Sparkyhp Posted April 13, 2016 Posted April 13, 2016 Hi all fist time ever doing anything like this. (I'm 35 he's 42) I met a guy in the bar and he asked for my number, we have been dating for 2 months now meeting up 2-3 times a week and each time we meet up it hasn't always just been about sex we just hang out as well and always have an amazing time. Within the first week he was telling me he loved me and introducing me to friends as his girlfriend which I thought was a bit quick but looking at FB he's been like this with other women in the past. So thought he was just someone who where's his heart on his sleeve. The last 2 weeks things have gone quiet he no longer texts me like he did in the beginning. He does always reply if I text him (I don't text often either as I'm not one of these needy people). I have a very busy active life and meet with him when I can. The last date we had was the best one yet and we had such a good time with lots of laughter then 2 days later it was the weekend I had a very rare free weekend and asked if he wanted to do something and the response was I'll let you know, I told him it doesn't matter as I wasn't going to sit about waiting all weekend for him to call so did my own thing. Anyway he is so distant that I get the feeling he has lost interest. On the other hand he is going through an operation tomorrow which he's maybe worried about? I really don't knows. I text him to say I'm there for him if he needs anything and that I miss him (he has no family up here) and he just responded with thanks. Why? Why if he's not interested doesn't he just say?? Why string this out longer than it has to be if he's not interested confused frustrated and upset
smudge21 Posted April 13, 2016 Posted April 13, 2016 You've done all you can, and anymore reaching out will only make you feel worse. Let him come to you, if he wants to, but don't feel you ever have to run when he shouts. If he's going distant on you, then make it clear you're not hanging on his every word. Also, sadly, accept the possibility that sadly yes, he may have just lost interest. It happens. Happened to me not so long ago. Never understood it, but there you go. All I did was pretty much the same as you and let her know I was still here but not going to do all the work, and that was it. You can't make someone want you, but when they do, then you do not have to go through this kind of thing. Dating should be fun and easy. The moment it starts causing you pain, you need to re-think the situation.
ExpatInItaly Posted April 13, 2016 Posted April 13, 2016 It should have been a major red flag that he told you he loved you and called you his girlfriend within days of meeting you. He didn't even know you. That isn't the behaviour of someone who is seeking a relationship based on a solid, healthy foundation. He gets off on the initial thrill and spark. He likely also figures it will help get women into bed quickly. And then he moves on. Sorry, but I think you dodged a bullet here. 3
Author Sparkyhp Posted April 13, 2016 Author Posted April 13, 2016 Thanks for taking the time to reply, I did think professing his love to me was odd but, I'm not very up to date with the whole dating scene so wasn't sure or maybe it was just the thrill that someone actually liked me (been single for a very long time) Oh well I should think of that as practice for the next guy
salparadise Posted April 13, 2016 Posted April 13, 2016 It should have been a major red flag that he told you he loved you and called you his girlfriend within days of meeting you. He gets off on the initial thrill and spark. He likely also figures it will help get women into bed quickly. And then he moves on. Yes, perhaps because he has little capacity for real intimacy. When feelings actually start to develop he shuts down and runs away.
Author Sparkyhp Posted April 13, 2016 Author Posted April 13, 2016 This is what I didn't want to admit. Was hoping he was being distant because of the brain op he's getting and was worried. Either way if it's the end of the road or not he knows I'm there for him as I care for him very much.
kendahke Posted April 13, 2016 Posted April 13, 2016 (edited) I told him it doesn't matter as I wasn't going to sit about waiting all weekend for him to call so did my own thing. he is going through an operation tomorrow which he's maybe worried about This is what I didn't want to admit. Was hoping he was being distant because of the brain op he's getting and was worried. A brain operation and you're worried that he's not getting in touch with you? Of course he would be focused on the operation---that's serious. More than anything, I think these two are playing a huge role in what's going on now. But you telling him you weren't going to sit around waiting all weekend--did he ask you to? I don't think that comment was warranted and it, more than anything, would have told me that you'd lost interest and really didn't give a rip anymore. Yeah, the telling you "I love you" sounds extreme, but what he was probably saying was "I love how I feel about myself when I'm around you". Of course he doesn't know you well enough to know if he loves you and now that you snapped on him, he may, on top of the operation, has gone inward and may be rethinking if it was wise to let you in as far as he has. Edited April 13, 2016 by kendahke
Author Sparkyhp Posted April 13, 2016 Author Posted April 13, 2016 @Kendke thanks for the reply perhaps my grammar wasn't correct. I didn't snap at him I just said "it doesn't matter I'll do something else" The part about me sitting about all weekend was how I felt I didn't say it to him. I'm only worried because he's been hot and cold for a while. I always manage to screw things up so I've probably done it again. You would think at my age I would have learned a few things by now
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