jbp005 Posted April 13, 2016 Posted April 13, 2016 Let's first go back to July of 2015, I matched with Marian (28F) on a dating app, and tried to setup a date. At the time I had already been on a few dates with a different woman. We never got anything setup and not too long after chatting things got serious with the woman I had already been on a few dates with. We now jump to late October 2015, girlfriend broke up with me, and was now single again. I had added Marian on Facebook and snapchat at some point, and see she is in a relationship. I go on a few random dates from various dating apps late November and decide I want to take a break from it all and work on myself. Flash-forward to January 2016, I start going back to the gym, and eating healthy again. I wasn't engaged or really talking with anyone from dating apps, until this gorgeous woman engages with me. We date for about 6 weeks, and that ends beginning of March 2016. Since adding Marian on snapchat and Facebook I could tell we had a lot in common. I already thought she was attractive, but this makes her even more appealing. Since then I decided I'd start getting back out there. Marian is now single, I talk to her on snapchat and ask her out. At this point I had been setting up dates on an online dating app. I didn't really talk much or at all with her until the day of. She stands me up, and I don't say anything, figured I'd just move on. The next week she comments on one of my snaps. I message her saying thanks, but you know you stood me up last week. We get to talking and setup another date. The first date we went to a quote-a-long movie. We are both really into movies, and this was a great time. That ends and we decide to go see Batman v Superman after. The night ends with a long hug, and she texts me she had a good time when she gets home. The first date was April 2nd. We setup up a brunch date for this past Sunday. She had a crossfit competition she volunteered for that Saturday. I text her that Sunday morning, and she tells me she is too sore, can barely move. I text her a few hours later asking if this was just cause she didn't want to see me again and if so no big deal. She says that isn't the case. I text her this week and she says she is busy Saturday, she doesn't want to schedule anything Sunday morning and she cancel on me again. Her and I both will be out of town the next weekend. At this point I'm not sure what to do. I've also been on a few dates with another woman (Jenny 26F) and they've been going really well. So, I still really would like to get to know Marian, but I'm starting to wonder at what point do I stop pursuing her. At what point with Jenny do I stop pursuing Marian? I've never really dated multiple women at the same time, I'm not sure how some people do it. Is it even worth pursuing Marian anymore at this point? Is she even really interested in me? Marian does seem set in her routine/ways, tried to setup date for Sunday night and says that's when she meal preps and does laundry. She doesn't go out during the week much and what not. I can totally understand this as I get into a routine, but I'd change them for a promising date. From what I've gathered she was in a relationship for 2 months Nov-Dec and hadn't been in one since 2013. When we first started chatting seemed she very hesitant to get out there and date. I can tell she is introverted, and shy. Any advice would be appreciated on getting her to open and go out. There is just something about Marian that keeps me wanting to pursue her.
Zahara Posted April 13, 2016 Posted April 13, 2016 (edited) -She stands me up, and I don't say anything, figured I'd just move on. - I text her that Sunday morning, and she tells me she is too sore, can barely move. - I text her this week and she says she is busy Saturday, she doesn't want to schedule anything Sunday morning and she cancel on me again. I've never stood someone up. It's rude, selfish and inconsiderate. That should have been your first flag. Your brunch date Sunday morning -- if you had not texted her that morning, when do you think she would have had the decency to at least reach out to you and cancel? Then a third blow off because she is busy. If anything, you should stop reaching out. Her and I both will be out of town the next weekend. At this point I'm not sure what to do. I've also been on a few dates with another woman (Jenny 26F) and they've been going really well. Focus on Jenny and other possibilities. Stop chasing Marian. Marian does seem set in her routine/ways, tried to setup date for Sunday night and says that's when she meal preps and does laundry. She doesn't go out during the week much and what not. I can totally understand this as I get into a routine, but I'd change them for a promising date. From what I've gathered she was in a relationship for 2 months Nov-Dec and hadn't been in one since 2013. When we first started chatting seemed she very hesitant to get out there and date. I can tell she is introverted, and shy. My Saturdays are chores and meal-prep for the coming week. Routine is my middle name. Trust me, if I were into a guy, I'd find time and make it work. Standing someone up and having no courtesy has nothing to do with being shy or introverted. Any advice would be appreciated on getting her to open and go out. There is just something about Marian that keeps me wanting to pursue her. You like emotionally unavailable women? You like the chase? The more they reject you, the harder you try? Edited April 13, 2016 by Zahara 1
