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Why Would My Ex Choose To Be With A Sorority Party Girl Over Me?

karen17

By karen17
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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karen17 New Member

karen17

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We dated for two and a half years. He said I was the love of his life and he'd never find another girl like me. Then, he cheated on me and dumped me because he wanted to party and be single. A week later he had sex with another girl. I thought it was a rebound but its been almost a year and they still talk.

 

Before they got together, he used to say that he thought she was annoying, loud and orange (from all the make up she wore) and that she wasn't very smart. His sister warned him to stay away from girls like that. She's in a sorority and she parties all the time. He told me he couldn't see himself ending up with her, and that things with her would not be the same as they were with me (meaning not as serious). I'm the kind of girl who likes reading a book, walking in the park, cooking, painting and doing crafts, going to museums, hiking, biking, etc.

 

he always told me I was perfect and his family called me the wifey. I know you're all thinking, "he's your ex, why do you care?" but about two months ago was the last time we were in contact so up until that point we still hung out and saw each other until he admitted that he had a thing with her the whole time and had been cheating on her and using me for sex.

 

Also, could this "relationship" become anything serious if they go to different schools and live 12 hours from each other? they only see each other at parties but they text all the time and like each others post on social media and leave comments. however, the comments aren't lovey dovey, they're more like sarcastic joking ones, like he left one on her picture saying "I would kick your ass" on a picture of her playing lacrosse.

 

so im just confused why he would choose to be with her over me?

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Toodaloo Established Member

Toodaloo

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Different folks and different strokes.

 

The other girl is no better or worse she is just very different. Quit torturing yourself over it and instead look in the mirror. Do you like who you are? If so then there is no problem here other than you are looking back over your shoulder instead of forward to your future.

 

First step is get them off your social pages and quit looking at them. Its not doing you any good.

 

Second step is keep up no contact, go out with your friends and talk to lots of new people.

 

Anything you have been wanting to do but have put off? Want to go climb a mountain or paint something and not done it yet? Do it.

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smudge21 Established Member

smudge21

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He cheated on you and then dumped you. Why on earth are you even wasting you valuable time and energy wondering about a vile piece of worthless dirt like this? He's playing the field, living his life, screwing whoever he wants and currently getting it on with the crazy chick. Whilst you are posting on a relationship forum trying to understand his motives, his thinking, and wondering if there's still a chance (be honest, you're hoping for some response here that tells you that he may still secretly want you).

 

 

You come across like a really nice down to earth honest girl who has fallen for the obvious bad boy. You can and should do so much better, but you need to remove him from your life totally. Stop going searching for answers to questions that will not make you feel any better. He's gone. He cheated on you. He left you. You're not the one at fault here, he is. He's the scum who treated you badly. Whatever his reasons for jumping into bed with an Umpa Lumpa are his reasons alone. There's thousands, millions of good, honest, respectful men out there that would be perfect for you, but you won't find them if you're still fixated over Willy Wonka here. What you say borders on stalking and you don't want to be doing that. You want to be living your life, not his. Please let this one go and focus on your own life and happiness.

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karen17 New Member

karen17

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thanks a lot for the advice, I really appreciate it. I guess I was just hoping someday he would realize he messed up by letting me go and come back. like once he's left his party days behind and is looking to settle down. he was once such a good guy and so sweet and caring towards me. is there no chance of this happening?

elaine567 Established Member

elaine567

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Truth he is young, and he doesn't need a "wifey", he doesn't want a "real" relationship at the moment, he wants to party he wants to be single.

I am sure he was perfectly happy seeing you and cheating on you with her and then seeing her and cheating on her with you. This sounds a bit like a FWB relationship he has with her anyway.

 

If you want a serious relationship, then this is NOT the guy for you.

YOU need to stop thinking about HIM and start thinking about YOU.

Forget him.

