blackcatbunny Posted April 13, 2016 Posted April 13, 2016 Well. I'll explain the situation a bit. I met a guy online who lives very close to my place. We'd been talking online for a while (a few weeks I think) then are open to see each other in real life. There was a few times we tried to set up a meeting up but they didn't work. And he's always the one who send me the message first. So basically we r stranger. Then things happened. We finally could set up a meeting up at his place. We basically just wanna chill around one's place so we decided to choose his. After seeing a movie, we had a pep-talk, things went well. (I think he has a lot of relationship experience). Then I decided to leave because we were both very sleepy, althought he told me to stay. So he just opened the door for me and ready to say goodbye (I guess) We stayed there for a bit, talked a bit, shaked hands (lol) and told each other we're gonna meet again soon. And somehow, a friend hug, then he kissed me, and we made out right at his housedoor. So... there was chemistry and we followed the flow, back to his room. And I left after that. He texted me next day first to ask if I got home safe and we kept chit chat whole day about our daily stuffs, I sometime paused the convo but he keep resuming it (may be he's just too bored being around his place. lol) and asked me if I wanna come over. I said that I'm not sure so he should go ahead with his plans. And the next day was the same, he sent me message, we keep chatting, and in the evening he asked me if I wanna come over again. (To be honest, because we hook up after date one so I don't think this things should be considered to be serious. And I just wanna have fun atm b'cos I'm sick of being in a relationship. And I think he has the same idea) So I told him I got the message from Mother Nature saying I'm not pregnant. He told me just come over with a super cute hugging emoticon. And I came over. We watched a good movie together and he tried to have skinship sometime - I felt ok with it. Then cuddling time after the movie. He had his arms around me and fell asleep. It was just too much emotion for me, so I left at midnight and sent him a message later. He replied me when he woke up, we kept chatting whole day - still about daily stuffs like what r you up to, about work, about **** things happened, etc. Then I said good night. Since then I haven't heard from him, just a few days btw. lol. And I think I shouldn't send him message first. So my point is I don't know what to do next. He's attractive, funny, and we have something in commons.. I don't feel tired when we spend some meaningless time together. And I had the best sex ever that night. I just want to keep thing simple like having some fun together for a while and I think he does,too (he's still on some dating apps). It's the first time ever I hooked up with a guy after date one. So If I wanna see him again, should I text/call him first? 1
smudge21 Posted April 13, 2016 Posted April 13, 2016 Why the concern over whether you should contact him first - you've already slept together, so there shouldn't be any concerns about whether he's interested or not (he clearly is, maybe overly). If you want to contact him, then do it. However, there's this new thing called "protection" which he should have or you can take along with you. It prevents having to tell him about Mother Nature in a text. Plus, if he's multi-dating, then you really want to be part of his un-safe sex harem? Put your health first, no matter how good the sex is. Rant over, if you like him and want to see him again, then go for it. He does sound a bit needy though, so try to run things at a pace you're both happy with, rather than just his. Also, if you really don't want a relationship and just want a FWB deal, then make that clear as soon as. 4
Author blackcatbunny Posted April 13, 2016 Author Posted April 13, 2016 Thanks. It's what I want to think. If it's just for fun then just go for it. but sometime there is something I call social convention holds me back a bit. And yes. Protection is a must. I'm not taking risk with STDs or pregnancy and so on. And I think he's needy too. Sometime he wants to walk to mine because he's in cuddly mood... Lol. I don't know it's normal or what. I mostly say no. It's way too much emotional to me. Thanks for ur advice !!! 1
stillafool Posted April 13, 2016 Posted April 13, 2016 You have said you only want to have fun which I take as you don't want to get serious with this guy. So why are you wondering about not hearing from him in 2 days and whether or not to text him? If you want it to be a casual FWB relationship treat it like one. 4
PogoStick Posted April 13, 2016 Posted April 13, 2016 That's so weird to think "Is it ok to text a guy who I've slept with?" If not, then when do you think it would be ok to text a guy?! 2
truth_seeker Posted April 13, 2016 Posted April 13, 2016 You have said you only want to have fun which I take as you don't want to get serious with this guy. So why are you wondering about not hearing from him in 2 days and whether or not to text him? If you want it to be a casual FWB relationship treat it like one. She's a woman.
