Acerboy Posted April 13, 2016 Posted April 13, 2016 (edited) ..we have been chatting here and there. then the following happened Me:What are you doing this weekend? Her: Got this event that I am organizing (details not iimportant but it was a big event for her) Me: Hey, how would you feel about us going out together sometime? Her: With me? That would be awesome. Her: Where would we be going? Me: I mentioned some crappy place (I didn't know it was a crappy place). Told her I would love to keep it low since its our first outing. Her: When? Is it a date? Me: I said Saturday. (I didn't mean the Saturday she was organizing the event. I meant the next one. Don't think she understood it that way). Yes, a date. Her: She is starting to feel very shy now and staring at my face like she is lost in thoughts. Me: Are you up for it? Her: What? Me: Is it something you'd want to do? It would be nice for us to chat and get to know what stuff you are made of (stuff you are made of?? I shouldn't have said that, don't you think?). She stays a while and says she would have to check her schedule and get back to me. This happened last week and she has organized the event but hasn't said anything. 1. I like this girl girl. 2. I have done my homework and found a better place for dinner. 3. Any advice on how to proceed given the situation? She has seen me some time and hasn't said anything. 4. She is still nice to me but I honestly don't think I have shown interest in her as much as I used to do, other than some random conversations and touching here and there. Did I say I like her? Help your boy out, please. Thanks! Edited April 13, 2016 by Acerboy
d0nnivain Posted April 13, 2016 Posted April 13, 2016 While a professional probably has a busy schedule, she also has it at the tips of her fingers. Did she get back to you yet? If not, that is her way of saying no without being direct. Just because it was a crappy place if she wanted to spend time with you, she could have said yes, or suggested an alternative right then & there. She didn't. that makes me think she's not as into you as you are to her. You can try one more time but I wouldn't hold out too much hope 2
PegNosePete Posted April 13, 2016 Posted April 13, 2016 She stays a while and says she would have to check her schedule and get back to me. Reply: "Sure let me know" Wait for her to let you know. If she gives you a yes, or a "no can't do saturday how about monday" then all systems go. Anything else, including radio silence, it's a no thanks, cut this one loose and move on. 1
kendahke Posted April 13, 2016 Posted April 13, 2016 Is she free to date? Does she have a boyfriend or someone she's already into that she hasn't told you about? She may have been confused in that you didn't specify which Saturday you wanted to get together and she may have thought "I just told him I"m busy on Saturday with my event and he wants to take me out that night?" If you then decided to act like you had no interest, especially since you know that you didn't specify which Saturday you were talking about and you didn't follow up and clarify what day you meant, it can come across as if you were just thinking out loud and really aren't that interested.
Miss Peach Posted April 13, 2016 Posted April 13, 2016 The thing with people is that some are direct and some aren't. With texting she could have thought you meant the day of her event. None of this is clear. If you really like this woman I would follow up (maybe by phone so you can clarify things). If you get nothing after that assume she was being polite. I know with me, I don't assume anything until there is a date and time set. I find people are so flakey I don't get my hopes up anymore.
Author Acerboy Posted April 13, 2016 Author Posted April 13, 2016 Is she free to date? Does she have a boyfriend or someone she's already into that she hasn't told you about? She may have been confused in that you didn't specify which Saturday you wanted to get together and she may have thought "I just told him I"m busy on Saturday with my event and he wants to take me out that night?" If you then decided to act like you had no interest, especially since you know that you didn't specify which Saturday you were talking about and you didn't follow up and clarify what day you meant, it can come across as if you were just thinking out loud and really aren't that interested. She is single and I don't know if She is into anybody. And yes, I think I didn't clarify the date well enough and left her thinking. I haven't shown interest in her lately because I have become a little bit nervous around her and want her more. Whatever she is doing, she got me. What should I do? Talk to her more and ask her out again? This time how?