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karen17 New Member

karen17

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thank you for responding. I guess I was wishing someday, once he's left his party days behind and is looking to settle down, he will realize he messed up by letting me go and come back. he used to be so sweet and caring and was such a good guy. is there no chance of this happening?

smudge21 Established Member

smudge21

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If your idea of a long lasting, loving, respectful and honest relationship is one that has it's roots with someone who has cheated and dumped you, then I say good luck. However, I truly honestly believe you can do so much better, but you need to get over him first. The fact is, you have been dumped and you're hurting; refusing to accept that this guy who was perfect in your eyes (slapped right on that pedestal wasn't he?) has turned into a nasty little player who cares so little about you. Believe me, once you heal, totally 100% heal, you will see the truth about all this. Right now though, you're still blinded by those rose-tinted love specs you have on. Avoid any contact with him. Do not go looking for info. Go total no contact in every way and please work on yourself. This person is not worth all this.

 

 

In answer to your question, is there no chance of this happening, for your sake I truly hope not.

stillafool Established Member

stillafool

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I know you're all thinking, "he's your ex, why do you care?" but about two months ago was the last time we were in contact so up until that point we still hung out and saw each other until he admitted that had a thing with her the whole time and had been cheating on her and using me for sexhe. Also, could this "relationship" become anything serious if they go to different schools and live 12 hours from each other?

 

The fact that he told you the bolded above says they are already in a serious relationship and he is just using you for sex until she's available again. Don't let him use you this way. When a couple breaks up it is best not to try to be friends because one of you (in this case you) is still holding on to hope that you will get back together. Yes you and this other girl seem like total opposites but he is the one who chose her over getting back with you. I would say go strict NC with this guy so you can get over him. Rarely does anyone end up marrying their first love. Good luck.

stillafool Established Member

stillafool

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thank you for responding. I guess I was wishing someday, once he's left his party days behind and is looking to settle down, he will realize he messed up by letting me go and come back. he used to be so sweet and caring and was such a good guy. is there no chance of this happening?

 

After college people relocate, start their careers and meet new people. It is rare that people go back to their exes from their high school and college days, so I wouldn't bank on him coming back later. Let him go, there are so, so many men out there to meet.

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elaine567 Established Member

elaine567

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thank you for responding. I guess I was wishing someday, once he's left his party days behind and is looking to settle down, he will realize he messed up by letting me go and come back. he used to be so sweet and caring and was such a good guy. is there no chance of this happening?

 

I know it sounds unlikely at the moment, but IF and it is a big IF, he did come back to you years down the line, you will not be interested as you will have moved on with your life and will realise cheaters are not worth giving the time of day to.

Remember this guy "loved" you so much he USED you for sex, while he was seeing someone else... Wake up!

If you did succumb to his charms then two kids later and he is again beating down the door of the local "party girl", is that really what you want?

Loads of honest great guys out there, do not waste your life waiting for this loser.

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d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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He decided to sow some wild oats & she's wild. She probably doesn't make demands on him but sleeps with him when it's mutually convenient. You on the other had are a "good girl." It's not really about you vs her or a contest to see who's better. It's just a choice a college boy made.

 

Sadly, your relationship ran it's course for him. You need to find a way to let him go. As soon as you realize he's not coming back you can work on healing & finding your next relationship.

 

Hang in there.

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karen17 New Member

karen17

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Long story short. I had a high school sweet heart who I was with for 2.5 years. we always talked about getting married and he told me I was the love of his life. Eventually, he got tired of being in a relationship and broke up with me. He admitted he had cheated on me twice but kept it a secret for a month. after the break up, he told me we were still going to get married and that he was always going to love me. we continued seeing each other for a while and he always treated me as if we were dating, but then admitted he had been using me for sex. he then told me that he had been cheating on his other girlfriend with me and that I should get out of his life because he loved her and not me. he blocked me on all social media and I didn't hear from him until recently he sent me a message asking how I was and telling me how sorry he was for everything he had done and that he took me for granted and that he was never able to find another girl like me. he says he has changed and has left his partying days behind and wants to settle down. should i give him another chance? I never stopped loving him, and he was a great boyfriend before he wanted to party and be single...

elaine567 Established Member

elaine567

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YOU could never really trust him, sounds like he has run out of options and is consulting his little black book for likely candidates.