Gloria25 Posted April 13, 2016 Posted April 13, 2016 That's so weird to think "Is it ok to text a guy who I've slept with?" If not, then when do you think it would be ok to text a guy?! Uh, cuz it's a catch-22. When the woman in a casual thing wants to see more of dude (to just hook-up) and/or initiates meets, the guy starts saying she wants more and he backs off... And, when a woman doesn't call and/or initiate, the men say they get tired of having to do all the work. Then, when bold women like me, when we walk up to a guy and hand him our tel and are upfront about just wanting something casual, guys still get scared. They start wondering if you're a ho, they question your motivation (does she want money from me?), they think you do this with any guy all the time, and they get "de-rections" (their penis shrinks inwards cuz they can't handle a woman with stones bigger than them). So women in casual situations, we can't win. 4
fred123 Posted April 13, 2016 Posted April 13, 2016 Well. I'll explain the situation a bit. I met a guy online who lives very close to my place. We'd been talking online for a while (a few weeks I think) then are open to see each other in real life. There was a few times we tried to set up a meeting up but they didn't work. And he's always the one who send me the message first. So basically we r stranger. Then things happened. We finally could set up a meeting up at his place. We basically just wanna chill around one's place so we decided to choose his. After seeing a movie, we had a pep-talk, things went well. (I think he has a lot of relationship experience). Then I decided to leave because we were both very sleepy, althought he told me to stay. So he just opened the door for me and ready to say goodbye (I guess) We stayed there for a bit, talked a bit, shaked hands (lol) and told each other we're gonna meet again soon. And somehow, a friend hug, then he kissed me, and we made out right at his housedoor. So... there was chemistry and we followed the flow, back to his room. And I left after that. He texted me next day first to ask if I got home safe and we kept chit chat whole day about our daily stuffs, I sometime paused the convo but he keep resuming it (may be he's just too bored being around his place. lol) and asked me if I wanna come over. I said that I'm not sure so he should go ahead with his plans. And the next day was the same, he sent me message, we keep chatting, and in the evening he asked me if I wanna come over again. (To be honest, because we hook up after date one so I don't think this things should be considered to be serious. And I just wanna have fun atm b'cos I'm sick of being in a relationship. And I think he has the same idea) So I told him I got the message from Mother Nature saying I'm not pregnant. He told me just come over with a super cute hugging emoticon. And I came over. We watched a good movie together and he tried to have skinship sometime - I felt ok with it. Then cuddling time after the movie. He had his arms around me and fell asleep. It was just too much emotion for me, so I left at midnight and sent him a message later. He replied me when he woke up, we kept chatting whole day - still about daily stuffs like what r you up to, about work, about **** things happened, etc. Then I said good night. Since then I haven't heard from him, just a few days btw. lol. And I think I shouldn't send him message first. So my point is I don't know what to do next. He's attractive, funny, and we have something in commons.. I don't feel tired when we spend some meaningless time together. And I had the best sex ever that night. I just want to keep thing simple like having some fun together for a while and I think he does,too (he's still on some dating apps). It's the first time ever I hooked up with a guy after date one. So If I wanna see him again, should I text/call him first? off topic but i guess its true that if a girl is ok with going to a guys house and chilling she's up for sex? why did you decide to hook up after date one when you have never done it before? did you know you were open to it seeing as you we're happy to go to his and him not take you on a proper date? sorry just curious as a guy. always like to learn about how the opposite sex works 1
smackie9 Posted April 13, 2016 Posted April 13, 2016 If it's just about the sex, just go forward with it and contact him for a booty call. I'm sure he will oblige. Then when you see him again, just simple ask if he is down for FWB, or Booty call or whatever...then discuss some ground rules/expectations...there you go. It takes two to tango, and to communicate. 2
Gloria25 Posted April 13, 2016 Posted April 13, 2016 Texting is too intimate. Just stick to sex... If you breathe on your FWB he's gonna think you want babies and a white picket fence with him , so yea, texting means you wanna get married NOW. Maybe smoke signals from high a top a mountain to let him know you wanna hook-up would be best? Or borrow Batman's bat signal or something? 2
PogoStick Posted April 13, 2016 Posted April 13, 2016 Oh please, you're being so dramatic. You make it sound nearly impossible to get a guy into a FWB situation. :lmao: Funniest thing I've heard in the last year!
