I'm still struggling to accept it's over

[kztar]

Same thing happened to me.

 

I don't care how much you may have loved me in the past but the fact that you told me there was no one else involved when there was and I asked, shows lack if integrity. It's an insult to my intelligence.

 

Im a "I rather hear the truth type of person" even if it hurts because believe me that hurt will help you heal faster and move on. My ex did the same, he told me oh I need to be alone, find myself, be single yara yara yara. A month and a half later he is official with someone else. But he told me he needed to be single so I was lost????. Yes NC is important but sometimes breaking it will allow you to find that real closure you need and take this person from the pedestal you had him in.

 

It's hard but you will move on. Also that "work on yourself stuff" don't get it. Everyday you work on yourself wether you are single or in a relationship. Just do the things you like to do and be happy.

 

Now that you know the real reason, go NC and never look back. Someone better will come along.

[confusedstill96]

I'm having a low day today, guys.

 

A short summary: My ex of 4 and a half years left me around 6-7 weeks ago out of the blue, over a text message. He told me he wanted 'time alone' and that he didn't want me anymore.

 

Of course I was devastated, I begged for him back but he wasn't having any of it. He told me he didn't want me anymore and I just had to move on. I'm angry typing this as it has suddenly hit me - HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO JUST MOVE ON?? It goes to show how little he cared from this very comment. How does someone just move on from a near 5 year relationship?

 

We shared our lives together, from being 15 years old. We had a child together, a girl who was stillborn. I loved him so much, he told me he loved me and that he would never 'just leave me' in fact, he said this just 2 weeks before he DID 'just leave me'

 

I found out 2 weeks after he had left me from a mutual friend that he had been spreading rumours about me. Untrue rumours. I confronted my ex about it and he didn't even defend himself, a clear sign of guilt. Instead he just told me to leave him alone and 'do him a favour and never contact him again' He seemed so angry and hostile towards me, I'm the innocent party in all of this so why? How could he act like that??

 

Anyway, around a month ago I bumped into him whilst shopping with my mum. He was also with his mum. They completely turned their backs on us and refused to even said one word, didn't even give us one smile. Again, I was devastated - how could he do this? And how could his mother encourage him to behave like this? Although I don't entirely blame her because chances are she wasn't told the full story by his cowardly ass.

 

 

The final blow for me was last night. I officially 100% gave up. I know you guys have told everyone suffering a break up to go 'no contact' but I figured things between me and him MAY have settled down. So I typed him a massive email out, it was beautifully written - I'm a writer so I poured my entire heart and feelings into this email. I didn't beg for him back, I didn't ask to ever see him again, in fact I didn't even ask for a response to the email - instead I just told him that I forgave him for the lies he had spread, I told him that I hoped he had a good life and then I spoke about numerous other pointers that used to mean a lot to me, to both of us.

 

This morning I was notified that he had read the email but I never got a response to it. In fact this afternoon I checked my emails again and saw he had marked me as a 'spam sender' or something.

 

How could someone I spent nearly 5 years with be so cruel and distant? He wasn't like this when he was with me. He used to be so attentive and caring, until that day he finally decided to end it over a text.

I feel hollow inside and like the entire relationship was a lie because of who he turned into after it.

Regardless as to what he is doing with his life right now - surely he could've at least responded to the email, and wished me well too? I was basically ending the 2 month argument we had both been caught up in and wishing him well. I guess he couldn't do the same for me.

 

Please offer me advice. I've literally spent all day sobbing now. Not because he didn't reply - simply because he's treated me like a stranger at every single point and chance he has been given. Less than 2 months ago he was having sex with me and telling me I was beautiful and that he loved me, now I'm a stranger to him, I'm the devil.

[confusedstill96]

Long story short ; my ex left me out of the blue 2 months ago, over a text message. Ever since he has been very hostile towards me and refuses to communicate with me or reply to any messages. Infact hes blocked me on every form of social networking - I have no way of speaking to him. This would be fine to 'cut my losses' but then a few weeks ago I began to realise I hadn't had a period in around 4 months. I figured it was the contraception I had been on that was messing my cycle up, I also started feeling sick and looking very pale, again figured it was stress. I took a pregnancy test finally 2 weeks ago and it came back positive, I was optimistic, figured it could be a dud. Today I went to the hospital to see the midwife and get a scan, I was convinced (Stupidly) they'd not find a thing in my womb. I'm 3 months pregnant.

I don't know what to do. I don't believe in abortion, I also don't want to raise a child in abroken home. My ex will NOT speak to me, I don't know what to do. My best friend tried contacting him today to tell him the news, he outright claimed I was 'lying for attention and to get him back' and then blocked her.

What am I supposed to do now? I have the scan photos, I even have a letter from the hospital but i've no way of sending him these documents as he's blocked me. I live very close to him, I know where he works and WHEN he works but I don't know what to do. I'm terrified if I confront him in person he will start a domestic and walk away from me or something. I'm at a loss. Please, help.

EDITED: My midwife also offered to call him and break the news but he refused to answer the call. He refuses to answer ANY calls from unknown numbers or numbers that he doesn't have saved because he is trying his best to avoid me, I think in his stupid head he thinks every single caller will be me therefore refuses to pick up his phone.

