Author Ashley S Posted April 14, 2016 Author Posted April 14, 2016 Thank you everyone. I appreciate the care a lot <3 quick question though. Why did he want me to get pregnant like 2 months into our relationship? He was against me using birth control. I told him that I wouldn't have children till i am established and through school, and have a career. he said "Will you at least give me children like a year or two from now?" I said "No, because I won't have the career I want in a year or two. I want to have kids, just not now, maybe like 5 or 6 years from now, ya know?" He looked very depressed and upset. Now just recently, he kept saying he never wants children. I said "Funny when we were just dating you wanted to have kids right away. Adn you were against me being on Birth Control." He said "Yeah I don't want kids." I said "Do you see me in your future?" He said "It depends." I said "It depends???" he said " I mean yeah, but, you never know what happens in life." SO I took it as he doesn't see me in his future? I just want everyone thoughts on this because I find it weird that he wanted kids in the beginning now he doesn't, what does everyone think about that, maybe that's a trait of a sociopath that i don't know of? thank you.
Zippy2000 Posted April 14, 2016 Posted April 14, 2016 That's why I have trust issues because I knew him and was his friend, 5 months prior I wouldnt say that is trust issues. Its only 5 months....a matter of weeks. You arent going to know someone at all in that time.Rather that use the words "trust issues".....maybe use the words a bad judge of character.Its a pity you mention this guy has "ruined your imgae of guys". Not all giys are like that and I hope it doesnt put you off to a genuine person who one day you will meet. Except when you do....take your time getting to know them. Have you not heard of the phrase..........."Time always tells"? 1
OnlyHonesty Posted April 15, 2016 Posted April 15, 2016 It honestly breaks my heart that you are still with this guy. You deserve so much better. I hope one day you find the strength to leave him so you can find a wonderful man who adores you. She needs to find herself, not another man. She is not happy inside, is not at peace and is grieving. Being in a relationship when you are dealing with this is unwise. Even if she met the most wonderful man, it probably would not matter because until you are at peace with yourself, you cannot truly be at peace with anyone else. 3
Dis Posted April 15, 2016 Posted April 15, 2016 This sounds like a bit of a toxic relationship. I have been in your place...now when I look back at my first serious relationship, I think, "Wow, I deserved so much better, the things he did were unacceptable." Because your so young you have little to compare this guy to. But trust me, better guys are out there once you've healed from this guy. I think this is key here, Actions speak louder than words! Just because he says he appreciates you etc. doesnt mean thats enough as his actions clearly dont reflect that statement. I have to also agree with other posters. I dont understand why you keep going back to him, your his doormat at this point. Why would he change when he knows he can get you back and revert to his old ways??? Hun I know your going through some very difficult things but...leave this guy! Staying with him is only going to make your depression/anxiety worse and hinder the grieving process of your friend. I know your young and dont know anything else but him...but trust me....you deserve better and will get better down the road. Buck up and leave him. Go to therapy. Move on with your life. Theres no fixing this. Redirect the love you give to him, to yourself. Take care of you.
amaysngrace Posted April 15, 2016 Posted April 15, 2016 Maybe he was just saying he wants to have kids with you because he was playing games. He knew you'd think that meant he was serious about you. He sounds like a major toolio.
ExpatInItaly Posted April 15, 2016 Posted April 15, 2016 Thank you everyone. I appreciate the care a lot <3 quick question though. Why did he want me to get pregnant like 2 months into our relationship? He was against me using birth control. I told him that I wouldn't have children till i am established and through school, and have a career. he said "Will you at least give me children like a year or two from now?" I said "No, because I won't have the career I want in a year or two. I want to have kids, just not now, maybe like 5 or 6 years from now, ya know?" He looked very depressed and upset. Now just recently, he kept saying he never wants children. I said "Funny when we were just dating you wanted to have kids right away. Adn you were against me being on Birth Control." He said "Yeah I don't want kids." I said "Do you see me in your future?" He said "It depends." I said "It depends???" he said " I mean yeah, but, you never know what happens in life." SO I took it as he doesn't see me in his future? I just want everyone thoughts on this because I find it weird that he wanted kids in the beginning now he doesn't, what does everyone think about that, maybe that's a trait of a sociopath that i don't know of? thank you. Because he's nuts. 4
joseb Posted April 15, 2016 Posted April 15, 2016 Just glanced at some other threads for context. This guy is awful. You need to leave. And you need to be on your own for a while to heal. And therapy. You say therapists are not telling you what you want to hear...naybe they are telling you what you need to hear? 1
Buddhist Posted April 15, 2016 Posted April 15, 2016 Yeah I scanned the thread also. A few points here.... - Relationships aren't all about getting what you want out of it. Sure that sounds like the right idea but when you approach a relationship with another person with a laundry list of stuff you want, only one thing happens. You end up disappointed and having to walk away. Most people repeat this cycle at least 5-6 times before they near midlife and realise that's the wrong idea for relationship. What happens is they end up realising that no-one is their walking list of wants and no-one will perform in a relationship as they would like. Relationships then become a journey in negotiation with another person in which you both grow and get some of what you want. - Therapy isn't about getting what you want. It's about getting what you need. If you both have depression and anxiety the chances of a healthy relationship existing are so close to zero it's not funny. Think about it, two people struggling in life, getting together and expecting all their struggles to go away. Just doesn't happen. Depression and anxiety are signs that you have a problem with the process of living (I know this because I have both). Problems that usually only get worse once you put another person in the mix. - The cycle of your relationship love you\hate you won't change. That much I can guarantee. You can either get used to this as a lifestyle and regret some years of your life or you can end it now, and find a way to heal what's going on with you.
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