Author jbp005 Posted April 13, 2016 Author Posted April 13, 2016 I've never stood someone up. It's rude, selfish and inconsiderate. That should have been your first flag. Your brunch date Sunday morning -- if you had not texted her that morning, when do you think she would have had the decency to at least reach out to you and cancel? Then a third blow off because she is busy. If anything, you should stop reaching out. I agree I've never stood anyone up either, and this was the first time it happened to me. That is a good question and didn't even consider that. I hope she would have. Focus on Jenny and other possibilities. Stop chasing Marian. This is what I had been considering. My Saturdays are chores and meal-prep for the coming week. Routine is my middle name. Trust me, if I were into a guy, I'd find time and make it work. Standing someone up and having no courtesy has nothing to do with being shy or introverted. I will say I set this date up the weekend or Monday before, we had never spoken much before and not sure if she even remembered me from matching over the summer. I was basically just random stranger who spoke to her to setup a date, and then didn't contact her till the day of the date. You like emotionally unavailable women? You like the chase? The more they reject you, the harder you try? No, I've never overly pursued someone. I've taken rejection and moved on. Even if someone was vague on meeting again and what not I'd be done, didn't give it a second thought. I'd like to think I'm a pretty good judge of reading people, and if they aren't interested. I just feel like something is different here. I'm considering sending the following text: "Hey I understand if you are busy and what not. However, I'm trying to get out there and meet someone. I was hoping to get to know you better as I feel we have a lot in common and had an enjoyable first date. Maybe you aren't ready to get out there, maybe it's me. Regardless of what the circumstances are, I'm at the point in my life where I'm done waiting. If you'd like to go out again let me know a time and place, until then I'll be moving on." She has stated she isn't trying to blow me off. I just don't want to give up if the possibility is there.
Zahara Posted April 13, 2016 Posted April 13, 2016 (edited) I've taken rejection and moved on. Even if someone was vague on meeting again and what not I'd be done, didn't give it a second thought. I'd like to think I'm a pretty good judge of reading people, and if they aren't interested. I just feel like something is different here. So rejecting you three times makes you believe there is something different whereas, in other situations you're quick to move on based on first signs on unavailability? The something different is you probably like her -- you can't stand the rejection and it's making you feel devalued. So you need to work on making/pushing her to come your way/validate you because that will make you feel better about yourself. You went on one date -- too much angst over a woman that has rejected you repeatedly. I'm considering sending the following text: "Hey I understand if you are busy and what not. However, I'm trying to get out there and meet someone. I was hoping to get to know you better as I feel we have a lot in common and had an enjoyable first date. Maybe you aren't ready to get out there, maybe it's me. Regardless of what the circumstances are, I'm at the point in my life where I'm done waiting. If you'd like to go out again let me know a time and place, until then I'll be moving on." Screams doormat. Stop chasing her. And after one date -- all of that dramatics? Ultimatums? Do not send her that text. She has stated she isn't trying to blow me off. I just don't want to give up if the possibility is there. Words mean nothing. Pay attention to their actions. Edited April 13, 2016 by Zahara 1
Author jbp005 Posted April 13, 2016 Author Posted April 13, 2016 So rejecting you three times makes you believe there is something different whereas, in other situations you're quick to move on based on first signs on unavailability? The something different is you probably like her -- you can't stand the rejection and it's making you feel devalued. So you need to work on making/pushing her to come your way/validate you because that will make you feel better about yourself. You went on one date -- too much angst over a woman that has rejected you repeatedly. Screams doormat. Stop chasing her. And after one date -- all of that dramatics? Ultimatums? Do not send her that text. Words mean nothing. Pay attention to their actions. True, I just need to move on. I've probably put way more thought into any of this then I needed to. I won't, thanks. 1
Erik30 Posted April 13, 2016 Posted April 13, 2016 You probably should have been done with her after she stood you up, which is one of the most rude things you can do to someone you're dating. But it's good that you're moving on now. And next time, don't go to the movies on a first date. Save that for the second or third time you meet the girl. Because now you kind off "wasted" the time you had with her just watching a movie. You should use that time to see if there's a connection
Author jbp005 Posted April 13, 2016 Author Posted April 13, 2016 (edited) I was going to be done, until she messaged me. I wanted to at least bring it to her attention that I actually showed up. She apologized and I figured I could move past it. The movies wasn't my idea, she invited me. I always try to do coffee for a first date. Also, we got there about a hour early, then had roughly another hour between movies, it was 6PM to 1AM. So it wasn't us just meeting and walking into a theater, we had time to talk. Edited April 13, 2016 by jbp005
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