Lost Irishman Posted April 14, 2016 Posted April 14, 2016 There's a saying ... Don't try to understand my choices if you don't know my reasons" Well it may be me but this seems to be very conflicting from my ex fiancé who enters a “Serious” relationship 3 months after she asked to split - see below- · Tells me it's inappropriate that we are texting as she's now in a new relationship- I never questioned her contact with her exes, everyone has a past. · Tells me she was pressured about our future – as she went from just her and her daughters to a husband and 3 kids - - starts reltionship with widower with 3 children - (so 5 children in total ages range from 8-16 – 4 teenagers) · Wants to concentrate on her and her girls again – As above · Struggles to get to know my family as she believes they didn't like her ( not true) willing to take on widowers family and his late wife's family? · Attraction to me , good looking , (her words) dressed well sexual chemistry , - him 5 years older than her – he’s 10 from me- no dress sense. · I like your hair long ( I used to joke I'd shave it off) I don't like shaved heads it's scruffy - he's ginger with a shaved head · I like how you take care of me and make me number 1 - he's got 3 kids and is prime carer, will he make her number 1? First relationship since Late Wife. · I don't see the point of a 4 hour return Journey- his is 3 hours · We never put pics of each other on social media – we both believed it was false and a relationship is private- she changed her pic to both of them · I took it slow in the beginning- I've heard there moving quiet fast –see each other most days. We built on our relationship and didn't meet family until 6 months and children 6 months after that. I've heard everyone's met 2.5 months in!! She's 38, there seeing each other 3 months. I’ve moved on and I hope it works for her, however I was going to marry this girl and wouldn’t like to see her or her children hurt.
ExpatInItaly Posted April 14, 2016 Posted April 14, 2016 OP, I know you are very hurt. I've read your other threads and I can understand why. But at least, be honest with yourself - you haven't moved on at all. And that's okay, it's normal to need time to grieve. Creating a list of the new guy's characteristics and weighing yourself against him indicates two things: 1) You know way too much about him and their relationship, and 2) You are preventing yourself from moving on. Try as you might, you won't be able to fully understand her choices and reasons. It's futile to try to analyze every point. It's not your problem if she or her children get hurt, so don't try to be the White Knight waiting in the wings. It's also a very bad idea to continue any contact with her; she's told you she doesn't want that right now. If you keep trying, you will find yourself totally blocked and deleted. Let yourself feel the pain, but make a plan of action moving forward. Instead of making lists about him, make a list about you! What are your goals and hopes for your future? 6
Author Lost Irishman Posted April 15, 2016 Author Posted April 15, 2016 Thankyou for your comments and your right im not 100% there. I am trying and have cut contact. The reason I know so much is because I get told by friends I don't want to now really. I thin they are worried? Anyways my post was just trying to understand things, but its alright not having all the answers. No longer my problem.
Toodaloo Posted April 15, 2016 Posted April 15, 2016 Sounds like new guy is very different to you. Perhaps that is why it didn't work out between you both. Its not that either one of you is better or worse you are just very different men. She has made her choices. It doesn't matter what the reasons. Your choice should now be to leave well alone. Easier said than done I know but... its the only way. Cut her out of your life.
ExpatInItaly Posted April 15, 2016 Posted April 15, 2016 Thankyou for your comments and your right im not 100% there. I am trying and have cut contact. The reason I know so much is because I get told by friends I don't want to now really. I thin they are worried? Anyways my post was just trying to understand things, but its alright not having all the answers. No longer my problem. Ask your friends to please stop reporting back to you. It's not helping you at all. And I agree, it's alright not having answers. It's very frustrating and hurtful, of course. But you will probably never be able to make sense of it and it will only keep you stuck in an unhappy place. 1
Satu Posted April 15, 2016 Posted April 15, 2016 Tell your friends that you want to move on, and don't want to hear anything about her. No good can come of it. Take care
Blanco Posted April 15, 2016 Posted April 15, 2016 I'm going to play devil's advocate here: It is inappropriate for you two to be texting while she's in an exclusive relationship. You two aren't friends. You don't want her as just a friend. She probably knows this. It's disrespectful to the new guy if she's regularly communicating with someone who would probably very much like to see them break up. I know that feels lousy for you, but respect that she's showing some solid boundaries here. Moreover, whether or not this new relationship pans out, she's made the decision to pursue something that will provide numerous challenges as the relationship progresses. Blending families is one of the hardest things you can do. Even the success stories usually have some bumpy roads to travel down first. Point is, that takes a lot of work on top of the resources needed of someone to raise children in the first place. She shouldn't be allocating any of her focus to her ex boyfriend. I say this as someone who left a three-year relationship with a single mother and had his ex take up with an older divorced co-worker with kids of his own within a matter of months. I didn't like it but eventually phased myself out of their lives and would reiterate to her when she contacted me sporadically that our lives should no longer intersect.
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