Author blackcatbunny Posted April 14, 2016 Author Posted April 14, 2016 I agreed with you Gloria. It's exactly what I am thinking about. While I'm typing those line, I just received his message again. (Don't text him first - that thing always works...) Still asking about some daily stuffs. Does it mean he's interested in having fun with me? And well. .. I'm a woman, so I think It will be normal when I confuse : should I text a guy who I had sex with. Even it's just because I wanna have fun. I don't know why but I can stop confusing about it. Lol I even rarely text a guy first. I used to but not anymore, now I only let them do all that things or I will just let it go. Men is so strange. @fred123 : I think so. Since a girl and a guy met on a dating app. And she's ok with going to his place it means she's up for something may be just making out or more is sex (or at least for me). And as I said I just wanna to have fun so it's not too important if we don't go out on a proper date. If it can lead to a real date, I might wanna run away I think @Guys/ Girls : So u think If I wanna see him again, I will just go for it, tell him what I want, set a rule up and let thing happend???
Author blackcatbunny Posted April 21, 2016 Author Posted April 21, 2016 So here is some updates. We met again. He reached out to me first ( I still never send him the first message). But I somehow think he may kinda has a girlfriend or in a complicated rls. So now I don't think it's fun anymore. That night, he was playing game and I was watching him played. Then their a girl called him. He got panic, picked up the phone, but that girl didn't say anything. So he went out, looked down the balcony, then came back, closed the curtain. That girl called again, he picked up but still nothing. Then he opened his facebook, there was a message "Didn't u get message?" and he just left his facebook open and went to grab a beer (so I could see her facebook and the short convo - nothing special then). He came back to the room quickly, and they texted for a short while then he told me : It's my friend, she just bought a new bike and she doesn't like it. Then they stop chatting - but he sometime still looked up his phone in next 15 mins. - And how come a friend has to find a friend to talk about the new bike at midnight? So I was a bit curious, look for her facebook, and found 2 posts about him from 6 months ago (once on his birthday - with his picture and a cake - caption is Happy birthday, my dear, and second one is a dish cook by him). They aren't friends on facebook anymore , and about recent 1,2 months, her facebook r full of post about truths, pain, hurt or kind of stuffs. Plus his profile is still on some dating apps, So I'm so confusing now. Hooking up kinda fun but not if he's cheating on other girl and I'm with him... That night we had sex and seen a movie after. While we watched that movie, he even held my hand, lean on me, give me neck massage, etc. It's just so wrong with a hook up, rite? Then he became a hermit for the next day, came back the next next day then. Once, he told me he went on a swan boat with a friend and had some wine there. I told him it sounds so romantic but he denied it and told me it wasn't a romantic friend. He's even curious about the guy I went out with (nothing happened between me and that guy btw) Last time we met, we went out. Just took a short walk. Had some wine near the lake, talked about our days. Then back to his place. At the end, he was kind of taciturn when I left. When I got back home, I got his messages. The first time ever he asked me If i got home safe, and sorry if he was taciturn because he's super tired... I just texted back : Meh. No excuses. Good night! And I haven't heard from him since then. So there's 2 question : 1. What do u think about him and that girl? I think they just kinda broke up, and still in a complicated situation, Am I right? Should I ask him straightly that if he's seeing someone atm? 2. I think he's needy sometime. But well... Does this situation now look like a red alarm for our casual thing?
elaine567 Posted April 21, 2016 Posted April 21, 2016 So there's 2 question : 1. What do u think about him and that girl? I think they just kinda broke up, and still in a complicated situation, Am I right? Should I ask him straightly that if he's seeing someone atm? 2. I think he's needy sometime. But well... Does this situation now look like a red alarm for our casual thing? Doesn't really sound like some uncomplicated NSA fun does it? Nervously closing curtains, on the phone/FB all the time, taciturn, apologies, needy, then no contact, it all sounds a bit awkward and not relaxed at all. Never a good idea to get into the middle of people who have unfinished business, they mess with your head and you usually come off worse, even if it is just "casual". He already has you waiting and wondering...