OK he cheated but he also said at the time he was only using you for sex and that it was her he loved. I know you "love" him but why would you love some one who obviously just used you?

And why would you ever consider going back to that????

 

He is not only a cheater but a serial cheater and they tend not to change. They do not believe in monogamy and even if you did get married and have the kids, he can play nice for a while, but his need for sexual variety will get the better of him. Do you really want to be that woman with three kids and a man who keeps cheating on you?

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PegNosePete Established Member

PegNosePete

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he sent me a message asking how I was and telling me how sorry he was for everything he had done and that he took me for granted and that he was never able to find another girl like me. he says he has changed and has left his partying days behind and wants to settle down.

If it were me, I would tell him:

 

Apology accepted, and thank you. I forgive you. I'm glad to hear you've changed your ways. Good luck finding someone to settle down with. I wish you a happy life.

 

Then block him.

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Zahara Established Member

Zahara

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but then admitted he had been using me for sex

 

he was never able to find another girl like me

 

Looking for available options.

 

Move on. You'll never be able to have a healthy relationship because you'll always be looking over your shoulder.

 

He's a serial cheater. Stay away.

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Trishern Established Member

Trishern

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Don't sacrifice your self respect because he is out of options. Taking him back will be a sign he can treat you like dirt and you still accept it.

 

 

You weren't even Plan B, you were way down the list around the Plan N mark.

 

 

Why would you trust him with your heart.

 

 

Mrs T

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karen17 New Member

karen17

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I can't believe in two weeks it will already have been a year. since the original break up, I no longer cry all day everyday but I still get sad about it and I miss him at certain times. we had plans to get married and spend our life together and now neither of us knows what going on in each other's lives. he's always on my mind. the reason we broke up was because he cheated on me and wanted to be single and party and had lost feelings for me. now he has another girlfriend and has moved on and told me to get out of his life after he strung me along for months telling me he still loved me but then admitted it was just for sex. any advice?

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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If its been a year, you need to make a decision in your own mind to get over him.

 

 

Especially if he cheated he's not somebody you should want in your life.

 

 

Instead of focusing on what you think you lost, think about all the things you would like to in your life. Then set about achieving those goals.

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karen17 New Member

karen17

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after finding out my boyfriend of two and a half years had cheated on me and kept it a secret for a month, then being dumped, and finding out he had sex with another girl a week later, all while he was telling me he still loved me, I was crushed. I was struggling with depression and anxiety and I didn't know how to react and I didn't handle things well. I called and texted him all the time, crossed his face off in a picture at his graduation party and created fake profiles to follow him on social media. now I feel embarrassed and ashamed about this. how can i move on from this?

Zahara Established Member

Zahara

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Isn't he back asking for a second chance?

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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how can i move on from this?

 

 

Trust me. He hasn't give your behavior or you a 2nd thought. You need to forgive yourself. So you reacted badly. We've all been there. Especially when it's the end of an early relationship & you are still moving toward adulthood, people do dumb embarrassing things. If you did some of these when you were middle aged, it'd be a different story but you were in college. You were still learning about life, love & unfortunately loss.

 

 

Tell yourself you screwed up but remind yourself that you won't make the same mistakes in the future.

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karen17 New Member

karen17

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we broke up because he cheated on me then dumped me... then he told me we would get back together and strung me on for months, only to admit he was using me for sex and had another girlfriend. then he said that to me and blocked me, and now he unblocked me. what does this mean?

PrettyEmily77 Established Member

PrettyEmily77

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It means that he's very unstable and totally untrustworthy.

 

Block him back yourself and don't loose any more time on that prize azzhole.

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karen17 New Member

karen17

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does this mean he still thinks about me/ he misses me? or what im so confused why he unblocked me after telling me to get out of his life...

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