healing process with him out of the picture.

[stillafool]

Welcome to LS. From what you've written I think he has told you it's over and he wants to move on. He doesn't want to hurt you and still cares about you but he wants to see other women. I know this is hard on you and I'm sorry. You cannot be his friend and he knows this. To be his friend would mean hanging out with him, his new girl as well as others. Can you handle that? I didn't think so; but that's how true friends interact. You are going to have to stop spying on him on social media if you want to heal. That stuff will keep you swimming in pain. Block all access to him and him to you so you can begin to accept this breakup and move on. You will be happy again.

[Misa9]

Well, I don't want to sound hurtful or too categorical, but I think he's moved on and you should start working hard on moving on too. He's made it clear that he doesn't want to be with you. On the other hand, he's assured you he doesn't want to be with anyone but he's on Tinder? I think he's tried to soften the blow. My advice is that you completely cut contact with him and begin your healing process with him out of the picture.

 

Thank you for replying I know he's trying to move on but it's hard for me cause I know he still has feelings for me and I also keep on thinking this is just a phase and he'll come back. I really should give up that hope. It's becoming easier for me now to cut off contact though.

[Misa9]

Welcome to LS. From what you've written I think he has told you it's over and he wants to move on. He doesn't want to hurt you and still cares about you but he wants to see other women. I know this is hard on you and I'm sorry. You cannot be his friend and he knows this. To be his friend would mean hanging out with him, his new girl as well as others. Can you handle that? I didn't think so; but that's how true friends interact. You are going to have to stop spying on him on social media if you want to heal. That stuff will keep you swimming in pain. Block all access to him and him to you so you can begin to accept this breakup and move on. You will be happy again.

 

I keep on thinking that it's a phase that these are just rebounds that's why I'm able to live with it and cling on hope cause I know he still loves me. However I also know I must stop cause it's really unhealthy. I just seem to can't do it even though I can live with not talking to him anymore. I just seem to can't get rid of that hope.

[len51]

Once a person breaks up with you, move on. The reason they broke up with you are not going to go away. Love is a chemical reaction in our brains. No one can think it into or out of existence. Once it is gone, it is gone. If someone is unsure if they love you, they do not. I have been hit with love twice in my life and it was not iffy. I knew that I was in love.

 

Just my opinion based on experience.

[stillafool]

I keep on thinking that it's a phase that these are just rebounds that's why I'm able to live with it and cling on hope cause I know he still loves me. However I also know I must stop cause it's really unhealthy. I just seem to can't do it even though I can live with not talking to him anymore. I just seem to can't get rid of that hope.

 

He may still 'love' you because of your past and you seem like a sweet person. I don't think he is 'in love' with you anymore. You are still 'in love' with him so you find it hard to believe that he doesn't feel the same love as you. You have to detach from him because the more you are around him, talk to him at this point the more pain you are going to feel. Let him go and move on.