Author Acerboy Posted April 13, 2016 Author Posted April 13, 2016 The thing with people is that some are direct and some aren't. With texting she could have thought you meant the day of her event. None of this is clear. If you really like this woman I would follow up (maybe by phone so you can clarify things). If you get nothing after that assume she was being polite. I know with me, I don't assume anything until there is a date and time set. I find people are so flakey I don't get my hopes up anymore. No. This happened face to face. Not via text. Do you think I should bring this up again in the coming days? Or build up a little comfort between us and ask again next week? I have feeling the tensed around her.
Author Acerboy Posted April 13, 2016 Author Posted April 13, 2016 Reply: "Sure let me know" Wait for her to let you know. If she gives you a yes, or a "no can't do saturday how about monday" then all systems go. Anything else, including radio silence, it's a no thanks, cut this one loose and move on. I think I said something of that sort when she was leaving. Since she hasn't got back to me after the event does that mean she is not interested? But why did she say a date with me would be awesome? This makes no sense
Author Acerboy Posted April 13, 2016 Author Posted April 13, 2016 While a professional probably has a busy schedule, she also has it at the tips of her fingers. Did she get back to you yet? If not, that is her way of saying no without being direct. Just because it was a crappy place if she wanted to spend time with you, she could have said yes, or suggested an alternative right then & there. She didn't. that makes me think she's not as into you as you are to her. You can try one more time but I wouldn't hold out too much hope Any idea on how to proceed with this? Do it next week? This week?
fitnessfan365 Posted April 13, 2016 Posted April 13, 2016 I don't know man. It comes off like she was kind of put on the spot and trying to do some deflection. Also, notice how she wanted to double check if it was a date or not? Then when you confirmed you wanted it to be a date, you said that is when things started to go south. So for what it's worth, I think she was initially down when she thought it was a friendly outing, but once you made it clear that it was a date she pulled back because she isn't interested in you romantically.
jen1447 Posted April 13, 2016 Posted April 13, 2016 I think d0nni's probably right but you're still entitled to an answer (and you should insist on being treated like a human being). So at some point I'd stand up for yourself and just casually ask sth like "hey btw are we still doing the date thing?" If yes, set up the deets (no "I'll get back to you" again), and if she acts flaky, just take that as a no and make it clear the matter is settled. (Nicely, so you don't look like an insecure dick but also so she knows she doesn't have you on a leash.) And then put her in friend-land with no going back. 1
Author Acerboy Posted April 13, 2016 Author Posted April 13, 2016 I don't know man. It comes off like she was kind of put on the spot and trying to do some deflection. Also, notice how she wanted to double check if it was a date or not? Then when you confirmed you wanted it to be a date, you said that is when things started to go south. So for what it's worth, I think she was initially down when she thought it was a friendly outing, but once you made it clear that it was a date she pulled back because she isn't interested in you romantically. You are right. I think I caught her by surprise. Now that I think about it, she might be thinking I was going to take her out to treat her good as part of that event she was organizing. Oh dear! Its all clear to me now. I am now feeling the rejection
Author Acerboy Posted April 13, 2016 Author Posted April 13, 2016 I think d0nni's probably right but you're still entitled to an answer (and you should insist on being treated like a human being). So at some point I'd stand up for yourself and just casually ask sth like "hey btw are we still doing the date thing?" If yes, set up the deets (no "I'll get back to you" again), and if she acts flaky, just take that as a no and make it clear the matter is settled. (Nicely, so you don't look like an insecure dick but also so she knows she doesn't have you on a leash.) And then put her in friend-land with no going back. OK. Good advice. I will try it out. It hurts seeing that she doesn't feel the same about me. What would be the best way to set up a date? Ask the woman when she is free or suggest a day for the date?
DrReplyInRhymes Posted April 13, 2016 Posted April 13, 2016 If you want it, go after her, and keep trying to get the date, Persistence is key, but stay away from creepy, and try to relate, There may be a point in which you must cut your losses and pass, Recognize this point and when reached - gracefully exit with class.
