Was my ex a narcissist or was she crazy?

[ZACHSMITH450]

Hi everyone,

 

My name is Zach. My ex girlfriend of 6 months and I broke up about 5 months ago. She darted seeing a guy 3 weeks after we broke up so I was really hurt. But I've finally gotten over it and am trying to understand what went wrong so I know not to make the same mistakes. Looking back, I think my ex may have been a narcissist, and would appreciate if any one could help me understand if my assumptions are correct.

 

 

1) She controlled the sex and there was no intimacy

Sex in the beginning was great. She was always on top of me and we were very intimate. However, we didn't have sex for the last 5 months in our relationship. I could only touch her if I asked permission and she would never want to touch me. Towards the last couple of months, she never wanted to cuddle, spend the night, or make out. She didn't shower with me anymore either. I didnt understand. One time I asked her why she would have sex with her past boyfriends but not me and she said "because I didnt feel like those were real realtionships like what we have" That made no sense. We have a real realtionship based on love yet you dont want to make love at all. Like

 

2) She acted like I was obsessed with sex

This was untrue. In addition to point 1, she also wouldnt change in front of me or be seen naked around me. She said I she was uncomfortable because I "stared" at her. I didnt stare but I looked. I was admiring her (i'm 21 and have a hot girlfriend....what would you do?). She would never even want to hold hand in public and even getting her to kiss me seemed like a chore. I'm a very affectionate person, so I tried to explain to her how a lack of any intimacy made me feel, but all she claimed was "all I wanted was sex"

 

3) She tried to set my schedule

Ive been going to the gym everyday for the past 2 years, before I met her. We would spend every day together and she would get upset if I wanted to go to the gym. She always made me wait until she left for work, even if it inconvenienced me. If I just went ahead and went before then, she got upset and told me I wasnt putting her as my top priority. I tried to explain to her that we see each other all the time and want to go when I want. She said I never put her first like she does with me(lies). Also, if I want to go out with friends to watch the fights or games, she gets upset because she feels like I'm ditching her. Apparently to her, she felt like we're supposed to spend every night together. Even after I invite her and she says no, she still gets upset.

 

4) She makes false assumptions about me and tries to control me.

She saw a video of me getting really drunk one night and from that point on, if I ever wanted to have a drink, she made me tell her if I was. If i forgot to do it, she would get furious. If I wanted to go and hang out at my buddies apartment, she assumed we were going to get drunk and berate women and I was going to talk bad about her. She also always assumed I was going to cheat on her. I went to my friends wedding and she was upset the whole night because she didn't trust me around other girls in a setting like that. (I would never cheat. I think its so wrong)

 

5) She got mad at the dumbest things.

For example, we went to our college's football game. I wanted to go with my roommates but she begged me to go with her and her girlfriends. So I did. I like to actually watch the game and study it, so I was focused on the game. then afterwards, she's mad at me because I want having conversations with her friends to whole night. Another example is she always would ask me to do the dishes or clean or whatever while she took a shower at her apartment, and like a little ****, I did. But the fact that I even did it wasnt good enough. she would get upset if I did something wrong.

 

So those are just some of the things. I know its a good thing she ended it. It was toxic. Am i right to assume she was a little bit of a narcissist.

 

The thing is, she still with that guy now. I'm sure if she treated him like she did me, the relationship wouldnt have lasted to this point. Why me? I ask myself. Any input would be great. Thanks guys.

Edited April 14, 2016 by ZACHSMITH450
Not needed

[JuanDelToro]

She doesn`t sound like a narcissist. More like an entitled, manipulative, controlling and disrespectful person.

 

She did you a favor by breaking up with you, you dodged a bullet and she`s someone else`s problem now.

 

My advice to you would be to, put that behind now and go find yourself a nice and sweet girl. One that will actually like you for who you are and reciprocate all of your affection.

 

Be yourself and never allow anyone to bring drama into your life.

[SammySammy]

Better questions may be:

 

1. What did you learn from this relationship?
   
2. How will you apply what you learned to future relationships?
   

[ZACHSMITH450]

I guess what I learned is I need to stand up for myself and make clear that a relationship works both ways. I need to stop thinking it's going to get better and look at the signs in front of me. I need to find someone who will reciprocate my love