Lois_Griffin Posted April 21, 2016 Posted April 21, 2016 It just honestly sounds like you were very easy for him and he didn't even have to lift a finger in effort. You'd show up at his place, watch a movie, have sex and leave. He didn't even have to put on his shoes for Christ's sakes. All he had to do occasionally was send you a text. No effort whatsoever and you basically gave him curb service for it. I GET that's what you wanted, but for him, it was a sweet deal for doing just about nothing. He's clearly got other pokers in the fire and wasn't expecting his 'friend' to show up (or threaten to show up) while you were there. If you weren't there, she would have been there in your place. What's this guy got - a gold member or something? Foolish young women just show up at his door and have sex with him and he doesn't have to do a damned thing. I hope you've been smart enough to use a condom every time you were there. The first time ever he asked me If i got home safe... Geez, when you have NO expectations at all, something as lame as a text message asking if you got home (which takes about 7 seconds to type while you're on the toilet) seems like manna from heaven. If you set the bar so low that it's underground, I guess lame text messages like that will seem significant. They're not. Since this guy has no qualms about having you over his place anytime you show up, I doubt he's got a girlfriend since he'd be a sitting duck for her to catch him. I just think he's got a few young women who are foolish enough to waste their time on his lazy ass. You're just one in his stable, is all. 2
Author blackcatbunny Posted April 22, 2016 Author Posted April 22, 2016 Hey Lois. Thanks for your advice. I know I put myself too easy but well... since then I just wanna have fun. And sometime I'm also the one who wanna meet up first but it's not a big deal though I think. Since I'm so confusing about his real relationship status, I found out that it hasn't had any fun at all. I don't wanna be the one of someone between their mess. He went NC until now (3 days - only happened once before. I reached out to him first to ask about the design we r working on BUT not this time) Otherwise, I think I wanna be back to dating again. There's a guy I knew a while before, he seem to be nice and we went out on some dates (just goodbye hugs) - last night he asked me out this weekend (go to a fashion feast) and to see the new movie next week also. So I think I should just stop wasting my time let the hook-up guy be a hermit as he want and try to go on a real date again?
Dis Posted April 22, 2016 Posted April 22, 2016 What really stuck out to me, throughout this whole post was....the unprotected sex which you joked around about. There are countless children being born who are unwanted and end up in governemnt custody because two people werent smart enough to I dont know...use a condom??? You couldve f****** up your life right there, and his and a child's too. Sweetie, unplanned pregancys arent all that funny. Not to mention, he couldve given you an STD or vice versa. How awful would you feel living with lets say, a viral STD like HIV or herpes for the rest of your life all because the both of you decided not to use a condom. ***Use your head next time*** You also kept mentioned you wanted something "fun" yet your worrying about whether you should text him first??? I think someone might have caught some feelings. Thou doth protest too much
Dis Posted April 22, 2016 Posted April 22, 2016 It just honestly sounds like you were very easy for him and he didn't even have to lift a finger in effort. You'd show up at his place, watch a movie, have sex and leave. He didn't even have to put on his shoes for Christ's sakes. All he had to do occasionally was send you a text. No effort whatsoever and you basically gave him curb service for it. I GET that's what you wanted, but for him, it was a sweet deal for doing just about nothing. He's clearly got other pokers in the fire and wasn't expecting his 'friend' to show up (or threaten to show up) while you were there. If you weren't there, she would have been there in your place. What's this guy got - a gold member or something? Foolish young women just show up at his door and have sex with him and he doesn't have to do a damned thing. I hope you've been smart enough to use a condom every time you were there. Geez, when you have NO expectations at all, something as lame as a text message asking if you got home (which takes about 7 seconds to type while you're on the toilet) seems like manna from heaven. If you set the bar so low that it's underground, I guess lame text messages like that will seem significant. They're not. Since this guy has no qualms about having you over his place anytime you show up, I doubt he's got a girlfriend since he'd be a sitting duck for her to catch him. I just think he's got a few young women who are foolish enough to waste their time on his lazy ass. You're just one in his stable, is all. ^^^ Well said ^^^
Author blackcatbunny Posted April 22, 2016 Author Posted April 22, 2016 I didn't mention anything about having a condom or not. I always used condom when we have sex. We r all well educated and smart enough to know we need to use condoms in this kind of situation, rite?
Dis Posted April 22, 2016 Posted April 22, 2016 I didn't mention anything about having a condom or not. I always used condom when we have sex. We r all well educated and smart enough to know we need to use condoms in this kind of situation, rite? If you used a condom, why did you mention to him that you got your period/werent pregnant?
Author blackcatbunny Posted April 22, 2016 Author Posted April 22, 2016 Oh dear, Don't get me wrong. Because we meet just to have sex. So if I'm having my period, which means I can't and I don't wanna have sex. I just told him ahead to let him know the situation and see if he still want me to come over and havr a movie night without sex!
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