Author Acerboy Posted April 13, 2016 Author Posted April 13, 2016 If you want it, go after her, and keep trying to get the date, Persistence is key, but stay away from creepy, and try to relate, There may be a point in which you must cut your losses and pass, Recognize this point and when reached - gracefully exit with class. Thanks man, nice Rhymes too. I am a confused person right now. Take last Friday for example, a day after asking her out... I was heading towards my car at the same time as her. I got into my car only to see her standing near hers looking over and waving at me. I waved back but don't know if she saw me do that. Why would she even be doing this if she is not interested?
smackie9 Posted April 13, 2016 Posted April 13, 2016 (edited) I think I said something of that sort when she was leaving. Since she hasn't got back to me after the event does that mean she is not interested? But why did she say a date with me would be awesome? This makes no sense What she's going to say "No that sounds terrible, I don't want to..."??? A lot of people don't like confrontation when it comes to rejecting someone. If she doesn't get back to you, then leave it alone, move on. Edited April 13, 2016 by smackie9
jen1447 Posted April 13, 2016 Posted April 13, 2016 OK. Good advice. I will try it out. It hurts seeing that she doesn't feel the same about me. What would be the best way to set up a date? Ask the woman when she is free or suggest a day for the date? You: Hey btw are we still doing the date thing? Her: Yes! Oh yes! You: Cool. Let's do it this Saturday. Sound good? Her: Yes! You: Great, see you then! Her: Hm, it's impossible for me to tell. You: No problem. Hey, I'll see you around! Her: It's possible I may be going to Argentina or washing my hair. You: No problem. Hey, I'll see you around!
Author Acerboy Posted April 13, 2016 Author Posted April 13, 2016 What she's going to say "No that sounds terrible, I don't want to..."??? A lot of people don't like confrontation when it comes to rejecting someone. If she doesn't get back to you, then leave it alone, move on. I have been asked out by 5 girls. I told them I wasn't interested and they left me alone. You get where I am going with this? Saying No when asked out the first time helps both parties. Not this kind of answer she gave me. Now she's raised my expectations for her which is a good thing. Sad thing, though, is that some people do this only to show up with nothing to offer. I don't her to mess it up
Author Acerboy Posted April 13, 2016 Author Posted April 13, 2016 You: Hey btw are we still doing the date thing? Her: Yes! Oh yes! You: Cool. Let's do it this Saturday. Sound good? Her: Yes! You: Great, see you then! Her: Hm, it's impossible for me to tell. You: No problem. Hey, I'll see you around! Her: It's possible I may be going to Argentina or washing my hair. You: No problem. Hey, I'll see you around! Thank you! I will see what I can do
smackie9 Posted April 13, 2016 Posted April 13, 2016 I have been asked out by 5 girls. I told them I wasn't interested and they left me alone. You get where I am going with this? Saying No when asked out the first time helps both parties. Not this kind of answer she gave me. Now she's raised my expectations for her which is a good thing. Sad thing, though, is that some people do this only to show up with nothing to offer. I don't her to mess it up You may have np saying no to women, but women do have a problem saying no because we are conditioned to not want to hurt peoples feelings......we are more sensitive to that....
truth_seeker Posted April 13, 2016 Posted April 13, 2016 You may have np saying no to women, but women do have a problem saying no because we are conditioned to not want to hurt peoples feelings......we are more sensitive to that.... Yes... or maybe she is keeping him on hold while she thinks about it, goes through other guys on her list first?
kendahke Posted April 13, 2016 Posted April 13, 2016 Yes... or maybe she is keeping him on hold while she thinks about it, goes through other guys on her list first? Which she is entitled to do. OP doesn't have to wait around if he doesn't want to--that's his entitlement in this. Acer--I think that you should call her, ask her how her event went then tell, not ask, her that you want to take her to a different venue than the last place you previously mentioned and that you can pick her up/meet her there at _____time. She will either say "cool! Let's do it" or she will say "Um, uh.. let me check my schedule" again, and as someone above mentioned, that's when you say "OK, see you around" and let her go. Go in with your plan in mind--that shows confidence.
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