MLC2000 Posted April 13, 2016 Posted April 13, 2016 My boyfriend and I haven't had a perfect relationship but I can say without a doubt we love each other and until the other day I imagined spending the rest of my life with him. We were texting a funny picture to a friend on his phone when I noticed a message with a hotel address and asked him about it. He admitted that he paid a prostitute months ago while we were in the process of getting back together but says once he was with her he couldn't go through with things and was embarrassed. Twice since then he contacted prostitues but never met with them. I'm not sure what to do and we have so many mutual friends that it's hard to go to people for advice. I'm not perfect either. I was caught sexting with an ex just a month ago. I want to take him back and make it work but I don't know how or if it's the right choice. He was raped when he was younger so I understand he has some things to work through. Has anyone been through this before? What works? What doesn't?
ExpatInItaly Posted April 13, 2016 Posted April 13, 2016 Your relationship is very unhealthy, with you sexting an ex and your boyfriend meeting prostitutes. I think you both need to spend time alone, because the dynamic here is toxic. You are both doing things that violate the boundaries of a relationship. And please, get tested for STIs and HIV if you are still having sex with your boyfriend. I have a very hard time believing he's never actually met up with any of the prostitutes. And I also would bet any money there have been more contacts you don't know about. 8
LD1990 Posted April 13, 2016 Posted April 13, 2016 Where there's smoke, there's fire. No one contacts prostitutes multiple times and gets cold feet each time. 5
JustAnotherLostLove Posted April 14, 2016 Posted April 14, 2016 Your relationship is very unhealthy, with you sexting an ex and your boyfriend meeting prostitutes. I think you both need to spend time alone, because the dynamic here is toxic. You are both doing things that violate the boundaries of a relationship. And please, get tested for STIs and HIV if you are still having sex with your boyfriend. I have a very hard time believing he's never actually met up with any of the prostitutes. And I also would bet any money there have been more contacts you don't know about. Exactly my thoughts. 3
mightycpa Posted April 14, 2016 Posted April 14, 2016 You guys should just let loose and get all this need for strange out of your system. Your are both self-repressive. If you can survive each others' yearnings for other people, then you'll know you really had something. If not, then I'd have to say you're pretty normal. Whatever you do, know that the worst thing you can do is to repress the things you really desire. You don't have to like what he does, and he doesn't have to like what you do. You're both interviewing each other, not because you're the right candidates, but TO SEE if you're the right candidates. Now, it's more important than ever to be true to yourselves.
Author MLC2000 Posted April 14, 2016 Author Posted April 14, 2016 Thanks all. He keeps saying we can get through it and be a couple that just has a rough past. I'm not sure what to think at this point. I'd love for it to work but I think I'd always be suspicious of him if we moved forward. The other thing that is so confusing is he seems to think what I did is almost worse than what he did because emotions were involved in my cheating (no face to face interactions though) whereas he was just seeking something physical.
elaine567 Posted April 14, 2016 Posted April 14, 2016 The main problem for you is that here you have a man who is happy paying for sex and it is a fact that prostitutes/escorts are everywhere - any time, any where, any place. How can you ever trust him again going forward? This relationship has run its course, neither of you are fully committed here, recognise that and move on. 3
herodgrant Posted April 15, 2016 Posted April 15, 2016 Please don't stay with this guy. He's sleeping with hookers. 1
dreamingoftigers Posted April 16, 2016 Posted April 16, 2016 Thanks all. He keeps saying we can get through it and be a couple that just has a rough past. I'm not sure what to think at this point. I'd love for it to work but I think I'd always be suspicious of him if we moved forward. The other thing that is so confusing is he seems to think what I did is almost worse than what he did because emotions were involved in my cheating (no face to face interactions though) whereas he was just seeking something physical. You both did sucky stuff. However, him trying to minimize his total, outrageous bullshyte by juxtaposing your crap is just not going to work. It isn't a frigging contest. Or a race to see who can blow up the relationship first. How are you ever going to get the mind movies out of your head now? And I am so sick of the "rough past" excuse. You know who had a rough past? My father. He'll be sixty soon and he's still using the "rough past" excuse to act like a total jackass to my mother and his children. Enough of that. If someone's "rough past" is impacting their relationships, especially on the basic respect / sexual level, then you get your arse into therapy and work through that crap before dragging others down with you. Learn to cope as a single person before getting involved with innocents. He doesn't get to punish you with his lying and sneaking around because of his "Rough past" anymore than you get to find whatever justification you have for sexting your ex. Both of you should probably be screened for impulse-control disorders. Too much "outside the relationship" sex stuff going on here. 3
TaraMaiden2 Posted April 16, 2016 Posted April 16, 2016 Please don't stay with this guy. He's sleeping with hookers. There's actually nothing wrong with sleeping with hookers, providing there are two conditions met: The first is - that you are not in an already steady committed relationship. The second is - that being the case - that you actually merely sleep with them. Having sex with hookers has been going on for nearly as long as men have known what their penis is for. Leaving aside all the many reasons as to why a woman is a prostitute by profession, men always have, and always will, have sex with prostitutes. And on a general level, that is not for any of us to judge, criticise or condemn. The only people who have a right to object, are the partners who are being willfully, deliberately and repeatedly cheated on. Either with or without their knowledge.
ashley1992 Posted April 16, 2016 Posted April 16, 2016 Going through the similar thing.. Taking him bak and knowing brothels and prostitutes are everywhere 24/7 is a nightmare. Its better to break it off and recover than to consistantly worry about him going behind ur back and having sex with hookers. My ex did all this and said it was nothing. As much as its so hard to give up the past 6 years and my future hopes and dreams he kind of did me a favour. I saw his tru colours. I think the same goes for u. U will find someone who has respect for u ur feelings and ur body. Tell him its done and move on! U can do it 2
herodgrant Posted June 12, 2016 Posted June 12, 2016 There's actually nothing wrong with sleeping with hookers, providing there are two conditions met: The first is - that you are not in an already steady committed relationship. The second is - that being the case - that you actually merely sleep with them. Having sex with hookers has been going on for nearly as long as men have known what their penis is for. Leaving aside all the many reasons as to why a woman is a prostitute by profession, men always have, and always will, have sex with prostitutes. And on a general level, that is not for any of us to judge, criticise or condemn. The only people who have a right to object, are the partners who are being willfully, deliberately and repeatedly cheated on. Either with or without their knowledge. Yeah nothing wrong with it *FOR YOU*. A lot of people would feel uncomfortable dating someone who has slept with prostitutes. I don't judge the women, I judge the john and it's my prerogative to find that deeply unattractive and a dealbreaker.
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