Soitis Posted April 14, 2016 Posted April 14, 2016 Hi all, So my post is concerning something that I could be judged heavily for, but I hope for advice, as I'm not even entirely sure myself. I'm in a teaching position at a college, not as a lecturer but more of a tutor/ supervisory role. I have a student this year, who I obviously see once or twice a week. The thing is, I'm not sure if there is chemistry growing between us or if it's my fault or if I've even been aware of what's been happening until recently. When we meet one on one, we often start the conversation casually then go into subject learning. However, recently, I find that our conversations are drifting until what did you do on your holidays? What is your background? - basically non college talk territory. Now I know people can be friends, we are both adult age, but suddenly it feels a bit intense. I'm noticing she is giving me very strong eye contact and welcoming body language, and I'm becoming engaged from the silliest things as her smiling at me or asking me questions about myself. Just the other day we have a meeting where another student attends. We make contact accidentally and neither one of us backs away from it. The poor other student is hardly in the conversation it's just us two back and fourth. Now, am I doing something to lead this student on? Is this all in my head, or is there an attraction here that's developing and how can I stop it ?
Author Soitis Posted April 14, 2016 Author Posted April 14, 2016 I should also mention she is very intelligent, so giving her more attention, compliments based on her intellect seems normal. Maybe doing this is giving her the wrong idea?
LoveRefreshed Posted April 14, 2016 Posted April 14, 2016 It really depends on your morals and legal obligations here. If you have no control over her grades/assignments, then typically there is no legally binding law that says you can not date the girl. Most college law is written in a way that states the student can not be a current student under your supervision, there is nothing that says you can't date students as a professor and if there is a conflict of interest (girl you're dating enrolls in your class) then you must notify the school of the conflict and they will put her in another course or switch teaching assignments to prevent the conflict. Morally speaking, for me, if the girl is of legal age, it's fair game. However, I don't date women who aren't mature or whom with I'm not emotionally compatible. What you should probably ask yourself if it's a genuine interest or if either one of you are in it for the power dynamic (student/teacher). If you're gettin your jollies off because she's your student or she's attracted to your position only, it could end very poorly. Harrasment cases favor women, FYI.
LydiaLong Posted April 14, 2016 Posted April 14, 2016 I'd say that this is very unprofessional. If you are in a teaching position, you should limit all of your conversation to the subject matter. When she is no longer your student, then you could ask her out. 2
kendahke Posted April 14, 2016 Posted April 14, 2016 I'd say run this by the head of your department and see what they have to say about the correctness of this "relationship". If there is no problem then you shouldn't have a problem doing this. By virtue of the fact that she is a student--it doesn't matter if she's grown--she's a student and her grades depend upon you and your guidance. That gets clouded and sketchy when you're sizing up her body language trying to fit it into "does she like me?" She might be doing that to get a better grade than she deserves, did you think of that? Let her graduate or leave--then pursue her. Otherwise, you're in a position of authority and you shouldn't abuse that because you've got a hottie standing in front of you.
smackie9 Posted April 14, 2016 Posted April 14, 2016 Nothing unusual about attraction....it can happen anywhere at any time. If she is mackin on ya that's her problem not yours to worry about. There is nothing wrong with light chit chat, I do it all the time with clients and sales people......it's the content of those conversations, like if it turns intimate/sexual....then you are stepping over the line.
d0nnivain Posted April 14, 2016 Posted April 14, 2016 You can be both professional and convivial. Leave the door open when you meet with her. Book end her -- meaning have meetings before her & especially after her so you are not tempted to go out for coffee or something purely social when you finish meeting with her. Think about where you both are sitting when you meet. I'd put a desk between you & other than possibly shaking hands, avoid any physical contact. If you catch her making extended eye contact, redirect the conversation to the lesson.
Recommended Posts