Very

[Scottyd]

Have been dating this girl for about two months now. She is 38; I am 33. She has been acting strangely lately and I am interested in your opinions.

 

Last week, I had to take a business trip. I was gone for two days. I came home on Friday. Had flowers delivered to her house Friday afternoon with a handwritten note. She texted me while I was still at the airport and said, "Thank you so much for the flowers. You make me feel so special! I love you and can't wait to see you."

 

So I stop by my place to drop off my stuff and change clothes, then head over to her house. We end up spending the weekend together (not unusual for us). It rained most of the weekend, so we stayed in. She couldn't keep her hands off me! We had sex 6 times between Friday night and Sunday afternoon.

 

Monday she texts and asks if I would like to cook with her. I found a recipe online, bought the ingredients after work and cooked dinner for us at her house. She really enjoyed it; she thanked me and told me how sweet it was that I did that for her. We snuggled up on the couch and found a movie to watch. About ten minutes into it she fell asleep. I let her sleep for a bit then woke her up and took her to bed. In bed she wouldn't even cuddle with me and when I tried to start things up she moved my hands away.

 

Last night, Tuesday, I had planned to stay home and take care of some things. She kept texting me about how bored she was. Then she sent me a picture of her cat sitting behind the front door. She said "Look who is waiting for you to come over. It's like he knows what time you get here." I called her and asked if she wanted company....she hesitated and said well, I have a lot of stuff to do but, yeah, I want you to be here.

 

So I go over and we have a long talk. She is scared to death because she has a urologist appointment on Thursday. Her doctor found blood in her urine at her last check up. She also had her uterus removed in her 20's because she had cancer. So she is really freaked out about the blood showing up in her urine sample and thinks it could be cancer returning. She is also super stressed by work and PMSing. She said, "I didn't want you to come over because I wanted to be strong and deal with this on my own, but I feel so vulnerable right now and I need you here."

 

I told her I loved her and I would do anything I could to help. I also tried to reassure her and asked her to please stop worrying about things that she can't control.

 

So we go to bed and this time she won't even let me cuddle with her. She kept pushing me away. I finally dozed off. Woke up around 4:30 and tried to snuggle her again. This time she let me so I pushed a little further. She said that she didn't want to have sex until after she sees the urologist because she is not sure what they are going to do at the appointment.

 

When she got up to leave for work, she kisses me, said that she loved me and thanked me for "putting up with my craziness." She also invited me over to watch a game with her tonight.

 

So....a couple things concern me. If her reason for not wanting to be sexual is really that she is worried about the urologist, I understand. But I'm kind of torn. If I am not there for her when she needs me, I could ruin this. On the other hand, if I keep letting her hang out with me w/o sex happening, I am afraid I will end up in the "friend zone."

 

I'm also concerned because when she mentioned being overwhelmed by work, she said that they are sending her to Seattle next month to dry dock a boat (she is military). It didn't click then but there is a guy in Seattle that she has hooked up with here and there over the last couple years. He was supposed to come down here last month but she cancelled on him because she had started dating me.

 

So.....not sure what to do but I have a funny feeling about all of this.

[PegNosePete]

I'm not really sure where your confusion is coming from. Other than too many "man" articles on the internet and in magazines.

 

She has valid medical concerns and naturally is not wanting to be sexual because of them. It's kind of hard to get in the mood when you've got that kind of worry going on. She doesn't want to cuddle with you because you always push for more.

 

It seems you need a dose of compassion and she needs to stop apologising for her "craziness" which to me is not crazy but totally understandable.

[Toodaloo]

She is ill and stressed. Thats why her sex drive has died.

 

Just hug her. Keep complimenting her. Keep reminding her that you are there for her. Surprise her with the odd silly/ romantic text here and there.

Let her talk.

 

Don't worry about Seattle guy. She has already canceled him because she chose you. Just because she has to go to that town for work doesn't mean she will be hooking up with him. in all honest truth she will probably work her backside off while there, be too shattered to be sociable and then rush home to her cat as fast as she can!

[TaraMaiden2]

I'm sorry. Really I am, particularly if I'm wrong, but all your romancing seems to be motivated by trying to get what you want, and if it now looksas if you're not going to get what you want, because of really stressful issues she might have to deal with - you think that's her way of turning down sex?

Really??

That sounds extremely self-centred....

Stop thinking about making your little trouser-buddy happy, and turn that concern round on her, instead...

 

Be supportive for the sake of being supportive, not for the sake of getting laid.

And PNP is right - she's not 'crazy'.

You have no idea how awful the removal of a uterus is for a young woman. That's what makes her so special - a woman. And it's gone. She can never have children, and that, for those who are maternally-inclined, is a personal tragedy and feeling of failure.

Of course it's not her fault she had uterine cancer. But it feels totally demoralising to lose such a vital part of yourself; the part that makes a woman a woman....

 

Quit worrying about you.

Start being caring and supportive for her.

[CaliGypsy]

she's not trying to friend zone you. She spent all weekend having sex with you. It sounds like she needed comforting, but pushed you away because you kept pushing for more when she was clearly indicating that in this case sex was not the answer.

 

I don't think she was acting crazy at all.