[O'Malley]

Your emotional and physical well being is the priority at this point. Do you have a strong support structure - family and/or friends - who you can discuss this with? Decide what you want to do about the pregnancy first, then start making the decisions that are in the best interest of you and your child (should you decide to continue the pregnancy).

 

It's a painful thought that your ex wants nothing to do you, but he's hostile to any reasonable communication. Since you can't rely on your ex at this point, there's a good possibility that you will be a single parent in this situation. If you feel compelled to notify him, send him a certified letter strictly outlining the pregnancy (do not discuss prior issues or the breakup). I'd avoid any situations or face to face confrontations with him that could increase your stress or even become unsafe. Any further communication about the pregnancy and after your child is born needs to be through legal avenues. Your past with your ex is water under the bridge at this point; if you decide to continue the pregnancy, focus your energies on being the best parent that you can.

[stillafool]

He doesn't want to be bothered with this so stop trying to contact him at this point. After the baby is born file for child support. Maybe then he will believe this is really happening. You are wasting your time trying to get him involved with your pregnancy. Besides your ex already has a new gf. He probably doesn't want her to know anything.

Edited April 22, 2016 by stillafool

[CarrieT]

You don't want to raise a child in a broken home and don't believe in abortion, then give the infant to a couple who are barren and can't have children.

[introverted1]

Agreed that any future contact with your ex should be through an attorney. You will probably want to file for child support after the baby is born and he will likely demand a paternity test. That's pretty much par for the course.

 

The bigger question is: are you prepared to be a single parent? You say:

 

I don't believe in abortion, I also don't want to raise a child in abroken home.

 

Based on what you've written, you have 3 choices:

 

1. Raise the child as a single parent

2. Have an abortion

3. Put the child up for adoption

 

I could be wrong, but I think you may be thinking that there is a fourth option, where you somehow reconcile with your ex. I would say that this is very, very unlikely. So unlikely that it should not be a factor in your decision process. You need to figure out which of the 3 above is the best path for you and your child. And if you opt for #2, sooner is better than later.

 

Good luck with whatever you choose.

[Eternal Sunshine]

If I were in your position, I wouldn't want a guy that treats me that way in my life at all. I wouldn't try to notify him or get any emotional support at this point. Just file for child support once the baby is born and he can't ignore it. Let the lawyers deal with him.

[Buddhist]

What you do is this....

 

- Realise you have made an honest attempt to contact the father of your child and inform him. He is refusing all contact. Let it go.

 

- Realise that raising a child in a single parent home is nowhere near as traumatic as raising one in a home where both parents hate each other and fight constantly. If you have the support of your extended family then your child will benefit no matter what. Focus on what you have rather than what you don't.

 

- If you decide not to keep the child yourself realise there are good couples out there who would love the opportunity to have a family. There are options for this child either way.

 

-Disconnect from the drama of this man. No matter how it started of what the cause of it is. Indulging in it and giving it power over you will only do you and the baby harm. Look after you and your baby it's the best thing to do.

[PogoStick]

I agree. It's time to pursue adoption.

[basil67]

>>He seemed so angry and hostile towards me, I'm the innocent party in all of this so why? How could he act like that??<<

 

Hang on. Are you saying that you've never, ever done anything to upset him in the relationship? That you were 100% perfect?

 

In one of your previous threads, you gave a litany of all the things which you saw as his faults. Are we to believe that you never complained to him about those faults? That you never asked him to change?

 

What about the fact that you stayed with him despite the fact that he didn't meet your needs?

 

Sweetie, I know you're hurting but you really do need to own that you would have done things which contributed to the end of the relationship.

[stillafool]

He has told you point blank to leave him alone and never contact him again and if I were you I would have done just that. You said yourself that your email to him didn't require a response you just wanted to tell him those things. Now you have and it's been 3 months since your break up and it's time to move on.

[Leigh 87]

If you can't afford to raise a child alone with no help then don't have children!!!!!!!

 

Your ex doesn't love and never will love, your baby. He will likely sign over all parental rights in order to get out of child support.

 

If you are working in a full time secure job, you can just go ahead and provide the baby a nice life. If not, you really outa consider going back to school and bettering your financial situation in any way that you can. Kids shouldn't be raised in poverty. You have the first few years of a babies life to get a career going before that will notice a poor quality of life.

 

Please just do what you can for the baby and quit trying to contact your ex. He doesn't care about you. And he'll never care about the bahy eirher. He is heartless.

[JewelD]

Honestly, a lot of women have done this trying to trick men so he might see it as a way of you just trying to get him to speak to you. Do you know any of his friends or family? He might listen to them and unless they're god awful people, they wouldn't turn you away.

 

A baby is a big deal and you shouldn't base your decisions on whether he's going to be involved or not. If you are poor, there is assistance that can help you, there are many resources for single mothers. Lots of women have made it work and are still working it today.

 

Adoption is another option, but it should be one that's really thought out because once you do it, it can't be undone.

 

Do you have your ex's address? Mail him proof of your pregnancy. Everybody opens envelopes. if you still get nothing, just go forth with child support once the baby is born.

[Geminix004]

When a man loves you, he takes you everywhere. Peace